Archive | June 2012

Day 64: Childhood Leg-I-see as Desire: Head of the Class

Today I was reacquainted through the internet with someone from my past that I’ve known since I was seven when I first started elementary school. Triggered within me were memories/ legacies of me as my past that I’ve continued to hand down as walking actions of myself which I’ve maintained since the beginning of me as manifested patterns of self-abuse, within a mindset that I can see I still exist as, hence, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry in/as my legs as I’ve walked the path of/as the illusion of family values, where I’ve carried the weight of my past through/as the DNA of my mother and father and the ideas they existed as and believed in as the beautiful lie they told themselves in order to make it through the daily struggle within the survival system of/as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a living example of desire crossed in loneliness, where I wanted to be noticed and stand out and I didn’t really care what I had to do in order to achieve the energetic high of existing as the desired experience of/as my mind as being ‘special’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the belief that to be loved is to be accepted and to be accepted is to be loved and within that I’ve sought self-validation and self-acceptance outside myself from others through experiences I’ve manifested of/for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within my secret mind desire to grow up and be ‘better than’ my parents as a way of ‘getting back at them’ for that which I felt they were keeping from me, which within my mind, I believed it was the experience of ‘real love‘ that they were withholding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself within the starting point of desire where from when I first started school, all I wanted was to be ‘head of the class – the ‘special one’, the one that the teacher would see as the Best and ‘the ONE’ in which to follow in the footsteps of, thus, when I saw my teacher’s attention focus on someone else I became suppressed within myself in disappointment, disgust, anger and frustration because I depended upon the positive energetic charge I got when I received attention, because as all children I reLIEd upon and depended on the love and devotion received from immediate family, and, I directed mine towards authority figures within my life, because I sensed myself as void of that within my family, thus, I focused all my desires to/toward my teachers as the substitute fuel to somehow achieve that which I ‘felt’ denied of from my family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize how even now I exist the same toward people I’ve deemed as special, and even as I write this I feel constriction as an inward pressure/pain and tightness within my chest area representing the point of devotion to family, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect who and how I’ve existed as within a point of FAMe wherein I desired to be INFAMOUSly regarded as the person to favor whether through inside or outside my immediate FAME-I-Lie.

I forgive myself that in my beLIEved manner of self-notoriety, I secretly existed in shame within my secret mind, NOT seeing, realizing and understanding that what I do in my mind has a consequence to everything and everyone within this reality and as such I created an alternate reality inside myself that manifested on the outside within my physical world as a negative experience wherein I was bullied and made fun of by the kids in my class which further perpetuated my already self made mind possession and sent me into an extremely isolated existence of myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how when I didn’t perceive myself as ‘fitting’ into my immediate family system as becoming the slave of my parents – even though I actually was – and how I in-advertently used what I experienced as a ‘lack of’ attention from my parents and imposed it upon those within my world that I saw as having authority and thus would then seek from them the teaching/knowledge/guidance as a way of seeking self-approval and self-validation as well as seeking to support and please others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a child to be caught within the polarity of good and bad and right and wrong to such a degree that I feared and suppressed any ability to actually express myself free from the opinions I was constantly forming within my mind with regards to who I would be and become according to how I felt I was obligated to act and behave as in ways which would be acceptable and approved according to the rules of my family, society and the world/money/survival system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my parents unconditionally while inside myself at the same time feeling and directing hate to/towards them – instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that is not my fault nor my parents fault for how I experienced myself because my parents experienced themselves exactly the same as I did because we’ve not yet as a family/society utilized the tools now available through Desteni I Process as being the practical supportive tools for family and life to actually stand up from within the abuse we’ve accepted and allowed from generation to generation as the sins of the fathers – to direct ourselves according to what’s best for All whereby life as we’ve known of/as ourselves will begin to change and we’ll welcome who we are as individual self-expressions.

