I’m facing points of anger today that began with another email from a man on face book who still is speaking against an Equal Money System. I have deleted him from my friends list and so I just deleted his email with no response. I began to feel a tightness within my chest area and an overall sense of anger within me.
What is it really that I’m not facing within myself that is creating such a point of frustration and overall disappointment within me towards all life. In this moment, I am frustrated and angry towards my animals -because one of our female dogs is in heat, so of course the six male dogs we have are going absolutely insane. She can barely use the bathroom when I let her out because of each of them hunching her and fighting with each over her all the while she’s growling at them. Amazing representation of sexual aggression and suppression that exists as us humans here within this world.
This point of anger is an obvious point that I am time looping, and because of putting off having my dog spayed I am time looping within this point as well, so here I am again.
I’m exhausted with coughing because often as I post a reply or a comment somewhere on the internet it causes me suddenly begin coughing uncontrollably wherein I will focus on myself, stop and breathe and realize myself within what I’ve just written and although I am grateful for the assistance my physical is providing me – as it is bringing me to an awareness of myself within points of suppression that I’d not seen before – it is also quite uncomfortable.
I am also realizing that I am irritated at the number of people who are struggling daily, barely surviving and it seems that no one notices or cares about anything or anyone but themself.
I see points of anger and I’m tired of children paying the price for adult fuck-ups and this point is especially sensitive for me at the moment because my oldest daughters boys who are 6 and 3 are struggling because their momma is moving out tomorrow into her own apartment and more than likely will be divorcing their father and they will only spend two nights a week with her. It seems as if my heart is breaking for them and often I’ve resisted tears and suppressed this point instead of facing myself within it.
With regards to my oldest daughter and son, I did the same thing, in that I left their father because the energy that brought us together was no longer there and I didn’t care who I hurt in the process of seeking and searching another to begin another cycle of energetic outflows. My children payed the price and now their children are paying the price, and so the cycles of abuse continues.
I remember the first night that I moved out on my own and left them to live in their home with their father which seemed to be the right thing to accept and allow. I have never cried so hard in my whole life and in that moment I was sure that I was the worst mother in the world. I suppressed my guilt and anger for not still loving their father and I withdrew further into the cycle of energetic emotions by seeking another to ‘make’ me ‘feel’ better. All the while never forgiving myself for what I was existing as because I didn’t even understand who I was or what I was becoming which was nothing more than further enslavement within the revenge of my ego.
All of this anger and suppression within myself and my chest area is me – within all that I have accepted and allowed.
I’m angry at me for all that I have accepted and allowed within the abuse that I’ve created throughout my lifetime that is having a continuous affect within and as this world.
The chest area represents my love and devotion to my family – love, caring and devotion that is able to be reversed into disappointment, disgust, anger and frustration. This is where I am. I can see how I’ve become the exact duplicate of my parents and my children are becoming the exact duplicate of me and thus we continue the cycles of abuse that has been here forever continually abusing ourselves, each other, and the children who are here.
Morality and Polarity is what consciousness systems thrive on, because it causes fear and resistance within beings. Making such systems part of our world within what is acceptable and approved by our society and continues to keep us controlled and enslaved of consciousness. Parents do unto their children what have been done unto them. I see my part that I’ve played and I am angry at myself that I did not stop and consider all life equally.
I remember when I was young and angry at my mom because I knew she wasn’t hearing me. I promised myself that I would never impose such bullshit onto my children, but, I did it anyway. If I had stopped myself within the energetic search and breathed, and looked at myself within the moments of my past where I participated within the energetic outflows of myself – I would have realized that they were not real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake my children while I searched for energetic experiences of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose the child within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed limitations of myself within and as the female ego within seeking and desiring to please another just to justify my ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the female ego within seeking validation and attention and respect from others because the ego cannot exist without others agreeing with it’s existence as a way of confirming itself by pleading for validation from others as attention and/or respect.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the ego of the mind will always attempt and try to search, seek and pull out methods like an illusionist to justify and confirm it’s existence as being right and righteous in its actions and words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain the limitation of my ego where I have sought attention from another as a way of validating the very existence of my ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live by the law of conscious unified field within this world where egos support egos within formations of relationships such as marriage and friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as woman.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as feminine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a friend.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as beautiful and attractive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a wife.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do unto my child exactly what was done unto me and thus have further created enslavement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become angry at my animals or other human beings only because I am really angry at myself within what I have accepted and allowed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conform and condition myself within and of the unified consciousness field from girl to woman to mother and then wife in preparation through living cycles of the consciousness unified field to become the ego of the mind that I have defined as who I am lost within my creation as the mind’s creation.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to be so hypnotized and controlled by my own mind’s ego within what I have accepted and allowed myself to become that I did not see or hear the world as humanity crying in agony and sorrow within the destruction of the world and existence as me.
I forgive myself that I have only now began to see what I have accepted and allowed in realizing and understanding that this world is evolving into the true nature of man stepping forth. The nature of man as the destruction of self.
I Stop Myself. I Stop accepting and allowing Revenge of the Ego within what I have accepted and allowed. I forgive myself. I breathe. I begin here.
Revenge of the Ego