Tag Archive | demon

Day 165: On the take

The point I’m seeing within myself and am applying self-forgiveness for is manipulation and the extent that I have seen that I will go in how I have manipulated myself and others in my attempt at surviving within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘on the take’, where I’ve lived my life always seeking to take from what is here yet never willing to give unconditionally to all that which I believed I had the right to take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bombard myself with secret fears of giving in to the desires of my mind thus ‘taking from’ that which gives me life as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I am on the take I am willing to use, abuse and manipulate to get what I want when I want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I’m on the take I will tell you what you want to hear to try and make you trust me and then I will swoop in and thank you for giving me that which you swore you would never let go of because that’s how evil lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I’m on the take I have one goal in mind and that is that I am always looking for ways to make money and I won’t care who has to go without in order for me to reach my goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am on the take I am accepting and allowing myself to be used up within a world/money system that plays us against each other and yet we don’t realizes the odds are always in favor of the world/money system as the win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have spent my life always feeling like I had to look out for me and if that meant that I had to take from others then so be it, and within that not realizing that I was never actually living because I was constantly paying for the service of being able to live.

When and as I see myself thinking about ways to take from others instead of giving – I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that it is vital that I direct me as my mind instead of my mind directing me. Thus, I commit myself to stop existing in self-interest and greed and stop manipulating others and to instead ground myself here standing in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to facing who I am as the role that I play within our current world/money system.

I commit myself to slow myself down and stop allowing myself to rush through my life as I see, realize and understand that in my rushing I have been abusing myself and others as myself.

I commit myself to not give up on myself as I continue walking this process because I see, realize and understand how I have been manipulating myself in how I’ve been participating in thoughts of fear and frustration according to some recent pain and changes within and as my physical body.

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Day 133: Killing Blame

Walking the following the Self-forgiveness for how today, I saw myself want to blame another for something that changed how I experienced myself within my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how when I become a character/memory of and as my mind, that I not only blame others for how I experience myself but I also blame them for how things happen within my world and as such it becomes easy for me to justify my actions even if it means that I am creating hurtful consequences for another, because as long as I am benefitting from my behavior, whether it be emotional, comforting and/or of monetary benefit, I will allow that to override my sense of self-control in order to achieve what I want because it’s all about me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how as the character of blame, if I see that my behavior is no longer producing the desired results and my experience results in a negative experience, I will use that as a point of blame as well and create a protection of sorts, which is how me as my mind as consciousness protects my core beliefs and thus continues to blame others, instead of taking self-responsibility for my actions which may or may not have resulted in the consequences of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a character of blame I will find reasons why I should be excused for taking responsibility for my actions by participating in and as backchat which begin as: “so and so did this and that”, thus, I will magically put the fault elsewhere on someone else proving to myself within the perception of my ‘secret mind‘ that because of “so and so”, I couldn’t possibly be held accountable and/or responsible thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of blame, I experience pain in my upper back region which I see happens mostly after a negative energy experience where I manipulate others through polarity equations where I overemphasize the negative effects that others have had on me while overemphasizing myself which underemphasizes the negative effects that my actions have had on others and thus, I avoid taking self-responsibility for who I am and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to be and become and for how and what I am responsible for according to how our world/money system exists.

When and as I see myself wanting to/place blame onto another, I Stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to stop who I am as a character of blame and direct myself through self-corrective application to take complete responsibility for who I am, to show how I am able to move myself as my physical body in walking as self-support to realign and redesign who I am in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to divert attention away from me onto another person by blaming others for what happened not accepting and allowing myself to stand up within and as myself to take responsibility for what is here and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise or understand that as long as I am hiding behind the blame character I am tacitly accepting and allowing that which is here to continue to exist and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to what is here by allowing myself to hide behind the blame character.” ~ Esteni De Wet

