My son J is thirty four, I became pregnant at sixteen, got married, divorced and now J and I rarely see each other or speak. The last time we had a dispute was in July when he deleted me from face book. He kind of got over being angry and is on my face book again. This is the point today that I am facing.
I raised J according to my beliefs in god when he was small. When he was eight his father and I divorced. I went straight into an abusive relationship and to spare my two children from being around the abuse , I signed papers that were initiated by their father K, for them to live with him.
**The whole sentence that I just wrote supports judgment within blame where I have believed and blamed K as the reason that my son and I cannot get along because of the things that I believed his father would say about me.
I hid from myself within not taking self responsibility for my children. I did not leave the abuse that I was accepting and allowing myself to participate in because it was easier to blame K than to face myself.
**I just realized the addictive energetic pattern within my last sentence that I wrote. It ‘feels’ of despair – Instead of facing myself, I have always participated within the emotions and feelings within the energy. I have never seen this as clear as I am now. I am creating this because I have always participated as the energy in our communication with each other.
We have barely had any kind of relationship in years, however, when I stopped believing in god, this caused a huge barrier. Today I saw the following link on his face book wall:
Staff Sgt. Giunta’s Medal of Honor – 60 Minutes – CBS News
60 Minutes on CBS News: Staff Sgt. Giunta’s Medal of Honor – The first living soldier to win the Medal of Honor since the Vietnam War tells Lara Logan in an emotional interview just what he did to earn the nation’s highest combat honor and how the recognition makes him uncomfortable.
His comment below the link was: Amazing story!
When I saw the link and read his comment, I went and read the story and I became aware of the energy surrounding me. I wrote out my last confrontation with J, so I knew my son as a point to flag – where there are energetic resonant patterns – a flag point that tells me to stop.
I stopped. I breathed. I got up and I walked.
I was aware of how I wanted to cry, and that I was extremely sad within myself where I almost wanted to crawl in bed, instead I breathed. Within moments , the energy was gone. I spoke self forgiveness for awhile and realized how cool it was to see how the energy dissipated and verifying for myself – the energy is not real. I returned to face book an hour later and as I saw his post again, I wrote the following comment:
He risked his life saving life, all the while killing life, and for this -we present one with medals of honor. Honor Killings…
Shortly after afterward he erased the comment and sent me the following message:
I dont care what your beliefs, values, morals or political stances are. But when your are rude, or show a lack of respect for what other people believe in or are proud of it makes me sad, and I have no business for it being associated with me, or being a part of my life. Please leave me alone if you can’t say anything nice! You have no respect for anyone and it saddens me!!!!!
When I read this, once again I was aware of the energies of the same resonant pattern – not as strong as before. I stopped all thoughts. I breathed and applied self forgiveness and the pattern moved through me with quicker ease. whew — release
My return message:
I honestly have no idea how what I wrote seemed rude to you. It is obvious truth. He was given a medal of honor for saving the lives of his fellow troops who are fighting ‘our’ war ‘killing’. So, we ‘honor killing’. The concern should be, that we put them ‘All’ in this position because we accept and allow it. I support ALL LIFE Equally – as well as an Equal Money System and World Equality. That’s the sum of it. How is this rude? We must very careful what we support because whatever we participate within and as, we WILL experience the same. That my son, is how life is. You should not believe me, see your world for yourself.
That was all I wrote. Looking at the words I used in the comment which were ‘honor killings’, I can see this is a point I used as a form of manipulation. This is what brings me here to write and assist myself with muscle communication using the tools from SRA in flagging more points – because this point is not clear, and will present itself again in the physical face to face.
I verified through muscle communication that the Priority Pattern I will be working with is Addiction. The specific point verified Victimization.
The specific point within victimization that I am working with verified as Family Members and the specific family member verified as J
Within the Specific Experience towards J, whom I experience this pattern in which I manifest my experience verified as Sadness.
Verified with muscle communication that:
The Priority emotion/feeling experience verified as Sadness towards J is within the Behaviourol pattern of Addiction within Victimization. This is what I have accepted and allowed and manifested as me.
Every word I’ve written implicates me. I’m the primary person responsible within how I experience myself in my relationship with my son. I have not directed myself equal and one. It begins here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be and become my own version of self victimization.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility in what I was teaching my children within false beliefs directed of the mind therefore continuing generations of patterns resulting in our enslavement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed an idea of victimization within my mind that K said bad things about me to my son and within this I have separated myself from J creating for myself the very beliefs to manifest that I have feared.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personal instead of realizing that I only take things personal because I fear losing something and I am capable of stopping this pattern.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become sad towards J within emotional/feeling patterns of addiction and self victimization wherein I doubt myself and this causes me to go into the experience of sadness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad because a person who I was in a relationship with won’t talk to me instead of realizing that they no longer have any influence over me except that which I accept and allow.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to K as having a better relationship with J because I compared his ability as better than mine to care for my children and in this allowing myself to participate within the pattern of self victimization.
I forgive myself for the past when I told J that he is being dishonest, so that the point is about him being dishonest instead of me having to look at where do I allow dishonesty within judgment and self victimization.
I forgive myself for holding back on communication with J which ultimately is allowing myself to avoid facing myself because I understand that I am not directing my self expression but rather judging it from a point of allowing right/wrong or good/bad – to direct who I am.
I walk one and equal to myself by not allowing compromise, justifications as to why I do not direct myself.
Within walking this path of self forgiveness I am able to stop and look at what is my self expression.
I support myself by directing me in every moment of breath to walk in self honesty and apply myself in every moment as what is best for all is what is best for me.
Still points I see that requires self forgiveness…