Tag Archive | demon

Day 279: When you say nothing at all

Wanting to blame my partner for how I experience myself is unacceptable, but I want to nonetheless. The thoughts in my head tell the story of how “he” doesn’t have anything to say to me that hasn’t been said a hundred times before. And the thought that comes forth from there is ‘that’s what happens when you’ve been with someone for 22 years’.  As I continue to investigate I realize there’s really something else going on…

When I participate in specific thoughts, an energy arises from within me that begins in the pit of my stomach and ever so slowly moves upward toward my head region. For a moment there is a slight energetic excitement and I realize how within my mind, I want to say something to my partner. I want to tell him how to be and how he should act toward me. I want him to validate me so I can stop ‘feeling bad’ about myself and I mean, how strange is it really to desire such attention and control over another person…

As I stop and breathe,  I realize I’ve been here before.  The experience of self pity is a negative emotion and as I investigate deeper I see how I feel physically and mentally tired – which makes sense considering how when I participate in certain thoughts like, ‘why doesn’t he say something’, how that stimulates and or triggers the emotion of self pity which in itself seeks to reach for some kind of self validation.

why do i feel so badThe thing is, self pity keeps me stuck in a pit within myself. It’s like a pit stop within where I hold myself within a sort of a gut wrenching fear. The fear to look on, to investigate who I am, to continue to READ the story, My Story. To see who I am within what I’m accepting and allowing within my fear to face All of me. As I continue to investigate I am able to see where and when I began to ‘feel bad‘…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for being the reason for me having a negative experience of myself when what’s going on within me actually has nothing at all to do with how my partner is or isn’t behaving.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it’s not always the emotion of self pity that is the source point but actually the outflow consequence of the actual source point which is the ‘feeling bad’ emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a relationship with myself wherein I attack myself within my mind within self judgment statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surrender myself to self judgment as the thought comes up about myself of, ‘I’m not living up to my full potential‘, and for accepting and allowing myself to become the ‘feeling bad’ emotion through participating in thoughts of self judgment which activates the’ self pity emotion’ and for what follows, which is ‘when’ I begin to seek validation, attention and / or recognition from someone and /or something outside myself such as in this instance, where I began to project frustration and anger to / towards my partner.

When and as I see myself having thoughts that are self judging, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to see this as a red flag for me to know it’s time to direct myself, to in self honesty investigate what it is that’s coming up within me that’s creating the ‘energy of feeling bad’ which is actually using my own mind against myself.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I manipulate myself through self judgment and self pity, what I’m doing is reacting to my own mind, where I use whatever thoughts necessary to distract myself, even if it means blaming others, just so long as I don’t have to face who I am as the story and the characters/personalities that I have lived my entire life as.

I commit myself to stop abdicating myself as Life through self judgment, manipulation, blame and self pity.

I commit myself to remain aware of and so Stop abusing myself deliberately through self judgment, which activates feeling bad emotions and me feeling sorry for myself, which leads to the self pity energy.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how to stop and change my relationship to self pity through stopping my participation in the ‘feeling bad’ reaction moment within myself.

I commit myself to utilize my memories as reference points to find when and where and why and towards who or what is it that the ‘feeling bad’ energy keeps activating from and ultimately producing the self pity energy.

I commit myself to let go of the energy of feeling bad and self pity.

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“I suggest, if you can Find it in you – you’re going to have to Look Very Deep to Find this: That you DO STOP, and Start your Process. It is Inevitable. You’re not going to get Away. There is No place to Hide. Every Single Energy, Every Single Thought, Every Single Thing you have EVER, in ANY WAY Conceived – leave a ‘Mark’, in your Book of Life. Make sure – it’s Worth Reading. Because, if it’s Not: There’s going to be a Consequence, and you can’t just ‘Wipe it Out’. You can Only take Responsibility for it through Self-Forgiveness, and from that perspective ‘Delete it’, in as much as, it will No Longer be the ‘You’ that will Create the Future – but, it will be the ‘You’ in the Past. And therefore you will Live in the ‘Present’, in every Moment – Living, Presenting, Being part of That which is Best for All, Always, which is what “Present” encompass, the HERE.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 268: Demonizing the Poor

For Context: America’s Poor Are Demonized To Justify Huge Cuts in Gov’t Prgrams

Have you ever noticed how rarely the topic of ‘Poverty’ is discussed publicly, especially within the political arena and mainstream media? I guess it makes sense that the rich and famous wouldn’t want to talk about poverty or starvation – because bringing an awareness to the reality that poverty does actually exist and,  is how life is experienced on earth – could prove rather disastrous for those already in power.

