Tag Archive | bacteria

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.


It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

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Forgiving Grief


I laid down to get some rest and my mind began to rehash the past weeks events leading up to the death of my brother.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to for a moment relive the details and decisions made regarding my brothers treatment as if there is or was something different that could have saved his life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recap and replay pictures in my mind of how sick and frail my brother looked before he died and I forgive the feeling in my gut that’s like an emptiness within me that can never be filled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry over the last words my brother said to my step dad before he was put into a coma which was ‘daddy I don’t want to die’.

I fogive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to for my whole life act as the protector of my baby brother and even now I feel angry at death and I see how the pattern as the older sister still wants to hang on for it’s life. I stop. I breathe. Till here no further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed in myself for participating in and as grief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my tears in this moment because I don’t trust who I am as them.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a point of denial within me that I sense has been a false sense of security.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel anger toward the messages posted to my brothers face book wall telling him to say hi to my mom and my sister in heaven and I forgive myself for the tears swelling up from within me as I just typed the words ‘to say hi to my mom and sister in heaven’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the messages on my brothers face book wall saying that now God has a new angel and I forgive myself that I want to write back to them to stop spreading their nonsense on my dead brothers face book wall which only serves to make themselves feel better and that their words are really only trashing up our world with more deception. I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can serve to protect my baby brother from life’s harm when in fact the only way that I can assist anyone in any way is to first assist myself in stopping me as my mind and directing myself in self-honesty as my mind and to continue to stand in support of an Equal Money system so that all life will cease in its suffering.

I realize and understand that my mind as consciousness is designed to react to the death of a sibling according to a specific pattern and in the moment that I participate in the thought and the emotion is the moment I become manipulated and controlled in the deadly design of and as a mind consciousness system. I stop. I breath. I forgive and release and redesign myself according to a principle of Equality.

I realize, see and understand that it is only myself that I’m reacting to and that there is no one to blame or to be angry with and that I alone am responsible for what I accept and allow and be and become within my life and this world. I choose to walk in self-honesty and face myself and what I’ve accepted and allowed within this world, and stand in support for and as all life that all life may live in dignity as all as one as equal.

2012 – Opportunity as Life is in Breath


My brother has been in the hospital for over a month with complications from pneumonia, which progressed to ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome). The decision was made and finally he was put in a drug induced coma and on a ventilator to allow his lungs time to heal. His life of 42 years of accumulating the consequences of self – the same as we all do in how we participate in and as the mind and who we become as a result of accepted behaviors, habits and thought patterns – was just to much for his physical body and today he died.

This is just one example of how we physically manifest life experiences through fear, meaning: my mom died 10 1/2 years ago and her death was almost identical to how my brother just died. After my mothers death, my brother spent years and energy within his fear that he would die the same way as mom to the point where an inner acceptance of his own fate emerged.

Death – the point of no immunity. My perspective of death is simply that death is an accumulation of our inner accepted and lived bullshit and abuse in turmoil through and as the direction of and as our mind as consciousness.

We’re here in a process to see and comprehend for ourselves what is real as life and to become the director of and as our mind and, to do so simply, we require to forgive ourselves and to in self-honesty, stop what we’ve accepted within and manifested within and without so we can stop how our outword world currently exists as a world full of suffering, pain and death.

We seldom consider the cause and the effect of our lived dishonesties and how we manifest placements of ourself as abuse until finally death becomes us because the reality of our abusive nature is just to much for our physical body and physical reality to bare.

I will miss brother. And, I don’t like that he has died, but it doesn’t matter what I think I like or don’t like because life itself as death will and is sorting out the shitmess of this reality that we as humans as life have accepted and allowed. I can see that I am angry, angry from the starting point of the fact that here we are – all of us who exist on this earth – we’re life and as life we allow abuse to exist as if it doesn’t exist.

Who really cares if a living being somewhere is murdered and dies every second of the day? Whether it’s from starvation or war or drug abuse or illness – it doesn’t matter the abuse because abuse is abuse and as long as we accept and allow even one single living being to suffer and die then we will all suffer and continue to die – and why not, life mirrors exactly what is being accepted of and as life.

