Tag Archive | cats

Day 277: Death of a Pet – Part 2: Assistance and Support

For Context Read: Day 276: Death of a Pet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when Remmy died based upon how I’ve reacted in the past when I’ve lost an animal, and for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself within a positive energy experience, which accumulates and contributes to the physical moment of shock, trauma and stress upon my physical body, and then when the nature of life as death comes, I’m not prepared,  because I didn’t understand the nature of our relationship in the first place, thus unable to in that moment direct myself effectively, free from reaction, shock, trauma and ultimately stress upon and within my physical body.

remmy my protector

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within and during short and/ or long term relationships – where if something happens to someone that I have a relationship with – whether they go missing, or leave,  or die – I experience not only ’emotional’ shock, trauma and stress, but also shock, trauma and stress to my ‘physical body’ – where my heart races and my breathing is fast, and then my entire physical body will become shaky and weak, so much so that within me I lose the ability to properly direct myself free from the energy of the emotion / fear, thus I attempt to manipulate myself and others by trying to hide my inner turmoil, and in doing so, I not only suppress myself but I fail to remain in awareness of myself, thus I miss seeing how it is actually my own thoughts, feelings and emotions that I’m reacting to thus why I’m unable to find stability to direct myself within the reality of who I am within whatever point I’m facing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship to Remmy according to a positive feeling energy, in how I felt comfort and safety whenever I was around him, and even in the way he would look at me, and I forgive myself for how the consequence of such definition will set the stage for fear of loss and sadness to accumulate and develop within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort within a positive energetic experience based upon ideas that I’ve made up within my mind, – ideas that slowly over the years have accumulated to be more than what my actual physical world/reality relationship with Remmy was, therefore, I forgive myself for not seeing the reality and polarity that finding comfort in an illusion / idea within my mind and for the consequences that doing so creates within and as my physical body.

When and as I see myself as my mind having been triggered by an image of Remmy laying dead in the road – where then the positive energetic memories I have of Remmy are disconnected and the energy of sadness comes up, I Stop, I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that these are connections that are mostly energetically based on feelings and emotions because when the disconnect happens, sadness comes up in polarity as a negative energetic experience begins to develop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the death and dying of others to become my story for the taking, to use for self interest purposes where within my mind I seek to escape the fear of facing myself within the fear of loss to fuel my mind as the energy in order  to gain attention to / for myself as a weird way of trying to validate myself to myself for myself.

When and as I see myself going into this particular mind-set in polarity, I Stop, I Breathe, instead, I Commit myself to direct myself to disengage all participation in thoughts, emotions and/or feelings in relation to what is being triggered and to instead focus on asking myself the question: who am I in relation to this point and why am I suppressing myself within a false sense of hope because for me, when hope exists I can use it as a tool to see when I’m hiding in my own fear of death and / or loss of self.

I Commit myself to investigate the nature of who I am within my current relationships, to take any positive energy experience that I may have with another and to write down the words as well as how I will specifically support myself in changing those positive words into actual practical physical living expressions as myself.

I Commit myself to the relationship to the remembrance of Remmy, Fozzy and Charlie and all the pets that I’ve lost to be one of gratefulness in terms of what I learned from each of them.

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Day 276: Death of a Pet

It was like any other morning, where I make my way past the back door, stopping to glance out the window with the hope of saying good morning to our outside dogs, But this morning, what I saw was our dog Remmy, laying dead in the middle of the road. At first sight I knew that the animal I was looking at was dead, because of the amount of damage done to it’s physical body. Immediately I became aware of how my mind searched for energy, a way to make the image I was seeing Not be Remmy.

Staring out the window at the body I became oddly aware of how within me, it was like I was spinning out of control and I knew I had to stop but yet, I didn’t want to. It was interesting to within such a moment, to implement the ‘looking system’, whereby becoming aware of what I was accepting and allowing as thought participation and then the emotions and feelings.

So in looking closer and investigating the point, I could see how I was becoming emotional and thus wanted to become the energy / surge of heat /the buzz of terror at the sight of my dog laying there in such a state…I took a deep breath and made the decision to not participate within and as the energy and directed myself to move, to put on my boots and walk to the road, to know for sure what I already knew… It Was Remmy, and he was dead.

