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Day 12: Woman on Top


I forgive myself that throughout my life I’ve often defined myself as a ‘woman on top’, wherein I took pride in displaying lack of emotions and feelings and/or giving the impression within my relationships that I could live with or without them, when if fact what I’d become was suppressed within myself, scared of being emotionally hurt, so to protect myself, I built a wall and guarded myself within an idea that ‘I’ was the one ‘in control’ of my relationships, and haha, no one could hurt me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be a loner who didn’t need and/or want for anyone, because that way no one could break the shell on the outside of me which I used to protect what I was existing as within myself which was sadness, loneliness and a suppressed expression of self.

I forgive myself for always being the first to walk away from a relationship in an attempt to ease the pain of a breakup which I feared was bound to happen so I prepared myself constantly from the possibility of emotional pain.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a ‘woman on top’, meaning how my life was moving in how I was directing my world, which actually meant existing in control/ego and fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to derive a sense of strength and power within the starting point/view of being one of opinion which charged my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to always want, desire and need to be right with regards to insight, knowledge and/or information that I obtained through life experiences and, the women within my family that has gone before me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the mind’s ego will always look for validation, conformation, respect and agreement from others because the mind’s ego cannot exist without others agreeing with it’s existence – that being of my opinion and my point of view.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to find insult with people/my partner/relationships who tell me to ‘calm down’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was mentally stable and strong, when in fact, all I’ve accomplished within that belief is to separate myself from my physical body and thus avoiding real intimacy within and as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as a point of ‘relieving’ myself from the guilt in how I see myself as not providing enough to/for my relationships financially, so I sought ways to make earn/money to compensate myself to feel emotionally better.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to cause financial hardships through the pattern of gambling as a way to win money to pay for unexpected expensives and to make myself feel better for my lack of contributing money to the relationships – unless and/or when I didn’t win – which then compounded the already suppressed point further wherein I became distant and withdrawn from my partner within guilt of having spent money we didn’t really have to spend.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘guard’ my relationship with money as a motive for manifesting a time loop for myself which was triggered by jealousy in an illusion of control in which I reacted to in belief that I was able to ‘control’ and direct myself through the point.

Jealousy and the Illusion of Control

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be on guard and manipulated within points of jealousy and the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a self defined category of the mind as polarity friction in and as conflict between what is right and what is wrong.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become an emotional feeling demonic entity that I for a moment allowed to completely take over the experience of myself within a point of jealousy and the illusion and control.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t allowed myself to see/realize and understand that when jealousy exist the illusion of control exist.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become grouchy and irritable to/towards my relationship due to my dishonesty in not sharing the truth of what was going on within me because I feared they will walk away from me in their life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and manifest and create into reality my wants, needs and desires which was the starting point behind the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed jealousy to drive me – instead of me seeing/realizing and understanding the core point being that of inferiority and superiority manifested within my relationship with myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to control my mind, my body, my world, my money, and relationships by using wants. needs and desires to obtain that which I seek control of/within and as.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the resonant nature of my most intimate relationships to influence me through my mind as jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for a moment exist within an energetic outflow of a demonic nature as jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and time loop a point because I believed I was able to ‘control’ myself when I saw the trigger point of jealousy and even when it ignited an energetic outflow, I was sure I would be able to ‘control’ and direct myself – instead of stopping, breathing and directing myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe the direction of my mind in the belief that I was trying to defend and protect my relationship when really I was trying to control my relationships within the context of how wanted them to be as well as how I wanted ‘me’ to be in relationship with that being.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a pattern of self righteousness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within wants, needs and desires toward existence as a whole wherein I wanted to be equal and one in and with existence when in fact I was existing within inferiority/superiority.

When and as I see myself existing within the pattern of jealousy within the illusion of control – I Stop. I Breathe. I see/realize and understand the pattern of control as I’ve existed as it before – I direct me here within and as all as one as equal.

When and as I see myself existing within the pattern of self righteousness, I see/realize and understand that I’ve walked the path of self righteousness far to long and it is time to stop and forgive myself and re-design myself here breathing according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to investigating myself and my world within self-honesty and self-diligence in seeing/realizing and understanding myself within everything and as all here.

I commit myself to creating life on earth in a manner where woman and children and men and boys and animals, nature, earth, wind and water, All Living beings are of like expressions living proof that equality is the key to all cells of and as Self.

I commit myself to me in accepting and allowing the expression of me within and as self honesty to emerge as who I am as all as one as equal.