What I’ve noticed is how the topic of poverty and income inequality is ever so-lightly being thrown around amongst the Democratic and Republican Parties, but it seems to be only a means in which to keep the numbness to the topics intact…

It’s strange because we’re demonizing poverty,  like for instance just today, in the United States, the Department of Labor reported that more people than ever are giving up on finding work. This gives us the impression that people are lazy and don’t want to work and in this we begin to demonize those who end up living below the poverty line…
poverty
A Quote from this article puts it this way: “The odd way our unemployment statistics work, makes the number the newspapers report go down.

Because when a few hundred thousand people say: ‘All right, I give up, it is so hopeless, I will never find a job,’ that, curiously, results in the unemployment number going down because the number that gets reported in the papers is a measure of a percentage of how many of the people looking for work are unable to find it.”

We talk about Income inequality without looking for a permanent Solution for the alarming and ever so-growing number of people who are living below the poverty line.   It’s time that each one of us – no matter who we are or where we live – that we start asking ourselves ‘how much longer we’re willing to continue to support the rich’? And to instead, begin to Support Each Other.

I’ve been guilty of demonizing the poor, but as I’ve looked closer at the point,  I’ve realized my demonizing the poor existed in pictures in my mind of what/how I ‘thought’ Poverty looked like,  but honestly, I had no real clue what being poor looked like in real life.  I certainly didn’t comprehend how close a middle-class family is to living below the poverty line.   Hell, I watched my mom and dad punch the time clock on their run at surviving and the only thing that’s changed is that there are fewer jobs now than there was then.

The one thing that we can be sure of is that we’re going to have to keep racing the clock to make money or we’ll die, because life is NOT free.  That means that we’re going to have to work every day to get that paycheck and then when we get it,  we’re terrified because we realize we’re almost broke and we just got paid.

So times are hard and of course we want to work because we want/need to eat and so the days of assuming folks are lazy because they don’t have a job simply isn’t true and, if we’re lucky enough to have a job, then we should consider ourselves as one of the elite.  One of the elite because in order for us to have, there have to be those who have not. That’s a hard one to swallow but deep within me, I finally get that there is no excuse for accepting and allowing income inequality and poverty and starvation and war to exist in any way whatsoever.  Because at the end of the day what’s happening is, we’re fighting against each other – while the rich and the famous reap the rewards from our insanity/acceptance/actions.

So, Let’s Stop killing ourselves trying to survive within our Current Broken Money System and let’s begin to Support each other as a Group. Let’s see how strong we are together and change the system, because our strength is in how many of us there are.

Let’s come together and Investigate the Solution to Income Inequality and Poverty, Let’s investigate and Guarantee a Living Income to Everyone.

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Day 418: Basic Income Can Save Capitalism

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Fear of Commitment (Part Three): DAY 441

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to within this see, realise and understand to what extent my Mind/me within and as it was “closed, isolated and separated” from everything/everyone else within this existence – to the extent where I would not have within and as my existent thinking-processes/reasoning skills been able to question and so investigate ‘who I am within me/my life and my relationship to all that is here’. Therefore exposing the extent to which our thinking/reasoning and even seeing/consideration and regard for ourselves and others is limited/locked-in and caged into and as the confines of our own Consciousness – not leaving any room/space for anything/anyone other than our own Self Interest of wants, needs and desires.

I commit myself to assist and support self to change myself from Consciousness-confinement in the Mind, to and as expanding my Self-Awareness into and as Physical equality and oneness – within this process, to see/realise/understand how ‘oneness’ already exist in that we’re all physically here in this physical existence, however Equality within that Oneness does not yet exist, because we’re all individually separate in our own Minds/Consciousness – competing for our wants, self-interest and greed instead of sharing, consideration/regard and giving to others as we would to ourselves. Therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to practically in moments where I see I am thinking only of MY WANT and not what is best for everyone – to stop and change, to become more aware of the consequence MY WANTS create not only for me, but for others as well.” ~ Sunette Spies

 

 

Day 175: Voice of Influence

continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head! 
Day 172: Belittling Voices
Day 173: Money Hungry Voice of Delusion
Day 174: Is This Really Life? –
Continuing here with self-forgiveness with regards to the characters/personalities that I gave energy to as the voices in my head when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs. What I’ve noticed is resistance in how me as my mind does not want to continue investigating and walking this point through in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

