Archive | April 2012

Day 8: For the Love of Money/God/Religion of Self

Undo the Deception – – When I first came to Desteni and began to hear the message of Equality and Equal Money – the nature of me as the Mind of Consciousness within the World-System/Money, was barely able to hear and understand the magnitude of changes Equal Money will give to all life within our world. Here now, some 4 years later – after giving myself the opportunity to investigate and educate myself in how our world is currently existing within a multitude of levels and corruption in and as various world systems – I have come to comprehend, (and am still educating myself), and I commit myself to standing in full agreement with everything that Equal Money represents and offers as support so that All may live and breathe a dignified Life.

I forgive myself for how I’ve deceived myself into believing that money doesn’t matter to me when in fact the idea of not having money scares the hell out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others who have money in pretense in order to escape my fear of not having any money to eat, sleep and survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself into believing that money was Not on my Mind when in fact I thought all the time about how was I going to have enough money to pay my rent, my car payment and feed my children and buy them clothes for school so they won’t feel different compared to what other children have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through religious brainwashing/reasoning think that money and/or anything related to it are evil and must be purged from the earth

I forgive myself for when I was a Christian and believed that money was a very personal thing and that it was nobody else’s business what I’m doing with my money ( except God’s of course).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not wanting to Talk about how Money affected who I was and how I acted as in life to/towards others wherein I judged those who appeared to have less money than me and was jealous of those who had more money than me and thus didn’t want people to perceive me to be judging/ bragging and/or being immodest and/or rude and greedy.

I forgive myself for those moments when I lived, ate and breathed money to the point that it practically ripped my family apart while in my mind I hated money and the love of money because I believed money was the root of all evil – instead of realizing that money is not evil it is merely a tool used for/by and as the evils of men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my life according to how I existed from paycheck to paycheck so to hear someone talking about how well they were doing with how much money they are making and/or saving was like pouring salt on a wound wherein I felt threatened, was angry and full resentment which only served to fuel me further within and as ego and greed – instead I see, realize and understand that when all have equal money and the ability to care for themselves properly we will then care for each other properly within and as love and kindness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the religion of self where I wanted my way no matter the consequences that having my way would manifest and create in and as the lives of others within my physical reality.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to undo/release myself from the Illusion of who and what I’ve accepted myself to be within the love of Money/God/Religion/Self, all of which are energy experiences as Consciousness and the reality of what I’ve created and that which I commit myself to stopping through self-forgiveness and in self-honesty – to stand up and change myself to walking in equality and oneness of and as the substance of me as this physical substance according to and as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to forgiving myself for that which I believed I lacked in suppression as I stop self-limitation and instead I take responsibility for and as me facing myself as my creation as the mind and World system so as to live solutions to the mind/world system for myself and thus for all as me.

I commit myself to walk my process of/as clearing separation of mind/energy as me into one of equality and oneness through directing myself writing and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application so that I may begin to effectively support all living beings in finding solutions for our world where suffering and abuse will end and life will emerge as dignity through acts of kindness and gentleness between each other in seeing. realizing and understanding that the common ground we all share is one within our coming together in harmony within and as our physical reality.

I commit myself to be able to live so completely in every breath that I am able to die in any breath and in that moment I will be certain that no regret ever exist and I have lived as Life should live and I have given life as I have received life and in this I have created a world that is best for all life to which each life form will come to be born onto support and abundance and happiness to explore the multiple universe of the physical we have degenerated and degraded to only picture version of our delusions of imagination. I commit myself to get to know directly every part, every dimension that is here that I may see what life is really about in every way. – Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to the process of walking the above words til I have walked them equally as me as them.

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Day 7: Porcelain Gods & Toilet Capitalism

“No one is so completely disenchanted with the world, or knows it so thoroughly or is so utterly disgusted with it, than when it begins to smile upon him he becomes partially reconciled to it.” – Giacomo Leopardi

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to at some point believe in words written in quotes such as the one above without even considering the implications of the words wherein I accepted them as a part of what is here as me thus allowing here to exist as the manifested abusive consequences of such words which exist of no substantial support and/or solution for and as life in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stuff myself into and as a mindset consisting of and as comfortability wherein I resigned myself into and as submissiveness to a capitalistic money system as an obedient servant without questioning what it is exactly that I’m supporting, which, simply put, is actions of first degree murder of which we are all guilty of because there is much premeditated planning and deliberation that goes into the continued support given in order to support our current money system to continue to exist where profit is valued over life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore what I am capable of learning with regards to what the solution is to stop accepting corporations and governments to earn profit even when it means that those who have no money go without food to support what their physical body requires in order to function, breathe, move and survive within this physical reality of which we are equally given birth in and thus must be equally given life support.

