Tag Archive | desperation

299: #TheBriefcase: Is CBS’s ‘The Briefcase’ ‘altruism porn’?

the briefcase

Below is the text to the attached podcast

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Maybe you’ve seen the new reality show called: ‘The Briefcase’. The show begins by presenting 2 different families with a briefcase containing a large sum of money and a potentially life-altering decision: they can keep all of the money for themselves, or give all or part of it to another family in a similar situation as they are. So here‘s this television series that is provoking quite a bit of anger and controversy and even an online petition, is circulating to have the show removed from broadcasting for, exploiting people and their life situations.

The thing about ALL reality tv is that while it seeks to please the viewer, it regularly emphasizes or sensationalizes aspects of a nonsexual subject to stimulate a compulsive interest from the viewing audience. That is the nature of All reality television. So is CBS’s new reality series ‘The Briefcase’ ‘altruism porn‘? Maybe so. And let’s not forget that behind every reality television series is a CEO and / or a celebrity who is making an obscene amount of money off of it.

What’s smart about ‘The Briefcase’ is that it’s striking up conversations about real life situations that need real life solutions. Too bad that reality tv also plays off of the desperation and vulnerability of people’s life situations for ratings or whatever else that might be you know, but the fact remains: People ARE struggling and they Are suffering!

I can relate to feelings of desperation and weakness and vulnerability, as most of us can who have experienced similar situations and emotions, all the while working our ass off trying to survive within a messed up monetary system.

Since being diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago, I stress about money more than ever. It’s part of the mind-set that I’ve been directing myself to change, to stop stressing over the absurd amount of money we’re having to spend so I can get well is challenging, and it takes practice.

Most of us know what happens within our mind when we’re stressing over money, or the lack of. We experience desperation, weakness, and vulnerability, and we tend to become irritable and anxious. So, is it really surprising that people are willing to be exploited on national television if it means they could win, a large sum of money? No! It’s not surprising and honestly, I’d consider being on the show too if given the opportunity. Why?

Well, I wouldn’t really want to, but it’s a point of desperation really, because besides the already obscene amount of money my partner and I spend monthly, on the things I must have, just over a month ago, I came across something that when ingested, it reduces my pain by 85 to 90 %!

This has been an amazing thing for me as a cancer patient to discover. When you can reduce a patient’s physical pain level / symptoms by that much, what that means is, you’ve also just increased their overall daily quality of life. And now, understand how, that my friend, is, Everything.

To suddenly after months and months of chronic pain, to now be almost pain free is amazing, but then the thought comes up: how in the world am I going to be able to continue to afford this wonderful thing that stops my pain with little to no side affects? Going without it means the pain will return, and that scares me.

I am however learning to direct myself to stop and I breathe when that thought and panic comes up within me. I’m learning how to focus on my breath and, take it, a moment at a time, and just get what I can, afford, when I can. The pain itself is not like any pain I’ve ever experienced. At it’s worst, the pain feels like someone just cracked open my upper back / chest wall. That’s the only way to describe it and it’s important to understand why it’s so painful at the moment.

What cancer does is deteriorates / feeds off of one’s muscles, so it’ll take time for the pain to completely go away. Recovery and improving one’s muscle strength is a very sloooow process. So strengthening my upper back muscles will take time and gentleness and it would be great, to have the money to buy what I need to keep me comfortable while, I’m getting well, but realistically, that won’t always be possible.

So it is for selfish reasons, that I don’t see ‘The Briefcase’ as exploiting people any more than our current monetary system already exploits the young and the old and the ill. In fact, every ‘system’ that we have in place, whether it be the healthcare system or the educational system, just to name a few, none of them are “Systems-of-Care”, like they should be, for, “All the People”. Instead what we have are “systems” that offer no real solutions, that, we can say are equally supportive and available for everyone.
At this point in my life my words are pretty much all I have that I am committed to, to use to somehow stand-up for the Cancer Patient because I am one. And I understand how important it is that the cancer patient be given whatever they require to be comfortable and to get well with. And it should be affordable and easily attainable for Everyone!

