Tag Archive | change

Day 250: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Clearing the Path – Day 32

When I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer, the beginning of April this year, the first thing I wanted to do was to chat with Bernard Poolman. I was sure that he would ease my fears by saying something to me that would catapult me out of my inner state of panic. But, the reality of my situation is that having Cancer for me, is a living consequence of the past decisions I made, where the result of those decisions have manifested within and as my physical body. So the ‘saving grace’, so to speak, that I was looking for, was in reality Not real, and in fact, never has been real no matter how much I attempted in my mind to make it out to be.
clearing the path
This particular chat would be my last one with Bernard – as he passed away just 4 days ago -and one of the things he said to me, which I barely understood at the time because I was so reeling in the fear of dying. I mean, I was so scared from being diagnosed with Cancer that all I could share with him was how I knew there was something I wanted to ask him but for the life of me I couldn’t remember what it was. Here was his reply to me:

This is why I am here to speak to you. Cathy, you are faced with seemingly, a great challenge. But, from my perspective – you’re faced with a Great Opportunity. An opportunity to Walk a Process of facing this beast head-on. In this, you are not going to pre-judge anything. You’re going to consider All Points and then you’re going to write about it. Calling the beast by its name: Breast Cancer. Cathy, yes – this may kill you. That is, at the moment, uncertain. So, the time available – is to do what is best. If you stay, so be it. If you go, so be it. It was inevitably anyway, one way or the other. This way, you can make something of it. I would suggest that anxiety and/or fear has an effect of freezing the physical body, which impairs the immune system and makes it less effective. So, the psychological effect of cancer is actually more dangerous than anything else. So, also to write about this – very specifically, reporting your physical experience that arise due to anxiety and fear and how it makes you feel ,and to look at the physical movement of this through your release with self forgiveness and self honesty. I would say, you are the One that can face this gift. There are certainly no coincidences.” ~Bernard Poolman, April 3, 2013

Just now I’m re-reading his words and I’m asking myself: ‘what is it that I’m wanting to express here in this blog and in sharing our chat with the world‘? A chat which was so very intimate to me. And the fact is, that what I’ve realized in the days that have followed since Bernard’s passing, is that in the beginning of my diagnosis, and even in the days following my chat with Bernard, I accepted and allowed all these idea’s I had in my mind about Cancer – ideas I’ve accumulated throughout my lifetime – to overwhelm and consume me. So much so that recently, there was not an hour that would go by during my days that I did not feel consumed within an identity of myself as ‘the cancer patient‘. Where within my mind, I saw and accepted myself as sick and diminished, a failure, and as such, I began to give up on living.

So what does all this have to do with the passing of Bernard Poolman? I can only say that his passing has shaken me to the depths of my being. Because just this time last week, I didn’t think I could go on, nor did I want to. This I didn’t share with anyone. It was the secret I was keeping to myself within my mind and it was the secret I was keeping even from myself. That’s how/why the secret mind is called the secret mind.

Now, Bernard’s death, it shook me to the core, shook me out of my secret mind, to such a degree that interestingly enough, since his passing, I am no longer consumed within and as those pictures, the identitly, nor within what felt like a curse in how I was seeing myself – as a victim of myself with Cancer.

I am now clear and willing to walk my process in greater depths, to investigate and Clear the Path of my past – to uncover how and why I manifested Cancer within me, and to remove such design from my being within and so without.

Alright, so, I in No way mean to imply that Bernard’s passing somehow magically or mystically healed me, or that he is somehow my savior. No that’s not it.

What I am saying is that I’ve had enough of my own self abuse and it stops here. And that regardless of how cruel and insensitive our World and our Money System has become, Bernard Poolman lived life within the realm of bringing Heaven to life on Earth. He was that which we can All become through Self-honesty and Self-Forgiveness and he proved that the human can breathe integrity into Life.  Even in death his Words remain the same for those who will hear, and he left this World a better place for having been here.

I for One will Not waste another moment lost in self interest in my secret mind in fear of having cancer, instead,

I Commit Myself to my process, to become also a Living example of what it is to Walk the Path of Equality and Oneness, as the Example that Bernard Pooman has Given to Us Each One.

Cheers to Bernard Poolman!

