Tag Archive | childhood

Day 135: Teach Me2

Today I reacted to my 2 year old granddaughter, who actually teaches me more life skills in a 8 hour day than I may ever be able to teach her. Thus the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient with my 2 year old granddaughter when she continued to push buttons on my computer / printer and for feeling guilty for her crying as I physically moved her from them, and within that, I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding how she looks to experience herself in how she sees me experiencing myself, thus, I forgive myself for rushing myself to finish, because in my rush I was participating within my mind which led to feelings of impatience and guilt, which I then projected onto her, instead of being there for her to explore her world with my assistance, therefore, I forgive myself for projecting the feelings / reactions that I was having onto her according to what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate within and exist as, because, I see, realize and understand how my starting point was one of anxiety where I was avoiding facing a point of fear within myself, therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that it is Not possible for another to influence who I am unless I give permission, and any reaction/experience that I may or may not have is a direct reflection of my own inner relationship with myself according to what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as through and as the direction of my mind, instead of me directing my mind as me according to what’s best for All . Thus, When and as I see myself becoming impatient with my granddaughter/others as myself, I stop. I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe, to look within myself at my starting point to assure that I no longer project onto another anything less than who I am in self-honesty as I continue walking my Journey to Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I was hurrying to finish what I was doing , how within that, I, for a split moment, saw how I was giving myself different perceptions of myself whereas I experienced a subtle conversation within my mind which I didn’t stop, thus is how I within that moment, created a problem within my situation where there otherwise wasn’t one, therefore, I commit myself to breathe and realize that within every moment of breath I am the one who decides who I am , thus, through self-corrective application I direct myself to establish effective communication with my granddaughter/others within my world in order to be able to teach life skills – free from anxiety and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am rushing, that I manifest pain in the center of my back, which I see is a point of suppression related to self-judgment and, in how I was existing in anxiety and fear of letting other’s down within the ‘feeling’ that ‘I’m not good enough’ and/or strong enough to direct myself within my world, and within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed in myself for not being the living example of how and what it is to be supportive and patient with all living beings, thus, I commit myself to be patient and gentle with myself and others as myself, because I see, realize and understand that my responsibility for and as life is determined within every moment of breath as a living example of placing myself in the shoes of another, to thus become stable support for a world according to what’s best for All.

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Day 124: Hit and Miss

Today, my biological father called me. A man who I’ve barely known, yet, when I was young, I craved for and sought after his attention. He lives about 125 miles from me and I rarely if ever talk to or see him. Tomorrow is his birthday, he’ll be 75. He called to tell me that he is not doing very well and doesn’t believe he’ll be here much longer. We had a nice conversation and he handles himself with curiosity when I don’t agree with his belief in God and, he even agrees that Equal Money is the Solution for this World, though doesn’t see how we’ll ever get everyone to stop their greed to implement it.

I asked him after 75 years on this earth – what has he realized about himself, free from his beliefs. He admitted he had no idea how to answer that and then added how he’d lived a pretty decent life and that he guessed that was all one could ask for… Yes. I’m familiar with that point of acceptance that he spoke of, and I’m no longer willing to allow myself to be that.

When I hung up the phone, I saw how I longed for the days when all of my family was still here. I heard the backchat of thoughts within my mind reminding me how within the past year I’ve lost my brother, my sister and now my biological father is, as he put it, “on his last leg.” I wanted to just sit and reminisce about what used to be. However, I didn’t. I stopped. I breathed, and in self-honesty, I saw how my mind was looking for a feeling that a long time ago, I believed was me. I no longer accept that. Instead, I wrote the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto the urge to reminisce within a pattern of what looks to me to be one that I would describe as a ‘hit and miss’ – meaning: it’s like looking through dozens of photos and hoping to find one that is recognizable – wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to long for what used to be within a belief that was never real and how within my perception of and as my mind I dreamed of what could have been, thus existing within the hope for a relationship with a father that begins and ends within ‘dreams of what if’, within a memory/character of and as my mind – which was preprogrammed and downloaded into me from/of and as the mind of my parents, and the generations that have gone before me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that in the ‘miss’ I become the ‘hit’ that I perceive myself as, as that which I long for within a feeling to be special by a man that I never really knew, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce, I am basically sleeping with my eyes open, just like one does in REM sleep, wherein we ‘dream‘ about ourselves within our mind as elaborate storylines all the while ignoring what is real as our physical body and our physical reality, and, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce of/for what used to be, but wasn’t, and/or when I ‘reminisce’ for that which I never had in order to feel/experience that which I feared in the first place, how within that, I am actually using feeling and emotional energy charges to supply myself with what appears to be a reliever of stress, when actually, it creates stress unto my physical body while I ignore a point of suppression and where I’m adding fuel to the fire by creating scenarios within my mind to distract from facing responsibility for myself and for my world, thus depleting me as my physical body within the acceptance of that which isn’t real as the thoughts that suck the life from me as my physical body/flesh and bone through my own participation within/as and during the madness of reminiscing in and as my mind as consciousness, therefore, I forgive myself for the desire to escape to the past within and as my mind as the memories/characters thereof and thus live my past as my future as the here within this moment.

