From the moment I watched my first Desteni video, as well as reading the massive amounts of material on the Desteni Universe website – I was pretty much hooked. And, I had just 3 months prior to that spent two weeks in jail, from an unpaid traffic ticket of which I was supposed to do community service on – and I lacked a few hours of community service so I was arrested and put in jail for 26 days without bond. Now, as it turned out, I had a twisted my ankle and, I had crutches and so, the first 2 days of my time in jail was spent in solitary confinement. I did end up getting out 2 weeks later for good behavior.
But, those first 48 hours in solitary confinement had posed an interesting question to myself in that: I didn’t have the t.v. to look at, I didn’t have entertainment, I didn ‘t have,,, I wasn’t able to smoke, I was still smoking then. And, I wasn’t able to take drugs – I was on pain pills.
And I, all I had was myself. All I had was my thoughts and, for 48 hours I sit in the room – a little square cemented room and, avoided my thoughts, tried to sleep away my thoughts – just wanted to be out of there. I didn’t want to be locked away with the amount of thoughts that I begin to realize I had going on within my mind.
And so, that was a particularly amazing wake-up call for myself, actually. And so, when I heard the Desteni message, and I began to hear them speak about how to stop fear, and how to stop your thoughts – and to face yourself in self-honesty and to apply self-forgiveness – I remember literally realizing how valuable those tools would have been for me when I was in a 48 hour solitary confinement, as well as the rest of the two weeks that I was there.
And so, the fact that I could see myself within the material that they were presenting, and I saw the common sense, and I began to hear and, make sense of within myself – it was as though the message resonated within me in a way that I didn’t really understand but, I knew that it, it rang true, and that this very well could be a way to stop the fears that I had been participating in.
You know my grandmother used to tell me, when things get too much for you, just tie a knot and hang on. But the fact is, I was at the end of the rope and there was no more rope to tie a knot to hang on. And, I was disgusted and, pissed off, at myself, for the decisions that I had made and for the lack of responsibility, and I didn’t even ever consider not hearing the message from the moment I began to hear it.
And, another point stood out to me was, how we can have one singular memory, and that particular memory – it controls us. And, we base our decisions and, who we are, and our actions, according to one singular memory. And that rang true with me because, from the time that I was five years old, I can remember a memory that, as I looked at it closer, I could tell how I had literally just compounded, and compounded that memory with another memory right on top of it, in my attempts to avoid the original point within me that I was not facing within that memory – within the fears, and the judgments, and the self-justifications, and the points of manipulation that I existed as – that I applied myself as in order to validate myself through other people. Simply avoidance of self and avoidance of self-responsibility.
And, the point was validated through my relationship with my step-father, through which I would have statements of information that I had thought of, or heard, or seen, or read about things, or people, or situations – and within that I formed emotional feeling connotations within my own mind. And then, within the emotional feeling connotations, I could relate that statement of information, based on my past experiences with my step-dad, I identified with that statement of information and I validated it based on self-identity and self-definition. It was what I was ‘believing’ it to be, and ‘thinking’ about it to be, and judging myself accordingly, and believing that my step dad hated me – and when really, it wasn’t that case at all. I got to a point where I actually believed the man was abusive to me and, he wasn’t – no more than any other parent struggling to make ends meet and, just working to provide for their children.
Just that alone – the money – plays such a factor in our survival that we tend to become short with our children and, we have expectations of them that we wouldn’t normally have if we weren’t already experiencing the pressures of providing for them. In our current money system, that is how our families exist. That is how all relationships exist.
As I began to apply self forgiveness, was very cool to realize that one particular memory I had was when I turned 12 years old on my birthday, and my,,, I was asleep in my bedroom that morning, and my dad just come bursting into my bedroom and started spanking me and, I was asleep I didn’t understand what the hell was going on. I remembered thinking, more than anything, that like, ‘what the fuck did I do’, and when I heard my mom say ‘happy birthday’ – that they said they were playing – and within that moment, I became just humiliated and embarrassed and pissed more than anything. And I had thoughts of ‘how dare him’, ‘who does he think he is doing this to me on my birthday, it’s not funny’. And for years I carried around that singular memory of what I thought of him that day.