I commit myself within a point of self honesty to educate and investigate the process of the mind to become aware of how our ways and means have proved alarmingly deadly while we candidly sit by and watch as all life forms parish – instead of standing up in and as support for/of/ and as all life in seeing, realizing and understanding that Life as All is who We Each are All Responsible for and of.

The reality is there are millions who are disenchanted, suffering within every moment of breath, every day of their existence here – where a smile cannot even begin to partially reconcile their homeless starving living arrangements and/or their war torn countries and utterly disgusted or lack of toilet facilities.

Most of us have no real clue what’s it’s like to go even one day without clean drinking water, and/or going without the ability to shit in our own Porcelain God…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live consumed within the direction of my mind while supporting an abusive money system wherein I did not care or dare to see, realize and understand the seriousness of how other people are experiencing themselves daily throughout this world due to lack of clean water, no toilets and/or a place to wash and bathe or sleep, and with little to no food to support and strengthen their physical body.

I commit myself to further educating myself and others to the nature of abuse that exists in every current world system operating within our world, such as our money, political, educational and labor systems, to name a few, and wherein the principle of individual rights, including property and social rights – which are not functioning in a way that is best for all – will be re-designed in conjunction with all life forms, as we’re all aware of the point in how massive world abuse is happening within our world and cannot be denied, thus we as humanity commit ourselves to stop and begin anew within the starting point of and as the Solution of Equal Money, where the Only Principle is that which supports all living beings according to what’s best for all = A Union in Equality.

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***Sharing below, real life struggles, a partial post by: By Khadija Sharife – Link on title to read in entirety ***

Toilet capitalism: A Zimbabwean basket case” – – Posted on Monday, 20 February 2012 11:53

“But where are the rolling toilets?

With a piece of crunchy green salad in my mouth, it occurred to me then that Warren Park and Mereki went hand in glove with toilet capitalism. Sometime back, one Zimbabwean, in partnership with a South African, purchased mobile toilets from South Africa for Mereki, charging customers R5 a hit. He would go on to win an award. We inquired, but did not see, these award-winning toilets. Several younger chaps confirmed the rumour: ‘the rolling toilets? It has come through here, but I cannot say the whereabouts now.

Certainly, the mobile toilet would have been a welcome addition and brilliant short-term solution – but at what cost? “What we want,” said Mama, “is for them (government) to put in toilets and taps.” From Thursdays to Fridays, she said, the place was jam-packed.

Of course, Warren Park is not special: one of my earliest memories is running almost straight into a ‘flying toilet’ in Nairobi, which until 2008 had just 150 public toilets for over 3.5 million people. The public toilets then, were a scene of physical chaos, later dubbed by a friend, visiting India – where over 800 million have little access to sanitation facilities, ‘toilet warfare’. Historically, the power imbalances underpinning the structural layout of public worlds have reflected economic inequalities in areas characterised by those lacking political capital.

Similar to environmental racism, evidencing landfills, slaughterhouses and the like, situated in the poorest areas, lack of waste sanitation is often interlocked with lack of access to clean water. In her book, ‘The Big Necessity: The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters’, detailing the waste sanitation crisis, Rose George writes, ‘I thought a toilet was my right. It was a privilege.’ But as every African knows – this is untrue. Access to clean water and safe sanitation is a fundamental human right, only the quality of that provision (such as Japan’s high tech toilets) is a privilege.

This much was confirmed by the UN’s General Assembly, which bemoaned in the UN’s usual toothless way, that as much as 2.6 billion people globally have no access to waste sanitation. A situation that results in 2.2 million deaths annually, of which 1.5 million are children – excluding the numerous consequences of illnesses such as cholera, frequently affecting African countries.

Like Uganda’s Kampala – which hosted just 108 public toilets for a population of more than 2 million people, and privatised public toilets several years ago, in Zimbabwe, the scene is ripe for private waste sanitation companies or toilet capitalists.

According to one development worker I bumped into, waste sanitation apparently rests under the mandate of the country’s National Water Department via the Harare Water Supply Division. This was allegedly inherited from the City Council of Harare, thereafter further devolved to local councils. But neither department seems overly anxious to claim the responsibility of upgrading, connecting and developing, what is actually a matter of life and death.”

