Tag Archive | behaviour

Day 191: Empathy Pain

With having extra people living with us, it’s been somewhat of a challenge for me to direct myself effectively to blog. And, as much as I’m enjoying it, having a 2 year old here all the time is taking some getting used to. What I’ve been realizing the past few days is that I exhibit empathy to/towards my daughter in particular, and in doing so, I also internalize irritation and anger which I’m seeing creates a consequence for me as my physical body which ultimately manifests physical pain. This is actually cool because I see that empathy is a point that I have accumulated for quite some time so here I will be forgiving, releasing and re-committing myself to direct myself to walk the point through in self-corrective application.

empathy painI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in and as empathy to/towards my daughter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the emotional pain of others where I unconsciously become addicted to the experience of myself within and as the manifested consequences of/as the physical irritation/anger within my mind/beingness in how I relate to and react – in particular to my adult daughter – where I try and help and/or align myself with her by taking on her emotional pain according to how I interpret her pain within my mind and how in doing so I compromise myself and others as myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how fear is always self-generated and event orientated in how I take an external event that occurs and interpret and internalize it as a starting point to generate fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a negative energy experience where I took the action of what another did personally and reacted shifting blame and responsibility onto them instead of taking responsibility for how and what I was experiencing within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape, conform and condition myself within this world according to how I create other people’s minds in my own wherein I imagine how they must be feeling and experiencing themselves thus basically taking on their pain as my pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use an external influence/event to create an internal experience within myself of which I then act as as an expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live vicariously through the perception within my mind as the idea I have of how my daughter may or may not be experiencing herself according to thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a means to wanting, needing and desiring to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a self defined category of my mind as polarity friction/conflict between what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to use empathy as a means for manipulating another human being to agree with my point of view in order to confirm the conditionings of my mind according to what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ and according to how I’m existing in how I create other people’s minds in/as my own in how I perceive they’re feeling and experiencing themself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I’m creating other people’s minds in/as my own in how I perceive they’re feeling and experiencing themselves, that what I’m really doing is existing in self-interest in seeking to control other people’s feelings, emotions and basically their life.

When and as I see myself take on the emotional pain of others where I unconsciously become addicted to the experience of myself as the manifested consequences of/as the physical irritation/anger within my mind/beingness in how I relate to and/or react to my daughter through words as the definitions I’ve given to them, I stop, I breathe – I see realize and understand that in doing so I am actually resisting a point of real physical changethus I commit myself to investigate the definitions that I have given to words because I see, realize and understand that I’ve used words and  definitions as pictures within my mind and in doing so I have limited myself to expressions of my past and thus my words are not defined as life, but are instead trapped by definitions from my past, thus, I commit myself to stop.
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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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Day 120: BRANDED


I forgive myself for not realizing that I am a product of and as my mind as consciousness which is preprogrammed and conditioned so that I will associate who I am within this world to specific symbols, brands and products within our current world/money system in order to keep the systems running effectively as that of a consumer and I forgive myself for not realizing that I am constantly being branded to continue to act the same and buy the same thing to continue to support the same things so as to keep the world/money system running smoothly wherein my behavior is impulsed through resonant symbols which directs my actions to such a degree that I’ve not even been aware of the fact of how my ‘idea’ of myself as having ‘free choice’ has never actually existed except in the way I’ve been branded, and I forgive myself for how I have put my faith in specific brands instead of realizing that my faith began in the branding and thus everything I have trusted hasn’t even been by my own direction but by the direction of and as my mind as consciousness within a world/money system in accordance to a preprogrammed and predetermined existence of which I’ve given permission for in my continuing to accept and allow it, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put trust in things/people/corporations/brands and governments outside of myself without even understanding the content of the preprogrammed symbolic design that I’m giving permission for and I forgive myself for how in my blind acceptance and allowance I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as experiencing fear if/when I attempt step outside of that which I’ve been branded to follow – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I perceive as fear and anxiety is merely a shift in/from my regularly scheduled programming.