I commit myself to forgive my way clear to no longer accept myself to separate myself through self-judgment where I create and manifest desires within myself thus manifesting and creating the same within my outer world as this physical reality, which I take self-responsibility for in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

Day 63: Radical Relationship: Authority as a desired experience for/as Money

This blog is a continuation to: Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that within my relationship/marriage, I have attempted to acheive a personal perception of authority over my partner wherein I play out patterns of polarity and shift between negative and positve energetic experiences of/for myself – which, whether I realized it at the time or not – have always been within the context of money/energy to gain power/control and authority within our relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how I’ve maintained my relationship through polarity shifts of energy between positive and negative money experiences, where for example through gambling, I acted as having ‘the authority’ within our relationship to gamble away money as I sought for a positive experience in justifying that I have ‘proved myself’ as worthy of having the role of authority through winning, and, when I didn’t win, I used what was then a negative experience of myself to my advantage, creating yet again another perception within my mind first as having ‘a position’ of authority, thus was able to manipulate my partner to ‘feel sorry’ for me, thus forgiving me for gambling/wasting ‘his’ hard earned money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as ‘his money’, ‘my money, and/or ‘our money’, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as the ruler in determining which side of the coin I’m on within the game of polarity.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully comprehend how I’ve defined money within my relationship/marriage as a powersource which stimulates conflict between us according to how much of it we have or don’t have, thus, money, according to how we’ve accepted and allowed it, is the root cause and symbolizes the conflicts throughout the story of our relationship/marriage.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I’ve used gambling/money for survival like a vampire uses blood and within that I’ve not considered the point of what’s best for all when deciding to gamble as I was only out to have an experience of/for myself where I became the addict and my drug of choice was money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as a weapon against my partner wherein I have sabotaged our relationship over and over through my spending habits and financial values all of which have existed in self-interest and greed and the need for speed/energetic money experience.

I commit myself to walking equal and one with my partner in assisting and supporting one another to show that together walking self-forgiveness and through Desteni I Process, we can and will together stand in support of an Equal Money system – to stop relationships based in and as money and dishonesty – and instead begin living agreements together in/as self-honesty and self-expression.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how money has become an experience for me so much so that I’ve neglected to actually fully comprehend how MONEY is THE SOURCE, The God of this existence which determines who eats/lives and/or who starves/dies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine that ‘I have the right’ to spend money the way I want to because in/as ego I accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind as consciousness where my perception is that of pre-programming in the design of ‘I am right and you are wrong’ syndrome/resonant mind pattern, and as that, I’m unable to direct myself to see what is here in common sense within the moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself existing within a possession of ego, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the pattern of abuse in and as money is as old as time and that to stop myself looping in time requires self-corrective application of breathing through any and all desires to have an experience of myself which I see/realize and understand is always able to be traced back to being about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the ultimate money-loving consumer supporting the manifested creation of what is here, as HELL on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the true epitome of and as money, wherein I have used/abused, spent and consumed my way through life taking for granted all the things that ‘money’ will buy, all the while pretending as if I cared about those who have no money for food, clean water, clothes, a home, an education and healthcare, and, the fact is, if I truly cared, my spending habits will reflect who I am based upon the Decision to Support a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to expose how our current money system is the MONEY Pit in Time as an embodiment of pre-programming as mind consciousness systems, and that in order to release ourselves from/as/how and what we’ve accumulated ourselves within and as, as the abuse which is more than apparent within our current world/money system, will require an Equal Money system which will honour and support ALL living beings according to what’s best for ALL.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek authority over my partner and/or anyone within this world, as I see/realize and understand that polarity exists within authority which can only exist within inferiority and/or superiority, both being opposite ends within deadly games of competition/greed as the Tug of WAR.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and remain aware of myself here, to see myself within clarity to be the Self-directive principle of me – thus I stop desires and urges for energetic money experiences – I educate myself further in how our current world/money system functions so as to better assist and support the Equal Money system in creating a world that guarantees every child born unto this world has absolutely everything required for living life as Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for ALL.

I commit myself to show how the number of children growing up in a single parent household is rising and that one out of every three children will be raised by a single parent, thus in common sense, it is easy to determine that in order to stop child neglect/abuse/poverty and starvation we require a system that supports every child born on Earth from Birth til Death, and that that system is an Equal Money System.

