Archive | August 2011

How have my decisions affected me?


Once again I’ve been accused of being in a cult, and how I’ve ‘given up’ friends and family because of the decisions I’ve made in the past, almost four years now.  I have to laugh at this because, let’s have a look at what I’ve ‘given up’:  Almost, if not all of the friendships and relationships I’ve supposedly ‘given up’ were abusive and self defeating to say the least.  I speak only about my part in these relationships and, I now stand self responsible for who I was and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

How have my decisions affected me?  Well, I have stopped addictions to smoking and all drug addictions, including that of smoking pot, and addictions to at least 8 different prescription medications.  I’ve stopped the highly addictive behavior of gambling as well as shoplifting to support my habit of gambling and, I’ve stopped lying to myself and others, which goes along with all addictions.  And, I have not only stopped, but I have NO desires to participate in them and, I don’t have to keep going to meetings in order to ‘feel good’ about my decision.  I also no longer ‘feel’ the need to gossip, judge and/or blame others for how I experience myself in my life and instead I take full responsibility for who I am and my actions thereof.  I am far from perfect but, I support myself daily through the tools I’ve realized work amazingly when applied.

I no longer accept that almost a billion people should continue to be allowed to starve to death daily and instead I comprehend that there is no sense to the madness and the atrocity of it being allowed while some in this world have more than they can possibly ever need and/or require in one lifetime while others have absolutely nothing.  Daily as I walk a process of self-honesty and self-forgiveness I am continually and genuinely shocked and amazed at the amount of mind control that is existent in us as humans, yet, mind control is working well because most humans will flat deny they are existing as such.  We as humanity have existed in competition and greed as we’re lead by the seat of our ego’s and, we have never given a shit about anyone except ourself and we’re scared to death to admit it.

 Through Desteni I Process, I have stopped feelings and emotions of severe depression as well as all of the above addictions and behaviors mentioned.  I am beginning to breathe for the first time ever and stopping the bullshit I had always accepted myself to become.  So whoever wants to accuse me of being in a cult can basically, kiss my ass.  Because for once in my life I get that we are all equal and one to how our world exists and it’s flat out pathetic what we refuse to see in how we are all existing as.

I have absolutely NO regrets in my decisions to join Desteni except one, and that is that I didn’t begin sooner. This world cannot continue the way it is and it’s high time each and every one of us shut the hell up, breathe and see what it is we’re accepting and allowing.  Or, I suppose you can go have another sip of alcohol while you pretend that everything is going to be alright and, pretending is all it is because, eventually the eruption that is taking place all over the world will erupt in the face of what we’re accepting and allowing.  So remember, there is one place you can look to for assistance, where Equality will always be.   That is Desteni.  When you decide to stop – Join Us.  We are standing up for and as all life, as all as one as Equal.  We will NOT Stop until Equality exists here for All.

