Tag Archive | addictions

Day 196: Moving Through

The subject of money, or rather the lack thereof came up tonight when my daughter and her partner asked if we could help them out with giving them some gas money so they can get to work. As we continued to discuss the point, I became increasingly aware of the FAMILIar and dull pain located within my upper back between my shoulder blades. The pain, which had remained silent for most of the day, began to slowly radiate in a straight line through and into my chest area. Before, when my daughter has asked me for money I reacted and so this is a point I’m aware of and have been applying self-forgiveness for. It’s very interesting when the pain starts, because it’s like my physical body is giving me an alert to assist myself to focus on my breathing.

Continuing here further with self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements to thus move myself through this point in self-corrective application.
moving through
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a point of anxiety and dread where I fear that when my daughter asks me for money that I will react in irritation and ultimately regret and within this, I see, realize and understand that my reaction is coming from a pattern as a memory/construct within my mind according to how our relationship used to be, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a memory/construct/habit that is actually only real because I keep accepting, allowing and thus making it real.

I commit myself to stop this pattern of my mind that I have given permission for.

I commit myself to releasing the control I have given myself permission for within my mind with regards to how I have accepted and allowed the idea and the mere mention of money to seize and control me through fear,  because I see, realize and understand that when I focus on breathing and remain in awareness of who I am in self-honesty then I am able to stand stable and move myself and make decisions according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand who I am capable of becoming free from the impulse within my mind to over react to the subject of money, to direct myself to change the nature of who I’ve been within the fear of my mind being in control of me, and to instead see, realize and understand that I Decide who I am, and I Choose to Stand Stable, Equal to and one in an agreement to change the inner me to one that will ultimately manifest my outer world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to move this point through in self-corrective application according to living as an example of how relationships can be transformed into and as agreements through self directing self walking according to what’s best for all.

For Relationship and Self-Support: DIP Lite
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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

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Day 63: Radical Relationship: Authority as a desired experience for/as Money

This blog is a continuation to: Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that within my relationship/marriage, I have attempted to acheive a personal perception of authority over my partner wherein I play out patterns of polarity and shift between negative and positve energetic experiences of/for myself – which, whether I realized it at the time or not – have always been within the context of money/energy to gain power/control and authority within our relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how I’ve maintained my relationship through polarity shifts of energy between positive and negative money experiences, where for example through gambling, I acted as having ‘the authority’ within our relationship to gamble away money as I sought for a positive experience in justifying that I have ‘proved myself’ as worthy of having the role of authority through winning, and, when I didn’t win, I used what was then a negative experience of myself to my advantage, creating yet again another perception within my mind first as having ‘a position’ of authority, thus was able to manipulate my partner to ‘feel sorry’ for me, thus forgiving me for gambling/wasting ‘his’ hard earned money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as ‘his money’, ‘my money, and/or ‘our money’, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as the ruler in determining which side of the coin I’m on within the game of polarity.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully comprehend how I’ve defined money within my relationship/marriage as a powersource which stimulates conflict between us according to how much of it we have or don’t have, thus, money, according to how we’ve accepted and allowed it, is the root cause and symbolizes the conflicts throughout the story of our relationship/marriage.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I’ve used gambling/money for survival like a vampire uses blood and within that I’ve not considered the point of what’s best for all when deciding to gamble as I was only out to have an experience of/for myself where I became the addict and my drug of choice was money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as a weapon against my partner wherein I have sabotaged our relationship over and over through my spending habits and financial values all of which have existed in self-interest and greed and the need for speed/energetic money experience.

I commit myself to walking equal and one with my partner in assisting and supporting one another to show that together walking self-forgiveness and through Desteni I Process, we can and will together stand in support of an Equal Money system – to stop relationships based in and as money and dishonesty – and instead begin living agreements together in/as self-honesty and self-expression.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how money has become an experience for me so much so that I’ve neglected to actually fully comprehend how MONEY is THE SOURCE, The God of this existence which determines who eats/lives and/or who starves/dies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine that ‘I have the right’ to spend money the way I want to because in/as ego I accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind as consciousness where my perception is that of pre-programming in the design of ‘I am right and you are wrong’ syndrome/resonant mind pattern, and as that, I’m unable to direct myself to see what is here in common sense within the moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself existing within a possession of ego, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the pattern of abuse in and as money is as old as time and that to stop myself looping in time requires self-corrective application of breathing through any and all desires to have an experience of myself which I see/realize and understand is always able to be traced back to being about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the ultimate money-loving consumer supporting the manifested creation of what is here, as HELL on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the true epitome of and as money, wherein I have used/abused, spent and consumed my way through life taking for granted all the things that ‘money’ will buy, all the while pretending as if I cared about those who have no money for food, clean water, clothes, a home, an education and healthcare, and, the fact is, if I truly cared, my spending habits will reflect who I am based upon the Decision to Support a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to expose how our current money system is the MONEY Pit in Time as an embodiment of pre-programming as mind consciousness systems, and that in order to release ourselves from/as/how and what we’ve accumulated ourselves within and as, as the abuse which is more than apparent within our current world/money system, will require an Equal Money system which will honour and support ALL living beings according to what’s best for ALL.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek authority over my partner and/or anyone within this world, as I see/realize and understand that polarity exists within authority which can only exist within inferiority and/or superiority, both being opposite ends within deadly games of competition/greed as the Tug of WAR.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and remain aware of myself here, to see myself within clarity to be the Self-directive principle of me – thus I stop desires and urges for energetic money experiences – I educate myself further in how our current world/money system functions so as to better assist and support the Equal Money system in creating a world that guarantees every child born unto this world has absolutely everything required for living life as Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for ALL.

