Tag Archive | Cathy’s Journey to Life

Day 196: Moving Through

The subject of money, or rather the lack thereof came up tonight when my daughter and her partner asked if we could help them out with giving them some gas money so they can get to work. As we continued to discuss the point, I became increasingly aware of the FAMILIar and dull pain located within my upper back between my shoulder blades. The pain, which had remained silent for most of the day, began to slowly radiate in a straight line through and into my chest area. Before, when my daughter has asked me for money I reacted and so this is a point I’m aware of and have been applying self-forgiveness for. It’s very interesting when the pain starts, because it’s like my physical body is giving me an alert to assist myself to focus on my breathing.

Continuing here further with self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements to thus move myself through this point in self-corrective application.
moving through
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of anxiety and dread where I fear that when my daughter asks me for money that I will react in irritation and ultimately regret and within this, I see, realize and understand that my reaction is coming from a pattern as a memory/construct within my mind according to how our relationship used to be, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a memory/construct/habit that is actually only real because I keep accepting, allowing and thus making it real.

I commit myself to stop this pattern of my mind that I have given permission for.

I commit myself to releasing the control I have given myself permission for within my mind with regards to how I have accepted and allowed the idea and the mere mention of money to seize and control me through fear,  because I see, realize and understand that when I focus on breathing and remain in awareness of who I am in self-honesty then I am able to stand stable and move myself and make decisions according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand who I am capable of becoming free from the impulse within my mind to over react to the subject of money, to direct myself to change the nature of who I’ve been within the fear of my mind being in control of me, and to instead see, realize and understand that I Decide who I am, and I Choose to Stand Stable, Equal to and one in an agreement to change the inner me to one that will ultimately manifest my outer world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to move this point through in self-corrective application according to living as an example of how relationships can be transformed into and as agreements through self directing self walking according to what’s best for all.

For Relationship and Self-Support: DIP Lite
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Day 195: See The Blind Spot

equalmoney capitalsim
I just finished watching the documentary “Blind Spot” which illustrates clearly the current oil and energy crisis we are facing within our world. This stuff, it should  be broadcast over and over on every television station until we freakin get it because seriously, we’re in deep shit trouble.  The documentary is very educational and it sums up the unbelievable amount of ignorance and greed that we as a humanity exist as as we continue to burn fossil fuels – which are sucking the life out of our planet earth – while we continue to consume our way to oblivion.

I mean, I get it. I get how we become so consumed in our race to survive that we actually tell ourselves that everything is going to be okay when clearly it isn’t. I see now how absurd the things I believed in were according to the ideas and opinions I’ve existed as according to my mind, and it’s downright disgraceful how I’ve taken the gifts given for Everyone from our Physical Reality for granted.

We are going to have to begin to understand who we are as our mind.  Like how and why we think and feel and react in repeating patterns over and over so we can stop who we’ve become and see who we can be through self-forgiveness and self-honesty.

I’ve lived in America my entire life. I come from a middle class family where electricity comes with the convenience of flipping a switch and a seemingly clean glass of water to drink, is a given – well, that is if one has money to pay for them.

I never questioned how the things I always ‘believed’ was ‘my right’ to have – such as water and heat and lights –  I never questioned what would I do if that which I’ve taken for granted were suddenly no longer here to be had?  I never questioned the amount of work/money that was involved in order for me to have water and heat/electricity, nor did I ever question how much money my parents paid every month to huge corporations just so we could have them.

I certainly never questioned or considered the thousands, no millions of people who don’t have either electricity, heat or clean water simply because they aren’t able to pay for it.

I never had a clue as to how our world/money system currently, actually function.

It doesn’t make sense how the every day things that we each one require to survive  – like food and water and heat and electricity/energy – how these life essentials are not even talked about amongst parents and children.  And children certainly aren’t educated or given a solution that will ensure that Life itself will always be able to sustain itself.  Why is that not a top priority?

I’ve lived my life as an energetic fiend. Always taking from what is here instead of giving and assisting in maintaining and supporting life here according to what’s best for all.  The first time I actually began to seriously question my reality, my world, was just over 5 years ago when I first began to hear and read the massive amounts of material offered through Desteni.