Thus, I commit myself to continue this process of self-directive principled writing to give back to myself the responsibility of myself and the creation of what we have accepted and allowed as the mind of/as energy according to our world/money system to thus take self-responsibility to stand up together to redesign who we are according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I reacted towards my daughter when she asked me to buy her a pack of cigs – where instead of actually hearing her – I heard the voices in my head – that I didn’t see/realize and understand how they triggered a negative energetic experience from/of my past which is and has always been directly linked to money according to how money was defined by my parents as the personalities that they lived their life as, which I copied/duplicated/imitated and completely gave into as my own internal energetic experience, where I have become an identical personality in how I will fight for my so-called-right to survive within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react not only to the words but to the sound of my daughter’s voice when she asked me to spend money on her, where in that split moment when she asked her question – I pulled back inside myself, as if I had just fallen back in time – where I became the victim of myself as my past as the negative energy experience I believed I had when I was 17, pregnant and needing food and feeling scared, lonely and abolished from my family into a world where I had no clue how to actually take care of myself and within that, I forgive myself for the fact that all I wanted to do in that moment was make someone suffer for the feelings of fear that I experienced which I’d long forgot were still a part of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold my past against myself and others, where I have locked myself into and as various masks as character and personalities – negative energetic experiences of guilt and displaced anger and positive energetic experiences where I took another’s feelings for granted in order to have a moment for/of myself within a feeling of well being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my parents for who they became and for what they accepted and allowed because of money and trying to survive within this world because I see, realize and understand how easy it is to become preoccupied and separate oneself from the reality of the physical, and how the functioning and the consequences of energy experiences conditions one to not want to see, to not want to believe what one is capable of becoming in and as self-interest and greed.

When and as I see myself in a situation with regards to money, where I am reacting towards others as a negative energetic feeling experience – where I see that I am judging their influence as being the reason for how I’m experiencing myself – I stop, I breathe – instead I direct myself to realize that money is/has been a stronghold, our means of survival and that lashing out and seeking to ‘get one over’ on someone else in order that I might have a positive energy experience of myself is NOT the solution, that the solution requires a coming together of us all as a group, to constitute an agreement amongst us as neighbors, where we no longer allow suffering of any kind to any living being, thus, I see, realize, understand the importance of and thus support an Equal Money System.

I commit myself to walk any and all resistance to change of and as self due to the characters/personalities and fears I have existed as with regards to our current world/money system. I commit myself to breathe and let go of the perception of the need to have and be more than my neighbor.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself within a situation where I’m aware that money is the motivator, I stop, I breathe – to within myself reference this moment here in establishing for myself a point of self-trust. Trust that I will breathe and in self-honesty, I will direct myself to stand/walk and stop any and all relationships of separation within myself/ as my mind, to thus establish who I am from here as I stand up and walk as the solution through living my decision to support life according to what’s best for all – to hereby redesign and transform our world/money system together into one that cherishes the dignity of all living beings.

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Day 174: Is This Really Life?

continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!
Day 172: Belittling Voices
Day 173: Money Hungry Voice of Delusion
Ok, so, I know for sure that money and the amount that I have of it determines how I experience myself. It determines how I feel about myself and it determines the various personalities I become and the extent of fear that I exist as.

No matter what, I cannot escape the effect that money has on me because I’ve become it. I mean, money is just a piece of paper. It’s me that gives money the power to control me.

I am the Money God nestled snug in rug and comfortable when I have enough of it and when I’m broke or about to be, I become a peddling Money Demon Devil. It’s a hell of a way to exist either way because I’m always existing in self-interest. Always looking out for my own survival. Always existing in fear of not having enough or the fear that I’ll lose what I have.

And always reacting and having energetic experiences that I accept and allow for myself that are either positive and negative. Both of which manifest in through and as every relationship I’ve every had. Whether that be with my partner, my children, my coworkers, my siblings and last but not least, my parents.

When I first started out on my own, it wasn’t unusual for me to have to ask my mom for some money to help buy groceries or put gas in my car. She didn’t make asking her for money easy, and I hated every minute of it because standing before her and asking for money was like standing before God. First she would tell me how broke she was and I never believed it because her idea of broke and my idea of broke were not the same. When I said I was broke it meant that I had Nothing in my bank account. When she said she was broke, I knew for a fact it meant she was down to her last few thousands because when she wasn’t looking, I looked at her checkbook balance.