He had probably been killed within the hour and it looked like he’d been sleeping in the road – which is something he often did regardless of the countless number of times my partner and I tried to keep him out of the road, and in our fenced back yard. It didn’t matter, Remmy was like an expert escape artist, and so finally we stopped trying to keep him fenced in. There were many, many times where he’d slept near or in the road, and always he would hear any cars or trucks coming and would move out of the way, but, not this time.

By the looks of his body, it was probably someone driving one of the several semi-trucks that have begun to daily speed carelessly up and down the old country road we live the other side of. So in the 7 years that we’ve lived here, the once quiet road has changed and is now particularly busy. This because the road has become a frequented passage way for a nearby fracking company who use it to haul supplies to and from.

I’ve watched how the speeding semi’s have caused some nervousness with all our animals and because of how fast they drive, I’ve feared for their safety. More than once I’ve called our county sheriff’s office and asked them to please come and moderate the speed of these guys driving for these major corporations, but I was told that the county doesn’t have the money thus no manpower to follow this problem through to a solution.

So in a way, Remmy, like most of us, fell victim to a system that unfortunately values profit over life. And as I look outside my backdoor window, I realize that I have to forgive myself for the blame, the rage, and the helplessness I want to be and become because I realize the cold hard truth, that life on earth is a very dangerous place. Less dangerous though, if one have enough money to buy their way around the danger, if only for a moment.

Looking at who I am in relation to Remmy’s death, the first thing that comes up is the memory of the day he was born which was not long after we moved to the country, which will be 7 years next month. So Remmy has been here supporting us through much of the beginning, the beginning of when my partner and I got serious about walking our process, our Journey to Life.

The fact is, I would need more than 2 hands to count the number of animals that we’ve had in the past 7 years that have died and are buried here on our land, but my relationship with Remmy has been the longest. So the length of time one puts into the relationship with all the memories, etc, that’s what determines the degree that one will grieve for and miss that someone or something, when they or it’s no longer here and I mean it’s a loss because it’s our ‘relationships’ that fuel our mind…

Another point to mention is how I noticed that when I saw Remmy’s body laying there in the road, lifeless and mangled,,, I felt offended for him. Like he deserved a better ending for the life that he lived. And, the thing is, as ‘sweet’ as that ‘feeling/thought‘ might appear, it’s deceptive because, it is in that thought participation that what happens is, I walk straight into playing the starring role as the victim. The human under consciousness direction, it’s like self interest gives way in that we’ll use the knowledge/the story of the death of another in absurd ways to bring attention to ourself.

This is how our mind as consciousness exists and directs us. Mostly because, I mean, we’re not doing so good at directing ourself, so then who we are as consciousness steps in… So we’ve got to be able to understand who we are as our mind so we can assist and support ourselves to be the directive principle within our world – instead of consciousness automating us, which is clearly what’s happening. What other explanation is there for why we accept and allow within our world things like poverty, war, money, power and greed?

the boys

It’s important for me to mention that Remmy is not the only dog that we’ve lost recently. Our big white Pyrenees: Fozzy, as well as: Charlie – a couple of months ago, they left on an adventure and never made it home – which is odd because not knowing for sure how or if they’re dead, kind of keeps death at bay, so to speak. Whereas Remmy’s death seemed to push the point for closure and forgiveness, so, here I am, facing who I am in relation to it.

In future blogs, I will continue with Self-Forgiveness

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Suggest the Following:

Losing someone is like Losing a part of Myself – DAY 491 – The Moment of Shock

Losing someone is like Losing a part of Myself (Part 2) – DAY 492 – The Moment of Shock

The Death of a Loved One and the Death of Me – DAY 493 – The Moment of Shock

Stop Your Thoughts, Change Yourself – Reptilians – Part 284

What Your Thoughts Depend on: Environment – Reptilians – Part 285

Animal Interviews & Support

Day 5: Trust Thy Neighbor As Thyself

I put on my boots to go outside to give the dogs some treats because the ticks here at the moment are the worse they’ve ever been, and even that didn’t stop them from landing on me. As I walked around the yard sharing snacks, and walking under trees, I had 4 ticks drop down onto my bald head, down the side of my face and onto my arm. Ticks dropping from trees! Sneaky little bastards.