When and as I see myself longing and reminiscing for/of what never was, and/or what used to be, of/as what is ‘now the past’, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the past is over and to participate within and as my mind of/as memories/characters, is to accept death unto me as my physical body where I cycle within the same patterns, lies, pain and false sense of security that I’ve always existed as. I am No longer willing to accept and allow the direction of and as my mind as consciousness. Instead I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself existing within the desire to escape into and as my mind as the memories/characters of and as my past, I stop. I breathe and I realize that in every moment of breath I have the choice to decide to remain here breathing within and as what is real as my physical body and my physical reality or I can choose to participate within and as my mind which is exactly how and what is killing our physical bodies and physical reality, and I have realized this because I have proved this to/for myself, thus, I see, realize and understand the common sense in stopping and being the directive principle of me and through self-corrective application stopping that which is/has been the deadly game of life within and as humanity enslaved to a world/money system within cycles of abuse and death.

I commit myself to let go of/stop reminiscing within cycles of/as memories/character as how abuse is manifested/created against life.

I commit myself to breathe and move the energy through me and ground myself here within and as what is real as my physical flesh and earth.

I commit myself to show how together as a Group, we can manifest Heaven on Earth where All life is experienced in/as dignity according to what’s best for All.

Day 120: BRANDED


I forgive myself for not realizing that I am a product of and as my mind as consciousness which is preprogrammed and conditioned so that I will associate who I am within this world to specific symbols, brands and products within our current world/money system in order to keep the systems running effectively as that of a consumer and I forgive myself for not realizing that I am constantly being branded to continue to act the same and buy the same thing to continue to support the same things so as to keep the world/money system running smoothly wherein my behavior is impulsed through resonant symbols which directs my actions to such a degree that I’ve not even been aware of the fact of how my ‘idea’ of myself as having ‘free choice’ has never actually existed except in the way I’ve been branded, and I forgive myself for how I have put my faith in specific brands instead of realizing that my faith began in the branding and thus everything I have trusted hasn’t even been by my own direction but by the direction of and as my mind as consciousness within a world/money system in accordance to a preprogrammed and predetermined existence of which I’ve given permission for in my continuing to accept and allow it, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust in things/people/corporations/brands and governments outside of myself without even understanding the content of the preprogrammed symbolic design that I’m giving permission for and I forgive myself for how in my blind acceptance and allowance I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as experiencing fear if/when I attempt step outside of that which I’ve been branded to follow – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I perceive as fear and anxiety is merely a shift in/from my regularly scheduled programming.

I commit myself to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed as me branded to be and become a consumer and to instead through self-corrective application, redesign and align myself to a world/money system according to what’s best for All, as I see, realize and understand that I must apply myself as the directive principle of me within and as breath and self-honesty in order to change the brand of me to one of and as Equality and Oneness, thus, I commit myself to the action of taking responsibility to no more accept and allow myself to be manipulated and controlled through product pricing and branding.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that branding has made the parent into extensions of the corporations that make sure the children will be the consumers that this system requires to continue its rule of Life.” – Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that BRANDING is a form of FARMING the corporations and politicians use to claim their ownership over the consumer to ensure profit with no regard to what is best for Life, while the only BRAND of real value on Earth is Life.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 64: Childhood Leg-I-see as Desire: Head of the Class

Today I was reacquainted through the internet with someone from my past that I’ve known since I was seven when I first started elementary school. Triggered within me were memories/ legacies of me as my past that I’ve continued to hand down as walking actions of myself which I’ve maintained since the beginning of me as manifested patterns of self-abuse, within a mindset that I can see I still exist as, hence, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry in/as my legs as I’ve walked the path of/as the illusion of family values, where I’ve carried the weight of my past through/as the DNA of my mother and father and the ideas they existed as and believed in as the beautiful lie they told themselves in order to make it through the daily struggle within the survival system of/as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a living example of desire crossed in loneliness, where I wanted to be noticed and stand out and I didn’t really care what I had to do in order to achieve the energetic high of existing as the desired experience of/as my mind as being ‘special’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the belief that to be loved is to be accepted and to be accepted is to be loved and within that I’ve sought self-validation and self-acceptance outside myself from others through experiences I’ve manifested of/for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within my secret mind desire to grow up and be ‘better than’ my parents as a way of ‘getting back at them’ for that which I felt they were keeping from me, which within my mind, I believed it was the experience of ‘real love‘ that they were withholding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself within the starting point of desire where from when I first started school, all I wanted was to be ‘head of the class – the ‘special one’, the one that the teacher would see as the Best and ‘the ONE’ in which to follow in the footsteps of, thus, when I saw my teacher’s attention focus on someone else I became suppressed within myself in disappointment, disgust, anger and frustration because I depended upon the positive energetic charge I got when I received attention, because as all children I reLIEd upon and depended on the love and devotion received from immediate family, and, I directed mine towards authority figures within my life, because I sensed myself as void of that within my family, thus, I focused all my desires to/toward my teachers as the substitute fuel to somehow achieve that which I ‘felt’ denied of from my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize how even now I exist the same toward people I’ve deemed as special, and even as I write this I feel constriction as an inward pressure/pain and tightness within my chest area representing the point of devotion to family, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect who and how I’ve existed as within a point of FAMe wherein I desired to be INFAMOUSly regarded as the person to favor whether through inside or outside my immediate FAME-I-Lie.