Money makes you sneaky as a fox and just as manipulative as a hyena. Well, it’s not money per se, it US, it’s how and what we accept as our current money system. It’s who and what characters and personalities we become in our quest to earn money to live out the nonsense we allow.

Finally, after almost an hour of explaining to my mom how important it was that she loan me some money til payday, she would inevitably pull out a couple of $20 dollar bills or a $50 dollar bill out of her handbag and insist that I return her the money the moment that I cashed my check on payday. I remember the voices in my head even now that I had back then as I walked away: “I knew it, I knew she wasn’t broke”, “Why does she lie like that”. You can be sure that my phone was ringing off the wall on payday to make sure I had not forgotten my debt.

I know when my children ask me for money they feel the same way toward me as I felt toward my mom. I mean, I honestly don’t have as much money in my pocket book as my mom had back when I was asking for money. However, I hear my child’s sigh of relief from not breathing the whole time their asking me for money. I remember how that felt and yet, the Power of my God as Money has had the power to control me.

My mom used to say: Sis, we’ve worked hard to have what we have, and you’re going to have to learn to do the same. I remember how crazy that sounded and I would ask myself why in the hell is life supposed to be about working for money!

A couple of days ago, I went to a physical therapy appointment. I was sitting in the waiting room and sitting next to me was a couple who were talking to a woman that was sitting beside them. They were in their middle 70’s and I know that because they said so.

They begin to talk about how once a month they go and do something they’ve never done before, like for instance they just got back from a two week cruise. They said they deserved it because they had not only raised their 2 children but they had also raised one of their 20 grandchildren. They went on to say how they refused to feel bad that they just didn’t have the patience to spend much time with their great grandchildren because ‘they had worked hard their hole lives’ and how now, it was ‘their turn’. It was at that point that I asked them if they were concerned for how their grandchildren and great grandchildren will make it in our world, the way it is within the struggle to survive in our current money system?

Their answer was an astounding NO!  They said: “Hey, we had to work hard for what we have and it won’t hurt them to do the same”. The woman continued with saying how her husband worked the same blue collar job for 45 years by putting one foot in front of the other one day at a time. Sure it was tough she said, but that’s just how life is. They both forced a smile as she grabbed her cane and him his and they both, with great effort, stood up and waddled out of the building.

I no longer buy what the American dream is pushing. I no longer accept that that’s how life is supposed to be because obviously the dream isn’t a dream, it’s real and the majority of us are living and breathing it every single day.  It’s The Story of US – our accepted and allowed enslavement.  Time for a new Story and it’s time to Stand Up and take responsibility for how our world exists and is ruled by money – instead of making ourselves believing we ‘deserve’ this or that.   Life itself  and how we have defined it and lived it deserves redefining according to what’s best for All.

Investigate Equal Money

Day 173: Money Hungry Voice of Delusion

continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!

Day 172: Belittling Voices

Ok, continuing here to investigate the characters/personalities that I gave energy to as the voices in my head when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs – I can already see the depth of my ego as it flows from the innermost fabric of who I am according to the almighty dollar. Therefore,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I become when the mention of money triggers a multitude of personalities within and as my mind, where at the mere mention of money my mind takes a negative energy experience of myself and utilizes energy as a spring board of sorts to catapult myself further into and as my mind further into the depths of who I am as ego – where I slip myself right into and as a suit of authority with green-bac$ positioning all the way with survival secretly on my mind as I reach for a positive feeling experience – while I protect the who I am as ego because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that nothing I can ever do will ever change who I am – all the while not realizing that in that moment of breath, as I imagined myself having a grandiose experience of authoritative nature, I never noticed the tone of the money hungry voice of delusion in my head, secretly speaking to my daughter’s request first with the words: “you have got to be kidding me” – where instead of actually hearing/seeing/realizing/understanding the fear in the constant state of struggle that exists within the lives of people within our current world/money system – I’m to busy accepting the fear of who I am and sugar coating it within and as who I am as ego, because that’s how I avoid taking self-responsibility for the role that I play within our world which is ravished daily according to the rules of a Capitalistic Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely deny how money is my hook, line and sinker,  where according to money and how much or how little I have of it, I will take myself from a negative to a positive experience as hopelessness to powerful all within multiple dimensions of/as delusions in and as my mind – where I secretly allow the voices in my head to direct who I am and what decisions I make because I have never had the courage to face all of me, to see, realize and understand every detail of my being, to direct myself in self-honesty, to change the very nature of who I am to one where the voices in my head stop within the movement of forgiveness as self in and as a practical physical living of/as self, according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the delusional voices in my head that lead me to imagine that when I experience energy whether positive or negative that it must be a real experience that I can call my own – when the fact is my relationship to energy as experience is and has always been on borrowed time,  no different from borrowing moneyin that there will always be a debt to be paid  – where the more we take from the life of others in accepting and allowing pain and suffering, the more in-debt to and as life we become.