Day 131: Because I Said So

Walking Self-forgiveness here for the bubbles of bullshit I heard/saw myself react as/to today to one of my children with regards to money and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as the ‘mom character‘, within the meaning of/as the words: ‘Because I said so’, I recreate my history as the patterns of/as that of the downloaded/preprogrammed mind of my parents as memories and characters and how within that I have created a relationship to/towards and with my children where I direct them according to my past experiences and as such I expect them to take responsibility for our current world/money system, instead of realizing that I’ve not yet become the living example of that which I am demanding, thus, I commit myself to Stop projecting my fear of the future onto my children and to first become a living example of what it is to stand in support of and as All Life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how from within the starting point of fear of our current world/money system, I expect my children to make decisions based upon what’s best for All and to act accordingly and when they don’t, I become frustrated to/toward them, giving way to reasons for them to exist toward me in/as patterns of guilt, resentment and hate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that I am actually seeing within them that which I in fact exist as, because I’ve not yet lived, breathed through and become a practical living example of that which I say I stand as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how because my mother used the words, ‘because I said so’, within a point of authority towards me, I have thus become the same pattern and have even inserted a belief of my own as that of Equality, instead of being equal to and one as a living example of Equality, thus, I see within my children that which I exist as according to that of an authority figure as a belief within a pattern of and as my mind as consciousness, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within judgment, anger and frustration to/towards my children I attempt to force an experience upon them as an idea that I have within my mind of what it is to be a living example of taking self-responsibility for All life within our current world/money system, therefore, I commit myself to stop reacting and start directing myself with patience within and as self-corrective application according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have Not directly lived as and realized who I am within and as responsibility to all living beings because I’ve never known anything physically different from that which currently exists as that of our current world/money system – which accepts and allows abuse and death upon those who have no money and/or no ways and means of acquiring money – thus, I forgive myself for creating an experience within my mind of how one is suppose to act when one is responsible to and as All living beings and for projecting that unto my children and my world, thus, I commit myself to face me in self-honesty and to Stop projecting future presentations because I see, realize and understand that we cannot know who we will be if we don’t yet know we are, and that we’ve never yet known before who we are Equal and One as All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have participated in backchat of how my children should listen to me because I am their mom and because ‘I said so’, then, they should ‘do as I say’, thus, I commit myself to stop participating in and as backchat and stop deManding that my children be anything less than who they really are as Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied within my own imagination and literally lost sight of myself here as breath as living the example of that which I am requesting of others within my world/reality/existence thus, I commit myself to remain aware of who I am breathing here in self-honesty walking this life for and as/in support of a world where life will no longer be a struggle and instead be one where all living beings are given that which is best for All as a Life of Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in/as the character of ‘because I said so’, I attempt to make my children ‘feel guilty’ by reminding them how I have assisted them financially and when that doesn’t get me my desired result, I will scold them with blame and instill in them the fear of possible future consequences if they don’t do as I said, ‘because I said so’, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating my children and to stop giving/assisting them within the expectation of receiving something in return, to instead, give within the realization of self as living as an example of equality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically nauseous within what I see is a resistence to letting go of the belief that children should honor they father and mother, thus, in self-honesty, I commit myself to understand and show how honor to/of and as Life is only possible within a world where All living beings are given the ability to exist here according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see/hear myself blowing bubbles of nonsense toward my children as empty words that are of no substance except as that which seeks to control, I Stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to face who I am within the bubbles of bullshit patterns of memories and characters of and as my mind to thus forgive myself and correct myself as being worthy of standing in support of and as Life in and as Equality.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the Knowledge we teach our Children, teach Nothing about How to Live as Equals, but only Perpetuate the Hate that is Covered in Love of Inequality and the Self Glorification of Ignorance as thought, emotion and feeling, seeking to Gain the Upper Hand, the Righteousness of Knowledge, while that which Contain All things Ever, which is Life, is Denied.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 46: The Devil and The Angel On My Shoulder

Today my partner and I had to spend most of our day in the city. At the last moment we decided to stop for a salad at a Deli we’ve not been to in 3 months, even though it’s always been a favorite place of ours to eat. The Deli sits atop about 30 concrete steps and as I reached the top and entered the Deli, I became aware of how I was having a negative energetic experience of myself.

Immediately I began to ask myself what thought was I in that I was allowing my mind to be, because I’ve proved to myself through lessons in Desteni I Process that participation in thought, equals the direction of ones energy.

So as I walked past the table where we sat the last time we were there, I realized how I saw myself as actually walking my past as my future in that moment. I then realized how within myself, I was pretending to not see and understand how I was confronting myself, all the while actually knowing exactly what was going on within me.

I made my way to the counter and lost breath inmyself so my partner assisted in ordering for me as I made an excuse to go to the restroom. When I entered the facility I noticed an experience of movement within my solar plexus as well as an odd anxiety and I was strangely aware of the fact that I was resisting to face that which I feared within what I already knew.


I also realized something interesting in that my fear was talking to me as my secret mind, giving me reasons through rapid thoughts for how and why I was experiencing myself, and at that point, I just stood there, still, and focused on my breathing.

In less than a minute I made my way out of the restroom and slowly fixed my salad when I remembered an interview by Anu that I hadn’t heard yet called, “Reptilians – My fear companion – Part 44”, and, I was grateful I had my MP3 player with me because I was ready to hear it during our drive home. As it turned out, the interview, was the perfect assistance.

My partner and I sat down and began to eat and as we began to talk, I noticed how what my partner was saying seemed to be going on and on, and within my solar plexus was a rising of what was an emotional desire to burst into tears. That was actually the very support I required to shake me up because I rarely experience myself anymore within such a reaction.
I saw how the point was laid out before me and I knew that what was happening was definitely a self-created pattern of/as an emotional reaction, and I knew that I had to stop it.

And that’s what I did, I breathed and directed myself to investigate, and I asked myself if the fear I was existing as was actually serving me in any way whatsoever? NO!