Let’s Walk

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

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Activist’s Journey To Life

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Day 248: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – I Can Do This – Day 31

Alright so last night I had a reaction within myself where I began to experience pain in the lower left side of my back. It was a slight to moderate slow throbbing pain that seemed to radiate inward. Now for a few months I’ve been making sure that I eat only that which nourishes and supports my physical body,  but I’ve only recently became more directive in applying self forgiveness for the experience of resistance – which I realize is related to energy, so it’s now time for me to take my process the step further – to bring the point through to awareness. Because what will happen when I experience a new ache or pain within my physical body is that I will immediately go into emotional/feeling energies which obviously creates added reactions within me physically which can result in further consequences for my physical body.
what if
So last night when the pain became rather intense my partner reminded me to breathe and so as I breathed I was instantly able to ground myself which caused the pain to diminish – almost like the energy within me diffused itself as I breathed.

I realized in that moment that my physical body is supporting me but it’s me as my mind that is reaching / searching for a way to lose myself within my mind to energy which I’ve accumulated myself as through my participation in thoughts and feelings. So I’ve built up energy in relation to when I experience pain and I see, realize and understand that further commitment statements on my part is required in order to Stop emotions and feelings from overwhelming me.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself experiencing physical pain within my physical body – whether it be a pain I’ve experienced before or whether it be a pain I’m only now experiencing, I Stop, I Breathe. I direct myself to Stand in the shoes of my Physical body and I will Not accept and allow myself to have this point of self interest in terms of how I am reacting in emotions and feelings to separate me from the relationship and the process that I’m walking in my physical body.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that pain is an indication for me to stop and breathe and become aware of what my Physical body is trying to tell me – whether that be to seek assistance from a Physician or whether it be to Breathe!

I commit myself to Stop energetic reactions of emotions and feelings to overwhelm me.

I commit myself to Stand here with my Physical body as my Physical body and Not accept and allow emotions and feelings to overwhelm me.

I commit myself to bring this point through to awareness wherein I remain grounded and stable within and as my Physical body and my Physical reality.

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

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Day 247: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Forgiving Resistance – Day 30

Recently I’ve been facing quite a bit of resistance to writing, to finishing my DIP lessons, resistance to just about everything. So here I would like to Thank the Assistance I’ve received from Hannie / Sunette as I’ve been able to come to an understanding with regards to what I’ve been accepting and allowing. Thus with some assistance, I’m sharing here my Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements.
self forgiveness for life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a failure according to an energy of resistance that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how resistance is merely an energy, though be it a persistent energy that seems so real that I in my mind cannot deny how real it is within and as how it overwhelms me in the physical and so in this mind-physical relationship to resistance – I allow it to be more powerful and overbearing than my directive principle/decision of who I am in every moment of breath and so give up/give into this energy of resistance.

When and as I see myself give in to this energy of resistance, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to Not participate, to instead be the directive principle of me within the decision to stand and move myself according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my relationship to resistance, this mind-physical energy – in fact shows me my relationship to emotions/feelings within my mind, where I still accept and allow myself to believe that the reactions I have are “all that I am/is real”, because I have this reasoning that since I experience it physically then it must be real – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how within this resistance, within the emotions and feelings,,, I am actually missing my breath, I miss Me in Breath and therefore do not realize the extent to which I am in fact in my mind within an energy that I experience in the physical – so, therefore, I am not in fact here, not in fact physical – I am experiencing it through energy within my mind and therefore,  I commit myself to STOP, to direct myself here as Breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how in my primary relationship to my mind – I’ve always trusted/used my mind as my backup, always leaning on and depending on my own thoughts/reactions for guidance – never seeing, realizing and understanding within this how with writing, with committing myself to changing Me – I am in my self awareness for the first time deciding to stand on my own two feet, to make my own decisions about who I am and so therefore – resistance will come through in moments of change, where it’s actually a habit to not step into that moment of change, that decision to change, of action to change, because I don’t know who I’ll be, in leaving the comfort zone of my mind, stepping into the unknown and so the force of resistance is me playing a balancing act with myself – between the known and the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the unknown is unknown, but, I know that I have me as I walk the unknown, that I have me in every moment of every breath, so in this walking the unknown, is actually existent a gift – a gift for me to learn to trust Me, to learn what it means to trust me, discover me and learn about me – and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use resistance as an excuse to rather trust who I am as my mind simply because it seems easier than me walking the process to learn what it means to trust myself, to depend upon myself, make decisions for myself, direct myself and ultimately change myself, thus, I commit myself to Stop using resistance as an excuse, as a reason not to move myself.

