I am pushing through a point of resistance that I see now I’ve been accepting and allowing within me. I am still finishing my first influential person mind construct in SRA, and honestly, right now, I really want to cry, and I use to own a punching bag that would be of assistance to me right about now as well. Writing is assisting me to forgive myself and is required to release this point I am facing… Self-forgiveness as well moves me to direct me to push myself through whatever is required, for however long is required, until the point is walked through and released. The particular mind construct I’m finishing has been a challenge, because the influential person is my mom – and it involves placing myself into and as the days before, as well as the day of her death, and the day of her funeral – and the 8 months after her death, whereas I barely left my house. I want to be done with it, but the point is, I am it.
In self-honesty, I now realise that I haven’t wanted to let go of this point. Because to do so, ‘feels’ like I’m going through the mourning process of mom dying all over again. Yet, it has always been here existing as a resonance resistance silently compounding. Within that, I’ve been separating myself from the cause of the mess in the first place which is me. Thus stopping me from a key point in self-forgiveness which is self-intimacy.
I have proven for myself in the past the effectiveness of self-forgiveness application as I embraced myself within the opportunity to give myself the attention required to release suppression’s, addictions, obsessions, possessions and behaviors, whereas in self-honesty and practical application, I walked the point through to release. I am aware that to forgive myself unconditionally is to release the specific suppression from myself forever as who I am. But, I have to be willing, accepting and allowing of myself to say goodbye. It’s like saying a final farewell to a ‘rite of passage’ so to speak – meaning how we continue generation after generation to pass the same manipulation and deceptive mind consciousness system patterns cycling ourselves in dishonesty using money as the vehicle to empower our ego and greed.
We continue to pretend to not see the atrocity that exist within our world. Even when the solution is clear that an ‘Equal Money System’ is necessary for all in order for us to leave behind our fears of survival, greed and control and allow all life to live in dignity. I have accepted and allowed and have existed within the disguise of love of mother/daughter/ demon mind construct which further fuels our already abusive money system. No longer do I accept and/or allow myself to be directed according to my mind of thoughts/memories and/or feelings and emotions. I stop. I forgive and accept and allow release from within the mother/daughter matrix demon design according to and as the mind consciousness system. I walk here in self-corrective application of me in self-honesty, as an effective practical living example so as to accumulate myself walking within the equality equation to emerge as me here as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being independent from the being I called my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the idea within my mind of being loved by my mother and/or loved by another – instead of me accepting me as joy as the expression of me as self love.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to withdraw into myself as if I am a little girl again seeking and searching for moms love and approval where my insides seem to sink inside of me hiding within a false sense of emotion as I experience a compulsive comforting feeling amidst my tears, proving to me the deception existent as a mind consciousness system design.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to a believed perception in my mind pertaining to a belief of a right of passage according to DNA as if I am still a baby sucking mothers breast milk.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the blood cells manifested between and as mother and daughter bonding.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurry through life as if there is an emergency – instead I walk within and as self corrective application within self-honesty wherein I accept and allow the emergence of self within and as the principle of oneness and equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined according to that which is separate from me in my world as if to let go means that a part of me would go – when in actuality breathing in self-honesty brings acceptance of self as life as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget and hide the truth of me that exists as me within my mind where I have suppressed self-intimacy through escapes within participating in mind patterns of thoughts and emotional feeling reactions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear hurting and/or harming another being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘a rite of passage’ to be and become who I exist here as within a current money system that accepts and allows starvation of living beings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the relationship with my mom as an escape from the world so as to not have to face the world I exist within and as and experience myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, seek and desire to be socially accepted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-intimacy wherein I fear losing control and/or being controlled and/or hurt or manipulated.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be honest with me in realising that I don’t know what self-acceptance and/or self-intimacy is and therefore I desired a relationship as a way to self-satisfy and justify my lack of self-acceptance and self-intimacy rather than to actually have a look inside me in self-honesty to ask myself what is self-love, self-acceptance and self-intimacy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear physical touch and intimacy and have pulled away as I accepted and allowed images of my mother reacting within and as the same fear of touch and exposure of her physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe mental image and insecurity to and towards my physical body and thus existed in separation from myself as my physical.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that my desires for relationships have only existed because I haven’t accepted myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live love according to the design of money/currency, wherein I have manifested my experiences of self according to spending breath lost within and as my mind – instead of finding the gift for self within my experiences and standing up in support of an Equal Money System and World Equality. Thus honoring life of all living beings equally as all as one.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put the burden of being my savior upon another being for in doing so I am abdicating myself from all life by way of codependency which is merely another form of addiction and abusive behavior to stop me from facing me. Instead I breathe. I remain dependent only upon myself-willed action as directive principle of me walking self-forgiveness in self-honesty and standing in support of and as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to support, manifest and create any and all beliefs and ideas within my mind with regards to death by my participating in mourning.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed according to my participation within what I was paying attention to wherein I became willing to pay for and repeat the same mind patterns over and over as imprinted designs and mind constructs – instead I accept and allow myself to stop, I breathe, and in self-honesty I allow the living expression of and as life as all as one as equal.
Support Equal Money – Support All Life