I’ve kept my 23 month old granddaughter Emmeline almost 5 days a week since she was 2 months old. She has always enjoyed her feet massaged and the touch of my hands on her feet and her feet held in my hands formed unexpected moments of bonding between us, proving the calming power of touch. From the first moment I began massaging her feet, her facial expression and her physical expression immediately relaxed as if to say, ahh, thank you.
Things are changing though. Emmeline is almost 2 and her sounds are turning into words which are becoming sentences. Her physical body is becoming patterns of her mind forming as consciousness. It’s actually very easy to see when one has a look, how our children are carbon copies of us, and we are copies of our parents, and obviously, they were copies of their parents.
I realized very early with Emmeline how when babies begin to sound words they are like parrots mimicking it’s owner, and so far I’ve done alright in stopping reacting to/towards her. That’s not to say that I’ve never reacted to her, but mostly, she’s assisted me and has taught me more about myself than my children and not because of them, it’s because of the difference in who and what I accept and allow, as who I am now that I’m walking the Journey to Life, a 7 Year Process of facing myself in self-honesty through writing and self-forgiveness.
Which brings me to my point – today Emme and I were coloring and kind of lounging around when she propped her feet in my lap similar to any other day. I put the colors aside and began to lightly massage her feet and I saw how she was different. Her eyes immediately focused on my hands massaging her feet and it’s like I could see the wheel turning in her mind. And for the first time, she suddenly pulled her feet away and let out a squeaky giggle and said ‘that tickles’. Her giggle wasn’t her spontaneous whispering giggle that’s accompanied with a slight shrugging within her chest area – no, this was triggered within her unconscious memory from someone she’d seen and heard react to having their feet tickled, and she was mimicking their behaviour. I knew that she wasn’t really experiencing a tickle and that she doesn’t understand that her reactive consciousness behaviour wasn’t real. Her eyes had confusion within them – as if to say ‘I don’t get why I did that’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require to live in fear to protect me and be safe thus I unconsciously taught my children fear so that they may be safe and protected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear will protect me and keep me safe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh at babies/children within a personality of thoughts of ‘how cute they are acting’, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that they’re mimicking the reactions and behaviours we’ve taught them through constraints and limitations covering up the realness of who we are hiding in fear within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the physical expression of myself and my children through how I taught them to behave to have manners that I believed were a necessary part of society and in doing so I’ve limited myself and them to become that which society expects of a well behaved working class slave.
I forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed within what happens to fear according to what we make fear do to us.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to withhold myself from physical expression through touch because I made a decision about myself a long time ago in fear, that when someone touches me they’re judging me, but it’s only me, judging me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when as a child I feared what I saw when I saw my mom naked for the first time and heard voices within my secret mind judging her – was the moment I chose to abdicate myself as who I am as my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as a child I felt controlled from the outside as well as from within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when we argue, we are fighting for our lives – through the eyes of children.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we’re attracted to the emotional qualities in another that we have accepted within ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that shame and guilt are masters of disguise.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there’s actually nothing I am able to do that will forever disguise myself from me.
I commit myself to show parents that the passing on of the sins of the fathers is only real because we allow it to be and that the Real Solution for Life will value and honor All life per the words of Jesus: “Love Thy Neighbour as Yourself” = Equal Money
I commit myself to me in accepting and allowing the expression of me as my physical body within and as self honesty to emerge as who I am standing up for and as All Life.
“I commit myself to show that the generational damage parenting inflict on Life is KNOWN, yet accepted, allowed and justified.” ~ Bernard Poolman
“I commit myself to make sure parenting becomes that which will protect and honour Life as the Only Real Value in the Universe.” ~ Bernard Poolman
“I commit myself to show that history is the evidence that parenting has never been in the best interest of a child on Earth, and that the parent has always abused authority to produce the child as a copy of the parent that repeats the same abusive patterns with feeble justifications like it’s God’s Will or that it’s is just Human Nature. ” ~ Bernard Poolman
From: Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 44: In the Name of Love