When and as I see myself in a situation where one of my children for instance, are asking me for money, and in my head I hear a voice that beats to the tone of sarcasm as my mind enters what seems like warp speed and I barely notice that I am imagining myself as someone who is a voice of authority and power,  because that’s who I make myself believe I am when it comes to money – because that gives me an experience in my mind that I’m in control of my life when in fact I am completely aware that we in fact have No control within our abusive world/money system, a SYSTEM that WE accept and allow, I stop, I breathe – instead I direct myself to see, realize and understand that the rules of our current world/money system are ones that WE have accepted and allowed without considering the fact that WE are constantly setting ourselves up to fail, thus, I commit myself to show how it is I / WE who decide who we are and I commit myself to remain standing until the last tear drop falls and we’ve had enough, where we see, realize and understand and are willing to push ouselves to change the very nature of who we are through self-forgiveness –  to thus become aware of the patterns that bind us, so we can be prepared and willing to re-design ourselves and our current world/money system to one that supports ALL life according to what’s best for all,  to bring an end to the dis-ease of the human psyche, and manifest Heaven on Earth, with the first step being that of Equal Money.

I commit myself to show that the patterns of our mind is the fear that binds us and keeps us in our constant pace to survive and how fear is absolutely Not necessary, that the nature of the human is constantly limited by and through our abusive money system to such an extent that we can’t even meet ourselves coming or going thus time just drags on and on, thus, it’s TIME  to  STOP and SUPPORT EQUAL MONEY.

I commit myself to re-design myself according to what’s best for all in realizing that money does Not have to be the spark that inflames us where we become evil and greedy and irresponsible to those who are without it.

I commit myself to assist ourselves as a humanity to give to ourselves that which all other beings of life comprehend,  the gift of LIFE for each One with Equal Money.

Day 172: Belittling Voices

Continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!

So, when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs, I immediately reacted within myself and basically thrusted my inner reactions upon my physical world/reality/existence as I projected anger and spite through me as my physical body and all over anyone and everything within the path of me.

I mean, that’s how we are as our mind. It’s quite insane and our relationship to money keeps the insanity going, so much so that we don’t even stop to question why and how come we are what we accept and allow as our mind directing us?

There is definitely something going on here and it’s high time we sit our asses down, breathe and begin to understand why and how it is that we think, feel and act/behave the way we do.  Visit: Desteni I Process Lite and Learn Practical Life Skills Online Free!

Everything we are and every relationship we’ve ever had has been programmed into us, including Money, (Watch: Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century). So, I’m beginning to understand the seriousness of our life here on Earth.  How the ‘issue of money’ changes, shapes and guides me to the very core of my being. And, I am absolutely no longer willing to accept and allow myself to be the slave of my own mind with money as my living God all the while continuing down the same road paved in my own shit made from my own personal self-interest and greedy nature…