I commit myself to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed as me branded to be and become a consumer and to instead through self-corrective application, redesign and align myself to a world/money system according to what’s best for All, as I see, realize and understand that I must apply myself as the directive principle of me within and as breath and self-honesty in order to change the brand of me to one of and as Equality and Oneness, thus, I commit myself to the action of taking responsibility to no more accept and allow myself to be manipulated and controlled through product pricing and branding.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see that branding has made the parent into extensions of the corporations that make sure the children will be the consumers that this system requires to continue its rule of Life.” – Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that BRANDING is a form of FARMING the corporations and politicians use to claim their ownership over the consumer to ensure profit with no regard to what is best for Life, while the only BRAND of real value on Earth is Life.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 84: I ‘Can’ Stop This Feeling Inside Of Me

Self-Correction & Self-Commitment Statements for the following blogs: ~
Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –
Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me – –

When and as I see myself becoming automated in/as words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions where I as my mind as consciousness seeks to continue in subjecting a child to how we have Built a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity, I Stop. I breathe. I commit myself to let go of emotional manipulation in an attempt to feed my ego in my attempt to seek for a feeling that I believed is me.

I commit myself to stop manipulating myself and others in my attempt to seek and find something and/or someone to serve purpose for me in achieving a feeling that I believe is me.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself and others to receive that which doesn’t actually exist, as I see/realize and understand how seeking/searching for a feeling that I believe is me, is actually me acting in/as memories/characters/personalities, in and as thoughts of/as my parents mind, in/as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to become aware of and stop myself in how I participate in thought patterns in/as my mind, which I build up inside me to a need for ‘feeling’ energy experience within me, which is actually a point of self-sabotage, because I’ve seen and been aware of the specific pattern, but only now have been willing to face the point of where I react within my world to/toward my partner and my children only slightly, keeping a ‘low flame’ so to speak, until finally I suppress myself to the point of erupting, which is then when I begin to seek/search for a feeling to direct me instead of me directing me in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself attempting to be the perfect someone, through attempting to please others through manipulation in/as a deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand that I am not here to manipulate and/or please others because in doing so I am living a religion of self, therefore, I commit myself to no longer be the pleaser, and to instead Stand as the equalizer of/as me in self-honesty, to see to it that I am able to become a living example of equality and oneness in supporting a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to establish a clear understanding within myself – to assist and show how we have only ever existed in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system – and how as a mind consciousness system, we have essentially developed/created and manifested energy according to and from it’s relationship to/as our physical bodies, and that basically, we’ve always existed dependent upon the control of/as a system.

I commit myself to stop myself from bowing down to the current state of affairs existent within and as our world, wherein I’ve become the living example as less than the dog who begs his owner for a bone to suck on, as a way of pacifying myself to not see what I’m accepting and allowing to continue within this world – instead, I Stop – I breathe, I stand up on my own two feet, equal and one to what is here and say no more to the cruelty of our current money system, no more to poverty, starvation, war and murder – to show how we as humans Can Walk ourselves through to/in/as a point of self-trust – where we will then be able to support a world where All living beings experience a quality of life living in dignity according to a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to be the stable foundation I require to support myself as my physical body, with writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-honesty and Desteni I Process, as I see/realize and understand the gift I give to self in doing so, and, I comprehend how one will only seek to fill that which one is not receiving from self in/as self-intimacy, thus in walking self through in/as self-corrective application self becomes intimately aware of/as self, in/as this process of walking the Journey to Life through Self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to continue investigating and supporting who I am as my physical body, to further see/realize and understand how that to disregard who we are as our physical body, shows us how we are willing to accept and allow poverty, starvation, war, rape and murder to exist, because how can we begin to honor and care for the physicality of everything and everyone, if we’ve not yet understood the conditioning we’ve accepted and allowed within and without as who we are as our physical body.

I commit myself to support that which matters most as me as my physical body and our physical reality in seeing/realizing and understanding the extent of influence and impact that our entire world systems operate and, in how what happens on our earth will have an impact on everyone equally and thus it’s imperative that we as a humanity come together in caring and sharing what is here given from Earth to All here Equally.