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 22: Authority game
Day 23: Self Commitment statements

Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2
Day 68: Relationship Dynamics – Part 3

Also, Download the following awesome interviews @ Eqafe:
Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship
The Money Experience
MoneyEnergy in the Mirror

“BREATH will carry you through the onslaught. Self-honesty will make sure you accumulate self-integrity; self-forgiveness will make sure you do not fall into the trap of feelings. Common-sense with the equality equation will make sure you question the relationships of things to the point where you understand how it was created and how you can recreate it in a way that is best for all.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.”~ Carl Jung

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated with my partner when he made a joke at the cashier at the local grocery store because I saw him as trying to please and/or make her ‘smile’ and ‘be happy’ and within that I noticed how I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my flesh as if I wanted to wiggle loose from my physical body from the suddenly threatening ‘feeling’ I saw myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that that which I see as irritating within another is a point of reaction within myself meaning that I am existing as the very point I see in another as irritating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being irritated when that was not the actual point at all but within my accepting myself as irritation I actually became irritated and missed the point of seeing myself for who and How I was actually existing in and as which was infear – inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘threatened’ by other women who I see/judge as younger/prettier within fearing that they may enter into a relationship/agreement with my partner, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react inspite and backchat to/towards those who I see myself as infear of/inferior to according to the direction of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a people pleaser where I seek to validate others to make them smile and/or make them happy within the starting point of seeking validation for who I am and thus what I ‘thought’ I saw in my partner was actually only a reflection of my need to please.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the presence of another can have lasting affects on me, as me becoming either worse off or better off for having known them within the point where I’ve believed I was having a ‘spiritual experience’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within my marriage/relationship I have cloaked myself in deception so much so that I took pride in positioning myself to look and act better when I’m around people who appear to have money as opposed to people who appear to have very little to no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing as the ego in believing myself as being better than is existing within two points of polarity of/as good/bad and positive/negative and within that, I see how existing as such is actually manifesting actual crimes against life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that existing in polarity manifests acts of greed such as consumption/consumerism and is what keeps our current world/money system turning life into cycles of death.

DownLoad: Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my partner to still see me as pretty, and to desire me as he did when we first met, and the fact is, I realize that who I am as my physical body on the outside doesn’t ‘seem’ to match who I am on the inside, and that scares the hell out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see aging as a bitter enemy because aging is confusing when on the outside the physical body changes but on the inside I still ‘feel young’, thus, the point I am seeing, in that, ‘feeling’ is Not, and has never been what defines one as actually ‘Living Life‘, because life cannot and will not ever be measured by/as experiences in/as feelings and emotions as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a ‘feeling of well being‘ and to actually believe that that is what living life is.

I commit myself to stop myself from experiencing life in feelings of threat, infear of losing that which isn’t mine to begin with because life is not meant to be had, to be kept, to be owned or lived in CONsuming, because life is meant to be Heaven on Earth for all living beings, Living Life according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show that love is a fallacy = A fall-in-humanity-see…

I commit myself to show that: “Love can only truly exist within the context of the physical in terms of right action and wrong action in terms of what is best for all and what actual Equality is.” ~Bernard Poolman

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 65: The Glamour of Enlightenment
Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2

Day 61: Bayou Billionaires

‘Bayou Billionaires’
‘Bayou Billionaires’ brings gas boom to reality TV
Watch GASLAND – Fracking

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a world/money system that doesn’t see/realize and understand how on national television for all the world to see, we are setting an example, which says to the world that it’s ok to abuse our earth and it’s resources and even get rich doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where we become so possessed by money that we don’t consider the consequences, for example, how fracking the same layer of Earth multiple times for one well site is actually creating damage and water contamination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that purposely turns farmlands into oil fields never considering how drilling sucks the nutrients/life from our earth because we don’t want to see past the money symbols of greed in our eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into a world system where money is used in place of seeing the reality of how bribery keeps us satisfied within our already pre-programmed mind, thus we we won’t even care to see that we’re just part of the game of follow the road to riches, no matter the risks imposed upon All life in the process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where we can be bought buy the smell and the lure of money where we become so intoxicated by the energetic charge from spending money that we don’t consider the consequences consumerism is causing to our earth and how daily, we’re literally giving permission for it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where we’re convinced that we’ve earned the right to make money off the land we walk on, even if it means we’re putting our earth and water supply at risk of not being able to provide for the children who will walk this life after us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where we allow some to become famous off the land within the beLIEf that we have the right to decide that it’s ok to drill the frack out of our earth and make money doing so – instead of realizing that what’s been given so graciously from our Earth is here Not just for some, but for All living beings.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into believing that I care about our earth when in fact I fear if I was offered a shit load of money to frack my land that I would be tempted to only think about myself and take the money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate who I’ve become as a money hungry fool even as I see the atrocity that having money allows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be entertained by those who strike it rich because within my secret mind I want the same – thus I see/realize and understand that in order for us to truly be who we are as life is going to require a money system that will support All living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what happens to our earth, water, air, our Entire Environment is My Responsibility, thus I will walk the consequences of what I accept and allow, and, it’s irrelevant whether or not I receive money for the acts of abuse that I allow because it is Self who Will in the end hold Self Accountable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am consuming the life out of this world through participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions and the lust for fame and fortune so much so that I don’t see that I am behaving exactly like the pre-programmed slave and consumer of consciousness is suppose to behave in order to keep the elite rich and the rest of humanity as the working class poor and/or homeless and starving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I see myself within the All the greed, spite and competition that we as a humanity live out through experiences where we use and abuse our earth – that which is given to all and that which we exploit for profit – instead of Standing up and Supporting a System that supports All Life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to standing up and taking self-responsibility and self-accountability and Stop who I’ve been in greed, competition, spite and ego and to instead Support an Equal Money System where All decisions on Earth are made according to what’s Best for All.

