When I find myself reacting as I did this evening, where I experience backchat/thoughts within the perception that someone isn’t ‘acting’ right and/or they aren’t ‘communicating’ effectively with me (which is what I tend to project onto my partner), I see how I ‘automatically’ throw my hands in the air and say out loud, ‘I’m Done‘, and/or I will remain quiet, but within my mind, I will play out the act of throwing my hands in the air and saying ‘I’m Done’!
This character is how I sabotage myself into believing that I am the victim and then it’s as if I can here the song playing – ‘somebody done me wrong’ – within that I will give myself permission to withdraw into myself and pout.
What is really going on within me when I accept and allow myself to act/behave/become this character, is that I’m actually giving up on my relationship with myself. I let me as my mind as consciousness direct me instead of me facing myself in self-honesty and stopping how and what I’m accepting and allowing and participating within and as. Thus, I project the outflow of emotions from my participation onto whoever is in the path of my self-sabotage, which is usually my partner. This cause to withdraw is one of many lines of dance which I use to separate me from who I am as my physical body within and as this physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within the belief that when I don’t get my way that I am the victim to somebody doing me wrong, therefore, I will withdraw into myself and hide, pout, shut down and blame another (my partner) as being the reason for why I have the ‘right’ to sit and stew in and as my mind and stop participating within what’s real as our physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score within polarity emotion/feeling energies of negative and positive – where when I’m having a negative experience of myself I will look to my partner to fix me by giving me attention and/or communicating with me in a way that will assist me to have a positive experience of myself and, if my partner doesn’t assist me in changing my experience of myself, I will blame him as not communicating and/or acting right and, if he doesn’t respond again, I will play my song of somebody done me wrong and will withdraw within myself in silence, as if to punish my partner when what I’m actually doing is accepting and allowing me as my mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings to rule who I am, and within that, I am suppressing and manifesting pain, illness and disease within and as me as my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is only me that I am ever actually having a relationship with in and as my mind and, until and when I forgive, correct and become a living example of self-responsibility in/as self-honesty to/as all life here, I will be unable to have an effective relationship/agreement within anyone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and love from others when I’ve never been willing to slow down, breathe, validate and love myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mind set that effective communication within a relationship requires a proper/predetermined beginning and an end, just like a pre-scheduled program.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake me as my physical body when I go off on energetic binges within and as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and within that anger, not realize that the reason for my anger is because within me I am screaming out for me to hear myself in self-honesty, and to thus stop accepting and allowing myself to support our current world/money system of/as war, poverty and starvation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that how our world exists can only change when change begins first within myself.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the ‘somebody done me wrong song’ and, to stop demanding another to take responsibility for who I am within what I accept and allow and exist as within our world/reality/existence.
I commit myself to stop the character of self-sabotage.
I commit myself to stop myself playing polarity games of negative/positive and neutrality.
I commit myself to stop self-interest in/as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings
I commit myself to prove to myself what is means to be truly supportive for and as me as my physical body.
I commit myself to never give up on life, to slow myself down, breathe, validate and love myself within and as self-honesty in total commitment to support a world according to what’s best for All.