Tag Archive | drugs

Day 196: Moving Through

The subject of money, or rather the lack thereof came up tonight when my daughter and her partner asked if we could help them out with giving them some gas money so they can get to work. As we continued to discuss the point, I became increasingly aware of the FAMILIar and dull pain located within my upper back between my shoulder blades. The pain, which had remained silent for most of the day, began to slowly radiate in a straight line through and into my chest area. Before, when my daughter has asked me for money I reacted and so this is a point I’m aware of and have been applying self-forgiveness for. It’s very interesting when the pain starts, because it’s like my physical body is giving me an alert to assist myself to focus on my breathing.

Continuing here further with self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements to thus move myself through this point in self-corrective application.
moving through
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of anxiety and dread where I fear that when my daughter asks me for money that I will react in irritation and ultimately regret and within this, I see, realize and understand that my reaction is coming from a pattern as a memory/construct within my mind according to how our relationship used to be, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a memory/construct/habit that is actually only real because I keep accepting, allowing and thus making it real.

I commit myself to stop this pattern of my mind that I have given permission for.

I commit myself to releasing the control I have given myself permission for within my mind with regards to how I have accepted and allowed the idea and the mere mention of money to seize and control me through fear,  because I see, realize and understand that when I focus on breathing and remain in awareness of who I am in self-honesty then I am able to stand stable and move myself and make decisions according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand who I am capable of becoming free from the impulse within my mind to over react to the subject of money, to direct myself to change the nature of who I’ve been within the fear of my mind being in control of me, and to instead see, realize and understand that I Decide who I am, and I Choose to Stand Stable, Equal to and one in an agreement to change the inner me to one that will ultimately manifest my outer world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to move this point through in self-corrective application according to living as an example of how relationships can be transformed into and as agreements through self directing self walking according to what’s best for all.

For Relationship and Self-Support: DIP Lite
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Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

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Day 193: Spent

Money plays a role in every decision I make and even determines how I physically move myself.   Money is and has always been the most important silent moving piece that I take with me to determine in every moment who I will be.

spentI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear an inner feeling of being spent, used up, consumed, as if there’s nothing left, broken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve become the thought/image of myself within my mind, where I see myself spralled out on the ground, my physical body exhausted and enveloped in feeling spent, used up, consumed and broken.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and internal conversation of ‘this is to much’, and within that I forgive myself for how I imagine ways within my mind to manipulate and conform another to ‘my way of thinking’, and when that doesn’t work, then I return to feeling used up, consumed, as if there’s nothing left, broken,,, unless, I have money, because with money I can use it to manipulate others to hear and be what I want them to be, or, at least that’s what I tell myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how my relationship to money, to spending, to consuming, to manipulating, bleeds over into every aspect of my life, including every single relationship I’ve ever existed in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I use money as a means to react to others in a pretentious manner as a personality that is belittling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I use money as a way of motivating myself to appear to others as some sort of ‘Force’ to be reckoned with, where I feel my chest protruding out with my chin tilted slightly upward and within that an overall feeling of physical discomfort within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I pretend that money doesn’t influence who I am when the fact is, when my bank account gets low I begin to panic inside myself and my mind begins to look for ways and means and even things to pawn in order to secure my mind’s idea of surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have manifested relationships within my life using money as the motivator, thus when I remove money as the motivator, I remove the very thing that has held the relationship intact.

When and as I see myself existing in fear as an inner feeling of spent, used up and/or consumed, broken, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to redirecting myself through self-forgiveness and I commit myself to stopping the thought/image of myself within my mind where I see myself spralled out on the ground with my physical body exhausted within and as feelings of being spent, used up, consumed and broken.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve become as the consumer.

I commit myself to stop manipulating others by using money as a motivator.

I commit myself to continue walking this Journey to Life through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I commit myself to support a world system that supports life according to what’s best for all.

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Investigate Equal Money

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Day 192: Let Life Be With Equal Money

226840_1846999506872_1597216487_1803901_4818362_nI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will become of this world if we continue to “let it be”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in/as the thought/image of myself as walking away, letting it be, letting life be within the totality of the inequality that exists within and as our world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s ok to just ‘let it be’, meaning: that this is the best we are as a humanity – that’s it’s ok to accept and allow hunger and war and profit and loss, that we should just keep quiet, let it be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself already at the end of my day – where my work is done – where I collapse onto the couch, put my feet up and give myself permission to zone out to the television because I deserve to just ‘let it be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the ‘let it be’ mindset – where I don’t have to take self-responsibility for how our current world exists because I work hard every day and nothing will ever change anyway, so, I can just ‘let it be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the backchat within my mind that says: “this world will never change”, because I see, realize and understand that such a statement is me as my mind attempting to put off taking self-responsibility for the massive amount of abuse and ignorance that we continue to accept and allow as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed with our current world/money system to such a degree that my physical body has become feverish and achy, and as a result, I’ve not stood stable and directed myself according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quiet, to ‘let it be’ in order to ‘keep the peace’ – which is nothing more than an attempt to avoid seeing the truth of what is happening within our world where Capitalism is devouring us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses and to look to others for the answers to who, how, what and why our current world/money system exists as it does.

