Tag Archive | DIP

Day 300: The War Within Lies

Sometimes, I can’t believe this is how my story goes. Meaning the way my life is at the moment with where I am as I continue to get well from cancer. Within that realization my mind is like on mourning mode and sometimes I get lost in it… Then, last night I dreamed I was at war and I realized how my war within lies.

war within
There is and has been for awhile in my life, a war going on within and as me. This war I started against myself when I was in my early teens. Pain seems to intensify my fears and so the war within me seemed to grow. So it’s strange but things got worse for me when the first of July of this year I added another intense alternative treatment therapy.

The particular treatment I will speak more about when I’m able to – caused my physical body to take quite a hit, and unfortunately, in fear, I lost sight of the struggle my body was going through because all I could think to do in that fear was to keep pushing myself to do whatever I had to do,,, for however long I had to do it, so long as I get myself well from the cancer.

The treatment brought with it consequence of physical / muscle deterioration and extreme physical pain, and, in my lack of awareness, I began taking more and more prescribed pain meds and muscle relaxants , as well as alternative methods in my quest to relieve the pain.

Everything I was doing, it became to much for my physical body. Both my kidneys and my liver began to show symptoms of trouble – trouble from all the methods I’d chosen to help relieve my pain. I had no choice. I had to get off of everything and so a month ago, I did. I stopped taking all the prescription pain meds and muscle relaxants and ibuprofen. I also stopped all alternative methods I’d been using for pain as well.

Now I use nutrition/foods/juice / Omega 3’s and herbal remedies only to reduce the inflammation. I also drink teas with hibiscus, passion flower, lemon balm, just to name a few of the many wonderful herbs and seasoning I use, like tumeric and even capsicum/cayenne pepper.

I also stopped the intense alternative treatment method that I started 5 months ago. And with the assistance of some private interviews / tools that I was fortunate to receive through Eqafe, I’ve been able to easily stop the pain meds with very few side affects and have become effective in breathing through the fear when the pain comes and have been also been successful in my practice of directing myself to change who I am within the fear so as to forever release who I accepted and allowed myself to be within the fear to where I am able to redefine in awareness who I am within and as my physical body when the pain come.

It’s interesting, because I’ve been experiencing less pain as I’ve become more aware of who I’ve been within my accepted belief of myself as my mind to one where I’m understanding that those beliefs about myself no longer ring true to who I am directing myself to be and become as my physical body/ mind and being. Within this forgiving myself comes and that is for sure something one can become successful in doing, forgiving oneself.

My Eqafe personal interviews have also assisted me in becoming aware of how in my pain/fear over the course of 5 months, I created some automated pain patterns. Yeah.. But then after coming off all those pain meds, I’ve also been able to develop an awareness of how often my mind will tell me the movement that I’m about to do – like getting up to go to the bathroom for example – is going to hurt like hell, when in fact, when/as I stop the thoughts/fears, and focus on my breathing while I make the move, it actually doesn’t hurt at all. Sounds crazy I know,  and it is crazy,  how easy we can create patterns.  Therefore, it’s best we learn how to create the patterns that will assist us to live our utmost potential and thus begin to be able to assist in creating a world where All Life can live their utmost potential.

Within the automated patterns, I’ve also created pictures of myself within my mind.  and these patterns I continue to investigate and are part of the war within my dream last night. I will be sharing more on this in blogs to come.

At the moment, I am here, focusing on substantiating my physical body. Beginning with committing myself to make sure that every single day I give my body what it requires nutritionally to repair and recover and heal.

I commit myself to walk in breath and awareness as I consistently nourish my physical body to the best of my ability, and to redefine and become a living expression of the word relax within and as my physical body as I continue to walk my story, my Journey to Life.

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Day 298: Self-Change within the Mother / Daughter Relationship Construct

Alright, first a little history. Within an hour or so after spending some time with my youngest daughter, I would begin to have pain in my upper back / scapula area. Sometimes the pain is almost unbearable and while I’ve been able to breathe and slowly get the pain to subside, it’s a point that I can see is requiring immediate attention.