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Day 6: Hello deSIRE My Old Friend


The television was on for a moment this evening, and as I walked past it, I noticed the show ‘American Idol’ was on, and there was this guy standing there singing. I immediately saw a thought come up within me which was, ‘he looks just like a guy named Wes I made out with a few times when I was 19!’ The way the guy moved his legs and feet – in a slow shuffling manner – how he slightly closed his eyes as he sung, his hair, the way he smiled a devilish grin – everything about his movement and behavior triggered familiar feelings of my encounter and desire for a guy named Wes from a past/memory/experience of myself from a long, long, long time ago.


Instantaneously, I had internal conversation, and emotion/feeling reactions as backchat, which was like,,,’wow, I can’t believe how much he looks like Wes’, and, ‘damn I should have slept with that guy (Wes)when I had the chance’.

I saw how the desire that was coming up from within me, was like an old friend that hadn’t visited in awhile and, for a moment, I didn’t want to walk away from what was an oddly appropriately fixed feeling reaction within the idolizing of a past memory-based experience toward someone I was seeing on television that I’d never physically met, and, there was within me a pressing need, a wanting to touch, feel and press my body up against his.

I actually began to see a physical change within myself. My heartbeat and my breathing increased and I saw how I had moved my right hand up to my mouth and I was slightly nibbling on the nail of my right index finger! I was slightly moving my hips and pelvic back and forth, up and in and then back, and, I was standing up straighter and my breasts/chest was perched upward highter than they normally are. There was also slight a sensation of arousal in my solar plexus and pelvic area. Whoa! I stopped that shit. I breathed.

All I wanted to do was to shake that shit hold off of me. Why participate in the mind in something that isn’t real, never was real and depletes our physical body from it’s life giving abilities? No way. I’d rather touch, feel and press my body up close and personal with my partner here within what’s real, thank you very much!

And – the whole damn memory-thought based mind construct – from the beginning first thought, happened faster than I could write it out here for myself to see. No wonder we’re so fucked! There is no doubt – our mind as consciousness is a sophisticated, well lubricated machine – and is one that we better learn to direct in self-honesty – so we can actually walk for real as masters of our domain, so to speak — because at the moment – we are not the masters of our domain – the mind as consciousness is. Clearly No matter what the deSIRE – the experience of desire is of the mind as consciousness, and must be stopped. Desteni I Process is assisting me with just such points as well as self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as shameful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sexual experiences in my secret mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid being intimate with me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that in judging sex I am judging me.

I forgive myself for all the times that I’ve shamed myself into having sex in order to please and bribe a man to stay and never leave me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body must be the picture perfect presentation in order for me to express myself as me one and equal to and as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must fantasize and/or exist in desire towards another in order to express myself in enjoying me as my physical body – instead of realizing there are no rules — we can caress, lick, kiss, suck and touch in any manner our breath moves us is pleasing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mindset that says the female must limit her aggressiveness – instead of realizing myself free from labels existent as thoughts, feelings, emotions/reactions and Money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a money system where woman are prostituted by men with money and judged by women who are influenced by men with money – instead of realizing that women hold the power to Direct, Change, and bring forth the Solution as Equality to/for and as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that self intimacy is the key of me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish and hope and desire to be swept off my feet by a younger attractive man which I have in the past pictured in my mind as being, ‘The One’.

I forgive myself for taking so long to see, realize and understand that CONsciousness is a Life Defying act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the desire of lust which is the minds way of wetting our appetite because the mind yearns in fear of losing it’s quest in it’s lust for power and requires our participation to sustain itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions and desires believing that I require and need another separate from me to come and fill me up – instead of realizing there is nothing to fill up except the mind as consciousness which through participation acts as fuel to continue sucking the life out of our physical body and as such our physical earth.

I Stop. I breathe. I direct me here in self-honesty in and as an agreement with myself to commit myself to support me as my physical body to walk according to a principle of equality where life is birthed here from the physical within and as a world/earth that is best for all in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into a relationship within the starting point of sexual attraction and/or love and thus have supported separation and dependency.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define me as having power according to sex and sexuality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing how sex and relationships currently exists within this world in supporting the current mind system/world system/money system – instead of two human beings coming together in agreement, one and equal where self is self expression wherein they assist and support each other to remain here within and as self-honesty and not accepting/allowing anything less than who they really are as life as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for the arousal I experienced as an energetic reaction within and as my unconscious mind through seeing with my human physical eyes wherein my mind connected with what I saw and thus my mind sought to experience the arousal as energy to exist in order to further enslave, control, direct, abuse and abdicate life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the mind, and so have existed as the abused and the abuser wherein through visualization I have masturbated to porno/pictures/thoughts/feelings and emotions which manifests abuse within this world such as child abuse and rape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sex is self nurturing instead of realizing that, ‘I am self nurturing‘.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I require an experience of myself as anything other than who I am as me in this moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to express me as who I am capable of becoming in every moment of breath within and as oneness and equality as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have refused to accept and allow myself to see, realize and understand how in acts of participation in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I am creating abuse and horror existent within this world as a manifested reflection/consequence of dishonesty existing in me. I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have refused to accept and allow myself to see, realize and understand that through and as acts of fear I manifest and create fear within and as this world.

