Ever notice how pride will eat you up inside? People used to refer to me in one of two specific ways – that of a prideful bitch and/or the sweetest little thing they’d ever known. Plenty of times, people who I once referred to as friends, looked me straight in the eye and told me so. I’m quite sure I never believed them. However, I am now here to face me.
Recently, I completed a mind construct assignment in a leadership development course through Desteni I Process. The construct was that of my past employment/work history and, I’ll just say, that I came face to face with me as an angry bitch in pride. Ever notice how the sound of a word will just pull you into an energetic charge? That’s the person I met, as myself, as I walked the line of myself backwards in time.
As I applied the tools of self-forgiveness for the guilt I felt toward myself for popping an extra adderall, so I could make it through another long drawn out day working a job that meant absolutely nothing to me, except that it was a paycheck – to pay the bills. I looked at me in that memory, that’s when I saw the truth of me in self-honesty. I saw how who I had been, and how I had acted, simply wasn’t who I really am.
In realizing that I have the ability to direct myself, as who I am accepting myself as, according to the principle of equality, and that I am aware of, as myself, to trust me to accumulate myself accordingly, was like letting air bubbles out of water. And self- interest as pride began to release. I saw how my definition of pride was sticking to me like glue, because I had no idea how to trust myself. My whole life, I’ve existed according to how I perceived I was supposed to act and become, according to where and who I was in the company of, and according to a job requirement. I accepted myself wholeheartedly within my fear of surviving and I submitted myself, until even I didn’t recognize who I’d allowed myself to become.
As self denial, we suppress points of anger and resentment – just to name a few. As such, I existed as a bitch with an inordinate opinion of my own dignity, my own indulgence and importance. I had dignified myself and allowed myself to be cherished according to my mind. The definition of pride as consciousness.
And, there was more to the definition of myself as pride, because ‘the sweetest little thing’ was deriving pleasure and/or satisfaction in taking pride in having done something nice for another, and then believe it to reflect credit upon self. It is quite an opportunity that one gives their self, when one can sit alone in the humbleness of self, through self-forgiveness.
With Desteni I Process – one is able to stop the bitch in pride. You see your truth, as you, in self-honesty
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