“I commit myself to recreate money as the root of all evil as the root of life that we may realize that it is not about what we create, it is about what value we give what we create and thus we can give money the value of life equally and use it as the way to bring to each other what is best for all life.” Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to Stand One and Equal as these Words.

How come we take life for granted?

‎The problem is, we’ve taken life for granted, as if it is suppose to be about work, struggle and survival. Since most of us have lived our perception of ‘seemingly’ surviving it – we ‘perceive’ that everyone must be having the same ‘opportunity’. When in fact, they’re not. It’s taken almost 4 years of research and re-educating myself (in how our current money, education, banking and governmental systems operate, where profit is always valued over life), for me to even begin to comprehend just how serious a situation all life is in.

There is truly not even a shred of opportunity for millions of living beings to even come close to ‘achieving’ what they are most certainly’capable’ of. To insist that there is opportunity for everybody, is simply a lack of education of the one insisting. Because the facts of how people are struggling, barely surviving from paycheck to paycheck and/or homeless and starving to death, is everywhere here to be seen. If one look at how we’ve accumulated ourselves up to now – it’s a mathematical certainty that we’ve not begun to see the worst of what will become of humanity – unless, we begin anew direction, with Equal Money.

When I ask only ‘myself’,’does every physical living being born here have the ‘right’ to food, clothes, clean water, a home, an education and healthcare’? It’s like, not only a ‘right’- it’s common sense, it’s a ‘given’and, is what is required if the physical being whose being born is to continue living. Everything else, is irrelevant, until the gift of Equality is given.

Equal Money will allow everyone to prove ‘for themselves’ just how capable they truly are.

No pay, No spray Ends – With Equal Money

More proof of how our Capitalistic Money System doesn’t give a flying flip about any one person, unless the person has money. Firefighters in rural Tennessee were keeping close watch to ensure the safety of one home while they watched another home burn to the ground because the homeowner hadn’t paid a $75 fee. The family lost all of their belongings and their three dogs and cat. The homeowners who had remembered and were able to pay their fee still have their home.

The couple commented: “They could have been saved if they had put water on it, but they didn’t do it.” The fire started when the ‘Cranicks’ grandson was burning trash near the family home. As it grew out of control, they called 911, but the fire department from the nearby city of South Fulton would not respond. “We wasn’t on their list,” he said the operators told him.

The Cranick’s, who live outside the city limits, said they simply “forgot” to pay the annual $75 fee. The county does not have a county-wide firefighting service, but South Fulton offers fire coverage to rural residents for a fee. Cranick says he told the 911 operator he would pay whatever is necessary if they would just come put the fire out. His offer wasn’t accepted. This is unacceptable. In our world, if one doesn’t have money, they are discarded and left to die.

In an Equal Money System all Life will be valued and no longer will we require insurance or fees to guarantee the value of life where All are responsible for what is here.

Investigate and support EqualMoney.org

complete article:
No pay, no spray: Firefighters let home burn

Trees Dying in Human Boxes and on Bonfires – Will Stop with Equal Money

What is the practical purpose for ‘setting up a tree in the house’, decorating it, ‘buying presents’, ‘wrapping them’ and ‘gently placing them under the tree’, ‘to open’ at a later date’? The tree slowly dries out and dies in our boxed homes and often are then thrown together in a huge bonfire surrounded by humans watching after having been sacrificed in bizarre rituals.

The human exists directed according to their mind in bubbles, boxed in our own separate space as pre-programmed behavioral thought patterns, and pictured memory moments.And, as we’ve participated in them, we physically create and manifest the story of us. Seeking to birth experiences of ourself through energetic stimulation consisting in the highs and lows, and ups and downs, and positive and negative polarity of and as the mind.

Consciousness – where there’s a high, there’s a low, and we’ve all recognized this at some point if only for a split moment between the two. Our current monetary system reflects how the energetic managing of ourselves is consequentially manifesting in how profit/money is valued over life itself.

The rich and the poor, the king and the pauper, the stuffed and the starving, the employed and the unemployed, the pretty, the ugly, and the perfect gift vs the worst gift. All of which are polarities of positive vs negative, good and bad, right and wrong, and we believe our experience within it is real and it isn’t.We’ve educated, imagined and participated in and as it, which is how we continually create the polarity effects of highs and lows and in the process, we’ve missed a principled possibility – how to equalize all life in existence and in the process equalize our inner self.