However, the ‘Reality’ is, within our current money system, many, many, many people are suffering in unimaginable ways. In my own small way I can relate to what it feels like to panic when you need money for treatment and for whatever reason you can’t afford it.

As a cancer patient, you wanna know what’s exploitive and offensive? The fact that we have in place a healthcare system where even when a cancer patient is terminal – meaning they’re expected to die soon — the cancer industry will herd them into yet another screening, another mammogram, another biopsy and more lab tests, all of which do nothing except to generate more profit before the patient dies.

So weighing that information up next to ‘The Briefcase’, my perspective: These types of shows will continue to be on the rise as long as poverty, hunger, war and homelessness exist because these are consequences that have manifested because of the unequal systems of abuse, that we continue to accept and allow to exist within our world.

Is the Briefcase the lesser of the evils to watch as far as ‘entertainment’ goes? Maybe. It’s all in your perspective, but, like it or not, let’s not lose perspective. ‘The Briefcase’ gives us a peak into the struggles of others, and presents an opportunity for us to see what we’re all accepting and allowing our fellow human beings to endure. So now we see, now we know, so what are we going to do to correct it?

Will we realize how the solution that will give us a chance as a Humanity to recover, and together, walk out of the manifested consequences of a failed monetary system, will require us to do, umm, to Give, Give as we’d like to Receive.

Regardless of our opinion about ‘The Briefcase’, the fact remains, people are struggling to make ends meet and the majority of us live paycheck to paycheck. It’s like all we’re doing is trying to survive, instead of discovering, the Joy in Living.

I mean, it’s important to be able to See the Problem, to Bring a Solution, and then to allow the Reward to unfold as it will in ways we’ve never seen before. So let’s be gentle and supportive of Each Other. Let’s seriously consider how and what we’re supporting within this world, like what kind of entertainment do we support? Do we support charities? And with whatever we do support, have we thoroughly investigated the profit margins and the CEO’s salaries for example?

Investigate where you give your words, your voice, your money and your support a way.

Investigate: The Solution. Investigate LIG.

Investigate:  The Proposal

For Context: Outrage Watch: Is CBS’s ‘The Briefcase’ ‘altruism porn’?

Four cancer charities scammed $187 million in donations, much of it intended for kids with cancer

Day 155: Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/believe/participate in and as the thoughts: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’ – six words that keep popping up within my mind following an image of me lowering my head and slightly rubbing my nose and pausing just as I’m sitting in front of the computer to write, where in that moment, I lose awareness of myself as breath and allowed myself to be distracted with the backchat in my head which caused me to reject myself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in that moment within me, I was rejecting myself within the starting point of self-interest and unknowingly (when I slow myself down I realize what I’m doing) I would hide within myself from me and ultimately manifest intense pain within my physical body in my upper back region.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I manipulate myself where I justify my stuckness as unimportant and act as my own bad referee where I basically sideline myself, isolate myself, and literally remove myself from being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I exist in and as resistance, my body language morphs into and as the resistance, where I cross my arms in defense and protection from others, and my right hand clutches my left hand,  basically, I hold a position of superiority while existing in and as inferiority, causing pain within my physical body, and lots of it, and secretly, I know within my mind that my physical body is showing me the tell-tale signs of my suppressed state, thus, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I slow myself down I am able to move beyond the point of resistance and thus stop the thoughts of and as my mind as the words saying to me: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’, because I see, realize and understand how the words are me and represent a point of acceptance of how in the past I’ve allowed myself to sink into and as a resistance which manifests and creates physical pain within and as my back, thus I commit myself to stop what I see, realize and understand is a point of resistance, a sort of blockage of emotions and feelings within and as my physical body,  I breathe, I earth myself here in becoming the directive principle of/as and for me in order to first change myself through self-honesty from the inside out to thus stop resistance, to thus begin to express myself as who I am, to give my all to me through gratefulness for and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the amount of self suppression I have existed as, because I see, realize and understand how this Day 155, of me walking the Journey to Life , I realize that I am only now getting started, therefore, I commit myself to see, realize and understand both the magnitude and the simplicity of making the decision to continue writing and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, because I comprehend how it is only through this Journey that I will ever come close to being who I am, as well as having the opportunity to possibly birth myself as Life from the Physical. I am grateful to/for me as my physical body for supporting me as I walk this Journey and support a World according to what’s best for All.