So my DIP Pro buddy is assisting me with taking this point on and I can see how I’ve been changing the way I behave when I’m around my daughter in that as I approach her, I become stricter and it’s like I expect more from her for some reason. So basically when I’m around her I take on a specific role and /or personality and I’ve been able to connect the change in me being when the pain would intensify. So just realizing that I was doing that has assisted me to be able to stop compromising myself by that action of stepping into such a specific role / personality – which had become almost a point of automation so, it takes practice to change self as that.

So then, about a month and a half ago, my daughter had to reschedule a Drs. appt. for her daughter, Emmeline. When I heard she cancelled it / rescheduled it, even though I didn’t agree with her decision to do so, I kept quiet about the little irritation I was experiencing within myself. Upon further investigation I realized that I didn’t trust myself to not react, so I kept quiet, and in doing so I suppressed the ‘who I am‘ to ‘who am I’?

However, at the time I didn’t take the time to self investigate, so I knew the point would come around again, and it did really soon!

Then a couple of weeks ago my partner let me know that my daughter had cancelled Em’s appt. again. Immediately I saw the thoughts that were coming up within me, which were:

“I can’t believe she did that again!”

The word: Betrayed is how I’d describe the experience I was having of myself in that moment. It was like someone had done ‘me’ wrong! Me?? Done me wrong? Lol, that’s actually odd, but at the time, it felt like I had been personally betrayed the moment that Drs. appt. was cancelled.

More Thoughts:

“I deserve to have a say in E’s life.”

“what about everything I’ve done for you?”

“I kept your daughter 4 to 5 days a week for over 2 years, for free, while you guys worked 9 to 10 hour days!”

Memory comes up of Em and I and the many, many days her and I walked together this old country road just outside our house. It was on that road where Em first heard how loud the whistle of a passing train can be! The memory comes with a momentary positive energetic charge / experience / feeling of comfort but, lol, I see how my mind wants me to use the memory to distract and manipulate myself to not look closer to see how the word ‘entitlement’ is attached to the thoughts / backchat I’d just had.

I didn’t wait until I was energy-free to call and talk to my daughter. Instead I manipulated myself in my head into believing that in that moment I was free from reactions but I wasn’t. If I’d been self honest I would have known that, because I felt the rushing of energy inside myself as I called her. The energy was the red flag, but I was too busy being it to give myself a chance to stop and redirect myself. Too bad, because, Revenge of the ego was all that went down during that conversation

I forgave myself and recommitted myself to stop such reactions toward my daughter, or towards anyone for that matter.

Alas, I half-ass-essed myself within the point, meaning for the most part I ignored investigating the point through to it’s entirety. I did manage to share with my daughter how I was sorry for reacting and that I am definitely aware of, and prepared to walk the self-correction process for this point.

Fortunately, lol, a few days later, within this mother / daughter construct, the point opened up again, and bam! I reacted again! This time my reaction to my daughter set off a chain-like reaction and here‘s how it went…

Just like we’ve done every Sunday morning for the past year and a half, first thing on Sunday mornings, my partner goes to my daughter’s house to get our granddaughter. That’s the day we get to spend the entire day with her and this is precious time that my partner and I do not take for granted and it’s a time spent with her that we’ve come to enjoy so much every week.

So my daughter and I were speaking on the phone when my partner got to her house to pick Em up, but then, when she told me about them having to move and about ‘where’ their going to move to, I reacted by saying how stupid it is to move so far away from her job and I knew my tone was angry when I spoke and when she heard me say that she hung up on me. She then reacted and decided to not let our granddaughter come over as planned for the day. (I didn’t know she didn’t let Em leave with my partner until he called from our cell phone to tell me.)

When she had hung up on me I hadn’t tried to call her back because I knew I had to focus on my breathing and stop the energy before talking with her again.

However, after my partner called and told me Em wasn’t with him, I immediately tried calling her but she wouldn’t answer her phone. When she wouldn’t answer her phone, I became more pissed off. So at that point I made the decision to text her the following, which was exactly the thoughts and backchat that was going on in my head!