When and as I see myself as my mind using the energy of resistance to not face myself, to not move myself to write, to discover me, to learn about who I really am, I stop, I breathe – instead, I direct myself to move myself to write, to give myself an opportunity to discover for myself in self honesty who I am, to push through the resistance to self change.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the common sense in relation to resistance: that I do not in self awareness decide to create resistance when I sit down to write, that I make a decision to write, so where is the resistance coming from? This showing me how I have trusted the emotions and feelings and thoughts of my mind without question/introspection – and just because it’s suddenly there and it’s physical, I believed it to be real, however – I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider standing by/with my decision to direct myself within reality/the real world that I decided in Self Awareness to do, because I know then that I made the Decision to do this direction, to walk this point – of which I Trust – when I see the resistance comes up seemingly out of nowhere – this I should question and so, I commit myself to assist and support myself to stick to my Decision, my living actions such as writing, which I can trust, that I decided to do and to walk and to Not accept and allow any automated reaction/emotions/resistance to interFear with me establishing my self trust in that which I decide and what I walk in reality.

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“The Difficulty with change is obviously that there will be Resistance, it will be Difficult because you are busy Transforming that which is Within you as your Memory, your Thought, your Personality, your Past Into a Living Being that Lives at the Cutting-Edge of Time with such Vigorous Principle that You can be Trusted with Life; when you are Functioning as Consciousness: You can’t be Trusted with Life, just look at the Planet Earth and What is Done to it by the Human Race and you know That is the Evidence that Time is Showing us, that’s Our Writing on Earth, How we are Living, that is the Story, the Life-Book that is the Reality of the Truth.”

Bernard Poolman

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

&

Activist’s Journey To Life

Day 246: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Process Update – Day 29

Artwork By Marlen Vargas Del Razo

universeiswaiting

In the latter part of 2007, shortly after I began applying the tools of Desteni, (soon I will be sharing my Desteni Witness Blog for further clarity), I remember ‘thinking’ that if I were to come down with some sort of disease or illness, that I would not waste a minute, that I would take advantage of every moment and apply the Desteni tools to assist myself to get well.  Little did I realize then, that doing so, would be my biggest  challenge.

So, here I am with breast cancer and walking daily a strict diet and routine where often I am physically ill and so the reality and the extent of years of brainwashing/programming often gets the most of me. All the thinking I’ve participated in over the years offers nothing for me in the way of actually assisting and supporting me physically, and, even though I have proved to myself over the past 5 1/2 years the effectiveness of the Desteni tools when applied, I still have resistance and have to push myself to share my process here because who I am as my mind, doesn’t want to write about it…

So, despite my resistance, I’m here, to give a brief update about how my alternative treatment plan for cancer is coming along…Please Remember, this is My Treatment Plan and that everybody’s individual treatment plan will differ…

Alright so recently I’ve come to understand more about the ‘lump/tumor’ itself. Meaning, in the beginning I had expectations in that I believed that the lump would ‘hopefully’ decrease in size. I now understand that that is not entirely so.

 “…the tumor is merely the symptom of the disease, that most tumors have only a relatively small proportion of cancer cells: consequently, getting rid of the cancer often leaves behind a tumor of benign tissue as a memorial to the victory of nature over the disease. To use the reduction of tumor mass as the primary test of efficacy is indefensible from a scientific point of view and is further evidence of the appalling ignorance of orthodox researchers.” ~ John A Richardson, M.D.

“What water is to thirst, so normal metabolism is to cancer.” – John Richardson, MD, Richardson Newsletter, 1978.

Alright so, in the past 3 to 4 weeks there have been some noticeable changes:

*All pain/energy that I was experiencing a couple times a week in the area of my breast where the lump is located has stopped.

*During my “On” Cycle, ( which is what I refer to when I’m on the Pancreatic Enzymes) I notice that now the lump/tumor itself, it swells. I’ve learned that is normal and can be compared to what happens when one smashes their thumb in that the cells in the area itself will swell as a way of protecting itself.

So basically the lump is attempting to protect itself from the Pancreatic Enzymes which is cool in that I now know that the Enzymes are getting to the cancer cells and ridding my body of them.

 “At least 86% of all cancer conditions could be adequately treated and/or prevented by diet and pancreatic enzymes.