i commit myself to see, realize and understand that my reactions to images reflect to me that I have abdicated my responsibility of giving life as I have received life.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to the only choice that I can freely make which is best for all life as the living word which is to stop and face me in self-honesty and embrace life through living myself in agreement and according to and as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to myself as I identify and establish solutions within my relationships with/as all that I will stand as a living example to identifying and establishing solutions within and as the functioning/existing of this World-System of Money to bring about an Equal Money System in bringing about Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to take responsibility for all creations whether directly or indirectly allowed and created by me as I realize that regardless of whom create what, I am here part of this creation of words and am sentenced by my sentences and a convict of my convictions. I will no longer allow myself to be directed by faith as I understand that the practical meaning of faith is that when I walk as the living word as flesh, all relationships that follow will eventually respond in ways that is best for all life and thus this certainty in action to walk till it is done is me as dedication to life as the living flesh as the word faith. I will not wait for the illusions that is not of this world of flesh which I have mistakenly given values to through the mis-creation of faith without proven outcomes here as flesh.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to the only choice I can freely make namely that which is best for all life as the living word as that is the only choice that will not produce some influence of fear and in that choice I am free and thus create the same freedom for all to embrace once they have relinquished the fear they have embodied as flesh and see the simplicity of the living word when all are equal creators of the word with meaning that supports life equal in every way. – Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to the process of walking the above words til I have walked them equally as me as them.

Day 5: Trust Thy Neighbor As Thyself

I put on my boots to go outside to give the dogs some treats because the ticks here at the moment are the worse they’ve ever been, and even that didn’t stop them from landing on me. As I walked around the yard sharing snacks, and walking under trees, I had 4 ticks drop down onto my bald head, down the side of my face and onto my arm. Ticks dropping from trees! Sneaky little bastards.

I began to sweep the back porch, and Fozzy, our white Pyrenees, whose slightly grumpy at the moment – looked at me as if to say, ‘I’m not movin’. I didn’t blame him. It was obvious that his mood and my mood were equal in that moment.

Fozzy has been grumpy for the past few days, because he’s been stuck in the back yard tied to a 15 foot chain because recently, our neighbor came over to tell us that Fozzy and Remmy, (who are the two older boys of the 5 male dogs we have left) – he said that they had killed his 10 month old pup – Remmy is now also tied to a 12 foot chain.

Our neighbor said that he didn’t actually see them kill the pup, but said he was “sure they did”.
When I asked the specifics, he didn’t really have any. He just said that he already buried his dog. So there was absolutely no proof in his accusation. This is the same neighbor who, when we first moved here almost 4 years ago, told us how he’d just thrown a sack of new born kittens into the river to drown because he just couldn’t afford to feed them.

He didn’t appreciate me telling him at the time how cruel and irresponsible that was. And, I realize now that that set the framework for how I ‘felt’ toward him.

Honestly, I trust my animals. I don’t trust him. He also said that other neighbors were rather “put off” with how our dogs all run together and that they tend to “gang up” on other people’s dogs, (everyone’s dogs around here run freely everywhere).

He said he didn’t want to “alarm us”, but that if we aren’t able to keep them “in the yard”, he’s afraid someone is going to shoot them. So for the past few days Fozzy and Remmy have been in an outside prison with very little room to move, and I don’t like it anymore than they do.

We are looking into what we can afford as other options because, what kind of life is it for them to be tied to one area. Maybe they’d rather enjoy running and playing and taking the risk of being shot rather than being tied up doing time. I know I would much prefer it.

Hell – we’re all stuck in time so why the hell won’t we make time to “Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself“, and “Give as we would like to Receive”.

I applied self-forgiveness out-loud while I swept off the porch and remembered what Bernard wrote in the Face Book group NEIGHBORISM.

“Their is an ISM that will be effective to support all life here in ways that is best for all. it is NEIGHBORISM.”

“NEIGHBORISM will replace capitalism, socialism, communism and all the other ways we have managed the world. With Neighborism the message of Jesus and other teachers that showed that love practically applied means to give as you would like to receive and to love your neighbor as yourself would become a living reality. Equal money and Desteni will get you to Neighborism. If you claim love is the answer, prove it with Neighborism.” – Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not trust a word that comes out of my neighbors mouth.

