I am breathing, walking, standing within self-honesty and realizing the oneness of myself within all and everything here. Self-forgiveness paves my way – directs me – clears me from survival mode.
Then… I make and upload a vlog…. Here it comes, I’m aware of it, the same goddamned ‘thought pattern’ – ‘you didn’t say that clear enough’ – or, ‘that was stupid’, or ‘you shouldn’t have shared that’, or, ‘who will even understand what you‘re expressing‘. ?????? wtf
It is the definition of insanity how the mind will use anything and everything, and anyone and everyone within a ‘thought pattern’ to sabotage. All as an attempt to manipulate me and keep me from facing my points of self-abuse’. I Stop. I Breathe.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become and accept the source of my own ‘self’ sabotage. I delete and disengage the resonance mindfuck pattern that is rooted within self-preservation manifested as self-judgment. Till here No further. I Stop.
I saw a newborn t-shirt at the store the other day that read: Please give me your attention now.
I have had this pattern since I was small and would have similar ‘thoughts’ regarding how I ‘perceived’ that my parents were not ‘hearing me’. In looking back at the ‘feelings’ that I was experiencing when these thoughts would happen – it is only in looking within myself at how my physical body posture was that I am able to remember a small point within how I was existing. My physical body was slumped, head down, representing submission. Mind submission. Which is why I can’t remember much about my childhood because I lost myself in thoughts, feelings and emotions within a belief about my parents that simply was not real. I convinced myself that my parents hated me and all my reasons came from within my mind – there was never a physical manifested experience of myself that will ever validate the storys that my mind requests me to believe in, participate in, then allowing feelings and/or emotions about such thought – of which I then will become. Placing myself in separation from all here. I Stop. I Breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a belief about myself within my mind according to my participation within thoughts, feelings and emotions and tears when I was a little girl and believed that I was somehow not worthy as Breath, as Life. Instead I stand and I redesign the past moment of me within self-honesty and a clear understanding that my experience was not real and I no longer believe the thought pattern to be who I am, I direct me here Equal and One with all that is here.
Aware of this point that I accepted and allowed. I Stop.
I no longer accept and allow myself to participate within and as such bullshit thought patterns – because I know how to stop. I simply stop. I forgive myself. It is done.
I walk this process realizing that I don’t have time for such beliefs of myself. They’re many suffering and starving, and as I type these words many die. It’s unacceptable. I stand in full support of an Equal Money System and World Equality. Here.