Forgiving childhood wonders of my mind

I watched ‘Alice in Wonderland’ for the first time when I was 8.  Although I remember very little about the movie itself, what I do remember is the fascination I begin to have about dragons. So it seems the movie certainly assisted me in participating within the ‘wonderings’ of my mind instead of remaining and participating within my world.  Which is another reason that I can’t remember much about my childhood. Because I was to busy participating in thoughts and ‘ideas’ of my mind.  Proof to me that often we sit our children in front of movies as a way of preoccupying them and sub sequentially the effects begin to form movies in their minds.  If we are going to share a movie with our children, then we must effectively ask our children their perspectives.  This applies to anything we are teaching and/or showing them.  Children have the most simple and self honest perspectives when given the opportunity to share. They will show us how to share ourselves more effectively.  Simple self expressions that have a quality within equality, if we will only hear.

I wasn’t effective in sharing and communicating with my first two children. I was always to busy within myself being concerned about our money situation, always just trying to survive.  I always ‘thought’ that I was concealing and protecting them. But all I was really doing was not facing myself, so I didn’t face them at all.  They always knew when something wasn’t quite right – even when I went through my divorce with their father. I never sat down and shared with them what was happening and I never asked them how they were. Hell, I avoided the subject as I went on trying to survive through the fear of ‘would I be able to care for them’.  Like feed and clothe them and provide them a home.  Easy to see how an ‘Equal Money System’ would have, and will provide and eliminate much stress that parents exist as.  Causing them to become preoccupied within the ’fear of survival’.

Children have a way of showing us the uniqueness within us that we may have never considered, and in the exact moment, show us our oneness within it all.  Are we asking and are we hearing the children?

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to silence myself within the wondering of my mind.  Instead of facing myself in self honesty and standing up as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to escape into the fear of survival as a way of not facing my world as me.  Instead of standing and stopping my participations within the movies in my mind and directing me here equal and one as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask my children questions because I was to afraid to hear that they might be sad.  Instead of directing my starting point with my children from the starting point of equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had the right to impose my belief systems upon my children.  Instead of standing as assistance and in support for them in their becoming who they really are which is all as one as equal.