I forgive myself that in my beLIEved manner of self-notoriety, I secretly existed in shame within my secret mind, NOT seeing, realizing and understanding that what I do in my mind has a consequence to everything and everyone within this reality and as such I created an alternate reality inside myself that manifested on the outside within my physical world as a negative experience wherein I was bullied and made fun of by the kids in my class which further perpetuated my already self made mind possession and sent me into an extremely isolated existence of myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how when I didn’t perceive myself as ‘fitting’ into my immediate family system as becoming the slave of my parents – even though I actually was – and how I in-advertently used what I experienced as a ‘lack of’ attention from my parents and imposed it upon those within my world that I saw as having authority and thus would then seek from them the teaching/knowledge/guidance as a way of seeking self-approval and self-validation as well as seeking to support and please others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a child to be caught within the polarity of good and bad and right and wrong to such a degree that I feared and suppressed any ability to actually express myself free from the opinions I was constantly forming within my mind with regards to who I would be and become according to how I felt I was obligated to act and behave as in ways which would be acceptable and approved according to the rules of my family, society and the world/money/survival system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my parents unconditionally while inside myself at the same time feeling and directing hate to/towards them – instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that is not my fault nor my parents fault for how I experienced myself because my parents experienced themselves exactly the same as I did because we’ve not yet as a family/society utilized the tools now available through Desteni I Process as being the practical supportive tools for family and life to actually stand up from within the abuse we’ve accepted and allowed from generation to generation as the sins of the fathers – to direct ourselves according to what’s best for All whereby life as we’ve known of/as ourselves will begin to change and we’ll welcome who we are as individual self-expressions.

I commit myself to forgive my way clear to no longer accept myself to separate myself through self-judgment where I create and manifest desires within myself thus manifesting and creating the same within my outer world as this physical reality, which I take self-responsibility for in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

Day 44: Love is a Battlefield

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love is like a battlefield on the inside of our physical body where one constantly desires specific outcomes to settle an anticipated experience self has within one’s mind in fear of making a mistake and have to once again face life alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love is a battlefield of love/winning and hate/losing within rounds of/as competition within the need/desire to survive what we refer to as the game of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize and understand that love has always broken our physical body between the heart and the mind as the soul of money within a world that buys and sells love as sex and sex for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed experiences of sadness by thinking about that which I’ve not been able to do based on ideas about relationships and accomplishments instead of according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the affect of love is a cause of fear and suspicion forming patterns and constructs within the mind of/as self-loathing and depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love lived in/as relationships have been about compromise and sacrifice in living patterns of self-interest because when under the spell/possession of the mind ‘in love’, the rest of the world is compromised and sacrificed and left to starve to death and die.

I forgive myself for the beating I accepted and allowed within and without to/towards my physical body through a love relationship as I waited and waited until I hated myself for waiting to experience myself ‘in love’.

I forgive myself for the anger I feel in the pit of my stomach when people sing the song, ‘love will build a bridge between your heart and mine’, when in fact borders exist for the love of a God, all the while ignoring the abuse and neglect within our world as it continues to grow day by day as countless numbers of children live in poverty and are starving to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to say that to love is to place my happiness in the happiness of another is to not comprehend that in order for self to experience happiness in this world, a situation of unhappiness has to occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that when we are subject to an outside experience in order for us to experience something, we are thus showing/proving to ourselves how our enslavement works through outer elements which we require for our perceived happiness and survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize/ and understand that we have to correct what we have created and stop the creation of this world through the polarity of emotions/feelings/love and thoughts of and as the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for all the times when I stood up for and shouted out for the sake of and in love when all the while how I was experiencing myself was limited to the end of the line within a pattern of energy existent only within the construct of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that love will save the world when I’ve proved to myself that the only way love will benefit the world is through living it for real in self-honesty through supporting an Equal Money system allowing all life the support of/as forgiving for living.


