Today, I read on a past friend of mine’s facebook page, who just found out her 21 year old daughter is pregnant, where she had written: “is in shock. Not sure how to feel. Love my girl, but the father sucks”.
Her daughter’s reply was: “Mom, that’s uncalled for. U just don’t like the past. U never kno what the future can hold”. Her reply back was: “Maybe, but the past has nothing to do with the present. I have the right to feel what I feel.”
I saw within me a slight movement when I read: “…the past has nothing to do with the present. I have the right to feel what I feel.”
I have known C for over 21 years and, it’s as though they are family. We rarely speak, because she thinks I’m involved in cultish behavior and, won’t consider the message of Equality. Because of the slight movement within me, I did not respond to the comments and, immediately began to cough, even though I realized the point is mine to face.
I have realized for myself what I recently shared as a comment, that we cannot get any experience that is experienced within self from somewhere or someone, and no one can give anyone a reaction. A reaction/projection is experienced within self due to acceptances and allowances of mind participation.
The slight movement within me is definitely a reaction, so in taking a closer look at what my thoughts were upon reading the comments, I see that my thought was; ‘feelings are not real and how come people won’t realize that’.
I mean shit, that was a ‘thought’, and it induced a ‘feeling’ within me as I participated. Also, when I read, “the past has nothing to do with the present”, my thought was simply: “Yes, it is. If you’ll look closer, you’ll see the past we’ve accepted and allowed is here before us to correct, so as to not manifest again.” Here again, through my participation, because I saw the ‘thought’, it formed a ‘feeling’ or ‘slight movement’ within me, which I accepted and allowed and, instead of trusting myself to comment, I allowed fear to manipulate myself to remain silent and, in my silence, I gave access to preoccupy myself so as to not face myself in the moment. Participating within my mind, even if it is for a second, is a mind fuck. Which explains why I began coughing as my physical was saying: “Hello, you’re not here”. Everything presented to me as my world is me. So, anything I fear, I am fearing facing me.
Looking closer at myself within the moment. I see that my application was based on the outcome of me believing that somehow I am better than others because my principles are better than others, as well as me being right and having the ‘I told you so’ mindset. What a fuckup. I allowed my secret mind to fuck with me which, in that moment, became my directive principle – instead of me facing myself and standing in self honesty and, in self forgiveness, building self trust so that I may be self empowered and stand Equal as Life for All as One as Equal.
In self honesty – I know that what I am realizing with regards to how fucked up it is to participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and memories. It’s something that anyone and all can easily see for themselves if they will breathe and apply their self. I am not superior nor special, I am only willing. Someone was willing to share their insights which is how I have began to realize what I have and, I expect the same of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself within an application based on the outcome of me believing that I am better than others because of an idea that my principles are better.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly desire to be right so I might say ‘I told you so’, a mindset of my secret mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain within a silence of superiority based upon feelings and fears formed by my participation in thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself from all life which is me, instead of standing in self honesty, and applying myself within ‘The Principle of Equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly desire others to reap what they sow, instead of standing equal and one to what is sowed here, as I am equally responsible.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be the judge and the jury as if to impose a guilty charge upon all life, instead of facing me here as all as one as Equal.
I stop. Til here no further. I begin here.