Tag Archive | The Secret

Day 195: See The Blind Spot

equalmoney capitalsim
I just finished watching the documentary “Blind Spot” which illustrates clearly the current oil and energy crisis we are facing within our world. This stuff, it should  be broadcast over and over on every television station until we freakin get it because seriously, we’re in deep shit trouble.  The documentary is very educational and it sums up the unbelievable amount of ignorance and greed that we as a humanity exist as as we continue to burn fossil fuels – which are sucking the life out of our planet earth – while we continue to consume our way to oblivion.

I mean, I get it. I get how we become so consumed in our race to survive that we actually tell ourselves that everything is going to be okay when clearly it isn’t. I see now how absurd the things I believed in were according to the ideas and opinions I’ve existed as according to my mind, and it’s downright disgraceful how I’ve taken the gifts given for Everyone from our Physical Reality for granted.

We are going to have to begin to understand who we are as our mind.  Like how and why we think and feel and react in repeating patterns over and over so we can stop who we’ve become and see who we can be through self-forgiveness and self-honesty.

I’ve lived in America my entire life. I come from a middle class family where electricity comes with the convenience of flipping a switch and a seemingly clean glass of water to drink, is a given – well, that is if one has money to pay for them.

I never questioned how the things I always ‘believed’ was ‘my right’ to have – such as water and heat and lights –  I never questioned what would I do if that which I’ve taken for granted were suddenly no longer here to be had?  I never questioned the amount of work/money that was involved in order for me to have water and heat/electricity, nor did I ever question how much money my parents paid every month to huge corporations just so we could have them.

I certainly never questioned or considered the thousands, no millions of people who don’t have either electricity, heat or clean water simply because they aren’t able to pay for it.

I never had a clue as to how our world/money system currently, actually function.

It doesn’t make sense how the every day things that we each one require to survive  – like food and water and heat and electricity/energy – how these life essentials are not even talked about amongst parents and children.  And children certainly aren’t educated or given a solution that will ensure that Life itself will always be able to sustain itself.  Why is that not a top priority?

I’ve lived my life as an energetic fiend. Always taking from what is here instead of giving and assisting in maintaining and supporting life here according to what’s best for all.  The first time I actually began to seriously question my reality, my world, was just over 5 years ago when I first began to hear and read the massive amounts of material offered through Desteni.

It was their message that encouraged me to educate myself as to how our world/money system functions and to investigate the part that self plays within it all and to stand up and take self-responsibility for our world.

I admit that it has not been easy to look in the mirror, to investigate what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist within our world,  but I can also say for a fact that it was way harder to remain stuck in my mind of make beLIEf than it’s been to face, forgive and begin to assist myself to be able to assist in bringing about a world that is best for all.

I seriously challenge anyone reading this to do the same.

See The Blind Spot  and Investigate Equal Money

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills!
Desteni Lite

Day 189: Self-fulfilling Prophecy

Last night I had a dream where I saw someone whose face was blurry and unrecognizable,  yet someone I very much desired attention from . In the dream,  I was aware of how I wanted the person to see me, want me, fulfill and complete me. As the dream was ending I saw a thought/image of myself sitting on the floor with my knees up and my arms wrapped around my legs with my head bent down in disbelief because I realized the person with the blurred face and unrecognizable was me.

hunger
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative emotional charges as an experience within me that feels lost and lonely within and as the idea of what if no one sees me, desires and/or wants me.

I forgive myself for the thought/image of myself looking, seeking, longing for attention wherein I desire to be seen, wanted, fulfilled and completed by something and/or someone outside of myself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that that is how I avoid facing what I’ve become – the vampire who can’t get enough as I continue to suck the life out of me as my physical body and this physical reality through participating in and as negative and positive polarity emotions and feelings, believing I will reach a point of satisfaction when in fact it doesn’t exist,  because I AM that which I’ve been reaching for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself living my life according to a belief thus influencing my actions and reactions where I allow expectations to foster behavior that consistently manifest the expectations.