I began to sweep the back porch, and Fozzy, our white Pyrenees, whose slightly grumpy at the moment – looked at me as if to say, ‘I’m not movin’. I didn’t blame him. It was obvious that his mood and my mood were equal in that moment.

Fozzy has been grumpy for the past few days, because he’s been stuck in the back yard tied to a 15 foot chain because recently, our neighbor came over to tell us that Fozzy and Remmy, (who are the two older boys of the 5 male dogs we have left) – he said that they had killed his 10 month old pup – Remmy is now also tied to a 12 foot chain.

Our neighbor said that he didn’t actually see them kill the pup, but said he was “sure they did”.
When I asked the specifics, he didn’t really have any. He just said that he already buried his dog. So there was absolutely no proof in his accusation. This is the same neighbor who, when we first moved here almost 4 years ago, told us how he’d just thrown a sack of new born kittens into the river to drown because he just couldn’t afford to feed them.

He didn’t appreciate me telling him at the time how cruel and irresponsible that was. And, I realize now that that set the framework for how I ‘felt’ toward him.

Honestly, I trust my animals. I don’t trust him. He also said that other neighbors were rather “put off” with how our dogs all run together and that they tend to “gang up” on other people’s dogs, (everyone’s dogs around here run freely everywhere).

He said he didn’t want to “alarm us”, but that if we aren’t able to keep them “in the yard”, he’s afraid someone is going to shoot them. So for the past few days Fozzy and Remmy have been in an outside prison with very little room to move, and I don’t like it anymore than they do.

We are looking into what we can afford as other options because, what kind of life is it for them to be tied to one area. Maybe they’d rather enjoy running and playing and taking the risk of being shot rather than being tied up doing time. I know I would much prefer it.

Hell – we’re all stuck in time so why the hell won’t we make time to “Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself“, and “Give as we would like to Receive”.

I applied self-forgiveness out-loud while I swept off the porch and remembered what Bernard wrote in the Face Book group NEIGHBORISM.

“Their is an ISM that will be effective to support all life here in ways that is best for all. it is NEIGHBORISM.”

“NEIGHBORISM will replace capitalism, socialism, communism and all the other ways we have managed the world. With Neighborism the message of Jesus and other teachers that showed that love practically applied means to give as you would like to receive and to love your neighbor as yourself would become a living reality. Equal money and Desteni will get you to Neighborism. If you claim love is the answer, prove it with Neighborism.” – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not trust a word that comes out of my neighbors mouth.

I forgive myself for the urge to politely slap my neighbor in the face for his ignorance and abusive nature to animals.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat thought of telling my neighbor to his face that he’s a big fat liar.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that my neighbor represents in all ways the part of me that I don’t want to face within myself.

I forgive myself for spiting myself in spite of another.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use spitefulness when I feel powerless.

I forgive myself for standing in spite – instead of in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed-myself to disregard anyone that I believe is telling me a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately disregard and not hear the words of those that I perceive/experience to be lying to me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that I deliberately react in anger within myself and then manifest anger as blame directed towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards the words of others within myself instead of investigating the reactions I experienced within myself towards their words.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the reactions within myself towards another’s words are showing/revealing to me that I am not standing equal and one as the words that I was accepting/allowing myself to react to.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I’m actually reacting towards memories/pictures/ideas/perceptions and beliefs that I have of specific words existent within myself and that I’m not actually reacting to/towards the word itself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can’t trust my neighbor when actually it is myself that I am not trusting in fear of facing the fact that I’ve not stood in and as a point of self-responsibility for my animals and within that I justified my irresponsibility by blaming my neighbor for how my animals and experiencing themselves.

I see, realize and understand that the point of trusting another isn’t possible until and when one is able to trust self as the living directive principle breathing, walking according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see myself reacting in anger and/or spite to memories/pictures/ideas/perceptions attached to the person and/or the words I hear/see, I Stop. I Breathe. I direct me here within the realization that what I react to and/or see/perceive as fault in another is in actuality a point to be faced and released within myself.

