It is becoming clear to me that ‘Compulsory Schooling’ is where we surrender our individuality to a predetermined chain of commands. The lesson of report cards, grades and tests assisted me to not trust myself and to rely upon the evaluation of certified officials instead of relying upon myself within self honesty, common sense and self-responsibility. It’s not that I didn’t want to learn. As a child I would sit and play in the dirt building tunnels around grassy areas and I would lay on my back amongst a field of clovers in our backyard for hours as I caught glimpses of grasshoppers and rollie pollies and that’s when I first learned for myself that rollie pollies eat and survive on the minutest pieces of plants.
When I began going to school I accepted and allowed something to happen to me and within that acceptance, I lost my sense of touch within and as my physical body. I stopped enjoying the cold squishy squashy feeling of mud sliding between my toes and the rain as it touched my face. I stopped running around as the snow fell with my mouth wide open catching snowflakes, and instead I became concerned about getting dirt under my fingernails. I didn’t notice then that I was loosing myself until one day I stopped remembering how to enjoy myself here within and as my physical body.
As I walk backwards toward myself to where I began loosing myself in my mind is where I see myself slumped over the long table in front of me that I shared with others in my class when I was in first grade. To the left of me was a long window where I could see the trees outside. However my window seat didn’t last long because my teacher moved me because she said that I spent far to much time ‘gawking’ out the window. As I stared out the window, I was lost in a daydream of wanting to be outside touching and climbing the huge tree that was located right next to the entrance of my school. This is where I began a relationship with my mind and as I allowed myself to be directed by it I forgot all about my physical body and thus began to exist in separation of myself. I just now remembered the huge tree and it was magnificent, yet also untouchable. One day after school I asked my mom if I could go play in the tree and she said, ‘No, don’t be silly, that’s not allowed’. I remember that I thought that that was odd that we weren’t allowed to touch and play in the tree.
It’s been forty five years and only now as I write this do I remember that glorious tree. How could I have forgotten? I am realizing how separated from myself and all life I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and I see clearer now my self-responsibility within and as the Equality Equation of Life to assist in bringing forth a world as All as One as Equal beginning with an “Equal Money System” – for All from “Birth ’til Death”.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become so lost in thoughts and imagination within my mind to such an extent that I forgot me as my physical body that has been buried deep within the mind patterns, playouts and constructs that I created in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body by way of participating in ways to occupy myself within mind stories as a way of avoiding facing myself within my fears and frustrations in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the glorious tree that represented an enjoyment of life as me within and as my physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the trees and the grass and the mud and the grasshoppers and rollie pollies and the clovers as I settled into and as fantasies in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the snow and the rain water for granted as I sought only to abuse myself within a mind illusion of self-pity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain hidden in my secret mind as though it is a fortress of safety when really it is only my self made prison.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body as I participated within and as my mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions as I wished to be somewhere better that where I was – instead of remaining here breathing in self honesty as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the physical touch of my hands and my fingers and toes for granted as I have exploited them within and as self-abuse patterns of being lost in my mind as I contemplated my next mind entertainment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘blame’ my teachers and the system as the reason for me loosing my sense of touch as me as my physical body wherein I did not in self honesty take self-responsibility for me and my world – instead I realize, I see and I understand and I direct me here within and as my physical by standing up and taking full self-responsibility for me, my world and all that exists here so as to bring forth oneness and equality for all Life to live in Dignity.
I Direct me here Equal and One as my Physical Body as I begin to Touch within and as an awareness of Myself Breathing as All as One as Equal.
to be continued…