Day 193: Spent

Money plays a role in every decision I make and even determines how I physically move myself.   Money is and has always been the most important silent moving piece that I take with me to determine in every moment who I will be.

spentI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear an inner feeling of being spent, used up, consumed, as if there’s nothing left, broken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve become the thought/image of myself within my mind, where I see myself spralled out on the ground, my physical body exhausted and enveloped in feeling spent, used up, consumed and broken.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and internal conversation of ‘this is to much’, and within that I forgive myself for how I imagine ways within my mind to manipulate and conform another to ‘my way of thinking’, and when that doesn’t work, then I return to feeling used up, consumed, as if there’s nothing left, broken,,, unless, I have money, because with money I can use it to manipulate others to hear and be what I want them to be, or, at least that’s what I tell myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize how my relationship to money, to spending, to consuming, to manipulating, bleeds over into every aspect of my life, including every single relationship I’ve ever existed in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I use money as a means to react to others in a pretentious manner as a personality that is belittling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I use money as a way of motivating myself to appear to others as some sort of ‘Force’ to be reckoned with, where I feel my chest protruding out with my chin tilted slightly upward and within that an overall feeling of physical discomfort within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I pretend that money doesn’t influence who I am when the fact is, when my bank account gets low I begin to panic inside myself and my mind begins to look for ways and means and even things to pawn in order to secure my mind’s idea of surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have manifested relationships within my life using money as the motivator, thus when I remove money as the motivator, I remove the very thing that has held the relationship intact.

When and as I see myself existing in fear as an inner feeling of spent, used up and/or consumed, broken, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to redirecting myself through self-forgiveness and I commit myself to stopping the thought/image of myself within my mind where I see myself spralled out on the ground with my physical body exhausted within and as feelings of being spent, used up, consumed and broken.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve become as the consumer.

I commit myself to stop manipulating others by using money as a motivator.

I commit myself to continue walking this Journey to Life through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

I commit myself to support a world system that supports life according to what’s best for all.

——
Investigate Equal Money

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills!
Desteni Lite

Advertisements