I commit myself to stop hiding behind masks of and as my mind as characters and personalities and to stand and face me all of me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing my mind as imagination to run away with and from me and to instead face who I am within the reflections I see of me within and our current world/money system.

I commit myself to stop living the lie of ‘let it be’, because I see, realize and understand that war, poverty and starvation exist because we accept and allow and ‘let it be’, all the while there is the Solution of Equal Money.

I commit myself to breathe and remain aware of the reality of our current world/money system and to show how Equal Money can and will bring lasting change to end all suffering.

I commit myself to show that hunger and war and profit and loss are merely symptoms of a currupt world/money system and that this is Not how Life is suppose to be and that together, one by one, together, we can create Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to show how it is Not Ok to zone out to t.v. or drugs, or alcohol or anything for that matter because Life is here within and as our Physical Reality – it is Not zoning out in our mind – and, Life requires the assistance of Everyone, thus, I commit myself to Stand together in support of an Equal Money System – the Only System that supports All Life Equally.

I commit myself to breathe and stand stable, to show that Yes WE Can “Let Life Be” with Equal Money.
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Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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Day 94: Establishing a Relationship

Beginning last night and all of today – I’ve been experiencing fever and more pain than usual throughout my physical body – thus the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful when I experience pain in/as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reach for drugs when I experience pain within my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throughout my life abuse pain medications and prescription medicines which may or may not have been harmful to me as my internal organs within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never have considered nor understood the purpose of pain in and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider how my mind as thinking and participating in/as emotions and feelings and internal reactions have impacted me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand the relationship between my body and my mind in how the mind contributes to my experiences and manifestations of pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how pain in and as me as my physical bodies influences my life decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not comprehend how physical pain, discomfort and ailments are a consequence which I have created and manifested within my physical body over an extended period of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as ego allow me as my mind as consciousness to become a physical consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to consider how when I access memories/thoughts in/as emotions and feeling charges where I physically experience emotions and feelings that are actually charged within components of/as mind constructs – how within such participation in/as them, I create an actual physical effect upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how every single thought has an emotional-feeling charge to it as a resonance where it resonates like a ripple effect through and within and as my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life so consumed in/as my mind of/as thoughts and dreams of how I wanted to experience myself according to how and what my mind as consciousness in/as emotions/feelings/memories/characters and personalites wanted and desired, that I completely ignored me as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how the mind consciousness system acts like a parasite to the human physical body in that as the systems integrate into our physical body it extracts the nutrients of/as our physical body to reproduce itself into mind energy, thus the more we participate in/as emotions and feelings, thoughts, memories, etc., the more we become constructs as systems of/as our mind as consciousness, which evolves, expands and integrates into and as our physical body, thus why the relationship as the mind to the physical body completely takes over until we eventually as the physical body start decaying as it eats away at itself in order to survive and thus how we age and die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically crawl up into a ball within feelings of lonesomeness and thoughts of how, ‘so and so’ betrayed me, Not seeing, realizing and understanding that the only betrayal was the betrayal of me in participating within my mind while neglecting to cherish me as who I am within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never actually established a relationship with me as my Human Physical Body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand what mind processes are involved with creating and manifesting physical consequences – in order to Stop the mind consequence – and align myself to and as Physical Living.

to be continued

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 1: Day 99 and Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 2: Day 100)

Day 67: Energetic HangOver

Reference below refers to the following Blogs:
Day 65: Living in Hope is a TRAP
Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