Please READ the Following Blogs:
DAY 1: Who I Am as Money
DAY 2: The Relationship between Energy and Money
DAY 3: What does it Really Mean to be ‘Alive’?

Day 8: Absolute Certainty
Day 12: BrainWashing and Mind Control
Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?

Day 60: Mirror Mirror lies of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my relationships have been reflecting patterns of the lies I tell myself on the inside thus bringing to life the parts of me that I’ve chosen to ignore and/or disown because I fear facing the lies I’ve allowed myself to tell myself according to the direction of me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that any and all abuse within my relationships is actually all the lies I’ve lived as me mirroring me from the inside out and is according to that which I fear revealing as who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become of/as what lies beneath the layers of/as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point the finger to/towards my partner as him being the reason for my habits and/or behaviors through and how I have lied to and lived denial as myself as I reached outside of myself for that which I craved from myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as controlling my behavior when in fact my perception of being controlled is coming from within myself not from someone outside of me simply because I’ve lied to and don’t like the girl I see as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teach myself throughout my childhood that the only way to have a relationship with another is to give up parts of myself so I lied in waiting for myself not seeing that I’m only adding fuel to the fire in my own game of self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie my way out of seeing who I really am as the one who’s standing right in front of me waiting for me to stop judging myself and to instead forgive myself for forsaking me in and as polarity games of love and hate, right and wrong, and positive and negative energetic equations where there is no one winning only death in waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the biggest lie of all in the game of money where the ‘stakes are high’ in attempting to buy my way to unconditional love – instead of realizing that money is the set up for and as the lie that keeps us on the marriage-go-round.

Proverbs 1:11: They may say, “Come and join us. Let’s hide and kill someone! Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and become the words written by man even as I lied to myself that I’m better than that, when in fact I am equally responsible for the countless acts of abuse that have been imposed on the poor and innocent within our world while I saw in the mirror only what I as my mind as consciousness wanted to see.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself to such a degree that I’ve not yet understood the depths of my own self-betrayal so much so that I’ve not realized that in my own self-neglect I’ve neglected to see what I’m accepting and allowing as the abuse that is running rampant in and as the hearts of man as we sit and watch and allow children to go homeless and starve to death daily.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as the lie in families who believe their bloodline deserve to have All the Money yet care not for those that suffer and have absolutely nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so engulfed in self-interest and greed that I wouldn’t see how I lied and manipulated myself into believing that I was a ‘good person’ not realizing how that was my biggest lie of all because in my belief of being a ‘good person‘ was the beLIEf that I deserved to have and be more than others and never considered those who are existing in the Reality of our World which is, if you don’t have money, you get to die because those who have money and see themselves as a ‘good person’, don’t really give a shit.

I stop. I Breathe. I take self-responsibility for what I‘ve accepted and allowed as how our World exist, and I commit myself to supporting a world/money system which does away with good and bad, right/wrong and positive and negative polarities, and instead supports ALL Living beings according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to face all of me no matter how painful I perceive it to be in seeing myself within all that is here.

I commit myself to show that our Reality is not pretty pictures and free vacations but is in fact hell on earth daily for millions and that to Not see how we’re All Equally responsible to bring an end to abuse and suffering is to be existing as a slave of and as the CON of Consciousness.

