Day 21: Friday Night Lights, Out

It’s Friday – the day when I often have the same experience of myself – the experience of craving, needing, wanting more. But, more of what? I no longer smoke or do drugs, or gamble, and I haven’t eaten any processed sugar now for over a month, lol, my mind would have me ask, what else is there? Sex? I’ve been married for 20 years, and our relationship is a really cool agreement in the process, so I can have sex whenever I want. Nope, the cravings I experienced come from deep within the secret mind.

My mind craved the energy that comes from getting attention, like the attention one gets from flirting with someone for instance. However, I was aware of how my mind would have settled for the buzz of a big guzzle of an ice cold pepsi. Or even a big slice of chocolate cake would have been nice,,, yes, sugar would have eased the craving for the energy my mind was asking for. I didn’t buy into any of it. I stopped and I breathed. I forgave myself.

At one point today, as I flipped through the television channels, I saw a commercial for a local bar/club and my mind thought was one word – party! That’s a popular Friday night event for many after working all week long. I spent a few years doing just that, getting all dressed up on a Friday night and going out to a bar, or two, for a few drinks and to dance, and of course to flirt. Jesus fucking Christ, in self-honesty -I don’t miss that shit.

I’ve walked and applied the tools offered through the Desteni process for awhile now and once you realize the truth for yourself, where you see for yourself what isn’t real and what is – you won’t go back to living the illusion of enjoying what you realize was your own personal mind-fuck in the first place…

I don’t even like referencing it,, my secret mind, because it’s all self-interest motivated and is the part of me that offers no real solution and/or support for all life on this planet – yet, I have to face me in self-honesty, so I’m able to forgive myself and maybe be of some assistance, in supporting a system to bring an end to the shit hole we’ve manifested ourselves in and as here on earth.

The truth is Friday nights was all about the lights – the lights in the illusion that I lived in my mind where fantasies did nothing more than create abuse within and as my physical body. All because I craved an outcome for myself as I continued to want and seek for something to satisfy the direction my mind as consciousness was leading me on as.

No thanks. I no longer accept myself according to illusionary feelings/emotions that will never fill me or anyone of us up. What will assist us – in stopping the illusion that we’re missing ourselves – is to realize ourselves equal to everything here and stand up accordingly. The substances and energy I once used, only temporarily assisted me to forget my self-interested self if only just for a moment to not feel/experience what was actually going on within myself – related to my mind in avoiding facing me and having a relationship in self-honesty with me. No more hiding and fearing me – Friday Night Lights, Out.

Art By: Matti Freeman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny that which I perceive and define as being negative/positive energies of my mind which I’ve used and abused in my avoidance of facing me within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny what I perceived and defined as being a negative energy of my mind while justifying having a positive experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energy derived from participating in illusionary pictures/ideas/memories of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the polarity of my mind as positive and/or negative energy while I sought/desired/craved an energetic experience of myself based on illusionary pictures/ideas and memories of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something get me out of the experience I was having of myself, instead of me taking self-responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something change the situation and/or the experience of me for me, instead of me facing me in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility for and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually only be searching for that first sexual relationship of myself which was designed to entrap us as humanity to endlessly search for more in self-interest in order to contain/enslave us so that we don’t/won’t face ourselves and take self-responsibility for what is here in how our world exists in suffering, abuse and atrocity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the energetic cravings within my mind wherein I sought after an experience of myself where I believed I was experiencing something special when in fact the energy of the light/attention/flirting experience never lasted and was only as real as I believed it to be according to my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/crave an experience of myself as anything other than my here moment as breath as a way of getting energy to fuel my mind as consciousness and/in order for me to not stand up and take self-responsibility for abdicating myself from/as life in accepting and allowing our world to exist as it does with acts of violence as war, murder, rape and starvation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look for a relationship outside of myself because I didn’t have a relationship with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to overcome or let go of energy instead of understanding within myself that it is to stand equal and one to energy and transcend the energetic experience through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein no energetic experience remains within myself.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and to face me in self-honesty in every moment of breath in taking self-responsibility for what is here in how our world currently exists and to thus support an Equal Money System which will bring an end to energetic experiences which have resulted in abuse and death to/as our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I commit myself to understanding that energy was manifested by mind consciousness systems through friction and balance instead of self-movement in every moment as the totality of who we are – whereas no energy is required – only who we are in self-honesty moving through breath in and as self-expression in every moment of ourself here.

I commit myself to further understanding who I am in self-honesty and in stopping the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind completely through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein every moment of breath I commit myself to birth myself as life from the physical so that heaven as earth may manifest as the expression of who we are within and as oneness and equality as/for All Life

Suggest the following blogs for self-assistance and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life

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