Tag Archive | child support

Day 137: Can’t Touch This

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have depended upon and existed within and as expectations, wherein I expect others to validate me as being ‘important’ so that I will thus then have an experience of myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have built up so much hope to have specific experiences of myself as ‘something more than’ who I perceive myself to be that when I don’t experience that which I expect, desire and/or wish to experience, I would then ‘feel’ a deep inner disappointment which felt like within my physical body, that I was carrying the weight of the world around within and as me, therefore, I commit myself to stop expecting, desiring and/or wishing to experience myself according to something and/or someone outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of/as my mind I have existed as a spectator of sorts, waiting to be fulfilled and how within that I have experienced myself within negative energy picture/thoughts of how I could have and should have been a better mother/wife/person, thus, I commit myself to stop existing as a character of/as my mind who acts as the role of a spectator within and as negative energy experiences, and to instead investigate who I am in self-honesty to practically walk the path of self-corrective application according to and in support of/for that which is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a spectator and/or an observer of myself within my life where instead of participating and directing who I am as life, I have allowed me as my mind as consciousness to direct me to such a degree that I feel as if I have often become a spectacle of my own disappointment, thus I Stop. I see, realize and understand that through self-forgiveness I am able to gift to myself the courage and will to in self-honesty redesign and direct myself to change the inner me and thus change the outer me to walk in support of and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how living within and as expectations, I have built an invisible wall of resistance and suppression around myself where I have separated myself from myself as my physical body and from my physical reality wherein my physical expression has become one of ‘can’t touch this’, therefore, I commit myself to never stop walking this process of self-forgiveness because I see, realize and understand how one is able to change self to practically become a physical living expression of and as responsibility for and as all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically experience nausea within and as a remembrance of some lost bliss that I only recognize according to a belief within and as my mind as something that I now see, realize and understand can never be reproduced as something physical, tangible and/or real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience episodes of extreme sadness within ‘feeling’ unfulfilled in realizing that most people care very little about how others experience themselves, thus I commit myself to stop feelings of sadness and unfulfillment, and to show how we each one have the ability to realize/be our own fulfillment within and without to thus stand equal to and one as All Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase after myself in time only never really seeing who I am within my own chase because that which I perceived to have seen in others has in fact been myself, as that which I have existed within and as, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my hope to receive fulfillment from others, what I failed to see in my disappointment is that it must be that way, because our reality is showing us that that which exists outside of ourselves cannot and will not fulfill us as who we are until we All stand together as Equals, thus I commit myself to continue walking our Desteni, always, through and as the ‘Principle of Equality

Day 4: Hide and Seek

I have a pattern that I’ve existed as that my partner of almost 21 years has patiently been aware of. It’s how I run, not walk to the rescue of my youngest child, my daughter. The interesting thing is how in my running, I’m actually seeking to validate me as my mind, and in the seeking, I hide deeper within myself within my unconscious and subconscious mind. Then, I’ve used appreciation to validate and fuel the ongoing construct within a pattern that I’ve accepted direction from.

I’m here to through self-forgiveness stop the pattern and begin to re-design myself in self-honesty for/as and equal to all life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized the fear and sadness within me because I’ve hidden and forgotten me in my self-interest fueled life of seeking.
I forgive myself that I haven’t realized how I have feared being in the presence of me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run to my daughter’s rescue at the first mention of and/or the first sign of her having the slightest problem in her life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rescue my daughter from financial problems even when I couldn’t really afford to because I told myself that it was my responsibility, when in fact I was seeking validation for my own self-interest in validating my ego and enslaving us all further into our abusive current money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from taking responsibility for the atrocities that exist within this world because I’ve enjoyed the chase, the high of looking like the perfect mom by running to the aid of my daughter.

