Day 171: Voices in my Head!


I have some serious issues existing within me when it comes to money. It’s true, not only can I no longer deny it, I’m quite sick of it, literally. Here’s what gets me all riled up. My youngest daughter calls to ask me if I will stop tomorrow on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs because she’s spending her last few dollars on some Tylenol for her daughter who’s suffering from allergies.

So, why did I react in a rather pissy tone of voice and practically hang up on her? Here’s the thing: I’ve not really spoken to her today, only early this morning.  So when she called and I realized her reason for calling was about money, I immediately heard this voice in my head that said: “she only calls when she wants something”, followed by a string like sentence of: “or when she needs something from me which coincidently requires spending and/or loaning her money”. And there is the point!

Money brings out the demonic voices in my head that I have long accepted and allowed as who I am. So much so that I become spiteful, resentful, hateful, stressful and obviously ‘full’ of all kinds of shit.

So, what the hell is really going on within me and why do I react? I already see how my reaction response time is slower than the process that is actually taking place within and as my mind, thus my reaction is so automated that I barely realize that I’ve completely missed the thought/image and imagination dimension as I skip to the beat of backchat and react where I literally become the voices in my head!

Money is the catalyst that accelerates the voices/backchat in my head and the reactions and so much more because I accept and allow it to. I make money my God and when I have money it makes me ‘feel’ like a God over others. It’s a rather sick egotistical trip within the religion of self.

I mean, when I stop and breathe, I realize that I don’t really care a rat’s ass about having to assist my children, however, that is Not what me as my Mind is saying!  Me as my mind is a greedy manipulator and I realize the importance of investigating and understanding how the mind function. Because obviously it’s directing US ALL the f***ing time and it’s time we direct ourself as our mind to see who we can be as a humanity in self-honesty.

I’ve walked the Journey of Life long enough to know that when I react in any way to anyone, I absolutely have to bring the point back to myself. Because how we act and who we become is ALWAYS ONLY ABOUT SELF!

In the blogs to come, I will continue to investigate how money is the tool we use to keep us enslaved to and as our mind as consciousness and thus enslaved to an abusive world/money system.

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