The death of my brother assisted me to again comprehend within myself as a living being the same comprehension I had when my sister died six months ago – which is that sadness and grieving and the memories thereof can be stopped in one moment of breath. Because the awareness of self in and as breath – stops feelings and emotions and stops the insanity of the consciousness mind.

I have no proof to offer anyone with regards to what I’m proving to and for myself with regards to breath and death and I have no desire to anyway – but somehow I know within myself as who I am in self-honesty that we each have this one life and the opportunity in breath to determine who we are as life and to stand and support every living being here Equally. And, I absolutely see that this is why we are here on earth – to recognize and see ourselves in each other and as such come together as a group and support all life and bring an end to All abuse within this world. Neighborism – that’s how we honor life.

NEIGHBORISM will replace capitalism, socialism, communism and all the other ways we have managed the world. With Neighborism the message of Jesus and other teachers that showed that love practically applied means to give as you take and to love your neighbor as yourself would become a living reality. Equal money and Desteni will get you to Neighborism. If you claim love is the answer, prove it with Neighborism.” – Bernard Poolman

What do Vegans and Vegetarians do with The E Coli outbreak threatening their food source?

‘If someone is a vegan or vegetarian what will they eat with this ecoli thing happening’ ?  I saw that asked on yahoo questions recently.  People in fear have stopped eating cucumbers and tomatoes, hell all vegetables and fruits.

‘Professor Klaus Stark’ of the ‘Robert Koch institute’ told a German television station; "We can certainly speak of an epidemic.  It’s an absolutely unexpected occurrence of a large number of cases like we have never seen before in Germany."

To say ‘epidemic’, is the same as saying disease, or as history has referred to it as, the plague.  ‘Plague’ meaning an extremely  virulent  form  that  is  caused  by  a  bacterium’. 

epidemic

I recently read from the CDC’s website (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)  http://www.cdc.gov/ , that in 430 BC,  Hippocrates studied relationships between diseases and the environment and he focused particularly on the ‘habitat of the patients’ and, the seasons in which disease occurs so to determine the effect of ‘environmental factors’ described as the ‘distribution of diseases’.

Thus, Hippocrates applied the word ‘epidemios’ (epidemics) to a grouping of syndromes and/or diseases with reference to ‘atmospheric characteristics’, ‘seasons or geography’, and sometimes ‘propagation’ (multiplication  by  natural  reproduction) relative to the given syndrome within the human population. 

E.coli infections, bacteria, spread from person to person but only by what is known as the fecal-oral route. The common sense practical solution is to consider what’s best for all and that solution is an Equal Money SystemBecause currently people are overstressed, overworked, underpaid, overzealous for reform,  homeless and/or starving. The result is humanity has become an absent observer to what is real within and as our physical reality.  We then become negligent towards others and our world and we don’t apply simple common sense, like not washing our hands after we wipe our ass and then returning to our job as a cook. 

Supply and distribution is literally infected as we exist in distractions and our fears. We accept and allow budget cuts which provide support for our earth – and instead we further provide support for our current money system which allows abuse against life.  Abuse goes seemingly unnoticed until it begins to threaten and affect us personally.  And, eventually, our own negligence to all living beings manifests as consequences of separation and epidemics of death upon all life. 

Basically, the ‘Killer E.coli strain described as deadliest yet’, is merely ‘food poisoning’ manifesting bacteria unto our physical reality as a possible deadly epidemic – of our own creating.  Not so surprising…  This will stop – with an Equal Money System where all living beings receive equal support as all as one as equal.  Equal Money will bring forth mankind unto existence within and as, ‘Heaven on Earth’.

Support Equal Money Here

**Investigate and Educate yourself with regards to the strain of bacteria that is being reported, which is part of a class of bacteria known as Shiga toxin-producing Escherichia coli or STEC that produces a poison known as the shiga toxin. This toxin has the ability to stick to intestinal walls where it pumps out toxins, causing diarrhea and HUS.  Hemolytic-uremic syndrome (HUS) is a disorder that usually occurs when an infection in the digestive system produces toxic substances that destroy red blood cells, causing kidney injury. Hemolytic-uremic syndrome (HUS) often occurs after a gastrointestinal infection with E. coli bacteria.

epidemic3

Killer E.coli strain described as deadliest yet