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t let Em come over because you thought I’d scare Em because you thought I’d show my reactions to your moving to her?”

“I am speechless.”

“I’ve never given you a reason to fear me doing such a thing”

Again I felt betrayed. I was angry. I felt anxious. My heart rate had increased adn I felt alone and wrung with self-doubt and self disappointment. As I was focusing on my breathing,  I began to see a connection within myself between self-betrayal, self-trust and self-doubt so I reached for an Eqafe interview called: Trust & Betrayal – Reptilians – Part 383.

I realized from listening to the interview that I was like, stewing within myself in my head in self-doubt and when in doubt, there’s fear and in fear there’s no self-trust and so my ‘I am’ became fear and when and as I spoke / reacted as that to my daughter – and it was that same fear that I was accepting and allowing that she mirrored and reacted to me with/as. For a moment I could see clearly to forgive myself as the doubt I’d become.

Once I forgave myself, I was able to look at my daughters living situation respectfully.

The problem? They have to move asap from the house they’ve called home for a year and a half. And, in reality, them having to move was just one more thing I was reacting to and it may have been why my daughter reacted the way she did when she made the decision she made to not let Em come over here.

Things we regret tend to happen when we make decisions in our relationships and / or in our future when we’re in any form of hatred, resentment or revenge energies. And those energies breed fear. Also, when change comes, we fear loss and add a dose of self-doubt and a lack of self-trust on top of that, and what you’ve got is a dysfunctional relationship. And honestly, I don’t know any families that are free from the dysfunctions that come with NOT understanding what’s going on within and as one’s own mind! That’s why I’m grateful for the Desteni I Process, it has literally saved me from going bat-shit-crazy.

Alright so self change can seem impossible, but really, it just takes practice, and what else is there to do really anyway, but to practice understanding each other and so provide assistance and support for ourselves and for those we’re in relationships with.

With regards to my daughter’s upcoming move, it may be difficult at first to get used to because as it is she lives about 20 minutes from us and it’s been great to be able to see them just about anytime we want.

But now, with their decision to move 150 miles round trip from here, the reality is, it is a game changer, because realistically it’ll cost more money to be able to see them every week, so it’s probably not realistic to say that we’ll be able to continue with our weekly visit.

Realizing this is a game changer in my mind, I also see this being a pivotal point that has opened up an opportunity for me to also walk the self corrective application process to change the relationship that I have with myself between trust and betrayal as well as self doubt.

Andrew Gable Artist
agreement agreemend Andrew Gable

So with regards to this matter, I choose to direct myself according to what’s best for all and I know that these kind of moments where we give to ourselves an opportunity to correct the very nature of our relationships – to one that is supportive and giving unto another as one would like to receive is key in walking the self-change process.

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 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to use words as a weapon with which to excuse and abuse.

When and as I see myself feeling like I want to lash out in extreme’s to another, I stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to see, realize and understand that wanting to lash out in extreme onto another is a symptom of being dramatic, basically full of energy, therefore I commit myself to make sure that I do not act until I’m sure I’m energy clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my daughter / child based upon a memory experience I was holding onto from my past that influenced our relationship with spite and resentment through the use of my tone and my words and I forgive myself for using superiority as the starting point from which I began a conversation with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to the moment the feeling of betrayal comes – it’s like the table’s just turned and the relationship game between me and them has changed to the extent that they not only betrayed that which I entrusted in them, they have now betrayed all of me and so therefore I must stand within the idea that the whole relationship is null and void – for going to the extreme within myself with regards to how in my mind I decide the entire relationship must now be doomed because of feeling betrayed.

When and as I see myself feeling as if someone or something has betrayed me, I stop. I breathe. I direct myself to ask myself questions, to understand why, how, who and /or what exactly is it that’s contributing to me feeling betrayed, because I see, realize and understand that nothing is so important that one should go to extremes inside oneself, thus it’s important to remember to stop, to breathe and give myself a moment to forgive within understanding why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m entitled to special treatment, that I am somehow more deserving of special treatment because I’m the parent/grandparent.

