Tag Archive | Desteni portal

Day 84: I ‘Can’ Stop This Feeling Inside Of Me

Self-Correction & Self-Commitment Statements for the following blogs: ~
Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –
Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me – –

When and as I see myself becoming automated in/as words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions where I as my mind as consciousness seeks to continue in subjecting a child to how we have Built a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity, I Stop. I breathe. I commit myself to let go of emotional manipulation in an attempt to feed my ego in my attempt to seek for a feeling that I believed is me.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself and others in my attempt to seek and find something and/or someone to serve purpose for me in achieving a feeling that I believe is me.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself and others to receive that which doesn’t actually exist, as I see/realize and understand how seeking/searching for a feeling that I believe is me, is actually me acting in/as memories/characters/personalities, in and as thoughts of/as my parents mind, in/as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to become aware of and stop myself in how I participate in thought patterns in/as my mind, which I build up inside me to a need for ‘feeling’ energy experience within me, which is actually a point of self-sabotage, because I’ve seen and been aware of the specific pattern, but only now have been willing to face the point of where I react within my world to/toward my partner and my children only slightly, keeping a ‘low flame’ so to speak, until finally I suppress myself to the point of erupting, which is then when I begin to seek/search for a feeling to direct me instead of me directing me in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself attempting to be the perfect someone, through attempting to please others through manipulation in/as a deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand that I am not here to manipulate and/or please others because in doing so I am living a religion of self, therefore, I commit myself to no longer be the pleaser, and to instead Stand as the equalizer of/as me in self-honesty, to see to it that I am able to become a living example of equality and oneness in supporting a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to establish a clear understanding within myself – to assist and show how we have only ever existed in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system – and how as a mind consciousness system, we have essentially developed/created and manifested energy according to and from it’s relationship to/as our physical bodies, and that basically, we’ve always existed dependent upon the control of/as a system.

I commit myself to stop myself from bowing down to the current state of affairs existent within and as our world, wherein I’ve become the living example as less than the dog who begs his owner for a bone to suck on, as a way of pacifying myself to not see what I’m accepting and allowing to continue within this world – instead, I Stop – I breathe, I stand up on my own two feet, equal and one to what is here and say no more to the cruelty of our current money system, no more to poverty, starvation, war and murder – to show how we as humans Can Walk ourselves through to/in/as a point of self-trust – where we will then be able to support a world where All living beings experience a quality of life living in dignity according to a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to be the stable foundation I require to support myself as my physical body, with writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-honesty and Desteni I Process, as I see/realize and understand the gift I give to self in doing so, and, I comprehend how one will only seek to fill that which one is not receiving from self in/as self-intimacy, thus in walking self through in/as self-corrective application self becomes intimately aware of/as self, in/as this process of walking the Journey to Life through Self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to continue investigating and supporting who I am as my physical body, to further see/realize and understand how that to disregard who we are as our physical body, shows us how we are willing to accept and allow poverty, starvation, war, rape and murder to exist, because how can we begin to honor and care for the physicality of everything and everyone, if we’ve not yet understood the conditioning we’ve accepted and allowed within and without as who we are as our physical body.

I commit myself to support that which matters most as me as my physical body and our physical reality in seeing/realizing and understanding the extent of influence and impact that our entire world systems operate and, in how what happens on our earth will have an impact on everyone equally and thus it’s imperative that we as a humanity come together in caring and sharing what is here given from Earth to All here Equally.