It was their message that encouraged me to educate myself as to how our world/money system functions and to investigate the part that self plays within it all and to stand up and take self-responsibility for our world.

I admit that it has not been easy to look in the mirror, to investigate what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist within our world,  but I can also say for a fact that it was way harder to remain stuck in my mind of make beLIEf than it’s been to face, forgive and begin to assist myself to be able to assist in bringing about a world that is best for all.

I seriously challenge anyone reading this to do the same.

See The Blind Spot  and Investigate Equal Money

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Day 194: Ask and Ye Shall Receive Meant Give to Take

ask and ye shall receive
When I used to refer to myself as a ‘Christian’, my idea of ‘ask and ye shall receive’ was actually one of ‘give to take’. So basically, I’ve never given of myself in any way that I wasn’t first taking from, because I’ve always been looking to replace a negative energy experience of myself within my mind with a positive one, and this, I’ve played out within every aspect of my life. And in doing so, I’ve wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I also see that I’ve always reaped what I have sown. Meaning, there have always been a consequence for my actions because my actions have always been on the take – even when I convinced myself within my mind that I was existing within a giving nature, I wasn’t, I was only ever taking because I never gave anything without expecting something in return.

When I gave, whether it was from an emotional need or a feeling I called ‘Love’, it has always been similar to making a cash deposit and expecting to receive interest in return for it. Self has been my only interest and it’s an interest of conditions.

I’ve no real idea what it is to actually give unconditionally much less live unconditionally. My entire life has been preprogrammed energetic conditioning. I’ve loved with conditions. I’ve given with conditions. I’ve learned with conditions. I’ve cried with conditions and I’ve hated with conditions. Therefore, I’ve never known who I am as an expression of ‘giving as one would like to receive’ because I’ve never known what it is to be free from some sort of conditioning, thus, I’ve never known what it is to actually be free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief myself to be a ‘Christian’, where I beLIEved and lived the meaning of ‘Ask and ye shall receive’ as one of ‘give to take’ – where I always tried to replace a negative energy experience of myself with a positive one because within my mind I’ve constantly feared facing what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, thus instead of facing myself,  I’ chose to preoccupy, distract and/or entertain myself as my mind and in doing so have wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I re-commit myself to investigate and educate myself as to how, why and who I am as my Mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, to thus, forgive that which I’ve accepted and allowed and begin to walk and support who I am as my Physical Body to be able to support our Physical Reality according to what’s best for All.

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills: Understand Yourself –> Desteni Lite

Day 193: Spent

Money plays a role in every decision I make and even determines how I physically move myself.   Money is and has always been the most important silent moving piece that I take with me to determine in every moment who I will be.

spentI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear an inner feeling of being spent, used up, consumed, as if there’s nothing left, broken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve become the thought/image of myself within my mind, where I see myself spralled out on the ground, my physical body exhausted and enveloped in feeling spent, used up, consumed and broken.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and internal conversation of ‘this is to much’, and within that I forgive myself for how I imagine ways within my mind to manipulate and conform another to ‘my way of thinking’, and when that doesn’t work, then I return to feeling used up, consumed, as if there’s nothing left, broken,,, unless, I have money, because with money I can use it to manipulate others to hear and be what I want them to be, or, at least that’s what I tell myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how my relationship to money, to spending, to consuming, to manipulating, bleeds over into every aspect of my life, including every single relationship I’ve ever existed in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I use money as a means to react to others in a pretentious manner as a personality that is belittling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I use money as a way of motivating myself to appear to others as some sort of ‘Force’ to be reckoned with, where I feel my chest protruding out with my chin tilted slightly upward and within that an overall feeling of physical discomfort within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I pretend that money doesn’t influence who I am when the fact is, when my bank account gets low I begin to panic inside myself and my mind begins to look for ways and means and even things to pawn in order to secure my mind’s idea of surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have manifested relationships within my life using money as the motivator, thus when I remove money as the motivator, I remove the very thing that has held the relationship intact.