Please READ the Following:

The Deal with the Devil: DAY 40
Adam and Eve: DAY 51

Day 49: The Quantum Flesh
Day 63: Pinky and the Brain

Day 59: My Throne of God

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite people within this world in my mind as backchat where I have thoughts toward people as not being SINcere and/or trustworthy, when the fact is I know in self-honesty that I am actually seeing myself in/as the SIN of what is here in how ‘I’ exist in spite and judge and criticize and compete to be the best, and win the most, and be the most special, thus, when that doesn’t happen for me, I then sit upon my throne of judgment and condemnation to/towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a spiteful and revengeful human, and in fact I am SOULy responsible for how I’ve lived my life according to the words written in the bible because I accepted and allowed myself to ‘be the LIE’ within the beLIEfs where I have manifested and created myself to be the evil in live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire myself as the God of my throne within existence wherein I have attempted to catapult my way to stardom with no consideration for those who may be in the line of fire of my selfish desires.


I commit myself to release myself from my own Throne of God as a Religion of Self through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take pride in believing that I deserve the best of all things never considering the millions who haven’t the slightest chance of having anything and where within my mind I sat myself on a throne where I’ve projected myself within a ‘my shit don’t stink attitude’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m worthy of something more when in fact I’m less than my mind which I’ve allowed to direct me according to the rules of consciousness as envy and ego with greed being the heavyweight through the power it packs through the support of our current Capitalistic Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that surrounding my throne of God is the pavement/foundation of my real intentions to/towards others designed inside my own hell of/as my mind where I’ve walked as a heavily SOULd version of myself for a fools paradise which has begun in the mind of me as consciousness thus, I’ve not really grasped the magnitude of how the SINS of man are MANifestering Hell on Earth for All the world to bare witness to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world where CONsumerism is destroying life whilst Earth provides enough for everybody except that of the greed of man, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become manipulated by my own greed for money/power.

I commit myself to be the reed in greed and become an instrument for/as assisting this world to see that it is Not the other we are truly at war with for the war we perceive outside of ourselves, is infact the war existent within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own crown of thorns perched upon my throne of God within my mind according to the religion of self.

I commit myself to stop the religion of self and support a world/money system where life is valued breath by breath according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that only the mind as consciousness seizes the need to be exalted and thus, it is our each individual responsibility to stop who we’ve been in greed and to stand up in support of a money system that exalts All living beings with a quality of life in Equality.

Suggested to READ:
The Singularity that Collapsed Life: DAY 60
Day 59: Word of God

Day 58: Forgiving the storm of resistance within


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my back on myself resisting myself in fear of what often feels like a storm brewing on the inside of me wherein fear I then sabotage intimacy with myself and in my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself since childhood to sabotage myself in fear anytime I’ve caught a glimpse of who I see I can be standing on my own accord.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a child to follow thoughts about myself not of/as making mistakes but of being a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child shame myself to such a degree that I acted out either in a grandiose manner and/or self-centered and selfless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how as a child I assumed responsibility for the behavior of those around me, thus felt guilty and at fault when my parents argued yet, never realized how the acts of myself were distractions to not stand self-accountable and self-responsible for how I avoid intimacy with myself and intimacy with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for what felt like storms within me where instead of letting go and letting me know me in self-intimacy, I suppressed myself through focusing on hiding for example behind clothing and/or make-up in an attempt to cover up flaws in my personal appearance of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel constantly violated by others instead of realizing that it is only me as my mind who has violated me through my own participation in and as it directing me instead of me being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to block feelings and emotions of shame toward myself through compulsive behaviors such as drug addiction, shoplifting, and gambling.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the way I’ve experienced myself has always been according to my lack of self-intimacy in how I avoid facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed memories of myself as a child to still brew up storms within me as patterns and mind constructs as outflows of me where I resist physical intimacy within my current relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust being intimate with my partner because I’ve never been intimate with myself.

When and as I see myself living the outflow of a pattern as self-sabotage where within me are feelings like-a-storm brewing inside, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in the storm is where I avoid me in self-intimacy, thus, I slow myself down and allow me to remain here breathing as who I really am in the silence of me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to face and forgive the outflows of me as memories from my past so as to stop the accumulation of my past as storms of me being walked in the present moment thus creating a lack of self-intimacy, thus I commit myself to breathing here in awareness of me as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I commit myself to accept me within and as self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to me in self-intimacy.

I commit myself to willing myself to be gentle with myself and All living beings here.

I commit myself to fully comprehending that this is my last life to assist myself to release myself from resistance and suppression which I’ve placed upon myself and to stand up for All living beings so that we can bring an end to our own self-abuse and emerge anew as life living the principle of equality.