Earlier, I went to a baby shower of a past friends daughter that I have known for twenty years and a very assisting point opened up for me in how I interpret my world when I’m at these kind of ‘social events’. There were many people there that I have not seen in five or six years and some even as long as ten years, so I saw how my thoughts began to coerce me to explain how come my head is shaved. I stopped them once, twice, three times as I saw the thought patterns of my mind appear randomly in threes – always triggered by something someone was saying and I stopped and I breathed.
Sitting there hearing everyone’s baby stories going around the room that I have heard many times before. I realized the same stories and party games were identical to when I had a baby shower given for me when I was about to have my first child – thirty some years ago. In my mind, it was as if a flood gate had been opened and the thought patterns I was stopping were accompanied with the aroma of freshly brewed apple cider which was coming from the scent of potpourri placed throughout the house. The aroma was also assisting to trigger the thought patterns and seemed to be obstructing my focus in breathing.
The thought patterns were those of complaints along the line of; ‘oh my god, I’ve heard this a million times’ as well as the thought ‘can we please talk about something, anything of importance, such as a solution to all the atrocity that is existing within this world’.
Then I realized the point – that I was participating as the observer and not participating within my physical environment. It is no wonder we lack the ability to remember, because all there is to remember is our ‘thought’ patterns as observers. And, the memories we have are just repeats, happenings of energetic mind outflow patterns manifested in the physical by our mind. Where we remain separate from our physical, then the physical cannot take anymore, so it presents us with pain and then, finally, death…
This is the same pattern that I existed as when I first began school, where I would sit at my desk only half way listening to the teachings as I wondered off in my mind thinking none of this matters in the ‘big’ scheme of things. What would happen then is I would withdraw within my mind of ‘wonderings’, ‘feeling’ left out, abandoned and ’emotionally’ abused, and I then I would silence myself within an isolation chamber of my mind.
I sat there breathing and yet a part of me wanted to scream ‘STOP’ from within the depths of me. Within me, where I have suppressed and compressed myself so much within the past of my acceptances and allowances by my participations and my actions, where I have been and said the very things that were being said by almost everyone in the room.
Interesting that no one was really hearing what the other one was saying because they were quick to speak about their own experience that their mind was reminding them of, and wanting someone to acknowledge the experience as the same. I realized that no one was hearing the others reflections as being their very own, and then, I realized once again, they were me.
Realizing my thought patterns – I went to the restroom and applied self-forgiveness. The thought patterns were of judgment toward these people and were seeking to dominate and control me and keep me enslaved within a belief system that thrives upon abuse of all life.
I reentered the room where all was now gathered snacking on cheese dip, salsa, and a bread bowl with some kind of dill dip that I heard many speaking about. I didn’t taste any of the food because I have been on my blood type diet and the support of it has been very effective for my physical body. I ate before I arrived so it was an appropriate moment for me to walk outside for some fresh air.
The first thing I saw was a flock of birds in the sky, flying together in various different formations. Together as they flew, they resembled a fish, then a dragon fly. They flew together in the most amazing display of a principle synchronicity of life lived equally. Their movement was in complete harmony with each other. There was something glorious about there effectiveness in their flight of oneness. They flew knowing where the other will fly and they swayed and swirled in a flowing manner. There were no mistakes in the direction they were choosing. Their flight as one required only moving themself and breathing.
They flew together. Not separate. Though they were individual, together they formed the perfect equality equation for all to see.
There is no ‘causality’ – within their self expression. They were great assistance for me in realizing once again the oneness of us all. I remained breathing, watching them as I applied self forgiveness until they together, flew further and further, till I could no longer see them. I returned inside and for the rest of my time there – I directed myself effectively and equally with all. I am grateful that I went, even though I ‘thought’ that I didn’t want to go.
I will myself to walk myself out of the house, to move myself as my physical, to effectively face myself within my world. I no longer accept and allow myself to hide within myself, instead I move myself. I will face the points of me that I have not faced due to my avoidance and my frustration with how this world exists.
I admit that I have not liked this world. In this, I have not liked me. When I avoid the world – I avoid me. I do not enjoy useless chatter about the same bullshit over and over, however, I realize more and more that all is in-fact me. I accepted and allowed the bullshit that exists – I will myself to stop me in self honesty within the equation of equality. I face myself once and for all in realizing all is me. We’re all individual, yet the same. We just have to get our equality synchronicity as oneness together.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in patterns of ‘causality’ where my participations in mind pattern constructs as thoughts have been the cause and effect for all that is here which results in everything and everyone remaining the same and creates atrocities. I Stop. I direct me here equal and one with all that is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another according to their participations within their mind of thought patterns and emotions and feelings from their past experiences that suppress their self honesty in self expression. Instead I realize that I am only judging me within what I have accepted and allowed as this is my past friends, they are the part of me that I don’t want to see. I stop. I Breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing and moving myself within and as this world. Instead I direct myself to physically move myself. To stop participations as my mind of thoughts and feelings and emotions. I direct me here within all and everything all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mind patterns within thoughts of feeling of inferiority of others, instead of realizing this is fear of facing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in mind patterns of superiority and comparison within others walking this process of life, instead of realizing that what I see in another is what I am seeing of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself within a timeloop of my past within avoiding moving myself here in the physical. I stop. I move me in self honesty to face me within all that is here within the principle of equality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be restrained within and as thoughts that seek to abdicate life itself. Instead I stand in self honesty, directing myself in stopping participations and I redesign myself here as all as one as equal.