Join Us!

Day 122: InSIDE Hide

Once in awhile I experience pain around my left side, stomach/groin area which feels kind of like a pulled muscle, but that’s not what it is. I asked Anu for perspective about a month ago and he suggested it was a point of hiding, which made a lot of sense to me. I never investigated the point further, mostly because the pain hadn’t returned. Then today, the pain returned with a vengence. As I began to experience the pain – still in the same area of my physical body – I saw my hiding and I realized that I have always been aware of this point that I exist as, IF/WHEN, I will slow myself down and breathe, and welcome me in from hiding as who I really am as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within and as knowledge and information as energy within how I partipate within thoughts, internal conversations, reactions of and as emotions and feelings of/as positive, negative and the neutral of and as enegy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as someone who is insidious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and thus hide within feelings of shame of existing within and as knowledge and information where I hide within what I’ve learned throughout my entire life, and within that how I allow guilt to accumulate from becoming that which I’ve learned to where I become consumed to the point where I elude any chance of ever becoming aquainted with myself, because as such, I’m escaping any understanding of myself within the perception of/as being that of a particular piece of knowledge and information and where within that I forbid myself to question the very nature of myself and thus my own answers elude me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how within my ‘insidious hideouts’, I manifest formations of guilt within and as a total memory/character recall of and as my mother – how I saw her reject her physical body in how she existed in hiding within and as fear as knowledge and information – where she would become so full of shame and guilt that she would punish her physical body through smoking and/or over eating – and how I have become and lived as that mind character of entrapment as well.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the layers of my hide/flesh, I have remained unaware of how the very life substance is drained from me according to and through my participation within and as knowledge and information. Wherein every moment that I accept and allow myself to be and become separate from the words I speak of/as my mind as directed by consciousness within and as energies of/as reactions and feelings and emotions, how in that moment when I am more aware of a thought within my mind than I am of who I am within and as breath as my physical body, is the moment that I become accepting of myself as a system of/as abuse, greed, self-interest and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the inner mysteries of me as my physical body will continue to elude me until I slow down, breathe and become willing to commit myself to exploring and investigating myself from the inside out within self-honesty, no matter how ‘insidious’ who I am appears to be, for it is within my perception of ‘the ugly’ that I will release my perception of ‘the pretty’ – where the ‘insidious’ of and as that which I’ve come to accept as the perception of myself within and as self-interest exists only according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I am hiding within program manifestations of and as knowlendge and information that I am actually accepting and allowing me as my physical body to form strings of tension wherein I am actually forming patterns of degenerations within my physical body where I’m not breathing effectively and thus I manifest damage within and unto my internal organs and flesh creating pain within and as my physical body/flesh and bone.

I forgive myself for not realizing the degree of fear I have with regards to facing myself in self-honesty because I have hidden within knowledge and information in/as shame and guilt and believed that I was that.


I forgive myself for not realizing that I fear my perception that if I were to become completely self-honest that others may not like me, instead of realizing that it is only myself that I am actually fearing disappointing.

I commit myself to comprehending that the DIS in APPOINT only exists within and as the pain in ignoring the Point of Self within Forgiving self in/as Self-honesty.

I commit myself to let go of and forgive who I am as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to not fear and shame that which I’ve accepted and allowed as who I am and to instead forgive and realign and redesign myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to STOP imprinting my Physical body and Physical reality with my mind according to knowledge and information.

I commit myself to get to know the details and specifics of my Human Physical body equal to and one with who I am as my Human Physical body.

