My first memory of what fear looks like was on the face of my Aunt Lea when I was three years old. She still talks about how stressed out she was when she finally found me hanging out underneath a rack of clothes in the retail store where she was spending money. I didn’t even know I was missing.
My first memory of what anger looks like is when I accidentally broke the foot off of a porcelain dog that was my Aunt Lea’s when I was four.
My first memory of what heartache, fear and anger feels like, was when my mother and step dad suddenly arrived to take me from the only place I was familiar with as home – with my grandmother, grandfather and my aunt and uncle’s. I lived with them from the time I was 1 1/2 to 4 1/2 years old.
All three of my first experiences as self as the above memories – all revolved around money. The first one was about spending money, the second one was about wasting money, and the third one was about finally having enough money to feed one’s child. This was the beginning patterns of how I was educated about money and one that has followed me throughout my life, and this is not about blame nor does my story hold any specialness to it.
Families don’t know the first thing about educating their children about money and certainly have no clue how to support a child in being a self-responsible human being – one that will contribute to the overall well being in creating a world system that will provide the necessary means of establishing and replenishing our environment where every living being, from the moment they take their first breath, will be guaranteed the opportunity to flourish and express themselves into oneness of/as being.
The purpose for me sharing these particular memories is to share how if Money were removed from the equation of all three of the memories, what then?
– – if my Aunt hadn’t been under stress to purchase new clothes that she really couldn’t afford, for a job she didn’t even like, and, if she had not spent so much money on the porcelain dog in the first place, and, if my mom had been able to afford for her 1 1/2 year old baby to live with her after her divorce — what then?
Fear of Change
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change because I fear what I might lose because I’ve associated change as going from a good to bad and a bad to worse situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change because I have defined myself according to a specific point thus the point of change requires that I face myself within a fear of loss of self for something that I’ve only believed about myself when in fact isn’t real in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the point of fear of change fear failing which is related to the need for perfection within fear and anxiety of not getting things right, thus I avoid the fear of failing by not doing anything accept existing within the point of fear of change.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that fear of change is the most common reason for resistance to any kind of change and thus stops us from taking immediate action of any kind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I am free from the right to brag about having the most money, the best house, car and/or job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my opinion and/or my intention to/toward others based upon money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Equal Money because I fear not being part of the system of survival/money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from an early age focus myself in and as negative and positive energy experiences where I imprinted myself within a belief that life is either good or bad depending upon the amount of money I have.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself into materialistic manifestations within my world where if I were to lose them, I fear I couldn’t handle it because I wanted to feel as if I controlled my world, when in fact I am controlled and defined according to and as them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money to be used as a method of control to keep human beings in my world as I want them to be so that I can make sure that I don’t have to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change me to conform and condition myself to who and what exists within this world according to the value I’ve placed in money to be accepted and noticed – instead of me living me as who I am in self-honesty in every moment of breath according to what’s best for all.
I commit myself to supporting a system of equality where all change within our world/money system is based according to what’s best for all.
I commit myself to proving in self-honesty that the change that Equal Money will allow for every single living being within this world is beyond the limited imagination of our mind as consciousness and thus I will not stop til all living beings is supported in every way with Equal Money.
Please read the following blogs for further perspectives and self-support: