A thorn in me forgiven – By way of ‘Desteni I Process’

roseThe word ‘authority’, for me sounds like, ‘a thorn in me’.  My perceptions of those in authority has been one of inferiority where I would hide within myself in the attitude of not giving a shit, when really what I was doing was projecting superiority.  The current mind construct I’m writing in SRA2 through the ‘Desteni I Process’, has assisted me to see how I existed and compounded myself in ego as I reacted toward those of authority.  The particular mind construct is that of my ex-husband, and one in which I always referred to as mentally and physically abusive.

I began to see this pattern forming when I did my second mind construct which was my father.  It’s rather humbling and also very interesting and assisting as I’m seeing how I accepted and allowed the direction of my mind to cast authority upon all the men I’ve had relationships with.  Where I gave myself away to any man I was with. I became who they wanted me to be and I submitted myself to acts that I wouldn’t have before considered – all because I believed that I couldn’t be alone and that I couldn’t provide for myself because I didn’t have enough money to ‘make it’ on my own.  If we had an Equal Money System that provided for all it would have eliminated my fear of survival, which would have assisted me to assist myself.

Who would We as Women become, as daughters, mothers, sisters and aunts, grandmothers and World Leaders, if we were first able to care for ourselves properly?  Our whole experience of ourselves would completely change if we didn’t fear for our very survival.  We as women, we can, and we will someday, Stand up and Support a system where Equal Money paves our way.  We have the ability to enforce Equality upon every single man that exists in this world.   We just have to come together as women, join hearts and hands and agree together.  Because the ‘authority’, we know we have it,  it’s between our legs.  In self-honesty – you know it’s true. Cut em off – ‘til  they become 1 Vote for Equal Money and World Equality.  The morning newspaper will read:  Women Join Together & Bring Equality to the World

We become so frustrated trying to survive within our current money system that we lose ourselves further and further into and as the direction of our mind where we exist in fear. I would become so angry at myself, not realizing that I was compounding myself as ego through superiority.  I didn’t realize that I was really existing as inferior and I would silence myself in fear as I continued to accept and allow myself to participate in self-abusive behavioral patterns.  I further fueled my accepted mind construct until I became the same way towards all authority.  Then I withdrew and became even more angry at myself and began to justify and blame the whole freakin world for how I experienced myself, until I became ‘a thorn in me’.  I avoided any sort of self-responsibility for myself and for how this world exists as I abdicated myself hidden in helplessness.  Which kept me enslaved as consciousness.  Fooling myself as I depended on another’s direction over my own common sense and I became a slave and a follower according to the direction of my mind.

It’s fascinating – seeing and forgiving the patterns that I have allowed myself to remain as according to a self abusive pattern of my mind. One in which I project as who I am, that doesn’t even exist as real in this moment here.  I’m beginning to understand how a rose, that we perceive is so beautiful yet is also very painful to the physical touch in the thorns they bare is a representation for us women to see our own self-deceptions in how, who and what we have become and accepted as who we are within and as humanity.

The act that I have lived as me, is coming to an end.  Join me, breathing in self-honesty, forgiving and releasing thorns of me – as I apply the tools offered through the ‘Desteni I Process’, I’m beginning me in integrity.  You can to, and, We as women, We can all Stand together as All as One as Equal.     

Back to my lesson…

*Will share Self-forgiveness upon completion of my current lesson.

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