Cancer is a symptom of inadequate and deficient protein metabolism. The real problem is protein metabolism, not cancer. Cancer is only a symptom telling those who would listen that their protein metabolism is in very serious trouble. 

One hundred years ago Dr. John Beard at the University of Edinburgh discovered that the body’s primary mechanism for destroying cancer is contained in pancreatin, a secretion from the pancreas that includes enzymes for digesting protein (among other things). Enzymes digest or liquefy foods for absorption by the body. Dr. Beard presented pictures in his books and papers to show recoveries using pancreatin. This was an unprecedented approach to treating the symptoms of cancer — a direct attack on the malignancy with a substance that did not have toxic side effects on the other functions of the body.” ~ Dr. William Donald Kelley, D.D.S., M.S.

*Recently, I also finished what’s called ‘The Liver-Gallbladder’Flush, and doing this thing, was like living proof for myself of how our mind will direct us to ‘fear’ that which we’ve never heard of or done before. I mean it has taken me 3 months to ‘get up the nerve’ so to speak to finally do this and the ‘idea’ within my mind was waaaaaaay worse than the actual physical process of doing so. And the benefits of doing so have assisted my physical body greatly so what I’m realizing is that it doesn’t matter whether my mind likes the idea of something or not, what matters is that which will assist my physical body. Liking and disliking things is nothing but a lie that our mind would have us believe in and I am no longer willing to participate in that sort of bullshit.

*Another thing I’ve added recently that Dr. Kelley suggests, is every day I liquefy 3 to 6 heaping tablespoons, (but no more than that) of raw beef liver to my morning juice. Another fear that I’ve had to walk the self corrective application of,  and in doing so have realized that taking the liver is making a Huge difference in that I am having more strength and a general awareness of how much my physical body is lovin it.

“Liver is a wonderful energy food and cannot be surpassed as a blood builder. It is especially crucial for leukemia and lymphoma patients, as their blood is unusually weak. However, all cancer patients can benefit from the intake of raw liver before noon each day. In the mid 1960s, when Dr. Kelley was told he was in the final stages of pancreatic and liver cancer, he found that raw liver blended into carrot juice gave him strength when everything else he ate made him feel ill.

Raw organic, antibiotic-free and hormone-free liver contains a multitude of live enzymes, amino acids and other intrinsic factors that science has not yet identified, which are destroyed when the liver is cooked. (References to “intrinsic” or “unidentified” food factors are fairly common in nutritional literature. They result from clinical reactions, which cannot be linked to known nutrients. Raw liver for cancer patients is an excellent example of powerful therapeutic, but unexplained, effects.) There are no supplements or drugs that can take the place of raw liver; none are in any way comparable in their effects. Eating raw liver ensures thorough digestion and the replacement of expended nutrients, promoting excellent health.” ~ One Answer to Cancer

*Just to note here that at the moment, I’m only able to stay to the ‘ON Cycle’ for 7 to 9 days where in the first month I was able to stay ‘ON’ for 10 to 13 days – this then is when I become toxic,  which at this point begins with a severe headache – which means it’s time to go OFF Everything to give my body 5 days to recover and repair itself.

*I’m also seeing that I’m having more pimples on my overall physical body which is cool because this is another way my body is getting rid of the cancer.

*I’ve now had 2 HCG Specimen Tests or, The Titer Urine Test, both of which I get the results of through ‘The Navarro Medical Clinic‘, which is under the direction of Dr. Efren Navarro. I will be taking the test again in 2 months.

Here are my results:

Dear Cathy,

Your latest HCG Test Result on 07/20/2013 is:
Index + 4,(53.0 Int. Units)

This is within the positive range. It remains unchanged as compared to the last one on 06/05/13(53.0 IU).

It has been a month or more from the last test and Alternative medication takes time and at times the result may take longer to go down. At least, this one did not go up which is good.

I suggest that you do continue with your alternative regimen.

A range of 49 or below will indicate remission: Interpretation of Readings

Wishing you the best of health, I remain.

EFNavarro,MD

*I’ve also been experiencing some overall pain throughout my entire physical body. Though, the pain is greater in the area of my lower left abdomen and my upper back and neck area. Fortunately I’ve been able to assist myself through/with breathing techniques given to me specifically during my weekly chat with Sunette Spies.