I forgive myself for the thought/image of myself where I’m sitting on the floor with my knees up and my arms wrapped around my legs with my head bent down – where I’m existing within a state of emotional abandonment in realizing what I’ve accepted and allowed in and as characters/personalities and behaviors only ever looking for answers to my own self-fulfilling prophecy no different from living the law of attraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘they don’t like me’ and/or ‘I’m not good enough‘, it’s because I’ve justified my behavior accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed, almost lost like in not realizing that my reactions are actually towards a projection as an image or picture within my mind – not a real expression of me as who I am in and as my own process -but reaching for an image of myself for greatness – instead of me getting to know me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as feeling physically famished, like a hunger and/or an emptiness within myself for how I have become in and as my attempt of living my own self-fulfilling prophecy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project future presentations of myself without yet forgiving and investigating and redesigning who I am because of having lived according to characters/personalities of/as the self-fulfilling prophecies of what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I commit myself to stop who I am and how I’ve existed in and as living my own self-fulfilling prophecy, where in self-interest and desire I’ve pursued life within the beliefs and ideas of what can I do, what can I have, what can I buy and get and/or what can I be in order that I may be happy.

I commit myself to stop the dreams of and as my mind of what might have been and realize that ‘Might’ keeps me locked into the past of emotions, feelings and moods, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating myself through thoughts into words which I’ve perceived to be acceptable and to instead direct my thoughts to become a living expression of who I choose to be as an expression of life within and as a practical living example that will ensure that everyone have a right to life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to face the fear of facing the nature of who I’ve become as my thoughts and to allow myself to direct my thoughts as what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become to that which is able to walkas the directive principle of self according to and as the principle of equality.

——
Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills!
Desteni Lite

Investigate Equal Money

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.


It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

Day 149: You hurt my feelings character

My son’s birthday was a few days ago. I wasn’t able to talk to him or see him and I told myself that I was ok with that. I lied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself when I fear because I convinced myself it makes me ‘feel’ better when the fact is lying further suppresses within me that which I’m avoiding taking responsibility for.

The last words that my son said to me were: “you’re not my mom, you’re just a lady who gave birth to me”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I think about my son, I fear when I realize that I can’t talk to him and/or go see him, then I become angry and suppress my anger by becoming a character of ‘you hurt my feelings‘, and within that I forgive myself for how I’ve used the memory of our past argument as a defense mechanism which creates physical pain within me within the illusion of it all in how I’ve held in and on to the memory of his words as if they are jagged edged swords piercing deep within me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how holding onto memories keeps me committed to the past and thus never evolving as a living being but only evolving within methods of protection to defend the memory/past within a definition of self as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have used my son’s words to create a character of and as my mind as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character and as such I continue to walk and live the consequences of my own self-interest in believing that what has been done cannot be undone because I’ve reLIED upon and lived as those words through feelings and emotions which I’ve accepted and allowed to guide me into having experiences of myself accordingly and as such, I’ve not yet realized the extent that I myself have misused and abused the living word itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an image/picture within myself of myself of how to raise a child, when in fact. I didn’t know the first thing in how to prepare a child to care for themselves and/or their physical reality in order to guarantee a world ready and able to nourish and sustain life on earth into and as eternity according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as an image/picture to come up within me of when my son was a baby and how having him made me feel proud and on top of the world and how in that one moment I took for granted that I would/could be a great mom when in fact I wasn’t prepared to raise the baby/son and the man to be, yet, I held onto him as if he was a puppy that I could train to love me.

Sometimes, to make myself ‘feel’ better, I imagine everything between him and I is suddenly, magically alright.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself from what I perceive within my mind as a negative experience to then a positive one through imagining everything suddenly is alright between the two of us, when I see, realize and understand that this is how me as my mind has always justified my avoiding taking self-responsibility for myself and others as myself, because in doing so within my mind I never actually face myself and/or never walk any real change of myself into and as who I am within and as my physical reality.

