Forgiving memories of my childhood beliefs

We spent the evening with our three grandchildren. My two grandsons are 5 and 3, and their parents are not getting along very well. My daughter and her husband have been together for awhile, so the resonant patterns that brought them together are no longer there. The discussion began on its own as we talked about our fears. They didn’t have much to say, however, it reminded me of some of my fears when I was close to the same age. Self forgiveness on some I remember is required.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel fearful, sad and lonely.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing those that say they love me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe some people are more special than other people.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make fun of others with my friends.

I remember the day I was told that everyone dies. I know I was very little, but I don’t know how old I was. I didn’t want to believe it because it seemed as if I had always been here even though I couldn’t remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept Jesus christ as my lord and savior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when we die we go to heaven or hell.

When I was little, I remember hearing that they dug up Abraham Lincoln’s body and that there were scratch marks in the coffin from his finger nails. From that point on I was ‘scared’ of being buried alive.

The word ‘scared’ stands out to me that I just wrote, only it’s more like I have many ‘scars’ within me from my participations within fears of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint ‘scars’ within myself within the dishonesty that I have existed as. I Stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being buried alive.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to believe that there was an invisible place called heaven in the sky and even wondered if people might fall on my head.

I remember how I use to wish the angels I saw in the trees would come save me from my thoughts and emotions of myself as being inadequate and ‘scared’ of being alone.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to believe that I saw angels sitting in trees and that they were assisting people that deserved to be assisted according to their past behaviors and lives.

I was five and spending the summer with my grandma who lived far from town in the country. One night my dad who worked as a guard at the local state prison came home and said he was going to search for a convict that had escaped. It was believed he was near my grandma’s house. He was never found and from then on, every time I was at my grandma’s, I was terrified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the dark.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear someone breaking into our house and kill us so I would cover my head at night as I was falling asleep, careful to keep one leg always moving across the bedsheet, ‘thinking’ if someone came in to kill us and saw me moving, they would think I was awake and then they wouldn’t be able and willing to kill me.

I was terrified of the dark because that is when I would see ghosts in my room.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to secretly believe what my eyes saw in supporting the fears of my mind, that aliens were standing beside my bed in the dark.

When I was little I hated holidays because I would see people in my family act nicer than they really were.

I forgive myself that I have have accepted and allowed myself to act nice to try and impress people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misinterpret the meaning of ‘respect’ to mean that I must be ‘nice’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form judgments of my friends and family.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that ‘labor day’ was the day that babies were born.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to believe that a man in a red suit called santa clause was coming to my house once a year for cookies and milk and to leave gifts.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to hope that I would get better gifts than my brother and sisters.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become angry at santa clause because he didn’t leave me the gift I wanted.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to want my teeth to fall out when I was little, so I could put my tooth under my pillow to receive money so I could buy candy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have more than others.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe something was wrong with me because I liked to touch my private parts.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to secretly wish everyone would become as ugly on the outside as they were on the inside.

I forgive myself that accepted and allowed myself to hate myself because I was called names and bullied in elementary school.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that when people eat their buggers that the buggers would turn into worms.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that bad things only happen to bad people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must pretend to like people even if they were/are mean to animals.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become a ‘people pleaser’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that secretly I was a queen from a faraway place from which my closest loved ones were watching my quest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a hero.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe others as being a ‘better’ hero than me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I learned to ride a unicycle that my parents would notice me.

I forgive myself that I lied to my parents about who I was so as to receive their attention and please them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to change myself into someone that I wasn’t so I would be accepted by others as special.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to have sex for the first time because I didn’t want to lose the attention from my boyfriend.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to secretly hope that I would get pregnant when I was 16 so I wouldn’t have to live with my step dad and mom.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone in the world had money to feed and care for themselves, instead of realizing how many are starving to death.

I stop the abuse that I have accepted and allowed to exist as who I am, since I was a child, and what I have manifested within and as this world. I Stop. Till here no further.

Advertisements