When and as I see myself demand respect and desire to react in spite within and as the belief that I’m entitled to special treatment because I’m mom and / or because it’s ‘owed’ to me, I stop. I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that to accept and allow myself to behave in such a way could very well be a direct link of support to our indebted and broken monetary system, therefore, I commit myself to Stop living who I am through and as a false sense of entitlement with an ‘I want it now’ attitude.

I commit myself to not ever make decisions in my relationship with other people or my future when I’m in any form of hatred, revenge and/or resentment energy.

—-Update—-

My daughter and I have been able to assess our alignment with each other in real time every day since the last reaction between us, which was almost 2 weeks ago now and, thus far we’ve both been successful with our communicating with each other.

With regards to ‘where’ my daughter and her family are going to live, while I’m not really in agreement with their decision, I have let her and her partner and my granddaughter know that we’re here for them and will support them and their decision.

***What I find interesting, and I’m still investigating and forgiving is how in my mind, I still have a conflict with my daughter’s choice of where they’re going to live – but I’m not reacting to her on the outside but inside myself, lol, I’m still making amends if you will. Because during the day my mind tried to make believe there was a conflict between my daughter and I based upon a reaction that I didn’t participate in, lol, but my mind thinks there’s supposed to be something going on there, lol! So there’s definitely shifts / changes taking place within me as I continue walking the self correction and realignment process with regards to this point.

Also to note here: In December of 2012, my daughter and her family had to come live with us while she went to nursing school. So below one can click on any of the following links to blog during that time to get a glimpse into my process of writing out the different dimensions as I’ve walked them with regards to this point within and as the mother / daughter construct / relationship which I began shortly after they moved in with us.

I will continue to walk the real-time process of self change to stop any and all reactions to my daughter and her and I have made a commitment to individually and together as self-willed equals, to continue to walk and become a living example of how change can come to the mother / daughter relationship and can be one of support when one’s starting point is structured first within the starting point of what’s best for all.

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Below are Links from my JTL blog where I’ve written regarding this point:

Day 186: Inside Outside In-between (My Daughter’s Moving Back Home)

Day 191: Empathy Pain

Day 196: Moving Through

Day 199: Finding Fault becomes a case of Moral Dilemma

Day 201 & 202: Like Mother, Like Daughter

Day 205: I’m too old for this!

Day 206: The Suffering of Others

Day 251: Forgiving Self Betrayal

Day 252: Confessions of a Mom

Day 253: While I was Sleeping…

Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

Day 259: Forgiving Holding-on

Day 260: Mother/Child Relationship Commitment

Day 272: Woman to Woman

Day 285: Letting go of holding on to what used to be

Day 291: What’s worth giving for?

***I will post process updates as they develop and are relevant to this point.***

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Suggest also hearing the following Interviews which have been instrumental for me as I’ve been walking this particular point:

Trust & Betrayal – Reptilians – Part 383

Choices & Doubt – Reptilians – Part 384

Trust Within Constancy – Reptilians – Part 385

Transcending Betrayal – Life Review

In the Mind we Trust, Despite its Betrayal – Life Review

Seeing Your Reactions – Quantum Mind Self Awareness

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Day 292: Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much

Born in Middle Class America, my story isn’t special. Meaning, how I experienced myself growing up could be your story, or anyone’s story for that matter. Let me explain.

I was in second grade, around 7 or 8 when I first become aware of the variety of masks that people wear as their making some sort of a connection when they’re beginning a relationship with each other. I recall having strong emotional fears with regards to deciding which mask or character / personality to become even though I understood that it all depended upon the situation and the people and how I wanted to experience and express myself when being around them.

Bottom line, I was scared. Scared to get too close to anyone, because already by the time I was 7, I understood that people don’t stay, they leave. They go their own way for whatever reason and from the very beginning, I didn’t like subjecting myself to the emotional pain that inevitably happened when a relationship stopped / ended. It’s no surprise then that I can relate so much to the following quote:

“I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport. Besides, if I let someone get that close, they’d see who I really am and I can’t let that happen. So, time to put on my mask.” Dexter Morgan (Character) from the Showtime series: Dexter

I accepted early on in my life that what was going on within my mind with regards to my thoughts and my feelings and emotions within a fear of loss at the prospect of being rejected wasn’t worth giving my whole self to.  Because being rejected felt like losing a part of myself.  And so as I participated within and as ALL that,,, I withdrew into my own little world within and as my mind where I believed the lies that I told myself – which was that I didn’t want or need anyone to be happy, yet I was anything but happy.

