Tag Archive | animosity

Day 97: The Character: Cheater on the Mind


Today my partner phoned to say he would be late getting home from work – then, within moments after arriving home from work, he decided to take a shower before having supper and so, I was aware in both those moments of how a picture popped into my mind, or rather an extremely fast thought which was where I went into the character of, ‘is he cheating’?

I didn’t say anything to my partner because, I was very much aware of the character attempting to take center stage where my eyes and mouth began to form physically in/as the sneaky-suspicious cheater character, that I myself have existed as in the past where I attempt to blame and accuse another as being it. I stopped myself and breathed and, I see how this character comes forth because of how and who I’ve existed as in self-dishonesty where, in numerous ways, I have cheated within my life and thus, I am here to put ‘the cheater character’ to rest once and for all, through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the shame in the pain within my physical body where I am experiencing ego and pride held within my shoulders and neck that I’ve existed as in how I avoid looking at me as the ‘cheater‘ of life in how I have lived in/as my secret mind where I have sought for energetic liaisons as a way of avoiding taking self-responsibility for who and what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist here in/as what I’ve referred to as a World that is free that is actually enslaved within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as the cheater character as the memories/characters/personalities of the generations of women who’ve walked here before me because it is I who am completely responsible for me as who I am and what I accept and allow myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a cheater beginning when I was in first grade in school in how I felt guilty when stealing candy from a store as a child and how I defined stealing as a way of cheating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define saving/hiding and/or spending money as a form of cheating against another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the word cheater where I have judged whoever I’ve been in a relationship with for cheating because in my secret mind I’ve had thoughts of cheating on them whether it was cheating through keeping money from them or having a relationship with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into believing the excuse that when I ‘cheated’ it was because I was going through a ‘bad time’ in my life and so it was ‘ok’ to cheat because I justified my behaviour according to how I was experiencing myself in/as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be adamant in my cheating as long as no one got hurt then I justified it as ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the damage I create within and as my physical body according to how I accumulate stress in/as myself when I exist in acts of cheating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how, that which I accuse, blame and perceive myself to see existing in/as another, is in fact how and what I am existing within and as.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I look for in another what I can’t accept/find within myself – to thus give myself some sort of ‘feeling’ as if I’m completing myself when in fact what I’m doing is searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness one can in self-honesty stop patterns of/as memories/characters and personalities of/as the mind and walk self out of such patterns through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to exist in/as a character of/as my mind through acts of cheating because I see how I manifested the definition of myself based upon emotional manipulation in order to have energetic experiences which I now see, realize and understand that I am able to stop, re-direct and realign myself in self-honesty according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to abdicate my responsibility to and towards myself through justifying acts of behavior within the starting point of self-dishonesty as I see, realize and understand that I am willing to be the directive principle and commit myself to change in order to be supportive in bringing forth a world according to what’s best for all.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Childhood Imagination Creating Characters: DAY 98)

Day 57: Declining Blame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manipulate myself and others according to the relationship I have with myself within my mind of thoughts and according to how I use feelings and emotional games where I justify abusing myself and others for the sake of having a positive and/or negative experience of myself that ultimately only matters to my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and utilize the feelings and emotions of others to keep score against them in my pursuit to have an experience of myself according to a belief of myself as being superior and/or inferior and how when all my attempts fall through, I then place blame outside of myself instead of facing me directly as the cause for the affect of myself according to how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to position myself as more than another using money as the determining factor where within myself I use money against another to be the cause for my blaming them, when in fact I had already set the stage for another to fail in order to validate my agenda according to how I keep score.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny that which I witnessed within myself as a backchat thought of dishonesty in setting the stage for my blame game where I knew if only for a split second exactly what I was doing but I didn’t stop. I see/realize and understand that when and as I become aware of me as a resonant pattern of blame in supporting a polarity equation where I keep score against others according to how I’m experiencing myself as negative and/or positive I stop, I breathe. I direct me here as the directive principle of me according to what’s best for all.

Art by Adam Closs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score according to a negative and/or positive experience that I wanted to have of myself instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that within my expectations to/towards how I experience myself I am in actuality the only one who is creating an experience of myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that battles, wars and terrorism occur because of blaming others instead of taking self-responsibility for our inner selves which manifests as our outer world/existence as ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through blaming others for how I experience myself haven’t realized that in doing so I am devaluing others through superiority in support of me as self-interest/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where money is used to manipulate others into blaming instead of standing together in support of a world where living exists for the sole purpose of supporting one another according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how I In fact, step by step created a polarity conflict resonance design that became a relationship experience within myself to/towards my daughter and her boyfriend and is in fact how I create experiences of myself within relationships within and as the resonance design of blame in and as a polarity conflict experience.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to place a negative score/ charge to/towards another: I immediately stop, I Breathe. I assert myself to practically re-look within the context of me, the situation and consider all points/parts practically in self-honesty, equal and one, and I will not immediately jump to a conclusion by/through accepting and allowing and defining myself within and as a negative/positive score/charge to/towards another.