When and as I see myself deliberately disregarding and not hearing the words of those that I perceive/experience to be lying to me – I stop. I breathe. I realize the pattern is me not trusting me – like someone covering their ears and not wanting to see the abuse and atrocity that exists within this world and as our current money system – it’s the same point of self-denial. – Instead I stand and face myself within the lie as the lie is here as me to be forgiven and released.

I see, realize and understand that the words within this blog represent me in how I feel/felt, believed and lived as who I am and that it is only me that I am facing as I walk this process through and as those who walk this process alongside me of which I am grateful for.

I commit myself to becoming the actualization of self-honesty in being the living expression of self-honesty always, in seeing the point and realizing what self has accepted and allowed within the point and transforming self in living action in relation to the point seen and what I’ve realized of self within it.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself in standing equal to and one with my human physical body within my process of redefining myself into living words as I assist and support myself to stop the separation of myself as Energy within, and to stand in support of and as all life as I accept and allow myself the patience to push through any remaining resistance in self-honesty until I am equal to and one with myself as living words as me as all as one as equal.

Stopping Childhood Beginning Definitions of Self

After much digging with regards to an earlier video I made, ‘Stopping BlindFold Effects As Fear of Loss’ and blogg, the word ‘Beginning’ confirmed through muscle communication as a relevant self-definition point to release. The video was cool assistance for me in opening up and seeing some cool points to forgive. So, how have I defined myself according to and as who I am within the word ‘beginning’. My definition of the word ‘beginning’ was always from a knowledge and information starting point within dishonesty.  Meaning, the definition I lived as ‘beginning’ was according to and as the same as beginning a task.  As if my whole life and everything I do is a work assigned task of gigantic proportions and that idea of self must stop… I see where this belief I held within me ‘began’ and I’m bringing it to it’s end.  When I was 9, every day after school, I wanted to go outside and play with my friends,  my mom would say, ‘not until you I begin to get your chores done’…???  How does that make sense?  I always had 4 to 6 chore assigned, so when I finished one of them, vacuuming, and was almost out the door, she stopped me and said, ‘your not done’…???  I was confused, because I was going to begin to finish the rest after I played for a bit. I got into trouble often because mom accused me of twisting her words, but I know now that she wasn’t really hearing herself in self-honesty here within and as breath one as her words.

That’s how I began to form resistance to the very ‘idea’ of beginning anything I did.  Whether it was a school assignment or chores at home, it always seemed like I was avoiding beginning my life in every area of it. Like I was on hold…Paused, stuck in my mind of wonderings. Soon I became fearful at beginning anything the least bit unfamiliar or unknown and I hated myself for accepting and allowing such a belief of myself but I didn’t know how to assist myself. It surely would have proved helpful if someone would have suggested I stop participating within and as my thoughts and the emotions and feelings my thoughts triggered.

Then I went to the polarity extreme of myself. I accepted self-limitation to such a degree that I sought validation through trying things others usually won’t try.  In 6th grade I became determined to learn how to ride a unicycle and pushed my mom past her resistance of me having one by getting my dad to buy me one. I remember the day when I realized that my mom could be bought with  money.  Her opinion about me learning to ride one completely changed  when my unicycle was bought and delivered, she then said how cool it was that I was going to learn to ride one… The look on my face when she said that may have gotten me in trouble if she’d been seeing me.  I was shocked because she had made a really big deal about it not being something I needed to do and now I’m like, where was this attitude when I was trying to convince her to buy me one. I saw then just how powerful a tool money is, in how it determines for us who we are and what we accept and allow according to it.  It was as if we never had money until the t.v. broke and we needed a new one. Because within an hour, there was a new one replaced in the spot where the old one was.  I wore glasses from the age 7, and when I was 13, I asked for contact lens. My mom wore contacts and she always said she would take me to get a pair when I turned 13 because, then I would be mature enough.  She didn’t ever use the word responsible ever, so it’s no wonder I never really understood being self-responsible because, I never heard the word used.  I didn’t get my contacts till I was 15 because we didn’t have the money. Well, we did, when we had to have a new car just because the price was such a good deal.

