Tag Archive | child support childhood memories compounding abuse parents dead beat dads stepfather mother brother grownups face book terrors nightmares self honesty self forgiveness oneness and equality desteni

See our conditioning and support Equal Money

Money is accepted as more important than life in this world and proof of that is in the millions who are currently starving.  So we all depend on money to survive, we slave for it, and we desire it in the secret places of our mind in which we barely notice, and we try to deny that Money is God.  In the past I have denied it as well,  but now I see there is no denying the condition we exist as so the power we’ve given money must be distributed equally amongst all.  While writing a mind construct in SRA I’ve been discovering, forgiving and releasing the parts of me I’ve been denying.  It’s a humbling experience to say the least and one in which I’m still revealing.

How I was controlled by this world and others in my world according to and as money was not as it seemed but was because of how I perceived and believed myself to be.  I did not consider and fully understand how I participated in creating experiences of myself,  which was according to an illusion, which I made real through how I defined myself according to what existed and currently exists within this world which was/is the very illusion in which I participated within and as according to the direction I accepted and allowed by my mind.  I became angry, and I was actually angry towards myself because I didn’t succeed in manipulating my parents so that I could have an experience of myself the way I wanted and in my accepted and allowed dishonesty, I directed my anger towards my parents in blame through spiteful thoughts, where I accepted and allowed myself to remain dishonest as I attempted to manipulate them through acting out in reactions of emotions and feelings in order to achieve a certain experience of myself according to the way in which I believed was best for me.  I did not consider what was best for all.  I then transformed and manifested my ideas into a reality which I then experienced as being real, when in actuality, none of it was real as it was all constructed and designed according to a principle hidden, lived and applied under  God/Money. 

Money is the design that connects us all and allows us to continue in spite, greed and ego, the manipulation game of having, seeking and desiring to be and have more than another – instead of considering what is best for all.

I cannot blame or condemn because I, individually, as myself am as much responsible for what this world has become as anyone existing here.  I did nothing, I sat back and accepted and allowed abuse to continue because of my own self-interest according to the fears that I became as a manifested condition of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist according to and as a condition of myself defined according to and as money where I manipulated and attempted to control others in my world so that I may achieve a place of supremeness where I believed, accepted and allowed spitefulness and dishonesty to be who I became and participated in within my mind as I acted in emotional outflows of myself in order to achieve the desired attention of another all the while hiding in fear of facing myself.

I stop. I breathe. I direct myself here according to and as the Principle of Equality in understanding that Money is God and that in order to survive within this world we all require money/god, so I accept and allow and I stand in support of an Equal Money System so that all may live their life in dignity as All as One as Equal.

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Closing closet doors – as self-forgiving

I was eating lunch one day in fourth grade when I overheard some teachers who were sitting behind me eating lunch.  They were talking about how a daughter needs her father to set an example for her to show her how to act and be around men so she will then know how men should treat her. I remember eating a deep fried burrito, my favorite school lunch, but  hearing their words caused me to lose my appetite. I barely knew my real dad and my step-dad, as far as I could tell, hated me.

I became depressed, feeling as if I was cursed and I would retreat within myself where I was always protecting myself instead of actually living.  That is the first starting point of self direction that I can remember.  I continued betraying myself, because I didn’t want to take self-responsibility for my life according to how I was experiencing myself.  I suppressed what I was actually experiencing and I would blame my experience and/or my situation towards my parents, particularly my step-dad. When I became angry, I retreated within myself more, but continued presenting myself to my world as a sweet nice person who is strong and responsible. But alone, in the darkness of the night, I was terrified, lonely and worst of all, unforgiving of myself.  I participated in my mind, how someday someone would come whisk me from my sorrow’s and the fantasy kept me detained in lockdown. I had the ‘knight in shining armor’ wish of love and light and laughter. And I trusted no one, least of all myself.

 

I eventually sought religion, spirituality, enlightenment, and now I realise,  I must come out of the closet.  Though I don’t really know much about lightworkers, I see now how, if I had not began studying the Desteni material, I would have willingly become one.  The whole lightworker movement is just another religion.  And religion is what I used, abused and became because it gave me reason to give people what I thought that they think they’re missing in their lives – all the while missing the truth of myself as I became nice and polite, and full of shit..