I forgive myself for not being a living example of responsibility for my children and thus when my youngest child struggles with surviving in this world wherein she gets her paycheck and after rent and utility bills are paid the little money left barely buys food so she has nothing left and can’t afford to fuel her car for the following work week so when she calls and tells me I feel guilty for not pushing her more to be responsible because I’m only now grasping what self-responsibility is, so I rescue her by giving her money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see it as my life’s call to swoop in and save my youngest daughter when her car breaks down and she can’t afford to pay for the repairs because she barely makes enough money for rent, utility bills, food and clothes for herself and her baby – instead of allowing her to face her own fears within seeing what she’s accepted and allowed so to be responsible for all that’s here in standing up in support of an Equal Money system so that all suffering ends within our world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the daily struggles my children face in trying to survive within a money system that values profit over life because I willingly accepted and have supported our current capitalistic money system where the rich are rich and famous because and while the poor are struggling, starving and dying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take money for granted when my children were young wherein I spent money frivolously for household items to impress people who came to visit and as such I overextended myself and my partner where we sunk further in debt while still managing to provide an impression to my children that I could afford whatever they desired and in doing so I was teaching them to that it’s ok to live by impulses and consumerism instead of teaching them the dangers to life in how our current money system exists.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the desire, want and need to rescue my children is best defined as the religion of self and is me existing in separation from me – instead of me standing up and facing and directing me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for feeling bad toward myself for what I see is me existing in the pattern of ‘finding myself wanting’, which is a pattern I have longed feared and judged wherein self is existing in the very essence of self-interest to gratify and satisfy my own wants, needs and desires related to things of this world and further supports myself in separation of all that exist.

When and as I see myself in a position of wanting and desiring to rescue my daughter/children from a situation that was preventable and isn’t life threatening – I stop. I Breathe. I realize I’ve walked this point over and over and have created situations in order to continue fueling my mind as consciousness. Instead I direct myself within common sense. I slow myself down and breathe. I begin by accepting and allowing my daughter/children the opportunity to be self-honest and self-responsible – to see and realize for themselves that life is suppose to be more than just struggling to survive.

I commit myself to begin by stopping in my abusing and using my children as a way to hide from myself within my subconscious and unconscious mind as I stand and face me in self-honesty in pushing through the resistance of facing and forgiving me as my unconscious and subconscious mind.

I commit myself to walking the process of self-forgiveness, breathing and taking responsibility for the creation of and as me as the mind/energy within and as this world system/money in no longer accepting and allowing that which has been created/manifested as consequences of and in separation from myself and all – instead I stand and begin here with me – to change/transform the mind system into a world that is best for all.

I commit myself with patience and kindness to and toward myself as I breathe and support myself to forgive myself and begin to face who I am as my conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind so that I am able to direct myself effectively to support all living beings in bringing forth a world where all life is cherished equally.

How come we take life for granted?

‎The problem is, we’ve taken life for granted, as if it is suppose to be about work, struggle and survival. Since most of us have lived our perception of ‘seemingly’ surviving it – we ‘perceive’ that everyone must be having the same ‘opportunity’. When in fact, they’re not. It’s taken almost 4 years of research and re-educating myself (in how our current money, education, banking and governmental systems operate, where profit is always valued over life), for me to even begin to comprehend just how serious a situation all life is in.

There is truly not even a shred of opportunity for millions of living beings to even come close to ‘achieving’ what they are most certainly’capable’ of. To insist that there is opportunity for everybody, is simply a lack of education of the one insisting. Because the facts of how people are struggling, barely surviving from paycheck to paycheck and/or homeless and starving to death, is everywhere here to be seen. If one look at how we’ve accumulated ourselves up to now – it’s a mathematical certainty that we’ve not begun to see the worst of what will become of humanity – unless, we begin anew direction, with Equal Money.

When I ask only ‘myself’,’does every physical living being born here have the ‘right’ to food, clothes, clean water, a home, an education and healthcare’? It’s like, not only a ‘right’- it’s common sense, it’s a ‘given’and, is what is required if the physical being whose being born is to continue living. Everything else, is irrelevant, until the gift of Equality is given.

Equal Money will allow everyone to prove ‘for themselves’ just how capable they truly are.