Today looking at a point where i realized my physical body was showing me to stop and pay attention to what it was showing me within how I was experiencing myself as having heart palpitations, like little flutters around my heart area. This experience I’ve had recently in the past week but today the flutters were stronger. I use to experience this regularly and was diagnosed with ‘mitral valve regurgitation’, but, I have not experienced any symptoms of this for almost 3 years. So what the hell have I been accepting and allowing that instigated this to begin, but more importantly what in this moment am I participating in.
When this started I was looking at my saved documents for SRA and I was experiencing anxiety within myself because I’m not able to locate all the required documents for my current SRA lesson assignment. Feelings of inadequacy, self judgment, because of my lack of organization and aggravation because when I had to restore my computer recently I lost some documents. I also had feelings of regret that I had not provided a backup for my files.
Ok now I realize that my thoughts and the feelings were in relation to a projection that I actually had as a quick thought last night that this might happen when I realized what was required in the lesson. I also see that I have experienced anxiety during brief moments all week where I had became anxious about a document I could not locate and I also got stuck for a moment participating in knowledge and information regarding a projection construct within a system manifestation point that I wrote about in my just completed SRA lesson. So it seems that I allowed myself to get lost in movement within knowledge and information and accepted myself to ‘flutter’ around in my mind. My heart fluttered just as i wrote that. Holy shit, I’ve been regurgitating knowledge and information. No wonder my heart has had the flutter.
My participation in the movement of knowledge and information as well as my lack of organization created an unnecessary physical manifestation. And, I have been aware that I am not efficient in organizing my computer files and I did not direct myself to stop and correct myself.
I no longer accept and allow this of me. I direct myself to stop participating within movement of knowledge and information and I direct myself to organize myself according to the same principle of the Equality Equation. I take full self responsibility for all areas of my life.
‘Everything’ that I exist as within how and what I am accepting and allowing has an accumulative affect within the Equality Equation of all Life. The seemingly small things matter and are important and accumulate. It’s imperative that I remain here breathing and directing myself in self honesty and self forgiveness and to take full self responsibility for the non-actions and actions of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lost in the movement of knowledge and information.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to flutter around in my mind regurgitating knowledge and information.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself within self-responsibility and appropriate organization.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project a past physical diagnosis of myself into my current moment physical experience by accepting and allowing anxiety in participating within my mind as movement within knowledge and information.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea about how I would experience myself within my current lesson therefore projecting the idea into and as my reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself feelings of inadequacy and self judgment.
Instead I face myself here within this moment unconditionally walking any consequences as there is no value in this participation, only consequence. I stop. I breathe and let go of self judgment and comparison thoughts and I realize that I am the directive force of me and I will not be directed by the energy of such a pattern. I stop. I breathe and do not participate. I direct me here walking the consequences and direct myself within a principle of equality and effective self-organization.
When I see myself participating within this pattern of Self defeat. I stop and breathe and within this I realize that the energy movement within this experience is directing me and I am not the directive force of my moment. I stop this participation in this energy as self defeating thoughts and do not participate. I breathe myself here within and as the physical.