 

This is how I was trained in accordance to self-value within and as our current money system. My mom was trained the same way and I trained my children the same. We all have but we don’t and I won’t continue to support such nonsense because, ultimately children are the ones who suffer. One thing I know for sure is that I never knew how to ask the right questions and, I’m referring about asking self questions because I never asked myself my own perspective in self-honesty so as to understand myself within all that is here. Children must be supported to do so before they become trapped fully engrained within and as the system because, the current money system is not supportive of any form of life here. Unless your form is outlined with pockets of money.

*With regards to the meaning definition of self regarding the word ‘Beginning’ are there any feeling manifestation points relevant?

**I have a sort of cozy feeling in my solar plexus when saying the word ‘beginning’,  like how ones stomach tickles driving down a big hill.  Interesting how from that feeling memory came forth a pictured emotional memory of a the huge hill that lead to my grandma’s house. My mind is now taking me by way of a picture presented in my mind’s memory of the front porch of my grandma’s house.
When I was younger, especially around 7 and 8 years old, I longed to go visit my grandma who lived in the country far from noise where she had quite a bit of land and many animals. She was also very physical in her movements as she hung the clothes out to dry and she didn’t have a dryer then so she hung clothes out every day.  She had many chickens and roosters and she could grab a chicken, twist it’s neck, chop off it’s head, and have it plucked, cleaned and cooked at a speed that left me wide-mouthed and speechless.  She was also an excellent gardener and she did it all, she tilled the dirt, prepared it for planting, planted everything and cared for that garden about as close to loving something for real as anyone is able. I helped her plant and played in the dirt as though I was in heaven.

 

The simplest moments in touch with our earth and plants and animals are  the moments of my past that are the clearest because, I’m participating within and as my physical.  Not my mind… That’s what amazed me about her, she wasn’t afraid to get dirty and though our current money system has always been one of abuse of life, it wasn’t something I ever heard her complain about..

 

That’s the thing though, after years and years of accumulated acceptance of ourselves within our current money system most of us don’t make noise about how atrocious and abusive the system is. We become complacent.  We forget ourselves in our moments here as we work our asses of trying to survive. My grandma was tough, but as us all, she suppressed thoughts and they way she felt about life and rarely if ever did she show any signs of emotion. She’s still alive and 96 and I’ve seen her cry one time when her youngest child/son died, and he was 65!!

**Interesting how our mind will take trips to the past in a flash because, instantly I went from the bottom of that hill within a quick feeling with regards to the word ‘beginning’, to the front door of the house my grandma lived.

It’s easy to understand how come we like to take trips because, that’s how the mind is, it trips us in thoughts and then traps us in feelings and emotions.  I recall how my mom would make the comment at least once a month, about how she needed to take a trip, that she had to get out of town… Then she would get out of town and couldn’t wait to take a trip and hurry back into town….. It would have been more appropriate if she would have just said what was really going on with her, that really, she needed to escape to new scenery and receive new input so as to charge and update her mind. The Mind Consciousness System seeks and searches always and manipulates us to participate in thoughts which then cause us to move our physical body accordingly and in doing so we fail to consider ourself and all life within self-honesty, so we remain enslaved within and as a Mind Consciousness System.

Memories keep us stuck in our past to such a degree, that unless there is a specifically fed energy charge within the memory and adequate participation to fuel it, we won’t see them as anything more than annoyance and/or entertainment.  And the effects of accepting and allowing ourself to participate within and as them is the guises of self dishonesty.  The memory patterns seem to converge and emerge as if to have value and the only value they serve is when we’re facing them in self-honesty, pushing the points through in self-forgiveness. Otherwise they are as useless as the files we put in the recycle bin of our computer.

Because just like our computers requiring input, when we ask the correct input within the starting point of self-honesty then we’re able to effectively follow the point through to release and walk self-corrective application. Which will bring us to an end point which is the beginning of self as all as one as Equal. Everything  here has a beginning and an end. So the point that brings us to an end will be our ‘Beginning’ direction of and as self as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe a pre-defined meaning of myself within and as my name.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to determine who I will be according to who I was a moment ago, an hour ago, a day ago and tomorrow.  Instead of realizing who I am is here breathing as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an hour glass perception of myself according to time.   Instead I stand here in this moment breathing equal within and as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have a predetermined  definition of who I am in this moment. Instead I realize that words are here for communicating and sharing myself here in this moment within and as all life here.

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