I should have been blogging and writing myself to freedom daily as well as posting a daily blog a looong time ago because, now that I am, points are coming forth for me to see and release almost faster than I can type. lol. It’s quite a cool challenge for self because, nothing is more rewarding for self as writing yourself to freedom. When I first began my Process of Self=Forgiveness in November of 2007, I wrote shit loads, but rarely did I share any of it, mostly because it’s all in spiral notebooks. Even when I began using my computer for writing, I rarely posted what I wrote because of what others may ‘think’ of me. It was simple, I was scared. Correction, my ‘mind’ was scared. In October, 2010, I made the decision to bring myself to the point of blogging every day and I’m very grateful I did. I missed a few days in the beginning couple of months, but I’m here and now blogging and/or writing myself to freedom and enjoying the rewards of facing self in self-honesty.
And recently, I have become aware of, how, sometimes when as I’m writing/typing myself to freedom – I will become sort of disorientated within my mind, as if I am being slowly sucked into a vacuum cleaner and at the same time, my mind is jetting about, as if it is a heat seeking missile looking for attention. That’s exactly how I’ve existed my whole life, always seeking attention and all the while seeking, existing within and as my mind. The mind always seeks to draw us into it, to become it by providing us with uploads of our accepted and allowed past participation in and as our accumulated and accepted thought patterns – which then assist in continuing to fuel resonances of mind constructs. Consequences are projected and manifested within the participation of thoughts, as well as feeling frenzies and emotional highs, and that shit must stop. This requires breathing and a stable decision to determine Self-Will as Self-lived action as All as One as Equal.
When the ‘disorientation’ began, I saw what I was accepting and allowing to ‘happen’, which was a pausing of breath so to speak, and the words I was typing stopped flowing and none of what I just then typed had any type of clear structure. the words as me writing them were all over the place. Basically, I paused, and forgot to breathe, and when I accept and allow pausing of breath as me, which is easily detectable because I lose touch, or, I am no longer aware of the touch of the keybord as the ends of my fingers stroke the keys, thus losing myself here as me within and as my physical body. That’s when my mind attempts to move me by way of thought, feeling and/or emotional outflows of distraction so as to encapsulate me in an attempt to dictate and transcribe words for and as me within a summarized version of self in denial. That’s a fabricated self-defamation story. It’s where I’ve harbored myself in self-abuse. That’s self-dishonesty.
Stories and explanations of and as self are born in secret through accumulated participations in our thoughts. A pre-empted and/or preceding of myself according to what I accept and allow. A downloading of information that seeks to override me here breathing by way of storytelling me of my past. And mind consciousness systems are the grandest of storytelling.
Until you stroke the keys as the words of you as who you are as a mind consciousness system in writing… LOL – Which deletes, disengages and basically Releases System files and data. That’s what writing and applying self-forgiveness in self-honesty is for, is for your own release so you can begin to stand up within the mess and assist in bringing for an Equal Money System and World Equality. Which is much required assistance while we’re sorting lose the patterns of self abuse we’ve all accepted and allowed to exist within and as our world.
Your mind doesn’t like it when your talkin about it, which is why blogging is so releasing. I also am seeing how before, when I wasn’t sharing my writing, what was happening was, my daily writing was left unstructured and the point unreleased. Where now, I’m coming undone, lol, untangling and unraveling me. No longer do I desire to be a ‘professional writer’. lol. That might be funnier if it were not how I really wanted to believe myself to be, well, my mind wanted me to be that, but, lol, I’ve read some weird shit I have written in the past. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could become a ‘famous writer’. Mostly, my mind wanted the money that may come from being a famous writer.
That ‘idea’ in itself inhibited me expressing myself and ultimately stopped me from writing. I would try so hard to meet the standards of an idea offered by my mind that wasn’t real and my writing was proof of that… What a mindfuck…Writing myself to freedom, is me providing myself assistance, it’s that simple.
So now, I’m becoming clearer regarding facing the point till release through self-forgiveness and when I write the point out my words will flow. It really should not take very long for one to blog, obviously, I have difficult moments, this is process. Every moment here offers self-clarity. Mostly, it’s been amazing to me because, the more I write the smoother the flowing of my words.
I recall when I ‘thought’ that I had nothing to write about, and that in itself is interesting because, every moment is a point of facing self, so how can I possibly have ever considered that I have nothing to write. The cure for that ‘idea’ of the mind, is to stop and breathe and just begin here writing/typing. It’s cool if small preparation is required for writing in support of an ‘Equal Money System’, or whatever specific topic your sharing. Though, nothing should replace daily writing of self because your missing yourself if you accept and allow that…
I have surprised myself a couple of times with something I wrote. It’s a humbling sort of surprise and, in the restructuring of self in self-honesty as words here as who I am – I’m never lonely, bored, sad, seeking or ravaged as if having no self-willed direction and it’s cool how that’s stopped… I now see as proof for myself the accumulative effects and the possibilities of and as myself releasing through writing. My past desires of heat seeking attention abilities are also dying.. Interesting that is…
And I am grateful