I commit myself to support myself to show how who we are as our physical bodies within our physical reality, is all that we can actually trust, thus, in supporting an Equal Money system, we’re supporting life in trusting that which is real, our physical body and our physical reality.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

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Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me

Continuing from my previous blog: Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself within a particular position of defense where I align my position of defense according to how I manipulate and abuse others through my words and/or the way I move my physical body in order to achieve that which I ‘believe’ is rightfully mine as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teeter to and from and within positive and negative points of polarity in/as a memory of feeling less than, and experiencing more than – where within that I will justify and manipulate others into giving me a false sense of meaning to reach that which I’m searching for as a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in searching for a feeling that I believe is me, situate myself within my own little world where everything revolves around me getting and possessing things for myself as I search for ways to secure and protect that which I believe will assist me in searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body according to lines of thought within my mind wherein I compete and seduce others through how I stand and move me as my physical body in order to get what I want, thus, I forgive myself for existing in/as inner dishonesty which I manifest within and as me as my physical body – where the outer me acts in character as the MEmory/personality and thoughts within and as the inner me as my mind as consciousness, as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how I’ve become an automated system of actions within my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body for sex as a weapon against men in order to get my way to what I want which is to satisfy my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the extent of the damage I cause to my internal organs within me as my physical body when I participate within and as energetic experiences created in and as my mind in order to fulfill my searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as energetic experiences in how I participate within my world through/as and within my relationships in order to feel alive within a world where I’ve not only been branded in what and where to spend money to support the mess of what is here, but I’ve also been the one giving my seal of approval within my constant searching to feel good within our current world/money system – where I have stood by in ego and greed and accepted and allowed what is here to continue, instead of taking self-responsibility because in self-honesty, I see clearly how what is here, is Not how life is suppose to be, yet, I’ve sat quietly because, I’ve been searching for a feeling that I believed was me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ego is a belief within my mind of those that have walked here before me, even as I’ve seen for myself – how I’ve taken the very nature of myself as my parents as their memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and fears, and added my own pictures, thoughts, and energetic experiences, and then, have the nerve to claim that I’m in control in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and evolve within my life from the starting point of ego as an experience where I have aligned and developed myself as my physical body within the context of evolving as a mind consciousness system, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go in search for a feeling that I’ve believed is me, where I took pride in specifying the experience of myself as energies of and as emotions and feelings without any consideration of what the consequences of doing so has had upon my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ‘experience’, as that which I have believed has kept me going within myself and my world/reality, as the very nature of me in/as and of ‘experience’ – as that which is/has been filtered through me in/as my parents mind of/as memories/characters/ personalities – in how me as my mind, as consciousness, according to who I am as memories/characters/ personalities, in/as extensions of thoughts, in and as feelings and emotions, is actually only experiences that I have defined into and as energy.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

to be continued

Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me

Today, I was able to stop myself mid-sentence – when hearing the insanity in/as my automated speaking – in asking my almost 2 year old granddaughter, if she had fun playing at her new babysitters house – which is where she just began going to the day before.

I stopped myself from finishing the question, I breathed and looked into her little eyes looking at me – I saw myself as the abuser in asking her to please hurry and be a memory.

It’s dishonesty, manipulation, self-interest, and, I can only describe it as seeking for a feeling that I believe is me.

I’m beginning to see/realize and understand how we participate in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness. Thus, I Suggest reading Heaven’s Journey to Life blog for clarity to understand the nature of how we exist in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become automated words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions of my parents mind where I as my mind as consciousness continue to subject children to Building a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through others seek for a reason and/or purpose, a place where I can find that I belong in order to locate a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through manipulation be willing to compromise the lives of others so that I’m able to fulfill a dependency upon experiencing myself as loved, needed and wanted as I seek for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to feel a dependency upon another within what I’ve referred to as love but is in fact dependency and manipulation seeking for a feeling that I believed is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to balance an unbalanced feeling within myself in seeking for a feeling that I believed is me in desiring to be the perfect child to my parents who I saw as less than perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my need for a feeling that I believed was me attempted to be the perfect daughter through pleasing and manipulating my mother so she would appreciate and love me the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be guided by a feeling of something more than a feeling to fill what feels like a missing expression of me as that which is Not of memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see/realize and understand that in/as my need to seek for a feeling that I believed was me, have not understood how we’ve only ever existed here in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my seeking for a feeling that I believed was me, to disregard that which matters most as me as my physical body within and as our physical reality.

to be continued