A few years ago a couple that I know separated and eventually filed for divorce. Most who knew them, were sure they had a chance of making it last. Many, including myself described how they ‘felt’ about the split as being ‘heartbroken’.
The specifics of their divorce was kept very quiet, however, I do remember what my thoughts were even though at the time, I didn’t realize the full extent of how I was jumping to conclusions. In my secret mind I had come to the conclusion that it was mostly ‘her’ fault. As a matter of fact, I secretly blamed her for their marriage failing.
So, here we are years later and I’ve just had the opportunity to talk to ‘her’ and was finally able to communicate with her how I had reacted/made assumptions and/or jumped to a conclusion about ‘what had happened’ between them. That’s when she told me. She told me how she had walked in on her husband and her bestfriend, how she found them in the midst of a compromising sexual encounter. Though she tried, she couldn’t get that picture out of her head and thus they ended their marriage.
Wow, the new information did not match up to the stories that I had accepted, allowed, pre-occupied myself with and participated in within and as my mind!
The point of me sharing this story – is not to blame one against the other or to judge, because ultimately this was between the two of them and they have to realize their own point of self-responsibility within it. I’m sharing this as proof to myself how the mind manipulates, assumes, justifies and jumps to the conclusions in/of and as self-interest.
The sum of all the thoughts that I participated in regarding the couple is a perfect example of how important it is to always bring everything back to self. Because while we’re busy participating in thoughts and emotions, and gossip, and projecting ill feelings toward another, we’re not realizing that in that moment, we’re actually only experiencing ourself in relation to who we are as our mind as our past and our memories.
Years ago, when I went through a divorce – the negative experience I had of myself – where I existed in/as guilt and anger towards my mom for how she blamed me for my marriage ending and leaving her ‘heartbroken’. I can realize now that I allowed the break-up of this couple to trigger a memory within me, thus I was reliving my past where every thought in my mind that I participated in with regards to the couple and their divorce was never about them. It was about me, how I’ve been stuck in my own past preoccupations that I’ve never yet faced and forgiven myself for. Seeing and realizing this for myself brought forth a silense within me, and I understand with a little more clarity how important it is to direct myself as my mind in self-honesty. Self-forgiveness and Self-Commitment statements to follow in my next blog.