I commit myself to stop myself as the resonant design of blame where I manipulate and keep score against others as I attempt to ensure positive experiences for/of myself.

I commit myself to remain diligent in breathing in awareness of me to check myself daily and apply self-forgiveness for resonant patterns of blame within polarity points of friction in attempts to maintain myself within experiences of myself and to direct myself according to living as/to life a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through proper education such as with Desteni I Process we can stop and become the directive principle of ourselves in self-honesty and thus create a world according to what’s best for all as Heaven on Earth.

Day 56: Spitfire & the Cold Shoulder

Self-forgiveness for my recent reaction/spite and blame to/towards my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a polarity equation where I reacted in turning a cold shoulder in spite to/towards my partner blaming him for how I was having a negative experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as having done something wrong when in fact I was reacting in anger towards avoiding facing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger towards my partner when the inner experience of myself was one of existing within a negative polarity experience of spiting myself for avoiding facing myself within a point of blame, where instead of facing myself in self-honesty and walking the point through in self-forgiveness, I sidestepped it with the cold shoulder of spite where I blamed my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite and criticize my partner for how he’s walking his process when in fact, I’m having doubts about myself and my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn to manipulation where I manipulate my partner into an agreement that it’s because of him that I feel the way I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off finishing a lesson in SRA because I found it difficult to push through what I see was me acting within and as blame, spite and animosity.


Shoulder for me sounds like:
soldier
SOULd her
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give my partner the cold shoulder within the polarity of spitefire, using the words ‘I told you so’, as a weapon of words, when in fact I’m acting on the outside according to the relationship I’m having internally with myself according to the direction of my mind as a resonant pattern that I’ve existed as in blaming others for how I experience myself that I’ve acted as since I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the polarity points of love/hate, right/wrong and positive/negative where within that I have SOULd myself to the dEVIL of fire and brimstone creating eternal punishments in hell within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become like the soldier in battle where inside I am battling with myself, but bringing the war going on inside to the outside and facing off in blame and spite towards another in the line of my spitfire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct anger to/towards another and/or my partner even when as I see that I’m the cause that I’ve been attempting to fault another and/or my partner with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for my whole life be a blamoholic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing and forgiving me as who I am as a resonant design of keeping score in/as blame, animosity and spite where I blame others for how I’m experiencing myself because I fear facing me.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of keeping score in blame, animosity and spite, I stop. I breathe. I direct me here in realizing that I’ve existed in and as the same pattern over and over and it no longer serves who I am becoming through self-forgivenes.

I commit myself to stop who I am in blame, animosity and spite through self-forgiveness.
I commit myself to Not give up on me.
I commit myself to Not give up on Life itself.
I commit myself to understanding and forgiving who I am in polarity.
I commit myself to showing that real living as life has never yet been lived here on Earth but has only been existent through the mind as lived in reverse as the Devil.
I commit myself to show that self-forgiveness and self-honesty is the key to self living Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for all.

(To be continued as I’m forgiving and walking through my current SRA Lesson through Desteni I Process.)

Day 53: Stepping down off my high horse

My mom use to say to me, “You better get off your high horse”. Here – I forgive myself for blaming my parents for who I am, and I step down off of my high horse and face me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the definition given to me by my parents as me being on a high horse where apparently my attitude was one of disdain, when in fact I was shutting down inside myself within my mind in fear in thinking I was unworthy of ever being seen and/or noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect the fear I felt inside myself by acting out with a haughty attitude and snobbish behaviour towards my family – when what I really wanted was to face me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a personality who strived to associate with those of a higher social status, thus my behaviour was condescending to/towards others and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself within a feeling as if I was sinking back into myself in inferiority/infear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to live out my past experiences in my present moment because of a false sense of self as feeling comfortable in knowing what to expect of/from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents fear their children through acts they refer to as love until the child becomes the behaviours they witness being lived out daily.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame and spite my parents for how I experienced myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for abandoning myself to my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mom for my regret of living myself as a lie, because I see/realize and understand that it was only me who abdicated myself from self-responsibility from me as life equal and one to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through disrespecting me as my physical body through sexual experiences in order to give myself a false impression of experiencing life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I was as a little girl was the beginning of me not recognizing me because I was to busy sabotaging myself through attempting to be what I believed others expected me to be – instead of realizing I was existing in blame within my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me to such a point that I manifested abuse within and as my physical body.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness release the definition of me as being on a high horse free.
I commit myself to giving me me in self-honesty.
I commit myself to giving me all of me gracefully.
I commit myself to holding silence as me.
I commit myself to forgiving all of me.
I commit myself to me as breath.

I commit myself to be the living proof as/for me that the past is over. READ: Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 56: The Past is Over