When and as I see myself existing in fear as an inner feeling of spent, used up and/or consumed, broken, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to redirecting myself through self-forgiveness and I commit myself to stopping the thought/image of myself within my mind where I see myself spralled out on the ground with my physical body exhausted within and as feelings of being spent, used up, consumed and broken.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve become as the consumer.

I commit myself to stop manipulating others by using money as a motivator.

I commit myself to continue walking this Journey to Life through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I commit myself to support a world system that supports life according to what’s best for all.

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Investigate Equal Money

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Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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Day 192: Let Life Be With Equal Money

226840_1846999506872_1597216487_1803901_4818362_nI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will become of this world if we continue to “let it be”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in/as the thought/image of myself as walking away, letting it be, letting life be within the totality of the inequality that exists within and as our world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s ok to just ‘let it be’, meaning: that this is the best we are as a humanity – that’s it’s ok to accept and allow hunger and war and profit and loss, that we should just keep quiet, let it be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself already at the end of my day – where my work is done – where I collapse onto the couch, put my feet up and give myself permission to zone out to the television because I deserve to just ‘let it be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the ‘let it be’ mindset – where I don’t have to take self-responsibility for how our current world exists because I work hard every day and nothing will ever change anyway, so, I can just ‘let it be’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the backchat within my mind that says: “this world will never change”, because I see, realize and understand that such a statement is me as my mind attempting to put off taking self-responsibility for the massive amount of abuse and ignorance that we continue to accept and allow as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed with our current world/money system to such a degree that my physical body has become feverish and achy, and as a result, I’ve not stood stable and directed myself according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quiet, to ‘let it be’ in order to ‘keep the peace’ – which is nothing more than an attempt to avoid seeing the truth of what is happening within our world where Capitalism is devouring us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses and to look to others for the answers to who, how, what and why our current world/money system exists as it does.

I commit myself to stop hiding behind masks of and as my mind as characters and personalities and to stand and face me all of me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing my mind as imagination to run away with and from me and to instead face who I am within the reflections I see of me within and our current world/money system.

I commit myself to stop living the lie of ‘let it be’, because I see, realize and understand that war, poverty and starvation exist because we accept and allow and ‘let it be’, all the while there is the Solution of Equal Money.

I commit myself to breathe and remain aware of the reality of our current world/money system and to show how Equal Money can and will bring lasting change to end all suffering.

I commit myself to show that hunger and war and profit and loss are merely symptoms of a currupt world/money system and that this is Not how Life is suppose to be and that together, one by one, together, we can create Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to show how it is Not Ok to zone out to t.v. or drugs, or alcohol or anything for that matter because Life is here within and as our Physical Reality – it is Not zoning out in our mind – and, Life requires the assistance of Everyone, thus, I commit myself to Stand together in support of an Equal Money System – the Only System that supports All Life Equally.

I commit myself to breathe and stand stable, to show that Yes WE Can “Let Life Be” with Equal Money.
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Investigate Equal Money

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Earth Journey to Life

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Day 191: Empathy Pain

With having extra people living with us, it’s been somewhat of a challenge for me to direct myself effectively to blog. And, as much as I’m enjoying it, having a 2 year old here all the time is taking some getting used to. What I’ve been realizing the past few days is that I exhibit empathy to/towards my daughter in particular, and in doing so, I also internalize irritation and anger which I’m seeing creates a consequence for me as my physical body which ultimately manifests physical pain. This is actually cool because I see that empathy is a point that I have accumulated for quite some time so here I will be forgiving, releasing and re-committing myself to direct myself to walk the point through in self-corrective application.