I realized then, how, the last time we had eaten at the Deli was 9 days before my brother died. It was also when I was physically sick as well, and I had experienced a similar anxiety during our visit to the Deli that day because of me existing within and as fear of loss/death. Exposing the fear, and sharing with my partner my realization and self-forgiveness, assisted my physical body to release from anxiety within.

Join us and prove for yourself who you are walking the Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a unconscious thought pattern within a mind construct/pattern of anxiety creating an energetic experience of myself where thought participation equals the direction of/as energetic polarities of good/bad, positive/negative and right/wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk past myself as who I am as breath, as I pretended to not know who I am because of the fear of facing my knowing in the detail of what I exist of/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid going into the details of my life and history and walking into my mind as a consciousness system because I fear what I’ve deliberately hid from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an unconscious emotional reaction/memory/pattern manifestation in my physical body as energy that is intertwined within the mind as well as the physical, where fear is the devil and the angel on one’s shoulder. (For further perspective download @ Eqafe: “Reptilians – My fear companion – Part 44“)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue borrowing tomorrow within a mind set living in fear of the future – instead of realizing that anything to do with the future exist within the point of manipulating and controlling the human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how fear is so taxing that one doesn’t want to move themselves outside their current familiar fear based comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the emotional feeling energy in/as ‘fear of loss’ – instead of realizing that one is already experiencing ‘loss of self’ lived in fear of and as a mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that to justify our behaviour patterns gives us the cause for our fears.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to breathe life into bullshit quotes such as: “We never understand how little we need in this world until we know the loss of it” – which actually projects us to live out our fate within a world in polarity where there are the ‘Haves’ and the ‘Have Nots’ – instead of standing together as a group in support of a system accepting of and as all living beings.

I commit myself to comprehend and stand in taking self-responsibility in self-honesty for who I am within what I’ve accepted and allowed as my actions and creations as self, where I will walk in and as an ability to respond to my environment and society, and hold them equal and one to and as an expression of/as self supporting a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to supporting a system of Equality where the greatest freedom is the greatest choice of/in giving the quality of life to/for All Life, according to what’s best for all.

Please Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance regarding Angels, Devils, Heaven & Hell and Creation as Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 7: What has ‘Life’ Become?

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 9: I Am War

Heaven’s Journey to Life – As Within = So Without: DAY 12

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 3: Resistance to Change

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 5: In the Beginning was God

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 11: Demonic and Angelic Possession

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?

Day 17: At the End of the Day it’s Always about Money Part 2

Forgiving me possessed in/as Money

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed within me a point of mind possession in and as a point of polarity with regards to having/saving/losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not know who/what I am without money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not remember a time in my life when money wasn’t important and where/when I began to accept/allow and define/value parts of myself throughout my whole life into and as money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry to/towards myself when I spend to much money on things that I realize later are unnecessary and thus in my anger lash out to/towards my partner in spite and blame as if my experience of myself is my partners fault.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become an automated system through which I create and manifest friction to generate an energetic experience in and as myself within my relationship wherein my starting point within the energetic experience/relationship is self-interest motivated.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed my relationship to manifest within a dependency of/as my own fear of survival in/as an energetic outflow of wants/needs/desires wherein I through friction would be able to get from the relationship what I required in order to continue to fuel an already accepted entity/possession of myself through utilizing positive/negative and neutral points as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to see how money has controlled every decision I make within this world where fear of survival controls our every move without our even realizing it because we’ve locked ourselves so deep into and as the very core of inequality.


I forgive myself for the anger and blame I’ve held against myself for how I’ve accepted and allowed greed to manifest a world full of crime and atrocity.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that to walk away from the facts of what’s really going on here will make me feel better when in fact I become more suppressed in and as guilt and denial of who I am within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m not able to make a difference in this world so why not just give up when I know for sure that I’m not able to turn myself back into what I was before I began to see the truth of me in all that is here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for those who are struggling and suffering and/or starving when I see and realize that feeling sorry for them will assist no one in stopping what is here and that in order to stop how this world exists – I must first stop and direct myself in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop the personalities and fears within my mind so that I may correct and restore myself and this world to how it is suppose to be before we as the human arrived and screwed up everything.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself within my worshipping of the money God and to assist myself in realizing that life here in Equality can and will come to be through self-corrective application of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-honesty.

I commit myself to standing up for a world that I don’t yet know of which is one where all living beings will no longer suffer and one where food is in abundance for everyone and earth’s resources are for the benefit of All.

I commit myself to realizing that the memory of where I’ve been and who I’ve been will play no part in who and how I am in standing up for and as all life here equal and one.

I commit myself to recreate money as the root of all evil as the root of life that we may realize that it is not about what we create, it is about what value we give what we create and thus we can give money the value of life equally and use it as the way to bring to each other what is best for all life. Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to the establishment of love on earth in the only form that it is in fact love, the form that is best for all life in every way. Bernard Poolman

For further perspectives with regards to relationships and/or money visit: Creation’s Journey to Life