Day 164: Innerspace

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated within myself where within me as my physical body I feel as if I’m experiencing myself as having to push myself through the great barrier reef of suppressed self-judgment and emotions which I have attached a definition of myself to which reads failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when within my mind I hear, ‘suck it up and ignore the pain within yourself’, to not realize that I’m manipulating and justifying who I am so much so that I reach a point of the grandest of self illusions -where I’ve got no clue who and/or what character or personality will show up as me when I stand before friends and family who know me best in how I’ve always pretended to be what I perceive they expect me to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind exist as crooked, dishonest and basically someone who has been full of shit in how I become angry towards my children and my partner, and then have the nerve to wonder why I have pain in and as my physical body which in itself feels crooked with kinks in it, and within that,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through the relationships I have with my children and my partner, I have suppressed myself in and as guilt, shame and regret and where I direct myself as such through and as emotions inward unto me as my physical body which causes within me a sense of loss which I then define myself as in fear of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m not able to forgive me for the mother I have been in how I raised my children in and as self-interest, fear and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when experiencing pain within and as my physical body to participate in the thought, ‘I can’t do this, it’s to painful’.

When and as I see myself go into fear where I tighten up and suppress myself and become characters and personalities that I see, realize and understand compound into and manifest systems within me as my physical body – I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to me as my physical body and this physical reality first and foremost to thus begin to be a living example of life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to forgiving me for the definition I have lived of myself as,  ‘a mom who failed her children’, and to redefine myself according to me as a mom breathing and walking here with both feet on the ground walking in and as self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop going emotionally bankrupt within and as my mind where I suppress within me raging systems of and consciousness as shame, regret and fear of loss.

I commit myself to forgive myself for the guilt I’ve existed as of not being the mother to my children that gives way to allow their child to express who they may become as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to accept the breath of life unto and as all of me as my physical body.

“I commit myself to remind each one that we are all guests on Earth and we have abused the hospitality of Earth and created an Asylum and Hospital out of Earth searching for Feelings of energy in Self-interest. Earth will no longer tolerate the abuse and we as Humanity will now face our final our within which each one must decide who The I will be, Life or Self Interest. There is no one that can deny that deep inside this hour has always been expected.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Advertisements