The way that I would experience myself in my life around my dad, my step-dad and, around men in general, was completely related to that particular memory. So, as I was applying and finishing up a lesson in Desteni I Process, I began to walk that memory construct of that particular morning when he came in there, and an interesting thing that I became aware was: a point within myself on that morning when he was spanking me was that I, for a brief moment, I knew that he was playing, but I didn’t allow myself to be aware of it at that particular moment. Because, I was too busy enjoying being pissed off. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.
But, what was interesting to me the most was: I had not remembered that moment. I had not remembered that I knew he was playing. Until I walked this point, this construct in my Desteni I Process Lesson and, that’s when I went: I knew this all along. But yet, for 40 years, I allowed myself to abuse myself, and as such, I literally abused the rest of my world.
It’s not always particularly easy when you realize that you that you’ve accepted and allowed – just through participation in self-judgment, in greed, and self-interest – within those participations with the thought processes that go on with the amount of dishonesty that self exists as within that, and the lack of equality against life – it literally begins to manifest and, that is how we have created this world as it is.
So, these singular memory points was a point of polarity in the good/bad, right/wrong and fluctuations of energy within that – as far as one moment I was up, one moment I was down, I was up and down and up and down. And, when I began to hear the Desteni Message, I was, I knew that I didn’t have anywhere else to go except to face myself within.
What Desteni proposes is, in-fact as real as I’ve ever known anything to be. And, it is been the most rewarding journey that I’ve ever personally experienced and, it’s not even honestly an experience, it’s a, a becoming aware of yourself, and the responsibility that you actually carry, as well as each and every living being here, in bringing about a world that supports according to what’s best for all. That actually cares what happens to another. That is actually interested, that considers that there are actually children starving to death daily – thousands of children. And, realizing yourself within it.
And it’s a process I am continuing to walk and, realizing what I’ve accepted as far as that point of acceptance within myself – that point of acceptance that goes beyond anything of worth to self, other than knowing that you’re reaching this core part of yourself where you can actually reverse who you have been – you can actually reverse the madness, and the bullshit, that you’ve participated in through personalities and identities.
And, you begin to look at and you go: Uh, I know how it wasn’t real. I see now that I could have breathed through that, that I can breathe through that and, I do not have to be affected by it. I do not have to have points of energy that create a point of polarity within myself – remain within the physicalness of it all so, we can bring about a world that we can begin with an Equal Money System. A World that we’ll actually exist where we’re not competing, and we’re not existing in greed, and we’re not trying to outdo and outlast, and out-earn, and outplay, and we’ll be able to enjoy each other. To actually enjoy each other’s expression – where we’re not anticipating ourselves to be competing, in one way or another just to survive.
So, that is how the Desteni Message caused me to listen and, because of that direction that I chose, I have given myself the ability to re-educate myself, and to build self-trust, through investigating my world. And, not assuming and accepting what it is that is before me, whether it’s starvation or judgment, or animosity, or guilt – and, being able to recognize those points of self, that self has existed as, is remarkable, and it is something that is worth investigating, just to see for yourself.
It’s an accumulation of walking a process daily: Breathing and remaining aware of yourself. And, sometimes I fall. But, I already know – I have an agreement with myself and that agreement is: I have the will to continue to assist and support in bringing about an Equal Money System, and Heaven on Earth. To bring about a world where all life can actually express, and be and live abundantly with each other. And, that is how Desteni has assisted me. They’ve assisted me to realize myself within everything that’s here.
And, the point of ‘Equality’ was, at first, difficult for me to comprehend, and that was just a point of acceptance within myself, because I had accepted the way the world is and the way the struggles continue. And, once you begin to actually investigate, you begin to see that it’s really was just a point of a ‘lack of education’. And now, I’m aware of how an Equal Money System is the Ultimate Solution.
One must become willing to realize that the change that is required in this world is first required within self, in self-honesty. And then, once that begins, you can begin to will yourself to investigate and educate yourself with regards to how we can create heaven on earth with an Equal Money System.
This post is the transcription from my vlog titled: 2012 – How I’ve come to Value the ‘Message of Desteni’