So, the biggest problem is Not my physical body as it’s doing quite well actually. The biggest problem is and has always been who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as, as my mind as Consciousness.  This I am becoming more and more aware of and I will continue to direct myself to stop the self interest of and as it that I’ve consumed myself as for my entire life and Direct myself to investigate, forgive and release the constructs and preprogramming and re-design myself according to what’s Best for All.  Because I’m coming to a clearer understanding within myself, that life is not a lesson, but more an opportunity to Face All of who we are within all and everything that is here.

It’s too bad that we accept and allow Money to be that which motivates us, because in the end, Money isn’t even real enough to go with us when we die. In the end we won’t want a huge pile of money sitting beside us to bid us farewell, No!

So, how come we don’t ask ourselves why we’re so afraid to Give to All that which only those with Money are able to receive when we could All come Together in Agreement and Give to All that which we would Each like to Receive?

Investigate: Living Income Guaranteed proposal.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that resistance to change is indicating the control of the accepted and allowed patterns of my current limited version of me as self interest that occupies the space and time that I realize I must change to become that which is best for all life as me in the part I am as participation in the current accepted whole as the one system that exist as humanity and this world.” Bernard Poolman

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it acceptable that others may suffer by the effect I cause while I take time to sort out my priorities without regard that at this moment, while I am occupied, another is in a position that will improve faster if I act immediately and with sustained consistency till that which is best for all life is here in every way.” Bernard Poolman 

“I commit myself to prioritize my life to that which is best for me in the way that it is best for all life realizing that I cannot do it all, but what I do I must do well and in the full understanding and certainty that I will produce me as the optimum life form here that will be best for the process to life. I commit myself to consistency in action with the understanding that as I walk to life, that which I become as life will become easier through time and I accept the pressure and resistance that will go along with the reintegration of that which is best for all life as I understand that the resistance are the indicator that makes the reality of the process measurable.” Bernard Poolman

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Day 194: Ask and Ye Shall Receive Meant Give to Take

ask and ye shall receive
When I used to refer to myself as a ‘Christian’, my idea of ‘ask and ye shall receive’ was actually one of ‘give to take’. So basically, I’ve never given of myself in any way that I wasn’t first taking from, because I’ve always been looking to replace a negative energy experience of myself within my mind with a positive one, and this, I’ve played out within every aspect of my life. And in doing so, I’ve wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I also see that I’ve always reaped what I have sown. Meaning, there have always been a consequence for my actions because my actions have always been on the take – even when I convinced myself within my mind that I was existing within a giving nature, I wasn’t, I was only ever taking because I never gave anything without expecting something in return.

When I gave, whether it was from an emotional need or a feeling I called ‘Love’, it has always been similar to making a cash deposit and expecting to receive interest in return for it. Self has been my only interest and it’s an interest of conditions.

I’ve no real idea what it is to actually give unconditionally much less live unconditionally. My entire life has been preprogrammed energetic conditioning. I’ve loved with conditions. I’ve given with conditions. I’ve learned with conditions. I’ve cried with conditions and I’ve hated with conditions. Therefore, I’ve never known who I am as an expression of ‘giving as one would like to receive’ because I’ve never known what it is to be free from some sort of conditioning, thus, I’ve never known what it is to actually be free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief myself to be a ‘Christian’, where I beLIEved and lived the meaning of ‘Ask and ye shall receive’ as one of ‘give to take’ – where I always tried to replace a negative energy experience of myself with a positive one because within my mind I’ve constantly feared facing what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, thus instead of facing myself,  I’ chose to preoccupy, distract and/or entertain myself as my mind and in doing so have wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I re-commit myself to investigate and educate myself as to how, why and who I am as my Mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, to thus, forgive that which I’ve accepted and allowed and begin to walk and support who I am as my Physical Body to be able to support our Physical Reality according to what’s best for All.

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills: Understand Yourself –> Desteni Lite

Day 160: When Anger Hurts

I just woke up from a dream in which I saw myself in anger so vividly that I had to get up and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry in how as Americans we actually spend time talking about and believe that there is a Presidential candidate to pick from that will make a difference within our world – where an actual change will occur within our current world/money system. When we have clearly seen how 44 Presidents later and here we are, and not one has been able to bring an end to war or poverty and starvation, and that those atrocities, are not even the top 3 issues that we are concerned about resolving.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that instead of answering hard questions, like why do the majority of us continue to work our asses off to support the minority who have all the money, and why is it we’re alright with spending the evening hearing the same lies over and over about how things will change – when in fact, there is No real solution given that will actually assist to bring about real change – the kind of change that brings an end to all suffering.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I’m angry that money and whether we’ll have enough of it is always on our mind – so much so that we’ve become the human race, where the rules are that we must compete with each other to survive, and that’s all we do.