I forgive myself for the urge to politely slap my neighbor in the face for his ignorance and abusive nature to animals.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat thought of telling my neighbor to his face that he’s a big fat liar.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that my neighbor represents in all ways the part of me that I don’t want to face within myself.

I forgive myself for spiting myself in spite of another.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use spitefulness when I feel powerless.

I forgive myself for standing in spite – instead of in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed-myself to disregard anyone that I believe is telling me a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately disregard and not hear the words of those that I perceive/experience to be lying to me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that I deliberately react in anger within myself and then manifest anger as blame directed towards others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards the words of others within myself instead of investigating the reactions I experienced within myself towards their words.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the reactions within myself towards another’s words are showing/revealing to me that I am not standing equal and one as the words that I was accepting/allowing myself to react to.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I’m actually reacting towards memories/pictures/ideas/perceptions and beliefs that I have of specific words existent within myself and that I’m not actually reacting to/towards the word itself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can’t trust my neighbor when actually it is myself that I am not trusting in fear of facing the fact that I’ve not stood in and as a point of self-responsibility for my animals and within that I justified my irresponsibility by blaming my neighbor for how my animals and experiencing themselves.

I see, realize and understand that the point of trusting another isn’t possible until and when one is able to trust self as the living directive principle breathing, walking according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see myself reacting in anger and/or spite to memories/pictures/ideas/perceptions attached to the person and/or the words I hear/see, I Stop. I Breathe. I direct me here within the realization that what I react to and/or see/perceive as fault in another is in actuality a point to be faced and released within myself.

When and as I see myself deliberately disregarding and not hearing the words of those that I perceive/experience to be lying to me – I stop. I breathe. I realize the pattern is me not trusting me – like someone covering their ears and not wanting to see the abuse and atrocity that exists within this world and as our current money system – it’s the same point of self-denial. – Instead I stand and face myself within the lie as the lie is here as me to be forgiven and released.

I see, realize and understand that the words within this blog represent me in how I feel/felt, believed and lived as who I am and that it is only me that I am facing as I walk this process through and as those who walk this process alongside me of which I am grateful for.

I commit myself to becoming the actualization of self-honesty in being the living expression of self-honesty always, in seeing the point and realizing what self has accepted and allowed within the point and transforming self in living action in relation to the point seen and what I’ve realized of self within it.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself in standing equal to and one with my human physical body within my process of redefining myself into living words as I assist and support myself to stop the separation of myself as Energy within, and to stand in support of and as all life as I accept and allow myself the patience to push through any remaining resistance in self-honesty until I am equal to and one with myself as living words as me as all as one as equal.

Day 4: Hide and Seek


I have a pattern that I’ve existed as that my partner of almost 21 years has patiently been aware of. It’s how I run, not walk to the rescue of my youngest child, my daughter. The interesting thing is how in my running, I’m actually seeking to validate me as my mind, and in the seeking, I hide deeper within myself within my unconscious and subconscious mind. Then, I’ve used appreciation to validate and fuel the ongoing construct within a pattern that I’ve accepted direction from.

I’m here to through self-forgiveness stop the pattern and begin to re-design myself in self-honesty for/as and equal to all life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized the fear and sadness within me because I’ve hidden and forgotten me in my self-interest fueled life of seeking.
I forgive myself that I haven’t realized how I have feared being in the presence of me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run to my daughter’s rescue at the first mention of and/or the first sign of her having the slightest problem in her life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rescue my daughter from financial problems even when I couldn’t really afford to because I told myself that it was my responsibility, when in fact I was seeking validation for my own self-interest in validating my ego and enslaving us all further into our abusive current money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from taking responsibility for the atrocities that exist within this world because I’ve enjoyed the chase, the high of looking like the perfect mom by running to the aid of my daughter.