I commit myself to embrace who I am as my Physical body within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual real rebirth of Self as Life, can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty, from within and as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence, Thus, I commit myself to realizing that the actual rebirth of self as Life can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty from within and as me as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Firstly the Person in the Journey to Life must become Equal to the Mind through being able to Not Participate in the Thoughts that Arise ALL the Time, and Be Here Breathing – before the Task can be taken on to Remove the Programs in the Flesh to such a degree that eventually the Flesh will be Purified and the Person will become, in fact, the Living Flesh – and be able to Have Any Relationship or form in the Flesh without it Being the Dominant Control as Consciousness, and the Person will be in Fact the Dominion of the Flesh, with the Flesh itself Determining in Every Breath the Actuality of Life Directed, and Be Here as Life – and thus at the Death, the Person will Cross the Divide as Life and Be Everywhere as Here, Always. In this it must be Realized How Time and Flesh Functions and that the Process of First becoming Equal to the Mind and Flesh before Directive Life will be here as Self, as Principle, as Equal, will take a minimum of 7 Years of Daily Application IN EVERY Breath, but more Likely take 14 years due to the Many Times that the Directive Will will Fall to the Current Dominion of the Programs that were allowed to Become the Flesh as the Physical Mind.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 110: Regretfully Yours

A couple of times today I experienced nausea and as I looked within myself, I saw how I was revolving around a certain point. That point being regret. I was regretting my participating in/as thoughts and emotions/reaction – where a few days ago, (yes, a few days ago), I disagreed with, and questioned some comments made by my fellow destonians. Essentially, I had become the ‘how can I make it better’ memory/character of/as my mind, and as such, I had also become the ‘putting off facing the point’ character. As the point is and has always been, only me that I’m facing. Because, I see, realize and understand how the point was Not really about what ‘she said’ and/or ‘they said’, it is the point of facing me as my Ego. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts that generated reactions within a specific moment revolving around within me, all the while reasoning within myself of ways / means to, make it better – where I project / fantasize about how I’m going to ‘make it better in the future’ – instead of realizing that this is not solving, directing and/or stopping my initial reaction point – but actually only suppressing it to the point of allowing it (me as Ego), to take the stage in unexpected moments for me to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest nausea within and as me as my physical body as I accepted and allowed myself to revolve around this point in time as me avoiding facing me as who I am as Ego and thus regret – whereas I see, realize and understand that if I had slowed myself down and breathed – I would have seen within the moment how/what I was accepting and allowing myself to exist as in/as Ego.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk around in the experience of shame and sorrow because I was ashamed of myself for what I have said which has resulted in me experiencing myself within thoughts and emotions of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret because I found myself having a difficult time communicating my point with another because I was afraid of their response because I feared rejection and/or judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of myself as regret to be how I exist as and not allowing myself to move beyond regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how regret is the foundation of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not honour another as me within the actual moment where I experienced the thought/energy reaction – to stand equal and one in respect and consideration – where I regard the process of another and thus, stop the reaction within myself and confront it directly as myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how when I accept and allow internal conflict within me as my physical body through participating within it as though it is me, as who I really am, that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within and as my physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship towards another within the starting point of me as Ego – I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to react in a moment within thought and energy, instead of taking self-responsibility in the moment – I am implying that the thought and energy is more important / powerful than my physical reality – than my relationship with myself as my physical body/reality – in how I stand within who I am and my relationship with others and within my world – thus I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to make a decision within who I am to live as who I am in self-responsibility in and as every breath and create/manifest a world where together with others – equal to and one as life we express and exist according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe and to Stop myself from existing within and as Ego.

I commit myself to stop allowing conflict within and as me as my physical body and/or my world of and as me, because I see, realize and understand how within such self acceptance and allowance, is how our world becomes a life of conflict, internally and externally due to our accepting and allowing the existence, participation and so the definition of ourselves as conflict.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to reject and/or judge me except me.

I commit myself to walking with another here in physical agreement in/as honouring ourselves and each other to assist and support each other in humbleness and unconditionality to thus expand together as a group in establishing/creating better selves, thus a better world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to take responsibility for me in the moment of reaction as thought and energy as me, because I see, realize and understand how in accepting such a reaction of thought and energy allows manifested consequences created within and as this world/reality/existence, thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand how everything from the greater to the smaller defines who we are internally and externally.

I commit myself to be and become me in awareness of me as who I am as my physical body and as our physical reality, to thus as a group walk here as breath in support of a world/money system according to what’s best for All.