I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry for the mess we’ve made of our world, and how our children are the ones who will be left holding the bill, a debt they can never repay,  and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry that we expect acts of bravery from our children when we’ve not a clue what it really means to be courageous – the kind of courage it takes to Stand up for and as All as One as Equal.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that I lied to my children when I said I believed in freedom when clearly the only free is in the dumbing down of those of us who work day in and day out only to be a paycheck away from homeless and hungry and,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

feel the shame in anger as I have witnessed the heartache of survival through the lives of those who have gone before me, where life is lived where one is either rich and getting richer, or poor and hoping to survive another day.  And,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how,

I am angry that as parents we have accepted a money system that doesn’t care if the newborn baby just born unto this world will have food, clean water, healthcare, an education, or even a home, because we’ve not taken the time to investigate the solution where Heaven on Earth can be a reality for us all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swell up inside myself in sorrow for the anger I see I’m existing as, and for how when I hear myself say the word anger,  I see how I have defined anger as that which I have come to ‘manage’, where within me, I store anger away so that I can continue to accept, allow and continue to support the existence of abuse within our current world/money system where the  rich profit off the suffering of the poor and how we actually tell ourselves that we’re ok with that.

Thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that anger only hurts when we use it against ourself and each other, therefore, I commit myself to stop suppressing who I am as anger because I see, realize and understand that anger will assist me to direct myself in common sense according to and in support of a system where life is given honor in accordance to what’s best for all.

Day 159: The Dirty Little Secrets in Anger

For context read: Day 158: Angry and I Don’t Know Why
Self-Commitment Statements to Stop who I am as anger

When and as I see myself existing within the energetic swirls of anger, I stop, I breathe.  I see, realize and understand that any perception that I may have of being angry toward another is just a flat out illusion because in reality, I’m angry at myself,  and therefore it is vital that I breathe and investigate what’s going on within me that’s causing me to want to find fault in whoever it is that is next in line for me to blame for the bad experience I’m having of myself,  because the fact is, anger is like a ticking time bomb,, an accumulation of moments where I’ve suppressed, compounded and completely avoided taking self-responsibility for myself according to how and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as.

I commit myself to stop who I am as the dirty little secrets in anger because I see, realize and understand that anger is a cover up for the parts of me that exists in/as ego which manifest within this world as the horrors that I fear admitting I am a responsible for/as.

I commit myself to Stop anger as my path of preTense where I accept and allow tension to flow through me as my physical body while I pretend to be a survivor of and separate from the madness that exists within our world while I use anger as the tool to generate emotional conflict within myself which compounds into my flesh and bone as that which I’ve long ignored as it fuels the acceptance and allowance of who and what I exist as as who I am through and as the direction of and as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to show how anger is a direct reflection of what I hide in shame of in fear that I’ll be called on to claim my fame for how the inner me is mirrored as how the outer world represents me as all the while trying to convince myself that there is no way that I am directly responsible for the wars and greed that exist within and as the minds of men when in fact, I know that I cannot deny that I am responsible for how our world exists.

I commit myself to stop what I have denied as who I am as the reaction I become in/as guilt which I defend in/as anger because I fear the shame in admitting my denial because I see, realize and understand that that which I dish out is exactly what I will receive, and for the things that I accept and allow to happen unto another, I accept and allow to happen unto me thus, I commit myself to Never forget the mathematical equation within the principle of equality.

I commit myself to breathe and investigate who I am in/as anger, because I see, realize and understand that anger is an inner suppression based on blame, shame, regret, guilt and ego, where within myself I fear what I see I have accepted and allowed, where I have believed that I have the  inability to direct my life and take self-responsibility for the dishonesty that I’ve existed as – because within the secrets of my mind I use excuses to not see what it is that makes me unhappy and full of anxiety and thus, I constantly place responsibility on someone else, instead of standing up and directing myself to take responsibility for myself and every single living being, therefore, I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to support an Equal Money system which will support every living being according to what’s best for all.