empathy painI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in and as empathy to/towards my daughter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the emotional pain of others where I unconsciously become addicted to the experience of myself within and as the manifested consequences of/as the physical irritation/anger within my mind/beingness in how I relate to and react – in particular to my adult daughter – where I try and help and/or align myself with her by taking on her emotional pain according to how I interpret her pain within my mind and how in doing so I compromise myself and others as myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how fear is always self-generated and event orientated in how I take an external event that occurs and interpret and internalize it as a starting point to generate fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a negative energy experience where I took the action of what another did personally and reacted shifting blame and responsibility onto them instead of taking responsibility for how and what I was experiencing within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape, conform and condition myself within this world according to how I create other people’s minds in my own wherein I imagine how they must be feeling and experiencing themselves thus basically taking on their pain as my pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use an external influence/event to create an internal experience within myself of which I then act as as an expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live vicariously through the perception within my mind as the idea I have of how my daughter may or may not be experiencing herself according to thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a means to wanting, needing and desiring to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a self defined category of my mind as polarity friction/conflict between what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to use empathy as a means for manipulating another human being to agree with my point of view in order to confirm the conditionings of my mind according to what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ and according to how I’m existing in how I create other people’s minds in/as my own in how I perceive they’re feeling and experiencing themself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I’m creating other people’s minds in/as my own in how I perceive they’re feeling and experiencing themselves, that what I’m really doing is existing in self-interest in seeking to control other people’s feelings, emotions and basically their life.

When and as I see myself take on the emotional pain of others where I unconsciously become addicted to the experience of myself as the manifested consequences of/as the physical irritation/anger within my mind/beingness in how I relate to and/or react to my daughter through words as the definitions I’ve given to them, I stop, I breathe – I see realize and understand that in doing so I am actually resisting a point of real physical changethus I commit myself to investigate the definitions that I have given to words because I see, realize and understand that I’ve used words and  definitions as pictures within my mind and in doing so I have limited myself to expressions of my past and thus my words are not defined as life, but are instead trapped by definitions from my past, thus, I commit myself to stop.
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Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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Day 190: This Fixes Everything

create change with Equal Money

Art By: JL Kenney

“They’ll wonder why poverty continued so long in human society – how a few people could live in luxury while billions dwelt in misery, deprivation and despair.” ~ Muhammad Yunus

Everyday the cost of living increases, and with that increase, comes an increase in stress.

There is only one reason why there’s a price for living… Greed.

How insane is it that we continue to accept and allow our world/money system to be run by profit and greed…

People are so consumed in their minds, always busy “robbing from Peter to pay Paul”, that it’s no surprise that the daily news reads of a world full of people struggling.  The increase in suicide, crime and/or mass murder/suicide amongst teens and young adults is like something out of a horror movie.

Parents today are emotionally unavailable and clueless when it comes to raising children. And the majority of young parents today, don’t have a clue how to make a home-cooked meal for their children let alone display any practical common sense skills in order to be an example of living as a responsible human being committed to what’s best for All Life.

I really don’t know what’s going to become of the world we’re leaving for the children of our world, but what’s clear is, we are ALL in serious trouble. We’re overworked, stressed out and have basically given up that our world will ever change. We certainly realize that changing ourself in a way that will have a substantial effect on All life here on Earth,  is virtually impossible.

What will we do? What is a Real Solution? A Solution that doesn’t require war… Where can we get help? Is there a place where people will listen to the needs and consider the question of  why is it that there is a minority who are rich while the majority suffer daily living in poverty, fighting wars, fighting debt and fighting each other while fighting to survive?

When will we realize that Equal Money Fixes Everything?

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that democracy as it exists now in the world is not empowering the individual, it is only a permission process to legally give all power to a few people that do not hold the interest of the individual at heart – and if viewed as a picture-representation, it is like a human body where the cells are the individuals that vote and give all power to the mind to do whatever it wants, thus in fact creating a clear dictatorship where only the dictatorship is valued and the celliziens/citizen is ignored, but for their labor and money they provide.” Bernard Poolman

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For Context Read:
Nearly half of families are worried about debts as toxic combination of runaway inflation and low wage growth means they struggle to make ends meet

Families hit after supermarkets hike ‘budget’ food prices by as much as 110% in just a year

Sandy Hook community buries more of its tiny victims

State ‘fails’ thousands of vulnerable children

300,000 will be in fuel poverty by Christmas

Investigate Equal Money

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Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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