The past two days having accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself from one polarity to the next – seesawing from negative to positive energetic outflows, so much so that today, I experienced myself where within my physical body are degrees of feeling UP, then feeling Down – similar to how one experiences themself after to much alcohol or drugs where one experiences a ‘Hangover’- which is the result of how/what I accepted and allowed within and as energetic highs/reactions from participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions as well as reacting to a physical expression given in my direction from my partner – all of which I am completely responsible for. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become physical chemical reactions as energy derived from participating in and as thoughts of hope and in/as stress within polarities of inferiority/superiority whereas the affects of/as existing as such manifest within my physical body as physical symptoms of feeling hung over/exhausted/abused/dying on the inside.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to Not see/realize and understand that any reaction experience to/towards anything or anyone within existence indicates separation within a limited definition of myself Veiled in and as the mind as consciousness where I am the SUBJECT of my own Mind Control in/ as a superiority and inferiority game of my own design which subsequently is abusive to/as life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy to submit myself in/as emotions of/as superiority in my purSUIT to live thrills of/as a type of adrenaline junkie tripped out in experiences of power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as energy to Not fully grasp how damaging the act of existing in/as superiority to/towards others really is upon my physical body, nor have I comprehended the fact that I can never actually fill up the voidness feeling within myself through acts as such because self-interest and greed IS the cause of the desire to fill myself up in the first place due to a lack of intimacy within and as self within living a lie within and as a World of Inequality that I am responsible for accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within and as energetic polarities to participate within the act of measuring myself as more than or less than in comparison to other living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to function on behalf of my beingness wherein the past couple of days I’ve teetered to and from negative and positive energetic lows and highs as inferiority/superiority while dragging my partner alongside riding the outflows of/as my reactions to/toward him, wherein my self-interest has known no bounds and more than likely manifested more injustice within our physical reality considering how I’ve raised havoc within and as my physical body in/as manifesting pain in my neck and shoulders feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the my own self-dishonesty upon my shoulders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energetic polarities of/as inferiority/superiority to function in and as my relationships based upon past, present and future projections of myself, thus, I forgive myself that I’ve Not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order for my past to be present through and as future projections of myself, thus I see/realize and understand that I alone as a Mind Consciousness system have been stringing myself along, layering, storing and manifesting dimensions of myself as energy from and as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memory participation and in/as energetic polarity experiences of myself – thus, I must walk the physical consequences of my own manipulation which accumulates as outflows of stress upon/within and as me as my physical body as well as my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy as superiority to judge my partner according to my past, present and/or my future projections of myself within an idea of how I have previously experienced myself and/or how I hope to experience myself again, thus Not realizing that through and as my own self-imposed beliefs according to how I desire to obtain myself as within an experience, I will thus become irritated and blame my partner when my experience of myself doesn’t reach the all encompassing energetic charge as I had ‘Hoped’ and expected it to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself in/as energy for the sake of acheiving myself in and as a superiority/high for the sake of taking a winning position in and as my own self-interested agenda so I could feel better about myself for surviving another day within our current capitalistic money/world system, that I honestly don’t see as changing anytime soon, and within that, I forgive myself for how I use energy as an escape for Not facing, forgiving and directing myself as the directive principle in order to bring about an actual change within self thus the ability to be the support required in order to bring about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the part of me who as a child asked my mom why was she so sad and when she replied, ‘that’s what happens when you get older’, and I saw for a moment in common sense as I walked away how that didn’t make sense and I wasn’t gping to live my life that way, Not realizing then that what I was witness to was the negative end of the polarity pole as energy in/as feelings as a human being as a Mind Consciousness system enslaved to a world/money system of which we are quite capable of stopping and redesigning according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that enforces polarity games through Capitalism and Profit and offers No actual support for our physical body as life by way of guaranteed food/nourishment, housing, clean water, clothes, healthcare and education for everybody, so that life is able to be Expressed instead of stressed and depressed.

I commit myself to stop my mind as energetic polarities of superiority/inferiority, positive/negative, happy/sad, right/wrong, and good/bad, and to see/realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to remain self-responsible for the actions of myself as breath in awareness according to what’s best for all – there will never be a reason for feelings of stress, shame and/or pain associated with profit and gain.

I commit myself to show myself through writing and self-forgiveness that energy and substance as who I am can be directed to contribute to this world and the lives of all of humanity for an equal and one life for all.

I commit myself to be an example in proving that the only way to fully bring polarized versions of ourselves to an end is to support an Equal Money System whereas All living beings are fully supported according to what’s best for All, thus, allowing the nature of who we really are to begin to step forth in Self-Honesty.

Please READ the following Blogs!
The History of Superiority and Inferiority: DAY 69

Day 20: Superiority and Inferiority game

“Unless the past pass over — you will pass over before the past is over” ~ Bernard Poolman
Day 56: The Past is Over

Silence the Mind through Self-Forgiveness


There is a way to silence the mind where one accumulates oneself in Trust and Self-Awareness through Self-Forgiveness in Self-Honesty. Join Us Here. Assistance to Stop Addictions and Symptomatic Behaviors indicative of Thoughts, Feelings and Emotions, otherwise known as, Mental Disorder.