I still have a strong feeling that says: “How dare you”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the kind of parent who reacts to my child within a matter of duty, as if my child owes me something for bringing him/her into this world and thus my actions demand respect,  when in fact,  I see the common sense in how as a parent I failed my children in that I took for granted that I knew and was teaching them what mattered most in life, such as love and God, when the truth is, I was only teaching them what was taught to me and what was taught to my parents,  and in self-honesty, I see, realize and understand how as parents we’ve not investigated our world for ourselves, thus we’ve been living knowledge and information and have not actually been prepared to teach our children how to become a responsible human being as one who recognizes and shares the understanding of the Equality of Life of and as all living beings and supports their world accordingly.

The last time I saw my son was a year ago.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret who I physically become within and as the ‘you hurt my feelings’ character wherein when I’m around my son I walk with my head slightly tilted to the right which I now see is how I walk when I’m in deep thought, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret not moving myself in the way I really wanted to which was to physically embrace him within self-honesty and complete acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process within wants, desires and expectations of seeking to control others/my children in order for me to have and behave as that which I was seeking in self-interest.

When and as I see myself existing as the character of and as my mind of/as: ‘you hurt my feelings’, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that feelings manifest who I’ve become as characters/personalities, and that the only power that feelings and emotion have over me is the power that I give them through my participating in and as thoughts and energetic reactions of and as polarity experiences, thus I commit myself to stop patterns of taking a negative experience of myself to that of a positive one in order to justify the demons of who and how I have existed as within my past, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as the memory of the words that my son once said to me and I commit myself to purify into life the words we live by and as daily.

I commit myself to stop lying to myself and others as myself and to commit myself to stop walking my process within regret, guilt, wants, desires, energy and expectations.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness one can let go the past and begin a process of healing self from the inside out which can and will manifest unto and as the world as self.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I cannot fully receive from anyone that which I’m not yet willing to give to all Equally.

** ** ** ** ** ** **                                                                                                                   ** ** ** ** ** **

‎”Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth.” – Bernard Poolman

Day 136: Fear Monster

Thursday evening
Sitting here to write, I got nothing. I know that’s not possible, and the fact that I’ve been in pain and somewhat sick, I know the most assistance I can give myself is to breathe and apply self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ out of sorts within myself, a sinking feeling emerging first from within my mind which I’m unable to identify until I feel it within solar plexus and then I know it’s fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how within my mind fear appears bigger than life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the expression of who I am within the fear of my own fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear participate in and as picture presentations of/as thoughts of/as hidden secrets and/or suppressed experiences and how within those, I have accepted and allowed myself to define them as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fear of my own fear is larger than life and more powerful than me as who I am as my physical body to such a degree that through and as my participation in and as memories/thoughts I have manifested fear as an actual limitation which involves a manifested physical affect of/as pain within my center to upper back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every single thought that I have has an emotional feeling charge to it which resonates throughout my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body through the act of participating in my thoughts thus being directed by and as them giving me as my mind the perception that it is larger than me as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resonate the very systems of and as my mind in how I have defined them as me and at the same time have resonated my very living as my mind thoughout and within me as my human physical body thus manifesting separation and pain.

When and as I see myself watering the roots of fear of my own fear through participating in and as thoughts, I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand how through the act of thinking I expand the resonance of fear of my own fear throughout my physical body, flesh and bone.