So during my first couple of years in elementary school I remember spending a lot of time watching and observing other kids in my class. I envied the kids who would become the teachers favorite, and every day during recess I remember watching as the kids in my class ran around having fun together playing.   I remember wondering why I felt so alone and lonely inside myself and as I watched them go about their business, I experienced quite a bit of negative emotions and insecurity within and towards myself.  Inside my head, I was having thoughts / backchat,  asking myself what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to make the kind of connections with others that I see them making amongst themselves…

Almost in-spite of myself, by the time I reached middle school, I had established a few close friendships / relationships, both male and female. But even then, something within me in how I experienced myself within my relationships was off in that I felt like I never completely fit in with the relationship.  It was like I watched myself put on a mask, and depending upon who I was with, I would become some sort of character / personality, and in doing so, within my mind I began to blame and spite and resent others for how I was experiencing myself and I felt emotionally defeated.

I realize now that how I experienced myself back then and how I experience myself now with regards to my relationships with others, both individual or within a group, whether personal or business – had / has nothing to do with anyone else but me. Meaning, I am responsible for what goes on within me at all times and the same goes for what’s going on within and as my outer world / reality, because our outer world is a reflection of what we’re accepting and allowing to exist within us.

Therefore,  it’s important that I Stand Committed and walk this point through, breathing through the resistance in order to become stable and supportive within and as the Desteni Group , which is and has always been quite a pilar of support for me.  This I am currently walking the corrective application for,  but clearly,  my early experience into society as a child has influenced every relationship I’ve had…

 

Investigating the point now, I see how when I was a kid,  one of the things that would have assisted me greatly, would have been if someone – like my parents, or a teacher – would have been able to offer me support and guidance for what was going on within and as my mind, as thoughts and pictures, and the feelings and emotions and the fear!  That would have made a world of difference for me when I was growing up.

 

And I mean, it’s only been through walking the lessons in Desteni I Process Pro and applying the tools that the course provides that I’ve been able to understand for myself the goings on within and as my mind.  And more than ever, I see how important it is that we walk this life together supporting each other with a partner as well as walking within and as a Group.

changing the world together with dipThe Group should be supportive of ALL Life, because let’s be serious, there is NO WAY that one person will ever be able to bring about the kind of change that this world and everyone in it so desperately seek.

The kind of change that is required to our monetary system as well as All the world systems.

And unless we stand together as a Group and support the kind of freedom where the Foundation of Life on Earth begins with making All worldly decisions based upon and according to what’s best for all. That’s the only way that we can ensure that money is no longer God and thus no longer the thorn in everyone’s side and then, when we stop stressing out over NOT having food, or water and a home and clothes and an education – when All that mess and stress ends we’re going to be shocked at how just that point alone will completely change the relationships we have with each other and the relationship we have with others within our world.

If one look at the history of man and how our relationships with one another are by way of our thoughts and feelings and our emotions – we can then see how participating in them keeps us from being able to be objective. And when we’re not being objective then we fall into the realm of subjectivity – which means our decision making is personal, and subject to the influence of opinions by way of beliefs and thoughts and feelings and even subject to how we’re experiencing ourself at any given moment. And come on, at this point the decisions made in this world is also made based upon ego and greed, profit and the fear of survival!

I mean, there’s a lot going on within our mind that we cannot accept and allow when making life and death decisions with regards to how our current monetary / world systems operate / function.

And, until we can understand our own minds – like how and why we think and react like we do – because what I’ve learned through walking the Desteni I Process course is that I can direct who I am as my mind and in doing so I am able to take responsibility for myself and for what and how I’ve accepted and allowed Life on Earth to be lived as.

