Forgiving Living for a Fathers Love

fathersloveSharing here further self-forgiveness that I wrote after I completed a recent mind-construct in SRA…I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the love of a father when it really wouldn’t have mattered who my father was because it only mattered who I thought and dreamed he was according to the enormous protective and often mythic man my mind offered as ideas of who and how a father should be and become toward their daughter according to the influence of my mind and the thoughts of others ideas of what it meant to experience self as being loved and adored by a father. I stop. I stand here within and as assistance from myself as my physical body breathing and I direct myself as my mind according to and as the Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the child gazing upon her father as he left for work wherein I thought only my daddy could look like that as I sat in amazement at how he looked all handsome with his pressed shirt and collar and I believed I truly loved him as much as he believed he truly loved his dollar according to the fear of survival imposed upon us all as humanity according to what we have accepted and allowed to exist within and as our current money system. I stop. I stand in self-honesty and support of an Equal Money System which will remove the fear of survival within our world and will begin to allow self-expression as who we really are to emerge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to long for the touch and closeness from a father whom I barely knew except in the deepest parts of me lost within my mind where no matter how hard I tried and cried he couldn’t or wouldn’t hear me as I believed with all my heart that I loved him while I fought feelings of rejection through emotional fears as if my heart was being ripped apart while I hoped for and dreamt and wondered what it would feel like to experience the daily affection from a father who would walk and hold hands with me according to the pictures I held within my mind where I longed to be held and hugged and told how beautiful and special I was just like one would see in a goddamn movie. I Stop, I realise this is a pattern of self-abuse and I see that it leads me in circles of self-denial. Instead I stand here according to a principle that considers all life Equally in all ways as I stand in support of an Equal Money System and World Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook the root cause of discontent amongst myself and my parents according to the family construct existent here as mind consciousness systems wherein the starting point of fear of survival is compounded and accepted and allowed through our current money system which exists as abuse to and towards all living beings and wherein I defined and distracted myself according to the nature of enslavement because I believed I knew what love is – when love has only ever existed as consciousness enslavement according to and as the mind of thoughts, feelings and emotional whims directed as the mind and lived in the physical as outbursts of reactions within energetic outflows. I stop self-abuse. I stand in support of an Equal Money System so that All living beings may thrive Living a Life according to and as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist according to and as the expectation and direction of and as my mind within an idea of how a father is suppose to treat their daughter according to and as my own manifested consequences wherein I was influenced according to and as my father behaved to and towards me as he reflected back to me what I was projecting onto him as who and how I was existing in victimization as I accepted and allowed the direction of and as my mind within a self imposed pattern of self-defeat and self-manipulation wherein I  accepted and allowed myself to be and became inferior and in fear of men. I stop. I breathe, remaining in awareness of all of us as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others in my family through my words, deeds and actions so as to not have to face the defects I believed about myself wherein I become angry and spiteful and participated within and as my mind of back chat thoughts toward my step dad as I continued to depend upon his actions and attention in order for me to perceive myself as feeling whole and complete all the while I projected blame through an implication game wherein I saw my step dad as the reason and cause for how I experienced myself within my world. I stop. I stand here in self-honesty as I face myself and my fears of what I have accepted and allowed – I stop self-abuse. I support all life according to and as The Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto to my reactions of and as hurt feelings of betrayal within the interpretation that my father couldn’t or wouldn’t see past his ideas – when I was in fact doing the same thing. I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t see beyond his mind construct/behavior – not seeing where he was coming from wherein I did not take Equality into consideration as I too was stuck in my own mind construct/behavior, thus us both stuck according to the mind consciousness systems. I stop. I breathe. I direct myself here according to the Equality Equation as all Life here as I Stand in support of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the definition of helplessness wherein I have depended on a man to provide and care for me and only felt safe in my world according to when I have the love of a man because of  my judgment of self wherein I reflected self back to self and created my experience of myself according to my own self-judgment within self-victimization as I attempted to manipulate and control my step dad according to a belief within my mind where I believed that my step dad was the most aggressive and dislocated dad in the world which further fueled the energy charging the self-abusive pattern I was existing as in order to validate myself, which was really validating myself as insufficient and/or incapable of becoming self responsible, thus believing and accepting that I had to have a man in my life in order to provide for me so that I could survive. I stop fear of survival. I stop the need for a savior. I stand here breathing as I support myself in self-honesty and direct myself as my mind through and as the assistance as me as my physical body and I stand in support of an Equal Money System – The Solution – stopping fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I was missing something when my friends spoke of their time with their fathers and so I dreamt of what that time would be like to where I trapped myself in my own version of a timed reality within and as my mind as I existed in polarity within and as my physical reality according to and as self-denial in which I was living as a self-definition according to the experiences I’d heard others speak of therefore losing myself to that which is real here within and as my physical body within and as this world according to the direction of my mind under the influence of and as a mind consciousness system. I stop. I support all living beings as I stand in support of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the never ending seeking and searching for approval for love from my father and/or others as a way of not taking self-responsibility for myself in how my participation within and as my thoughts and my emotional feelings are/were assisting in creating suffering within and as our world as I continued to blame my step dad my whole life as I existed within guilt and fear of self, seeking attention within an illusion of comfort and safety wherein I would not have to face myself in self-honesty and take self responsibility for myself and/or others existing here within and as this world who are existing in and as pain and suffering. I stop. I breathe. I stand in support of an Equal Money System according to and as the Principle of Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for what I perceived he could/couldn’t and/or wouldn’t give/offer me as I didn’t realize that self-honesty comes from within self and within my perceptional search for self acceptance outside of myself I was only ever searching for myself within self-honesty. I stop. I begin here as I stand in support of an Equal Money System and World Equality – To End Abuse – To Support All Living Beings according to and as The Principle of Equality.

Support All Life – Support an Equal Money System

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