I commit myself to support myself to show how who we are as our physical bodies within our physical reality, is all that we can actually trust, thus, in supporting an Equal Money system, we’re supporting life in trusting that which is real, our physical body and our physical reality.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

Day 83: Searching for a feeling that I believe is me

Continuing from my previous blog: Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself within a particular position of defense where I align my position of defense according to how I manipulate and abuse others through my words and/or the way I move my physical body in order to achieve that which I ‘believe’ is rightfully mine as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teeter to and from and within positive and negative points of polarity in/as a memory of feeling less than, and experiencing more than – where within that I will justify and manipulate others into giving me a false sense of meaning to reach that which I’m searching for as a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in searching for a feeling that I believe is me, situate myself within my own little world where everything revolves around me getting and possessing things for myself as I search for ways to secure and protect that which I believe will assist me in searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body according to lines of thought within my mind wherein I compete and seduce others through how I stand and move me as my physical body in order to get what I want, thus, I forgive myself for existing in/as inner dishonesty which I manifest within and as me as my physical body – where the outer me acts in character as the MEmory/personality and thoughts within and as the inner me as my mind as consciousness, as I search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how I’ve become an automated system of actions within my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use me as my physical body for sex as a weapon against men in order to get my way to what I want which is to satisfy my search for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the extent of the damage I cause to my internal organs within me as my physical body when I participate within and as energetic experiences created in and as my mind in order to fulfill my searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as energetic experiences in how I participate within my world through/as and within my relationships in order to feel alive within a world where I’ve not only been branded in what and where to spend money to support the mess of what is here, but I’ve also been the one giving my seal of approval within my constant searching to feel good within our current world/money system – where I have stood by in ego and greed and accepted and allowed what is here to continue, instead of taking self-responsibility because in self-honesty, I see clearly how what is here, is Not how life is suppose to be, yet, I’ve sat quietly because, I’ve been searching for a feeling that I believed was me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ego is a belief within my mind of those that have walked here before me, even as I’ve seen for myself – how I’ve taken the very nature of myself as my parents as their memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and fears, and added my own pictures, thoughts, and energetic experiences, and then, have the nerve to claim that I’m in control in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and evolve within my life from the starting point of ego as an experience where I have aligned and developed myself as my physical body within the context of evolving as a mind consciousness system, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go in search for a feeling that I’ve believed is me, where I took pride in specifying the experience of myself as energies of and as emotions and feelings without any consideration of what the consequences of doing so has had upon my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how ‘experience’, as that which I have believed has kept me going within myself and my world/reality, as the very nature of me in/as and of ‘experience’ – as that which is/has been filtered through me in/as my parents mind of/as memories/characters/ personalities – in how me as my mind, as consciousness, according to who I am as memories/characters/ personalities, in/as extensions of thoughts, in and as feelings and emotions, is actually only experiences that I have defined into and as energy.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog for further clarity)

to be continued

Day 82: Seeking for a feeling that I believe is me

Today, I was able to stop myself mid-sentence – when hearing the insanity in/as my automated speaking – in asking my almost 2 year old granddaughter, if she had fun playing at her new babysitters house – which is where she just began going to the day before.

I stopped myself from finishing the question, I breathed and looked into her little eyes looking at me – I saw myself as the abuser in asking her to please hurry and be a memory.

It’s dishonesty, manipulation, self-interest, and, I can only describe it as seeking for a feeling that I believe is me.

