Stopping self-deception/self-indulgence

Self-deception and self-indulgence is a bitch.  When I’m existing in self-deception/self-indulgence what happens is I splatter ‘deception’ all around my world.  Everything about my world will be deception and you can be sure I will be quick to notice it.  More than likely I will complain and bitch about those closest to me, as I will easily, in spite, see their faults, only now realizing  how I create what I’m experiencing.  In self-deception I deceive myself in becoming ‘impulsed’ within an energy of which I then ‘act’ out –  as these actions, I seek another to belief this is who I am.  What’s strange is the ‘energetic’ ‘impulses’ seem very ‘minor’, yet, I’m seeing the ‘deceptive’ influence of the seemingly small ‘points’, and how ‘effective’ they are in containing me in self-deception.  This ‘energetic’ charge cannot sustain itself – so in my continued participation’s in self-deception – I will re-create these moments over and over in a similar way within the compounded and suppressed outflows of myself of which I alone have accepted and allowed.

It’s very ‘exhausting’.  Common sense is to not trap oneself in a space with a car that’s running and no ‘air’ moving or one will die from the exhaust fumes, and this is what the experience of self-deception is within myself.  It is a means of cutting off one’s breath – the breath of Life.  An example of this is when I will see that Randy has stopped hearing me as I am sharing something in regards to my process – I see the ‘thought’ of ‘he’s stopped hearing me’, and within this I will share with him that I can see he has stopped listening.  I allow myself to become this ‘energetic’ charge in which I then will speak something like ‘I don’t like it when I get the ‘feeling’ you’re not ‘listening to me’ and I can tell you’re not by the ‘look’ on your face.  Instantly, in ‘hearing’ my words I see my self-deception in that  what I am really doing is ‘projecting’ through a subtle deception technique implicating Randy as the ’cause’ for the experience I am having within this ‘energetic charge’ that I have accepted and allowed, instead of facing myself within my experience of how come I am ‘feeling’ uncomfortable within myself. Within this emotional/feeling/reaction towards Randy, I am avoiding facing myself in the exact moment of this happening.

This is a form of self-manipulation that I am seeing of myself more clearly.  Often, I see this pattern that I accept and allow, wherein I want to complain, specifically about how people will say to me, what do you mean when you say ‘equality’.  Within this I have begun to realize that in my complaining I have become self-indulgent.  It’s interesting to see myself now, how in my complaining, and in ‘talking’ about how so and so said this or did this or that, and then how they will go and tell so and so, who will then go talk about it to another so and so of which will then come back to me in telling me what so and so said, and within this is how self-indulgence within it all keeps existing as nothing more than bullshit – which prevents me from stopping and facing myself in self-honesty.  It’s a crazy cycle when one begins to see how,  as we participate, so we are creating.  It’s being accepted and allowed within our participation and is ‘resonantly’ designed as a self-sustained pattern of the mind.  This pattern requires energy and is fed through our participations in our thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and in how we talk and move ourself.  How can I be equal and one to anyone, much less equal to all here – if I cannot be equal to the specifics within which I’m complaining.  Presenting the facts of how this world exists in its numerous atrocities is beneficial – however, complaining within a ‘personality’ of my mind, and/or mocking another is ‘self-indulgence’.

I must become ‘equal’ to the very person, place or thing that I’m ‘complaining’ and/or ‘blaming’ about in order for me to earn the right to sound myself in speaking words as a representation of ‘life’ as ‘All as One as Equal’.  This requires stopping – breathing, and directing myself in self-honesty and in self-forgiveness, and standing up within the ‘principle of equality’.  The ‘Principle of Equality’, is the directive force as mankind – we however have forgotten this, and must redesign and align ourself within and as Equality, in order for mankind to continue its existence.  We are, each one of us – equal to all that is here.   In realizing this in self-honesty – we become self-reliant as we self-forgive our way back to ourself within our standing up in support of an equal money system for all from birth till death.  Thus, Equalizing the system in a manner supportive of all life Here.  Let the Equalizing of Self with all that is here, begin!  Breathe.

I’m extremely grateful for SRA Training through Desteni Universe, because it is within the lessons that I am learning to become more self-responsible and self-effective – so as to Stop these patterns of self-deception/self-indulgence.  SRA provides techniques within which one is able to flag points for self – so as to stop these self-abusive behaviors. Interesting, in that when I first began SRA I would ‘put off’ completing my lessons. Now I enjoy completing them because they’re so much assistance for myself and they are unlike anything I’ve ever given to myself.  SRA should be taught in school to everyone – a required course as a way of assisting everyone and at the same time assisting mankind.  SRA is a re-alignment for self – in realizing the equality in which we all exist.