This is the awareness I saw within myself when speaking with my past friend Karen this evening. I was able to breathe through and not become the energies that surrounded me. It was very cool because I was aware they were there – but more focused on applying my tool for life – breath.
Every word she spoke, I heard me. It was like a recording of myself being played from my past. Was surreal in a sense I have never known. There was an alertness within myself that I can describe as similar to ‘going home’ – without the actual experience.
As if the path I was walking was more like a sidestep within creating who I am becoming and I almost didn’t recognize myself. As I breathed, the words flowed from my mouth and I became aware of the authority in self honesty when accepting and allowing myself to breathe.
I began to see that I am the cause for the effects that I have been upon the people in my life, and I saw my way to forgive myself for being and becoming the person that I have existed as.
I let go of the shame and contempt that I have carried as me because of my deception towards Karen. I was aware of one moment of judgment when Karen slurred in her talking and I stopped it immediately and breathed. Her and I in our past shared many moments together sharing who we ‘thought’ we were. That assisted me, and I used it to bring us here together in self honesty. We ended our call very uneventful and left nothing to be predetermined about our friendship. In facing her I faced myself and realized there was never anything to fear except my fear of facing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear the unknown’. Instead of realizing that there is nothing ‘unknown’ when I face myself in self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how another will react when I am self honest instead of realizing their reactions are a reflection of my reactions within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself when speaking and expressing myself because of fear their not hearing me. I stop. I accept and allow myself to express myself freely in self honesty standing equal and one as all.