I forgive myself for not being a living example of responsibility for my children and thus when my youngest child struggles with surviving in this world wherein she gets her paycheck and after rent and utility bills are paid the little money left barely buys food so she has nothing left and can’t afford to fuel her car for the following work week so when she calls and tells me I feel guilty for not pushing her more to be responsible because I’m only now grasping what self-responsibility is, so I rescue her by giving her money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see it as my life’s call to swoop in and save my youngest daughter when her car breaks down and she can’t afford to pay for the repairs because she barely makes enough money for rent, utility bills, food and clothes for herself and her baby – instead of allowing her to face her own fears within seeing what she’s accepted and allowed so to be responsible for all that’s here in standing up in support of an Equal Money system so that all suffering ends within our world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the daily struggles my children face in trying to survive within a money system that values profit over life because I willingly accepted and have supported our current capitalistic money system where the rich are rich and famous because and while the poor are struggling, starving and dying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take money for granted when my children were young wherein I spent money frivolously for household items to impress people who came to visit and as such I overextended myself and my partner where we sunk further in debt while still managing to provide an impression to my children that I could afford whatever they desired and in doing so I was teaching them to that it’s ok to live by impulses and consumerism instead of teaching them the dangers to life in how our current money system exists.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the desire, want and need to rescue my children is best defined as the religion of self and is me existing in separation from me – instead of me standing up and facing and directing me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for feeling bad toward myself for what I see is me existing in the pattern of ‘finding myself wanting’, which is a pattern I have longed feared and judged wherein self is existing in the very essence of self-interest to gratify and satisfy my own wants, needs and desires related to things of this world and further supports myself in separation of all that exist.

When and as I see myself in a position of wanting and desiring to rescue my daughter/children from a situation that was preventable and isn’t life threatening – I stop. I Breathe. I realize I’ve walked this point over and over and have created situations in order to continue fueling my mind as consciousness. Instead I direct myself within common sense. I slow myself down and breathe. I begin by accepting and allowing my daughter/children the opportunity to be self-honest and self-responsible – to see and realize for themselves that life is suppose to be more than just struggling to survive.

I commit myself to begin by stopping in my abusing and using my children as a way to hide from myself within my subconscious and unconscious mind as I stand and face me in self-honesty in pushing through the resistance of facing and forgiving me as my unconscious and subconscious mind.

I commit myself to walking the process of self-forgiveness, breathing and taking responsibility for the creation of and as me as the mind/energy within and as this world system/money in no longer accepting and allowing that which has been created/manifested as consequences of and in separation from myself and all – instead I stand and begin here with me – to change/transform the mind system into a world that is best for all.

I commit myself with patience and kindness to and toward myself as I breathe and support myself to forgive myself and begin to face who I am as my conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind so that I am able to direct myself effectively to support all living beings in bringing forth a world where all life is cherished equally.

Day 3: Walking as the Pregnant Teen

I forgive myself that I didn’t consider how this world actually exists within the constant struggles of survival mode when I made the decision to Fuck, and, CONsequentially the decision to get pregnant, which was just so I could move out of my mothers house to party and have ‘fun’.

I forgive myself that I held no consideration for bringing a life into this world because in dishonesty I made the decision to get pregnant as I existed within a fantasy mindset of consciousness searching for experiences that resonated with the urges that I longed for – thus I didn’t consider what I was accepting and allowing and what I was responsible for and as which was me existing equal and one to all the abuse existing within this world and as such I abdicated myself from life itself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the kids in my senior class in high school for calling me a slut and a whore when in fact they were reflecting back to me how I was attacking and feeling towards myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stop going to school because I felt it was too much to handle physically as well as emotionally painful because I believed I had changed inside and that the outside world was treating me differently when really I was seeing reflections of my own suppression’s.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to resent being pregnant because I felt that I looked fat and ugly which caused me to not want to go to school when really inside myself I was existing in separation from me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become lonely and depressed because I missed my friends something awful until finally I gave up on my studies and as a result I lacked a credit and a half which kept me from graduating which I used as a justification for not facing a compounded point of self-doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to barely remember who I was before I had my son at 17, and for resenting myself for feeling as if I’ve always lived my life as a mom and as such I always tried to take responsibility for others instead of me taking and living self-responsibility I would try to fix myself through others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give myself permission that it’s ok to birth a living being from my physical body and continue to participate within and as my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions -instead of standing up and taking self-responsibility for my actions of self through a practical living application through self-forgiveness and live the example as life to bring about a world that’s best for all so that all living beings are provided for and live in dignity.

I forgive myself for the anger and blame I carried towards my parents because ultimately the decision I made was one in which forever changed me, my parents and most importantly the life of a child who was raised without the direction and/or living example in how to move self within our physical reality in order to exist within and as self-trust and self-responsibility and to direct self within self-honesty in support of all life – and thus, is struggling in dishonesty in his walk within the steps outlined by those before him.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my son for him being angry at me for not being a better mom as well as for me believing that he was right to feel that way when the truth is there is no excuse for any one to Not take self-responsibility for Every Single Living being existing on this earth through standing up for a system that will assure that all life will be given equally the same as their neighbor – give unto another that which you wish to receive.