Equal Money Website

Self Acceptance through Self Forgiveness


I forgive myself for the child in me who feared and hated and for the adult I became who accepted and allowed anger and hate and spite towards myself and others wherein I felt sorry for myself and others and in doing so I separated myself from all life and accepted and allowed the world to exist as it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anger at the idea of myself as feeling sorry for myself for being trapped in the design of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anger at the design of control and censorship that humanity exists as and such for a moment I allowed the thought to exist within me where I wanted to tell the whole world to fuck off and/or die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think there’s something wrong with me because I feel fed up with life to the point that I want to tell others to wake the hell up and/or fuck off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself onto others wherein I have held onto a point of victimization as how I existed and in doing so I have victimized all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger and hate of self onto others and in doing so I have accepted and allowed anger and hate to manifest within this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing hate that caused me to go into depression and loneliness of self because I wanted to be more wherein nothing made me feel like more because in accepting and allowing such I am denying myself to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing thoughts and ideas of self abuse, self pity and spite towards myself and others in frustration that others are unable to perceive the deception we all have existed as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up on myself and humanity and for thinking and believing that I am not worthy of existing in this world within free expression without the fear of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow up feeling sorry for myself so much so that I have felt sorry for others when in fact there is no one to feel sorry for – there is only life as us all to stand up for and as so as to bring about a world that is worthy and exists according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be caught in a time loop in which I experience myself as difficult and frustrating where it seems hard to be me because I see what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to expectations within society in fear that I will be influenced into believing that this world cannot change and where I have accepted and allowed myself to want to please others to the point of not seeing how and what I was existing as which has been in separation from and as all life here.   I am not a slave to my past.  I am here directing myself to not allow myself to enter cycles of self pity and self abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into judgment and regret of what might have been and/or due to fear of change wherein I then feel sorry for myself within a point of self victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon myself within a purpose of trying to make others happy wherein I selfishly and secretly sought attention, instead of realizing that in doing so I am avoiding facing fears that I have always avoided facing as who I’ve been and how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as, which is nothing more than the mind directing me instead of me standing in self-honesty and directing me as my mind according to and as the principle of equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never really understand what it means to be and to love myself and to nurture me because I have feared myself and others because I have wanted to please people or be liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger to be me wherein I have spited others who are against Desteni and Equality instead of realizing that in doing so I am actually spiting myself and all life for what I have accepted and allowed in not standing and directing myself according to and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am brave when in fact I have been fearful of a world that is hating and fighting each other, instead of realizing that I have been existing in hate and fighting against myself within how and what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reject me, Cathy, because I allowed thoughts and feelings of anger and self pity to exist which I had not yet directed as myself – one and equal.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see that weakness is a lie and is determined by the definition and power I believe it to be and of which is a lie and I no longer believe nor accept and allow myself to believe such a thing.  Instead I realize that I am here as this moment as breath as life as all as one as equal.

I Stop.  I Breathe, I see within myself what I accepted and allowed myself to be which is afraid of changing myself because what I participated in still had value to me and thus I was not willing to confront the point.  I see the point and I forgive myself for existing within a self defined definition of myself within what I was participating in.

I see that within every moment there are various points that I am facing and what I’m willing to accept and allow within each moment. Self trust is realizing that I am able to assist and support me no matter what, who or how the moment presents itself when I am standing breathing in self-honesty according to what’s best for all.  I am grateful for me and I will not be defined through an expression or action and/or by how a situation presents itself to be nor by anyone except me, standing here as all as one as equal.

Why do we need an Equal Money System?


When we are very young children, the idea of love and money doesn’t really matter to us . What does matter is that we are able to play and, that we are being cared for ‘physically’, with food, water, clothes and shelter, as well as the ability to have an Education and Healthcare.  It’s not until we are taught how to ‘think’, ‘believe’, ‘talk’, and then ‘act’, that we begin to perceive the importance of love and money.  Then we begin to suppress our fears through feelings and emotions with regards to love and money, where we begin the search to find someone to ‘love’ us and it becomes all that is important as we begin to cover up what we’re truly experiencing within ourselves with regards to our fear of surviving and/or our fear of having no money in order to survive.

As mind consciousness systems, preprogrammed according to how we are taught, we’ve never actually experienced love because love has never been free from risk.  If what we risk reveals what we value, it makes sense that we’ve always valued money over life because we’ve always been willing to risk having more than others just as long as we are able to survive.   I never  wanted to face this point of self because no one wants to admit they are willing to risk the lives of others in order to have more than another – yet in the race to have more we have put the lives of others at risk.

The same principle of risk applies to love and relationships as well because, we are willing to risk being the one who is loved and appreciated the most above others – it’s the same with all energetic experiences we participate in,  including eating as well as playing because according to our programming, there have always been competition amongst us.  We feed off of love and money through various emotion and feeling experiences generated through the act of thinking.  Energies which are created by the mind which confine and direct us and, once the energies run out we then begin repeating the cycle.