It’s Time to Question Our Reality, and come together as a Group to agree on a money system that will support Everyone… If we can’t do that, then we’ll have to continue to suffer because Hell on Earth is just getting started.

Time to forgive ourselves and each other, and make the most important decision we’ll ever make, not in the name of ouself but in the name of and for the future of how Life itself will be experienced as dignified here on Earth.

 ENROLL TODAY!

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Day 286: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Nature of Worry – Day 40

From the moment I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer I became more familiar than I ever have with regards to the Nature of Worry. As I began the alternative cancer treatments I outlined for myself,  and as I continue with them, I still struggle, because honestly, most days I feel physically ill and physically out of sorts within myself.

worry

Fortunately the physical reactions are lessoning and within that I’m realizing just how strong and capable who I am as my Physical body really is. Our Physical Body is constantly ingesting and processing all the physical and mental input that WE are constantly providing for it.  We just haven’t quite grasped what goes on within our physical body for it to be able to reach a point of proper chemistry and balance.

Nothing and no one works so exquisitely as our Physical body does to provide for us the vessel, the ability to experience and express ourself as life.

Yet, here’s the thing, as I’ve been walking this process of assisting my physical body to heal and correct the damage I’ve imposed upon it from years of living through and as my mind as wants and desires – what’s happened is that I’ve fallen prey to worry through my own acceptance and, my fear of losing my perception of control – the result is that I haven’t applied myself as effective as I know I am capable of – with regards to Stopping my participation in and as my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Mostly this is because I accepted and allowed old patterns of behavior to creep in as I allowed who I am as my mind to not only screw with me, but to direct me, instead of me directing myself as my mind! So, after investigating this point for awhile now while applying self-forgiveness and, through using the tools I’ve learned through Desteni I Process Pro,  I’ve come to see, realize and understand that the underlying point within my acceptance of my behavioral patterns is rooted within and as the nature of worry – specifically with regards to worrying about myself when I have a physical reaction to my therapy – which may last for days and is like an emotional roller coaster where I experience myself as losing control.

The same applies to how every six to nine months I have to send off lab work to keep track of how I’m physically doing, to see if the cancer has spread or is reducing…  What happens is, I allow myself to come and go within a possession of worry, where from the moment I send off my urine / lab test until the moment I receive the results – I secretly worry and wait and hope the results will make me feel like my life is once again in my hands / control.

This then the beginning of the End of me accepting and allowing this construct / pattern to continue within and as me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider how it is the emotional nature of worry is produced in the mind-physical relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how worry is connected to patterns within my mind where I tend to wonder off into my imagination / where I wonder off into and as my mind thinking and looking at different scenerio’s of what if this happens or what if that happens – teetering between positive and negative energjes / mind possessions, specifically with regards to when I have physical reactions and /or when I’m ‘waiting’ on test results to determine if there is any improvement in my condition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the fear energy within worry have an effect on me where I stop my awareness of what my physical body is saying to me and instead allow myself to be directed by/as my mind within the nature of worry – where it’s like my heart races and my upper body becomes tight and a tenseness slowly moves within and through my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand another dimension of worry which is that of ‘waiting’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand another dimension of worry which is the fear of losing control, where my mind has backchat / thoughts of: I can’t do anything / oh my God I’m not in control / what if’s and maybe’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a loss of control from the moment I send off my urine / lab test until the moment I receive the results, where I will teeter back and forth in a possession of worry until I get results that make me feel like my life is once again in my hands / control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m applying my daily alternative treatment routine, how when and if I begin to experience pain, or a flu like symptom occurs, such as nausea, diarrhea, fever, heavy feeling within my physical body (toxicity), fatigue, etc, where I see myself go almost automatically into an acceptance of worry within myself – in believing that the reaction must mean that the cancer is spreading, and within that for all the waiting moments to ‘feel better’ and for the fear of losing control – instead I see, realize and understand that the metabolic program / treatment I’m walking brings about a readjustment in body chemistry as it heals, and how as my physical body meets the changing situations it responds in surprising ways to the process and to apply common sense instead of worry.