When and as I see myself pre-occupied with the life I’ve lived – I stop. I breathe – I realize that the path I walked is no longer who I am and I see and comprehend that there is something much more important here than patterns of self-interst and crying over the past.
What’s important is that life is Not being supported Equally amongst us within our world.

As such, life itself is in jeopardy because as we allow abuse in our destroying of each other, we’re allowing abuse and destroying our earth and the resources she provides us in order for us to be able to exist here.

The common sense is here to see – we step up our process and we support our mother Earth in supporting all life equally.

I commit myself in standing up for and as all life in bringing about an Equal Money System – the beginning in bringing about Heaven on Earth.

Join Us – Let’s Walk – Till it is done – Equality

Day 2 – Self-Trust

I finished watching a movie today called, ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’ – which is based upon the 2005 fictional writings of Jonathan Safran Foer. Jonathan introduces us to nine year old Oskar Schell whose father died a year earlier on 9/11 in the World Trace Center. Oskar finds a key while looking through his father’s belongings and so he sets out on a mission to find the lock that fits the key and he travels all over New York City by himself in a desperate longing to reconnect with his father. The movie is just as predictable as any movie with a similar story line. However, it’s the words written by Foer, where one will notice the ‘reeling’ in and direction of the consciousness mind. And, the lack of self-trust and without self-trust, there is no self.

If you’ve ever been fishing – you’ll understand my reference to the word ‘reeling’. When you’re holding that fishing pole in hand and we bait the hook and then we cast it into the water and wait for the fish to bite so we can reel in our catch. That’s exactly how the words quoted in the movie is – it’s ‘bait for the mind consciousness system’. Hearing the words, I realized how very quickly mental masturbation was just moments away from me within the words written/spoken within the film. I felt the pull of intoxication which I was able to breathe through and stop so I’m going to share a few of those quotes below – and more importantly, I’ll be sharing self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to walk in self-corrective application which is supportive in directing self as life.

Reading the quotes, we have to understand that consciousness believes that we are only as ‘it’ defines us, so it’s vital to investigate our thoughts and/or reactions/emotions/feelings, as well as the origin, especially if there is confusion and/or a perplexity existing within us as this would indicate self-definition points revealing within us something we’ve not yet considered.

Quotes from the movie:

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”

I was aware of how much my mind gravitated toward this particular quote. It was like it had a familiar comfortable feel to it. As I slowed myself down and remained aware of my breathing – I recognized an emotion of regret which I’ve recently become aware of through walking Desteni I Process. I’ve used this point of origin before against myself as a coping mechanism to remain stuck within that point of regret.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to shift into a coping mechanism of regret triggered by the words ‘bones straining’, where I unconsciously went into a polarity point of good/bad where within my secret mind I allowed a social comparison wherein I saw myself through the eyes of the mind consciousness system within myself and towards myself as not being good enough and thus judged myself as if I was seeing myself through another’s eyes as ‘them’ casting judgment towards me, thus I judged myself within comparison which further fuels and entraps me in memories of regret wherein I remain stuck in time programmed by words and sound frequencies.

When and as I see myself participating within the coping mechanism of regret triggered by words – I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I have walked this pattern and I’m aware of the consequences of existing within polarity of good/bad, right/wrong and positive/negative. Instead I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

This is where Oskar is remembering a question he once asked his father.
“Well, what I don’t get is why do we exist? I don’t mean how, but why. I watched the fireflies of his thoughts orbit his head. Then he said, we exist because we exist. We could imagine all sorts of universes unlike this one, but this is the one that happened. And Just because you’re an atheist, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love for things to have reasons for why they are.”

My mind directing me as consciousness was totally attracted to this – even though it answers nothing, provides no real assistance and obviously no real solution for how our world currently exists in how we overlook the obvious scam we’ve accepted as Capitalism. The words are completely backwards in it’s way of hiding the obvious – which is that everyone and everything exists within the reason of and for Money. Every single decision is based upon reasons of greed, competition and wanting to have more than our neighbor as we continue to struggle to survive within a corrupt monetary system while we support a few who have it all because we accept and allow it. Plain and simple, this screams fatal attraction and the mind as consciousness thrives on this because it’s like a roller coaster to no-where under consciousness direction.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a fatal attraction like experience within myself triggered by words which keeps me within the illusion of hope and feel good connotations of enslavement for myself and all living beings where I completely forgo all common sense and the ability to direct myself according to what is real and according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for pretending that I don’t see those who are starving to death while I continue to support a monetary system through purchasing things I don’t even require just so I can feel better about how I look to others and/or so I will have more than my neighbor even when I know that valuing profit over life is murder.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that how our world exists in poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation are manifestations of and symptom of the disease we call Capitalism.