I’m beginning to see/realize and understand how we participate in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness. Thus, I Suggest reading Heaven’s Journey to Life blog for clarity to understand the nature of how we exist in/as memories/characters/personalities in and as thoughts of/as our parents mind in/as our mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become automated words in/as memories/thoughts/reactions of my parents mind where I as my mind as consciousness continue to subject children to Building a Child’s Character in/as the abusive nature of who we are as a humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through others seek for a reason and/or purpose, a place where I can find that I belong in order to locate a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through manipulation be willing to compromise the lives of others so that I’m able to fulfill a dependency upon experiencing myself as loved, needed and wanted as I seek for a feeling that I believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to feel a dependency upon another within what I’ve referred to as love but is in fact dependency and manipulation seeking for a feeling that I believed is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to balance an unbalanced feeling within myself in seeking for a feeling that I believed is me in desiring to be the perfect child to my parents who I saw as less than perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my need for a feeling that I believed was me attempted to be the perfect daughter through pleasing and manipulating my mother so she would appreciate and love me the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be guided by a feeling of something more than a feeling to fill what feels like a missing expression of me as that which is Not of memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see/realize and understand that in/as my need to seek for a feeling that I believed was me, have not understood how we’ve only ever existed here in/as memories/characters/personalities as thoughts of/as the mind of our parents as who we are within and as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my seeking for a feeling that I believed was me, to disregard that which matters most as me as my physical body within and as our physical reality.

to be continued

Day 44: Love is a Battlefield

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love is like a battlefield on the inside of our physical body where one constantly desires specific outcomes to settle an anticipated experience self has within one’s mind in fear of making a mistake and have to once again face life alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love is a battlefield of love/winning and hate/losing within rounds of/as competition within the need/desire to survive what we refer to as the game of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize and understand that love has always broken our physical body between the heart and the mind as the soul of money within a world that buys and sells love as sex and sex for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed experiences of sadness by thinking about that which I’ve not been able to do based on ideas about relationships and accomplishments instead of according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the affect of love is a cause of fear and suspicion forming patterns and constructs within the mind of/as self-loathing and depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that love lived in/as relationships have been about compromise and sacrifice in living patterns of self-interest because when under the spell/possession of the mind ‘in love’, the rest of the world is compromised and sacrificed and left to starve to death and die.

I forgive myself for the beating I accepted and allowed within and without to/towards my physical body through a love relationship as I waited and waited until I hated myself for waiting to experience myself ‘in love’.

I forgive myself for the anger I feel in the pit of my stomach when people sing the song, ‘love will build a bridge between your heart and mine’, when in fact borders exist for the love of a God, all the while ignoring the abuse and neglect within our world as it continues to grow day by day as countless numbers of children live in poverty and are starving to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to say that to love is to place my happiness in the happiness of another is to not comprehend that in order for self to experience happiness in this world, a situation of unhappiness has to occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that when we are subject to an outside experience in order for us to experience something, we are thus showing/proving to ourselves how our enslavement works through outer elements which we require for our perceived happiness and survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize/ and understand that we have to correct what we have created and stop the creation of this world through the polarity of emotions/feelings/love and thoughts of and as the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for all the times when I stood up for and shouted out for the sake of and in love when all the while how I was experiencing myself was limited to the end of the line within a pattern of energy existent only within the construct of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that love will save the world when I’ve proved to myself that the only way love will benefit the world is through living it for real in self-honesty through supporting an Equal Money system allowing all life the support of/as forgiving for living.


I commit myself to stopping the polarity of and as love/hate as a battlefield through stopping participation in and as emotions and feelings and through self-forgiveness and in self-honesty directing myself according to what’s best for all life here.

I commit myself to educating humanity that happiness is not about doing as happiness is not defined by anything separate from self.

I commit myself to comprehending, living and supporting myself and my neighbor according to and through an Equal Money System to experience the joy of how life can be as a humanity as life as breath within and as Oneness and Equality.

I commit myself to walking the Journey to Life for/as Living Proof for myself of being One and Equal as all Life standing in support of an Equal Money system.

Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance with regards to love and life.

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 3: What Does it Really Mean to be ‘Alive’?

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 6: How did we Create Relationships of Positivity/Neutrality/Negativity?

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 13: Failed Relationships

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 14: Do you Love Breakups?

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 19 – Rotten Love

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 41: Spiritual Poverty of Love and Light

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 44: In the Name of Love