(Watch: Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century)
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how the very nature of who I am begins within the context of ‘what if‘s and ends within the context of fear of running out of money’, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed inner conflict within myself where when my daughter asked me to get her a pack of cigs, I saw myself fighting a losing battle, where within myself I was teetering between a negative reaction/experience  in fear of going without/self-interest, and a positive reactio/experience of wanting to validate myself within an idea of me as super mom/self-interest, all the while within my mind was this image/thought that resembled an expression I saw many times upon my own mother’s face years ago when I would ask her for money and she would respond: ‘it seems like you only come to see me when you need money’, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as the force that drives me as my mind in the direction of and as energy experiences as thoughts, internal conversations/backchat and reactions of emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character who is virtually my mother, meaning in how I move how she moved and I speak and express myself in and as the same fears as she spoke and expressed herself, even down to the point of how she overlooked the fact of how making money and having it, is, was and has always been considered as the most valid of All Human Motivation, in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a living expression of/as that which my mother suppressed the most as the fear of not being in control of and thus not having enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this energy within me that wants to strike back is in fact a force of energy as money within me as my mind where I become it as I continue to participate and support the multitude of nonsense and constant abuse within and as our current world/money system,  how as I become the energy that moves the voices in my head where I accept and allow myself to belittle people, where I’m spiteful, aggressive and tense towards another to the point of deliberately saying hurtful words at them – which always results in me taking a guilt trip where I try desperately to protect myself from having a negative experience by imagining myself as being ‘better than’- yet my aim to belittle another to make myself feel better within my mind as the get up and go to spark a positive experience for myself by boosting my ego leaves me ‘bitter within’ – while the real issue of self-interest, ego and greed as I have defined myself according to and exist as goes unnoticed and untouched and I remain unable to stand as a point of accountability, self-responsibility and stability for the role that I play in how I manifest, create and support our current world/money system.  I commit myself to stop, to breathe.

When and as I see myself within a situation where one of my children asks me to buy them something and/or to loan them money, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that this is sore-spot, a point where I have overreacted and accepted and allowed inner conflict over and over – the same as fighting a losing battle where I continue to cover up/veil/camouflage the real issue – which is me facing me as good vs evil/,  the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other – not realizing that the conflict of self splitting self is merely me accepting who I am under the direction of the mind as consciousness which is always motivated in fear, self-interest and greed – thus, I commit myself to take a stand in self-honesty and common sense, to see, realize and understand that this is not about being good/bad and/or right and/or wrong, this is about what is BEST FOR ALL, and that all I can do is what I can do within this moment of breath in self-honesty, thus, if I’m able to assist then so be it – that there is never a cause for putting self-interest before all in the name of survival, profit and/or greed, and that spite and belittling is a bitter form of resistance to/of life itself, which keeps self from taking self-responsibility for what I’ve accepted and allowed within and as our world/reality/existence – that what matters is LIFE according to what’s BEST FOR ALL, therefore, I commit myself to walk in awareness in realizing that when it comes to matters of money, (which is entangled in everything and everyone), I must walk as the directive principle of me in and as diligence, self-accountability,  patience and stability in remaining self-honest and consistent in my application of support of the solution for LIFE as Equal Money.

Day 171: Voices in my Head!


I have some serious issues existing within me when it comes to money. It’s true, not only can I no longer deny it, I’m quite sick of it, literally. Here’s what gets me all riled up. My youngest daughter calls to ask me if I will stop tomorrow on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs because she’s spending her last few dollars on some Tylenol for her daughter who’s suffering from allergies.

So, why did I react in a rather pissy tone of voice and practically hang up on her? Here’s the thing: I’ve not really spoken to her today, only early this morning.  So when she called and I realized her reason for calling was about money, I immediately heard this voice in my head that said: “she only calls when she wants something”, followed by a string like sentence of: “or when she needs something from me which coincidently requires spending and/or loaning her money”. And there is the point!

Money brings out the demonic voices in my head that I have long accepted and allowed as who I am. So much so that I become spiteful, resentful, hateful, stressful and obviously ‘full’ of all kinds of shit.

So, what the hell is really going on within me and why do I react? I already see how my reaction response time is slower than the process that is actually taking place within and as my mind, thus my reaction is so automated that I barely realize that I’ve completely missed the thought/image and imagination dimension as I skip to the beat of backchat and react where I literally become the voices in my head!

Money is the catalyst that accelerates the voices/backchat in my head and the reactions and so much more because I accept and allow it to. I make money my God and when I have money it makes me ‘feel’ like a God over others. It’s a rather sick egotistical trip within the religion of self.

I mean, when I stop and breathe, I realize that I don’t really care a rat’s ass about having to assist my children, however, that is Not what me as my Mind is saying!  Me as my mind is a greedy manipulator and I realize the importance of investigating and understanding how the mind function. Because obviously it’s directing US ALL the f***ing time and it’s time we direct ourself as our mind to see who we can be as a humanity in self-honesty.

I’ve walked the Journey of Life long enough to know that when I react in any way to anyone, I absolutely have to bring the point back to myself. Because how we act and who we become is ALWAYS ONLY ABOUT SELF!

In the blogs to come, I will continue to investigate how money is the tool we use to keep us enslaved to and as our mind as consciousness and thus enslaved to an abusive world/money system.