Therefore, I commit myself to when and as I see myself as my physical body having a physical reaction, I Stop, I Breathe, I see, realize and understand how the longer the deficiencies within my physical body have existed the more prevalent the reaction is likely to be as a physiological balance of chemistry and healing takes place within and as my Physical Body.

I commit myself to stop who I am as the nature of worry through a practical physical application of walking real-time self change according my decision to direct myself to stop myself from reacting when I realize my physical body is having a physical reaction to treatment,  as well as walking the same in stopping my participation in and as worry when the moment comes for me to send in for lab testing, etc.

more on this point to come in future posts

 

Day 104: Dog-Eat-Dog World

Recently – I accepted and allowed myself to stress which is related to how our current money system exists -thus sharing here self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ as if I’ve only got one leg to stand on within this current world/money system that exists as a dog-eat-dog world where one must eat or be eaten, meaning to hell with everyone else because even if we have to lie and cheat to do it, we will survive within this dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people will fight for themselves only and will hurt other people because we believe ourselves to be that which we are living as, which is a dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and become sad when I hear my child cry in fear of not being able to pay the rent and feed her child and within that I forgive myself for wanting to make my child ‘feel’ better by paying the bills and then feeling guilty because I can’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my day worrying over whether my children can pay their rent and have food to eat and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned about the welfare of mine – instead of the welfare of All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as my mind of thoughts in fear of what’s going to happen if there’s not enough money to survive to the point where I feel as if I am being suffocated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the lives of my own children and family but ignore the thousands of children around the world who starve to death daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where money is the God that determines who lives and who dies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at our current world/money system even though I see it is me that I am angry at for accepting and allowing hell on earth to continue.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed greed to rule me according to the rules of a money system that will let a child go homeless and starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how money is the common DEMONator within every moment of our daily lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where through competition we sell things that other people need for more than we paid for it just so we can profit because it’s a dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a system where people live on hope and a prayer to have more than their neighbor – instead of walking in and as the shoes of their neighbor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the importance in giving unto another that which one would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people are so hungry for success that they will do anything to survive and be successful – instead of considering the consequences of consciousness in the very acts of our survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that gives a false sense of caring through charities and/or donations which only act as a bandaid when in fact the wounds from our money system is a huge gapping whole of pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that does not consider nor support that which allows us to be here in the first place which is our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a world where we’ve yet to comprehend that life exists according to how and what we each individually decide – and that we / I can decide to support an Equal Money system and manifest Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to stop charging me as my mind through emotions and feelings in fear and worry about my children’s ability to survive within our current world/money system.

I commit myself to educate people to the fact that we do Not have to continue this world as it is where we are constantly struggling to survive, how that through an Equal Money system every child born will be provided for from birth til death.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body and physical reality through stopping myself in/as participating in worry and stress, to see, realize and understand that I can only support and direct myself in this moment of breath.

I commit myself to comprehend and thus show how our world/money system functions in/as War itself according to it’s own purpose within it’s own physical manifestation of our entire physical existence within it’s own interest in accordance to serving only those who are rich instead of standing as physical living support for and as all Life.

I commit myself to fully comprehend, and thus show how the world/money system has it’s own mind as the mind of men and that the only practical living solution for the human to stop existing in/as a dog-eat-dog world will be that of an Equal Money System – thus eventually bringing an end to self-interest and greed.