An interesting and cool experiment where one can realize their pre-programmed self, is to, every day, sit and consider an Equal Money System. While saying and considering the following words below. If you sense a feeling like the inside of yourself as your stomach, just dropped like going down a steep hill – that’s energy and it’s fear related. There is Fear of the word/s meaning and/or association and definition of the word ‘Equality’.

The Ego thrives in greed and greed will diminish in an Equal Money system. So, that feeling in your tummy, that ‘fear’, is consciousness programming pulling you in so you’ll not see your responsibility within all that is here. Equality is Not a pre-programmed pattern of acceptance, thus the resistance.

Did you realize there is an application of self consisting of No energy and Stops inner turmoil = self-forgiveness and self-honesty.

Resistance to Equality and an Equal Money System are totally fraudulent and can be stopped.


    In self-honesty, sit every evening with yourself and think about and make a list of words with the world equal in them (I enjoy this the hour prior to going to bed), and imagine a world with Equal Money while reading the word list and *write down and investigate any thoughts or emotions and add words as is relative to individual process.

    For example some words to begin: coequal, coequalities, coequality, coequally, equal money, equal, equalises, equalising, equal money, equalitarian, equalitarianism, equalitarianisms, equalitarians, equalities, equal money, equalization, equalizations, equalize, equalized, equal money, equalizer, equalizers, equalizes, equalizing, equalled, equal money, equalling, equally, equality, equallife, equaldeath, equality, equalmoneysystem, equalmoney.org


…continuing with regards to: Trees Dying in Human Boxesand on Bonfires

One Example: Christmas

Trees literally allow us to be here. Yet, they are sacrificed in numerous ways.

Is such participation and actions assisting in contributing to ‘What’s Best for All’?

How does it serve the best interest for all in Equality, free of Energy?

Consider we’ve not yet experienced nor comprehend the value and’meaning’ of ‘what is best for all’, and havn’t the ability to answer those questions – except in self-honesty – free of energy. Because we’ve not yet lived it as an actual living accumulated application and expression of ourselves as who we really are as all as one as Equal.

Maybe it’s what human beings are for, the creation of meaning. When the consequence of our action is our reward (Love Thy Neighbor as Yourself), the Principle of Meaning will put ‘Equal Money’ to work as ‘Equality’ in action. We’ll be and become actions in play-as-our-work will always be according to what’s best for all.

With Equal Money, the human will become successfully effective in self-direction, recognizing their responsibility as able and willing to stand according to what’s best for all – free of life depleting energetic patterns.

We stop accepting polarity within our current money system and we’ll stop manifesting a living expression of life living definitions/meaning of and as ‘atrocity’.

Trees Dying in Human Boxes and on Bonfires – Will Stop with Equal Money


Economy in an Equal Money System

The economy shows us our competitive side in the polarity of win or lose. For instance, an ‘economist’ is an actor competing for opportunity to create new desires and needs to stimulate and produce growth without which our current money system would cease to exist.

The rate of consumption is alarmingly high yet there are those who are barking about how there’s not enough food to feed everyone, please… Look how consumption is even consuming our words which clearly represents our pre-designed enslavement. Today on the noon news, the anchor woman said how; ‘consumer confidence is intact’ and ‘sales have boosted growth’.

Let’s be self-honest – the only confidence, is with those who have lots of money, because the ever increasing price of goods and products required for survival, is not equaling the amount of money people have to purchase them. Many have no money and no means of support and are dying rapidly in our current money system – there is No excuse for it that is valid.

Education is vital, and vocabulary is key in unlocking and stopping thought patterns so we are able to see how and what we’ve become as living words. Vocabulary is an essential part in the process of constructing a new system of Equality as we are directing ourselves practically, re-designing and living words responsibly according to what’s best for all.

The fact is, the ‘economy’ is the end result of a process that involves the history, education, technology geography, natureal resource endowment and ecology, as well as social organizations. Goods and services are exchanged according to supply and demand through a credit and debit value system of polarity accepted between networks and these factors give context and content within the current conditions in which our economy functions.

Money has enabled specialization so much so that some people get to earn a living, like for example, playing football – signing yearly contracts reaching into the millions. Now somebody has to pay for the ‘specialty’, so enter the actors to fuel along and boost the economy to support insidious salaries while the exact opposite is being manifested right before our eyes as poverty and starvation rapidly increases. We are all equally responsible for how it is and the insane thing is,’money’ is nothing but the value ‘we’ give it and the value we’ve given it is not providing all with a balanced dignified life.