When and as I see myself manifesting myself as a reactive-expression – I stop, I breathe. I realize the pattern is attempting to defend my EGO. I stop separation in self-interest. I stand one and equal as the moment with the other being breathing in awareness of and as all as one as Equal.

When and as I see myself participating within a pattern of self pity and self judgment because I fear facing the truth of me as what I’ve been and become – I stop, I breath. I do not accept nor allow self pity and/or self judgment to exist within me – Instead I stand in support of an Equal Money system to bring an end to poverty, war, rape, murder and starvation and manifestations and/or symptoms of the disease we call Capitalism. I breathe in the process of deconstructing this patterns through self forgiveness and re-constructing self through a commitment of correction to that which is best for all life.

“I have no need for the past, I thought, like a child. I did not consider that the past might have a need for me.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live in through and as memories of my past as thoughts, feelings and emotions and thus have kept the past alive as what is here and is in and as the future of what I’ve yet to walk, be and become.

When and as I see myself participating in memory patterns – I stop. I breathe. I understand that memories are like escape routes the mind uses to enforce direction from the past to here and I no longer accept that as who I am. Instead I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.

“Just two days ago she said that her life story was happening faster than her life.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk so fast that I’ve stumbled over my own words similar to an experience on speed wherein I accessed a personality due to conversations and thought patterns as mind participation instead of slowing myself down and breathing in awareness of me as my physical body here within and as this physical reality.

“It’s the tragedy of loving, you can’t love anything more than something you miss.”

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that what I’m missing is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear in simply being here within and as the human physical body because I’ve had inner desires to be more and feel like more.

“No matter how much I feel, I’m not going to let it out. If I have to cry, I’m gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I’ll bruise. If my heart starts going crazy, I’m not gonna tell everyone in the world about it. It doesn’t help anything. It just makes everyone’s life worse. But if you’re burying your feelings deep inside you, you won’t really be you, will you?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake and fear being wrong because I fear being judged by others.

“Maybe we’re just missing things we’ve lost, or hoping for what we want to come.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wait in hoping for someone and/or something to take the wrongness out of how I feel.

“Feeling pain is still better than not feeling, isn’t it?”

I forgive myself that I’ve separated myself from me as my physical body to such an extreme that I didn’t realize that feelings and emotions and thinking is creating pain within me as my physical body as well as within the pain and suffering within our physical reality.

“She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within the fear that I wasn’t behaving as I was suppose to according to the beliefs of others and how they were feeling and/or experiencing themselves and/or for fear they might question the validity of my actions.

“And then a thought came into my brain that wasn’t like the other thoughts. It was closer to me, and louder. I didn’t know where it came from, or what it meant, or if I loved it or hated it. It opened up like a fist, or a flower.”

I forgive myself for rejecting me Cathy, through the thoughts that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind which I have participated within and which I have not yet directed as myself – one and equal. I commit myself to forgive myself and stop the thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions and to direct myself here one and equal as life.

“We go on killing each other to no purpose! It is war waged by humanity against humanity, and it will only end when there’s no one left to fight.”

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to wage a war first within myself through dishonesty in who I’ve been according to how I walked and talked and acted as the necessary personality I saw that was required according to where I was and who I was with and as I existed in and as such inner wars of discontent I subsequently remained unaware of my responsibiltiy for the war we waged against life within and as our world.

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What’s missing within the words/quotes of the movie? Self-Trust

Without self-trust there is just illusion and fear, because when we’re trusting hope and faith and love and beliefs, our trust in self isn’t real.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I have never actually lived as who I am as breath as the moment as me – that I have always accepted and allowed the mind to control / direct and influence me through believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions. Till here no further. I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my self trust outside myself into someone and/or something else.

When and as I see myself lacking self trust where I’m being directed/influenced and/or believing and perceiving that who I am is thoughts/feelings and emotions, I stop. I Breathe. I realize that I’ve proved to myself that I am able to effectively stop and direct myself within and as self-honesty and according to the Principle of Equality – a Principle supportive of and as All as One as Equal.

Through daily writing and applying self-forgiveness – self-honesty steps forth, and through self-corrective statements one is able to develop self-trust. This must be proven to and for self by self through daily written, spoken and applied application.

I commit myself to re-designing myself from the inside out in support of a system of Equal Money where all living beings are equally supported.
Cathy Krafft

The Journey to Life – Join us Walking