There’s energetic excitement in the game of surviving, so I suppose it’s no wonder that some have difficulty supporting Equal Money because, who will we be when we don’t have the power of money in which to define us as better than another.  Sexual favors are also bought by those who have the money to pay for it and money as such is given to those who have no other means but to offer their body to sex in order to survive.

Look at the number of people who reach the end of their life, who are often reported saying they wish they would have taken more risks however, the risk they never took was to challenge life outside of the direction of their current mind set  – the risk of seeing ourselves in self-honesty where we are then able to recognize our oneness with everything and all here.

We risk the lives of others daily when we avoid recognizing and considering the struggles of others through war, starvation and homelessness.  With an ‘Equal Money System’ – All Life will be considered and provided for.  Where real freedom exists – there will be no more silencing the voice of those speaking out against atrocity and thus the atrocities of life will stop.  To silence one, is to silence us all because our current money system plays us against each other.  An Equal Money System will eventually bring an end to our bickering and fighting with each other and all crimes against life will end because all life will be supported Equally.

Risk who you are in self-honesty  according to what’s best for all, and in-fact you’ll be risking nothing but, will achieve everything for yourself as well as for all.  ‘Make Peace, Be Friends with Your Enemy’, is statement in separation that can be seen through self-forgiveness where we then manifest the ability to see that forgiveness of others was never necessary because we see that there was never anyone else to forgive, or ‘make peace with’, except for ourself. 

We have to risk facing who we’ve become in order to see who we are because who we are is Equal and One to and as All Life here according to what we accept and allow. Where you see and understand that every single being has the same right to a life in dignity as we in-fact require for ourself in order for our physical body to breathe and function here on earth properly.  When we all as one equally begin to walk as such we will together manifest heaven on earth and then who knows what we are capable of,  but it’s going to be quite a party – An Equal Life Party.  Join Us!

Equal Money – The Only Solution that makes sense!

Support an Equal Money System Here – Support All Life

Fire – Burning the Deception

We are back home after evacuating our home yesterday because of local fires and power outages in our surrounding area.  In the past 5 days, there have been 25 to 30 homes destroyed as well as many outbuildings, cars and other property burned to ashes.  At one point there were 160 men and women from 30 different fire departments on the ground to douse the often 75-100 foot walls of fire.


Ash rained down on everyone and the sky remained gray for hours as the firefighters hustled from fire to fire.  The fire came within less than 3 miles from our home, and witnessing the  magnitude of fire was the closest thing I’ve personally witnessed that resembled a war zone and it was extremely humbling.  Most of us have no idea what it is to suffer in a war torn country where at any moment bombs could drop from the sky or bullets blaze through our windows – and we certainly have no sense of understanding what it is to be homeless and/or what it is to be starving to death. 

Through self-forgiveness, I forgave myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in understanding of what it is suffer every single day of ones life – where struggle as a way of living is normal.  Where water is scarce to none and there is no one coming from other towns to assist because, no one is hearing your suffering.  I am sure more than ever that we as humans, more than likely will have to suffer in order to stand up for those who are suffering in every moment of their day.

The great coming together here in this community that I witnessed, a gathering in which one was able to see how humans are capable of assisting each other in order to save life, is an example of what we are each one capable of.  Most of those whose home and belongings were burned, did not have insurance and so are now homeless, and for that I am sorry. However, I am grateful for the fire, simply because of the support I witnessed of humans in seeing that humanity is capable of far more than what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.  Fire was here and allowed us to see this of ourselves, if we are willing.


Many were heard saying, ‘there was no time to ‘think’, we just had to act in order to save life’.

In order to stop all the suffering and abuse of our current monetary system -  Be the living example through action without judgment as we stand together as living examples and unleash the inner purifier in your world by standing in support of an ‘Equal Money System’

Be self honest and together, let’s purify ourselves as we stand in support of and as All as One as Equal, burning the deception from our environment and creating and manifesting ‘Heaven on Earth’

Support Equal Money Here