This is where ‘Pushing’ myself comes to ‘Shove’. I don’t want to blog. I actually just want to become lost in a movie and I’ve not experienced that of myself in awhile. I notice a sort of nothingness within myself. Like there’s just nothing to say, a blankness. Ok, that’s where I’ll begin. I recall from the “PRACTICAL DESTENI – Blog” – where Sunette writes the following:
Blank-Thoughts are thoughts that come-Up in the Conscious-Mind that manifest the momentary experience within and as the Conscious-Mind as ‘nothingness’, because the nature/manifestation of ‘Blank-Thoughts’ as the substance it exist-As, is ‘nothingness/blankness’.
One will thus accordingly experience that which one become/participate-In, and so will become equal-to the blankness of/as the nothingness as the nature/substance of/as such Thoughts, and then experience oneself to be ‘blank’, when in-fact one is participating-in/becoming a actual manifested Blank-Thought that come-up as a ‘protection/defence-mechanism’ to not face/experience a particular something/someone in one’s world/reality. Sunette
So, when and where did this blankness within me begin…
It just hit me like a ton of bricks because earlier today – I made a comment about my two oldest children which was, ‘the very thing that my two oldest children have held against me for so long, they are in fact now becoming’. That was all that I said when A mentioned her sister was coming to visit her. There was a slight agitation within me and I noticed how tense I had become in my back shoulder blade area. I stopped, I breathed and I applied self-forgiveness. The entire moment was fast and it seemed that I corrected myself. Yet, it was directly after that when I began to drift in and out of a sort of ‘nothingness’ and/or ‘blank-thought’.
I might just as well have went and picked up a loaded gun as my means of defense. I have written much with regards to my two oldest children and this is not about them. So to bring this point here, back to self, what is it that I’m not facing in this point. It’s a point that I always defend myself with. How come it is that I insist upon my ‘right to bear arms’.
Interesting that I just wrote that because that’s not something I’ve ever seen myself concerned about. ‘The Right to Bear Arms’ is the concept that people have an individual right to own and carry weapons. The ‘Right’ to ‘Defend’ themselves. That’s exactly what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me. If I get agitated, I become defensive. I have heard in my tonality and have seen by the way I hold my mouth as well as in my physical posture how defensive I become. Then I will retreat within myself as if I am withdrawing my weapon. That’s when I will manifest a blank thought which comes up as a ‘protection/defense-mechanism’ to not face and/or experience a particular something/someone in my world/reality.
I just now had severe pain begin in my upper right shoulder that moves half way down my arm as well as pain around my right rib cage area that shoots through to my right shoulder blade. It hurts to breathe but I’m breathing. I see that I accepted and allowed defensiveness as a means of survival and I used it as a means of resisting attack and to maintain control within keeping my placement within the system. Pain is worsening so I’m going to read Veno’s Structural Resonance about shoulder’s and arms. Will copy and place here.
I’m looking at a part from: Veno – Structural Resonance – Part 2 – Phase 5
“The SHOULDER points represent your ‘strength’ and ‘vigour ‘ which you ‘inherited’/transferred and copied/duplicated specifically from your parents – which is also able to be referred to as specific ‘survival skills’. Therefore the system developed and manifested within your SHOULDER points is able to be referred to as the Survival Skill System. The left side SHOULDER point contain the survival skills ‘inherited’/transferred and copied/duplicated from your mother and the right side SHOULDER point contain the survival skills ‘inherited’/transferred and copied/duplicated from your father.
Your survival skills are also able to be referred to as your maintenance/control skills which provide you with the ability to maintain and control your world. To have you be able to place yourself effectively within the System as your world within which you ‘experience’ yourself as a consciousness structural resonance system, to place others effectively in your world so that everything within and of your world, including those within it – is placed to support and assist you in remaining a consciousness structural resonance system.
Survival in the context I am using the word here, is the survival of you as a consciousness structural resonance system within the System/your world within which you experience yourself. The survival of you as a consciousness structural resonance system is only effective in your ability to place yourself and to place others in your world, to maintain and control your world and those within it – which will assist and support you in remaining a consciousness structural resonance system.”
The pain is still here as my physical supports and confirms to me the point. It is alway amazing to witness a point for self and then to verify it through the Desteni material to be so very specific. Self-Verification that the Desteni Material is accurate and effective.
When I become defensive I become excessively focused and concerned about guarding myself to the point that I stop realizing what was is a real threat to me here within and as my physical or an imagined threat within my mind. The exposure of my self-definition through words have been brutal because in my defensiveness, I have often allowed myself to become sarcastic, hateful and spiteful.
So today I became possessed by my unconscious mind where I created a perception of myself as fear within and as me where I held myself within a point of energy that manifested in my physical experience. This was a way to create anxiety through a diversion and/or intimidation tactic as a means of distorting the facts within how and what I am accepting and allowing myself to continue to exist as so as to not face my self-dishonesty and Stop. I did not stand equal and one as my children in that moment and instead through fear I used a ‘reason’ to cope within the anxiety by explaining away the diversion and/or intimidation tactic by a dishonest explanation or justification. And within distorting the facts I allowed myself to justify my reason for not facing and stopping myself within the point. The momentary experience results in impaired judgment and/or when I experience blankness/nothingness. This point is extensive and more writing is required.
The only thing I am defending is a point of self-limitation which is exactly how the Mind Consciousness Systems continue to thrive on and create through our accepting our fate as such. The Proof is in our Current Money System and it’s abusiveness to All life. To continue to support my own self-limitation through defensiveness is to support war and starvation and all the atrocity that exists here. Instead I stand as 1 Vote for an Equal Money System – to Stop abuse of All Life
We actually ‘Bear Arms’ whether we actually hold a gun in our hands or commit the very crimes we are disgusted by. We allow a life to be killed by the very system we continue to support and hold within ourselves so desparately never realizing that in doing so we accept and allow the very thing we blame on those we refer to as ‘criminally insane’.
I Stop – I Breathe – I No longer accept this as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as defensiveness where I ‘bear arms’ against another as me as life.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize or see the manifested consequence of deliberate self-defensiveness.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the only reason or cause for me to hold onto memories and defensiveness and ego is deliberate because I have designed myself as a system. Instead I direct myself equal and one as all life here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the actual truth of me. To not have to stand up and take self-responsibility for me as what I am and what I do and have done while I remain in deliberate ignorance and hiding as an attempt subdue and suppress the truth of me of self-abdication of life as who I really am as all as one as equal – to exist as a limitation, a nothingness as a memory that is trapped in time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all that I am is memories of past experiences that I exist within in the present to ensure the survival of me in the future, through creating my future in the present from the memories that I am and exist as according to the definition and existence of me as memories that I live that has become the nature of me as I am in the physical.