I commit myself to stopping the polarity of and as love/hate as a battlefield through stopping participation in and as emotions and feelings and through self-forgiveness and in self-honesty directing myself according to what’s best for all life here.

I commit myself to educating humanity that happiness is not about doing as happiness is not defined by anything separate from self.

I commit myself to comprehending, living and supporting myself and my neighbor according to and through an Equal Money System to experience the joy of how life can be as a humanity as life as breath within and as Oneness and Equality.

I commit myself to walking the Journey to Life for/as Living Proof for myself of being One and Equal as all Life standing in support of an Equal Money system.

Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance with regards to love and life.

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 3: What Does it Really Mean to be ‘Alive’?

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality/Negativity?

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 13: Failed Relationships

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 14: Do you Love Breakups?

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 19 – Rotten Love

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 41: Spiritual Poverty of Love and Light

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 44: In the Name of Love

Day 26: Simple in-a-sense

Today, my 22 month old granddaughter walked up close to me more than once and reached for, and held my hand – once while I was fixing her lunch, once while we looked out the window and once while we stood talking to the dogs. In-a-sense, the touch of our hands left nothing between us unsaid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget how to enjoy holding hands with another for the simple reason of breathing in the moment together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my sense of connection within and as the physical-ness of simply touching and breathing one with and as another being.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to miss the perception of myself as a child before I became aware of the sense of fear slowly creeping in and as me through fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mourn for the child I use to be because in the beginning as a child I saw life as something worth living instead of the day to day struggles adults live in trying to survive our current money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget what it is to be equal with the dirt between my fingers and toes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop enjoying a walk in the rain feeling the touch of the raindrops falling down upon my face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the company of another according to what they can do for and give to me, instead of enjoying the presence of breath together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to win over the rights to have something as only mine with regards to that which I was once willing to give/share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to escape my moment of breath through complicating it in comparing who has the biggest piece of the pie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep secrets within myself hiding parts of me in and as my mind in shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energetic experiences to interfere in my ability to see the abuse I’ve allowed and walked as in total disregard of all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and control moments of my life, instead of living each breath here within this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dream bigger than the day before instead of living grateful for this moment in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take life for granted wherein I wanted the best and the most of what can be had, instead of breathing in the simplicity of the moments in awareness to simply not step on a rollie polie crossing the path in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a living version of my parents in all their prejudices, judgments and fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced according to and as the fears I participated in within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whine and feel sorry for myself until I became that which I felt sorry for myself for and that which I whined on about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take life for granted as I participated in my mind of self-interest and greed wherein all I thought about was getting from life whatever it took for me to be happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run and play and seek to have the most of what is here, all the while never considering the lives of those who suffer in poverty, homelessness and war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself authority to be and become me as my mind as consciousness wherein I’ve disregarded the earth, the dirt, the plants and water and the air, everything that allows life to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to ascertain the dishonesty of believing in myself as who I am as my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions and in how me participating in and as them is to value only the interest of self and thus to disregard me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through the value I placed in and as my mind became self-interest driven and failed to see/realize and understand that in the interest of self as the mind the world as a whole is suffering and dying daily.

I commit myself to the simplicity in seeing that life is meant to be an equal living expression for all living beings here on earth living a quality of life in dignity.

i commit myself to keeping it simple moving myself as my physical body as a foundation of support that all life may experience themselves in dignity.

I commit myself to standing up for all life to bring about an Equal Money System and thus bring an end to poverty and starvation and creating Heaven on Earth.

How will the family system change in an Equal Money System? – Equal Money FAQ


With Equal Money parents will no longer be forced to teach their children how to compete and win in order to survive. The generational depression of parents which have been passed on to children through the fear of the children making the same mistakes as them will cease to exist.

The moment a child enters this world they will be provided for with basic income providing them their individual requirements in order to surivive and will begin living a life of self expression. No longer will girls be taught to marry for money and boys will stop their search for power as a moral duty of respect and/or faith so as to guarantee a point of rescue in times of parental need.

When we change the rules that define the way money moves and works to one which values all life – the complete structuring of the family system will change to a world where the child’s first impressions will be that of support and nurturing thus self-reflection will be that of equality and will have an affect that will automatically reduce and stop dysfunctional behavioral patterns within our reality as a whole.

Can you imagine a world where love is not based upon earning a living to survive – is instead one of living an earnest purposeful life. Expressing self from the starting point of support in that everything self requires to exist within this world is provided. That’s self-freedom. Where time will slow down as we’ll have time to explore who we are. Our quality of self trust will grow and we’ll begin to enjoy the presence of others as we discover our world together as one.

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