An Equal Money system provides balance where life forms not one specialization (good) and lack (bad), and instead one of have – all will have and none will lack and dignity will begin to manifest life within and as a balanced equalized economy.

Investigate and Educate yourself @ EqualMoney.org

Game Theory

    Bernard Poolman reveals the Rules of the Game in our World and how we are all fully participating without being aware of it.

Game Theory

Game Theory available for download @ Eqafe.com

My whole ‘life’ – I accepted life according to the fear of Not having enough money

    Age 25, moving out of the only home my 2 small children had ever known and divorcing after 8 years of a marriage that began when I was 16 – I had never known what being ‘single’ meant, much less the responsibility of being a single parent. There is little to no assistance from our current money system which is unsympathetic to the mistakes of anyone much less that of a 16 year old female drop-out turned 25 – with little to no educational training for how to survive in this world.

The systems we accept and allow in this world, for example, our educational system – is impractical and insensitive, leaving us uneducated, unprepared and fearful as human beings with no clear understanding of what it is to provide for ourself. The point of self-responsibility and self-trust is simply non-existent for those who don’t have money.

Those who have money pretend responsibility and use money as a face off for their pretense, but hell, if everybody had enough money to provide the basics needs for ourselves, then we can All ‘stop pretending’.

Self-responsibility has been avoided by us all. Because through self-interest, greed and ego we’ve competed against each other for a way of life that’s better than the best and we don’t really care to see beyond our accepted way of ‘thinking’. Thus we have lacked self-responsibility and clear comprehension of the fact that we are all responsible for how our world exists.

I’m now 53 and, I can honestly say that at 25, my ‘thoughts’ and my ‘actions’ as my ‘thoughts’, were that of lust and desire and the need to be taken care of by someone who was ‘willing’ because I was scared to death that I couldn’t afford to ‘make it on my own’.

Accepting that about myself is how I allowed my life to be as it has been. How is that? For 37 years, since I was 16, I’ve been single for only 1 year – I alone am responsible for my life because I contributed and supported our current capitalistic money system. And, I had it easy compared to the number of those who starve to death daily within our world.

    My whole ‘life’ – I accepted life according to the fear of Not having enough money. I’m going to write that again – I accepted ‘Life’ according to the ‘fear’ of Not having enough money. Yes, I worked many jobs making decent money but always living paycheck to paycheck. I feared for mine and my children’s survival and never considered until 4 years ago that there is a Solution.

When one is younger, we ‘think’ that to grow old will be cool because then we can relax and retire and stop the ‘wanting to please’ another syndrome – whether that be by ‘loosing weight’ and/or ‘looking sexy’, whatever one does to secure there survival.

Survival requires money, so to ‘please another’ really means ‘please don’t let them grow tired and want to leave me’. But, holy shit! The thoughts as one gets older, they don’t stop! Instead they are more frequent because of all the compounded suppression within ourselves through years of accepted fears, personalities, distractions and perversions, just downright self-dishonesty. As such, we’ve missed a crucial part of ourself, which is that of becoming aware of ourself and are actions as a self-responsible, self-trusting and life supporting human being.

    Four years ago – I stumbled upon the Desteni Universe material and began a process to stop my thoughts and direct me as my mind, and discovered that, ‘I can forgive myself’. If one will forgive themself then one is able to be inpeace with equality.

The tools offered through ‘Desteni I Process Self-development Course’, is a once in a lifetime opportunity to see for yourself who you are in self-honesty, self-responsibility and self-trust.

Self-responsibility and self-trust is practically living and supporting all of life on earth according to ‘what’s best for all’. This is a point that we each one are responsible for – to accumulate ourselves through walking and living Equality into being so we can fully comprehend the majesty in walking as all as one as equal.

Join us as we reshape and redesign ourselves from the inside out to bring forth a world where life will change because all life will be provided for first with Equal Money.

Guaranteed for everyone will be the basic requirements to exist in this world. Who will we be when every single one us are able to physically provide and care for ourselves? We’ll see…

Investigate and Support EqualMoney.org

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept life any way it comes as long as I can find someone to take care of me so I won’t starve to death.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed life to be a struggle day in and day out for all of life simply because I feared standing up and taking self-responsibility for myself and my actions of myself in self-honesty because I feared what others may ‘think’ about me – instead I see and understand that what I’ve really feared is what I will ‘think’ about me. I stop. I breathe. I stand and I walk for and as life until all living beings live life in dignity as equals.