Day 103: At the End of the Day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from the facts that are everywhere to be seen and understood of how and why our world is the way it is and how and why we are the way we are – because at the end of the day, I’m preprogrammed as consciousness and scared as hell to face what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not question what was going on in the mind of a person that can take them to the point to open fire upon and kill people setting in a movie theater – because at the end of the day we put our trust in the media stories to determine the facts for us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that puts people in jail and fines them hundreds of dollars for collecting rainwater – because at the end of the day, no one really cares about the fact that profit is valued over life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people really do want to know the truth about how our world/money system exists – because at the end of the day the fact is, people still pray for a cure for cancer which already exists, and to a God that doesn’t exist because they ‘think’ it makes them ‘feel‘ better – instead of realizing it is that which keeps us enslaved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people will become whatever character is necessary for them to receive their monthly paycheck – because at the end of the day no one cares to apply common sense and take self-responsibility in making a decision to stop supporting that which is Not supportive for All life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that what we allow to happen to another we are ultimately accepting and allowing to happen to us – because at the end of the day the majority is enslaved to the minority – instead of realizing what it really means to walk in the shoes of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore how the most common causes of stress in family life are money and work related in/as being enslaved to our current world/money system – because at the end of the day, we don’t want to let go of self-interest and greed and come together as a Group to Stand in Support of an Equal Money System to bring an end to world hunger/wars and enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the battle within myself and manifest and create it as my outside world – because at the end of the day I haven’t seen, realized and understood how when I see war and hunger I am seeing my own existence within and as myself as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even when we ‘believe’ we’ve ‘found’ ourselves, we still get up every morning and go to work every day and participate in same way, always enslaved to the same world/money system – because at the end of the day we’ve not considered a solution to why so many millions of people are happily participating in this capitalistic repressive system and ‘believing’ ourselves to be living ‘the good LIEfe’ within an enslaved institution as consciousness programmed beings – thus in our choosing to ‘believe we’ve found ourselves’ we’re only expressing the continuation of our participation in/as our own mind/enslavement.

I commit myself to at the end of the day in self-honesty prove to/for myself that I have walked the day in and as the shoes of another in standing in support of a system which will educate All living beings in how to effectively support our earth and all life here according to manifesting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to question and investigate my world and to see, realize and understand my responsibility within everything and all life here.

I commit myself to stop sacrificing the lives of all so that a few can have everything and to instead support a system which supports Everyone according to What’s Best for All to manifest a world in/as Equality.

Please read and watch the following for reference:
The Century of the Self
Colorado shooting suspect was facing eviction
30 Days In Jail For Collecting Rainwater
Cancer Cure Documentary – Dr. Burzynski Antineoplaston Therapy
Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?
Day 27: Money is the Soldiers of the Mind
Equal Money

Day 47: It’s Only Me – I am my missing peace

“You judge you or you create you
There is no middle road” ~ Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that love follows sorrow even when I knew within the depths of me that when I love I start to fear, but it’s only me – I am my missing peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the expression of me is not about setting self instone limiting who I am according to that which I’ve known as me through comparison as self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by piecing together the puzzle of who I’ve been in self-honesty in facing what I’ve accepted and allowed through words as the actions of self lived, will I see myself clear in stop the belief that peace must be bought at any cost through the suffering and death of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in fear I have loved life according to my reactions to my environment as my mind as consciousness and thus given right to the devolution of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the pieces of myself through participation to direct me as a mind consciousness system and have infact manifested and developed attacks within/upon and through my physical body and physical reality into a manifested state of degeneration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through learned behaviours as my physical body language have imprinted myself though time into and as our physical environment through spoken words lived in and as acts against another as and through greed/spite and ego to such an extent that I/We reaped money from the branches of living trees as who we are.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through anticipating my own addictive behavioral patterns have subjected my physical body and physical reality to a process of tissue deterioration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose me as my mind as consciousness upon our environment where through visual pictures and subconscious and unconscious memories in forgetfulness have issued suffering to/towards my neighbor.

I commit myself to continue walking the 7 year process to nothingness, writing self-forgiveness in/as the Journey to Life within mastering pieces of me as the words as who I am within who I’ve been according to what I’ve accepted and allowed and created myself as, thus committing myself to holding myself responsible and accountable to not stop until All and Everyone is forever provided for, protected, comforted and nurtured in and as our Love in and as loving according to what’s best for all.

Must Read Blogs!

Heaven’s Journey to Life – What/Who Defines Me?: DAY 13
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Heaven’s Journey to Life – The Chicken or the Egg??? – Part One: DAY 30

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 12: Redefining Words (Part 9) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 13: Redefining Words (Part 10) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words 2

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 16: Who am I

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 1: Self Forgiveness

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 28: I FOR GIVE ME

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 33: Peace of Mind – Mind in Pieces

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 38: Rebirthing as Life