“If Hitler cannot be forgiven, the world can never change. At Desteni we say that even the Devil can forgive himself, that is the power of forgiveness. Those that oppose forgiveness are the Abusers of life that live in fear and will become the next devil or Hitler” – Bernard Poolman

The Equal Money System, will be a first step in the political agenda of the Equal Life Party worldwide, once we start participating in democratic elections. You’re invited to Join Us.

The Book – Equal Money System will Release September and onwards 2011 — More than 40 books will be released – Subscribe to the book newsletter to receive a notification when it’s available at:
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life itself through my participating in emotions of depression and sadness toward myself and my world – Instead I Stop. I Breathe and I direct me here as All as One as Equal in supporting an Equal Money System so as to begin to create Heaven on Earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt that I am able to stand and face what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist here as me. I Stop. I breathe, I face me in self-honesty in seeing who I really am as Life as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a dreamer of the mind in accepting the direction of ego, self-interest and greed to be who I am. I stop. I breathe, I direct myself as all life in seeing the Equality existent in everything here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to breathe, speak and act in fear of who I’ve become and what I’ve allowed to exist within this world. I stop. I breathe, I direct me here accumulating myself according to and as the Principle of Equality so that All Life may exist in dignity.

Addiction is Mind Control – You want to Stop – The Solution is Here


Tonight I read at least ten different current news articles stating how addiction is on the rise.  Then I read the following article which I’ll briefly quote from:  ScienceDaily (Aug. 15, 2011) — "The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) has released a new definition of addiction highlighting that addiction is a chronic brain disorder and not simply a behavioral problem involving too much alcohol, drugs, gambling or sex. This is the first time ASAM has taken an official position that addiction is not solely related to problematic substance use…(  )these outward behaviors are actually manifestations of an underlying disease that involves various areas of the brain."

Ok so, common sense can tell us more than what this group of physician’s are reporting.   Addiction is rapidly on the rise that is for sure and,  many are losing everything they have because of the manifested consequences of continuing their self-abusive patterns. 

Addiction, is just one of the plagues of consciousness and is a gateway which leads to most all of the problems we exist as.  Where we participate in our thoughts, feelings and emotions and where we exist in memories within our mind as we’re directed into and as lala land manifesting and projecting onto others and our world as we’re absorbed in greed, ego and self-interest.  We don’t require a group of physician’s to tell us so and more than likely we don’t require they prescribe us medication either -  if, we’ll just stop and become aware of ourself breathing firstly – as well as stop accepting and allowing ourselves to daydream ourselves right out of our physical reality.

The only dis-ease amongst us as humanity, is our mind and the direction we walk as it – where instead of facing our fears in self-honesty and stopping and forgiving ourselves for the atrocity we exist as according to what we allow of our current monetary system. Where within our ‘fear of survival mode’, we rely on our thoughts and energetic experiences as a tale tell sign of who we are.  Which by the way, we are not, we only ‘think’ ourself to be as such.  We are pre-programmed and impulsed through mind control every day in every waking minute.  We can stop our participation – if we will ourselves to.

The mess we subject ourself to is easy to be seen when one finally have had enough and have a look.   See how the mind doses out repetitive patterns over and over that can and will drive one insane and to the point of demonic acts of possession.  Look around in your world, there are plenty examples for one to clearly see.

If you don’t and/or won’t see this, then ask yourself how come because,  most will eventually seek advice and/or assistance outside of themself on a regular basis because people don’t know how to assist themself and simply can’t handle who and what they’ve become. 

It’s not a pretty picture I can promise you, however, thanks to the material through Desteni I Process and with the tools and Life coaching they offer,  I’ve been able to stop numerous addictions as well as mind possessions and depression, which one can read about in many of my blogs.  The assistance provided through the Desteni material is priceless because it enables one to assist themself, and to begin to enjoy life within a whole new awareness in seeing what the hell is really being allowed in this world.

Then, one is able to make a clear choice because, it becomes clear that there is no choice, there is only the decision to bring an end to our current money system.  Which is nothing more than an accessory to insanity, desperation and murder, where over a billion are starving to death daily and millions more and counting are homeless and struggling daily to survive. 

Just hearing the daily news can send one into depression and acts of addiction, and yet in a world where anything is possible, we can’t and/or won’t agree on a solution that will benefit all life equally.  Even when there is a solution that is not only possible, it is inevitable.

Stop waiting on your mind to decide for you to make a real change because, that’s not going to happen.  Equality is not part of your pre-programming and is certainly not impulsed in our society, so the decision, to finally be self-responsible for yourself as well as the world and, to actually walk yourself as the change that is required – you’re going to have to move yourself.

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