I commit myself to show how the number of children growing up in a single parent household is rising and that one out of every three children will be raised by a single parent, thus in common sense, it is easy to determine that in order to stop child neglect/abuse/poverty and starvation we require a system that supports every child born on Earth from Birth til Death, and that that system is an Equal Money System.

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 22: Authority game
Day 23: Self Commitment statements

Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2
Day 68: Relationship Dynamics – Part 3

Also, Download the following awesome interviews @ Eqafe:
Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship
The Money Experience
MoneyEnergy in the Mirror

“BREATH will carry you through the onslaught. Self-honesty will make sure you accumulate self-integrity; self-forgiveness will make sure you do not fall into the trap of feelings. Common-sense with the equality equation will make sure you question the relationships of things to the point where you understand how it was created and how you can recreate it in a way that is best for all.” ~ Bernard Poolman

‘It has to go away’: Facebook director calls for an end to internet anonymity

“Facebook’s marketing director has called for an end to on-line anonymity, saying internet users would ‘behave a lot better’ if everyone had to use real names when surfing or posting on the internet.  Randi Zuckerberg, Facebook’s marketing director and sister of multi-millionaire founder Mark, made the comments during a round table discussion on cyber bullying.

People behave a lot better when they have their real names down. … I think people hide behind anonymity and they feel like they can say whatever they want behind closed doors.”

In every aspect of our lives we are required to use our real names – the internet should not be the exception.

In the Blink of an eye I Breathe

I began writing my last mind construct this past weekend, an assignment through Desteni I Process.  It’s not really the ‘last’ mind construct I’ll be writing – just the last one of these particular assignments.  The resistance I have had to writing this one has been accompanied by various degrees of thought patterns, emotions and feelings as well as a series of new physical pains and symptoms.  That’s how my body retrieved my attention to assist me to see my fall – where I fell more than once into a series of scattered thought and behavioral patterns in order to fulfill the process of a memory containment manifestation according to the direction of the mind consciousness system.  That’s the best I can describe it.  My physical body has been attempting to bring me back to here to assist me to stop my participation as such.  It’s been like hitting a road block, or a mental blank,  where all you can do is blink – until you realize that you’ve not even been here with yourself breathing. 

Blink was the word that kept coming forth for me to investigate and that’s when I sensed the definition of myself within it.  When my computer, or car, or washing machine stops working I’ve often referred to them as being on the ‘blink’ – not in proper working order;  and/or in need of repair.  I realized that I’ve been ignoring and/or disregarding myself. I had become complacent.  Complacent meaning I’ve been existing according to self-merit, and/or living according to some sort of advantage of my seemingly satisfied life/situation.  Simply put, it’s self-interest according to ego.  A hell of a time-loop of mind system comfortability – where I accept and allow myself to be less than how I know I am capable of standing as.  A point of limitation to and towards all life.  The specifics here are only necessary for me to reveal to myself in self-honesty. Of which I have.

I Stop as I will no longer allow such. So, I am here, breathing, slowing myself down and facing me, humble, grateful and standing according to what’s best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past energetic experiences and/or behaviors through thought and memory patterns – I stop. I breathe, I stand and face me in self-honesty walking here in support of all life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore me as my physical body and as my physical reality.  I stop. I breathe, I direct myself here according to the Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become complacent where I take all life for granted through polarity mind patterns.  I stop. I breathe, I stand in support that all living beings may live their life in dignity thus, I support an Equal Money System.

I stand the same yesterday, today and tomorrow as the self certainty of me as I remain as I am here.  Breathing in support of and as all as one as equal.

Walk This Way

Equal Money means the human race has ended as we stand up on our own two feet walking as the feet for and as all within and as self-responsibility where accountability to self is entrusted standing up accountable for and as All as One as Equal.

Standing Equally Walking

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Wants BeGone

Before I began walking and applying the tools provided in the Desteni Material,  I saw differences in others as something that I must compete with.  The abilities of another I seen as a threat to how and who I was existing as.  I wanted to be better than, prettier than, richer than, smarter than, the one with the best paying job and, the one that everyone liked the most.  I wanted all the attention in any way that I could receive it and I played quite the con game in order to fuel the energetic charges.  I existed and lived self-manipulation statements unto my physical reality wherein I used emotions and feelings to manipulate myself and others within my world.  When I lost my way I used emotional and feeling reactive energy where I would then pull myself into a state of self-victimization through thought patterns that I willingly submitted myself to and as.  One moment I was up and the next moment I was down but either way I existed as reactive energy.  Looking now at how I participated where everything was about me, me, me – it was exhausting. 

The tools that Desteni I Process provides has assisted me to begin to understand the relevancy of moving myself according to what is best for all.  The tools provide and assists self to investigate and release patterns of ego/personality in self-honesty through self-forgiveness.  As one is releasing the patterns that one has accepted and allowed through the direction as a mind of consciousness system, one is able to begin to build self-trust in stopping the participation as energetic outflows so as to see for self what is real here.

Self-trust in self-honesty is a point that has to be walked as who self is within every moment of breath. As such, one begins to stop manipulation and justification patterns of self as well as to and toward others and, it’s quite refreshing.

Is pornography driving men crazy?


“What is driving this weirdly disinhibited decision-making?  Could the widespread availability and consumption of pornography in recent years actually be rewiring the male brain, affecting men’s judgment about sex and causing them to have more difficulty controlling their impulses?”

There is more to understand of these behaviors than is reported in this article.

Stop obsessive and  possessive addictions/behaviors.

The Solution: Desteni