I’m grateful for my current lesson on mind constructs in SRA because beginning one on my father, I am able to now see the points to face, forgive, and release myself in self-honesty and self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in dreams and wonderings in my mind according to an idea in my mind that a prince charming was going to save me – instead of standing as directive principle within the principle of equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have words of wisdom for others according to a self definition within a belief that I have religion, spirituality and/or am enlightened – instead of taking self responsibility for only  myself through and as facing self in self-honesty according to the equality equation for and as all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of being glad that I wasn’t a lightworker when actually I’ve been a closet lightworker living an illusion that I wasn’t  one.  I stop. I breathe and I direct myself here as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the words of others without first looking within myself in self-honesty to see the common sense that no one can determine who I am or will be and become except me – here breathing as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach myself to a feeling of desire to be loved by one of two men both of whom I refer to as dad.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe my step-dad was mean and abusive – instead of realising that I am that which I perceive myself to be experiencing from another according to how and what I’m accepting and allowing within myself.  I stop. I breathe. I accept and allow myself to accept me for who I am becoming in self-honesty as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was somehow scarred and/or branded in and as feelings of abandonment and sorrow where I projected blame and manipulated myself to become nice and charming as a way of seeking attention and the energies therein as I was suppressing energies of anger and resentment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become the living expression of anger and in order to contain myself I became the nice people pleaser as I existed in fear and blame and projected patterns of ego onto my step dad where I then talked behind his back to others about how abusive he was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fell betrayed wherein I blamed and and manipulated others so as to validate myself according to how I was participating within my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions based in fear of loss of control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the hope of religion where I put faith above and outside of myself where I avoided taking self-responsibility for my world and the suffering of others where I accepted abuse as I became the abused and the abuser.

 

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‘Life Support’ For All

It makes no sense that we enforce child support yet we fail to recognize and support an Equal Money System that will guarantee ‘Life Support’ for all.  An Equal Money System will Stop the abuse of which we are bound under the enforcement guidelines of the child support system which is currently failing our children as is our current money system…

 
When I read the following that was posted on my nephews face book wall by his mother, I became aware of the energy of anger that in that moment surrounded me. It’s irrelevant when you’re a child to hear these sorts of things, and it would be especially difficult to read it on face book.  I remember distinctly my mom saying similar things to me regarding my biological dad, and I often hated her for it.  It’s always about money to grownups – and it matters not to our children, because the person your referring to is still our mom or dad and nothing changes that.

Here’s what was written.
…“MAMA TRIES SO HARD SON TO GIVE YOU KIDS A GOOD LIFE, SOMETIMES IT IS REALLY HARD THOUGH, BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANY HELP FROM YOUR DAD. YOU KNOW CHILD SUPPORT IF WE GOT THAT, FOR YOU AND ** IT WOULD REALLY HELP WHEN YOU TWO NEED THINGS LIKE CLOTHESAND ETC., MAMA DOES TRY REAL HARD TO GET EVERYTHING YOU TWO REALLY NEED AND THEN ALSO… WOULD LIKE TO HAVE. I DON’T EVER EVEN HEAR FROM HIM THAT HE IS SORRY FOR NOT HELPING WITH YOU TWO. IT WOULD BE NICE TO HEAR FROM HIM HOW I DO A GOOD JOB PROVIDING FOR YOU TWO SINCE HE DON’T EVEN GIVE $5.00 A MONTH, HE COULD DO SOMETHING HE JUST WON’T”.

 
We are compounding further mind constructs within the ears, mind and hearts of our children with the words we use freely, never taking self responsibility for how and why we are existing and expressing ourself in this manner.  When my mom said these sorts of things, all I really wanted and required of her was to silently give me a hug and free herself from her judgments.

 
I no longer hold blame towards my mom or dad because we’re all responsible for all that is here in the way the world is with atrocity all around us. We accept and allow starvation and poverty to exist within a money system that is broken, that does not support all life Equally.  Why is it surprising to us when the outflow of our self imposed inflictions begin to affect our immediate world – as well as all the lives of children who have no choice but to depend on mind crippled parents  existing robotically as mind consciousness systems.

 
I will no longer sit silently while children suffer needlessly while we debate opinions according to how consciousness is directing us – instead of speaking and standing up in self honesty for the innocent nature of a child – that we as adults have suppressed and forgotten.

 
Parent must ask themselves why they insist upon teaching children their ways of nonsense. We support our children – not undermine them with foolish ways.  Instead we face ourselves in self honstey and support the children of this world Equally as them and hear what they are expressing.

 
There is no right and/or wrong, there is however self honesty and self forgiveness – Stop All mind games.  Best to focus on self breathing, and stop ourselves from participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that are not Equal and supportive to all Life here.

 
Child Support And Dead Beat Parenting is effective only within Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness and within applying the Equality Equation of an Equal Money System and World Equality.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake the innocence of a child all for the sake of greed and money.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forfeit my self responsibility in supporting all life because I accepted desires of my mind and within this abdicated myself from life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accuse and abuse another through participating within thought and feelings of emotional stress because of money and within this verbally abused another with my spoken words.  I Stop. Till here no further

I direct myself standing in support of all Life Equally