I commit myself to breathe, to realize the patterns of my mind have become habits which I have accepted and allowed to inhabit me through cycles of time, where I have imprinted and conditioned me as my physical body to become them through the process of me as my mind, thus, I see, realize and understand there is actually nothing to fear and that I am quite capable of stopping myself and directing myself as my mind through self-corrective application with the assistance of myself as my physical body to walk the accumulation of myself in relation to living breath by breath in supporting self to become living support, to establish a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FEAR is the Nature of the Game that Motivates me to Keep Moving as the Characters in the Game towards the Objective of the Game by Creating the other Side of the Coin of Fear as Love – Symbolizing the Circle of Life, Coined as a Choice of Opposites – yet, it is ONE Coin that ensures CONtrol so that I remain in my ROLE, following the control of the Energy of the Game which is Fear as the Totality of the HERE of the Game as the Only thing I can HEAR while playing the Game.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 124: Hit and Miss

Today, my biological father called me. A man who I’ve barely known, yet, when I was young, I craved for and sought after his attention. He lives about 125 miles from me and I rarely if ever talk to or see him. Tomorrow is his birthday, he’ll be 75. He called to tell me that he is not doing very well and doesn’t believe he’ll be here much longer. We had a nice conversation and he handles himself with curiosity when I don’t agree with his belief in God and, he even agrees that Equal Money is the Solution for this World, though doesn’t see how we’ll ever get everyone to stop their greed to implement it.

I asked him after 75 years on this earth – what has he realized about himself, free from his beliefs. He admitted he had no idea how to answer that and then added how he’d lived a pretty decent life and that he guessed that was all one could ask for… Yes. I’m familiar with that point of acceptance that he spoke of, and I’m no longer willing to allow myself to be that.

When I hung up the phone, I saw how I longed for the days when all of my family was still here. I heard the backchat of thoughts within my mind reminding me how within the past year I’ve lost my brother, my sister and now my biological father is, as he put it, “on his last leg.” I wanted to just sit and reminisce about what used to be. However, I didn’t. I stopped. I breathed, and in self-honesty, I saw how my mind was looking for a feeling that a long time ago, I believed was me. I no longer accept that. Instead, I wrote the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto the urge to reminisce within a pattern of what looks to me to be one that I would describe as a ‘hit and miss’ – meaning: it’s like looking through dozens of photos and hoping to find one that is recognizable – wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to long for what used to be within a belief that was never real and how within my perception of and as my mind I dreamed of what could have been, thus existing within the hope for a relationship with a father that begins and ends within ‘dreams of what if’, within a memory/character of and as my mind – which was preprogrammed and downloaded into me from/of and as the mind of my parents, and the generations that have gone before me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that in the ‘miss’ I become the ‘hit’ that I perceive myself as, as that which I long for within a feeling to be special by a man that I never really knew, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce, I am basically sleeping with my eyes open, just like one does in REM sleep, wherein we ‘dream‘ about ourselves within our mind as elaborate storylines all the while ignoring what is real as our physical body and our physical reality, and, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce of/for what used to be, but wasn’t, and/or when I ‘reminisce’ for that which I never had in order to feel/experience that which I feared in the first place, how within that, I am actually using feeling and emotional energy charges to supply myself with what appears to be a reliever of stress, when actually, it creates stress unto my physical body while I ignore a point of suppression and where I’m adding fuel to the fire by creating scenarios within my mind to distract from facing responsibility for myself and for my world, thus depleting me as my physical body within the acceptance of that which isn’t real as the thoughts that suck the life from me as my physical body/flesh and bone through my own participation within/as and during the madness of reminiscing in and as my mind as consciousness, therefore, I forgive myself for the desire to escape to the past within and as my mind as the memories/characters thereof and thus live my past as my future as the here within this moment.

When and as I see myself longing and reminiscing for/of what never was, and/or what used to be, of/as what is ‘now the past’, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the past is over and to participate within and as my mind of/as memories/characters, is to accept death unto me as my physical body where I cycle within the same patterns, lies, pain and false sense of security that I’ve always existed as. I am No longer willing to accept and allow the direction of and as my mind as consciousness. Instead I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself existing within the desire to escape into and as my mind as the memories/characters of and as my past, I stop. I breathe and I realize that in every moment of breath I have the choice to decide to remain here breathing within and as what is real as my physical body and my physical reality or I can choose to participate within and as my mind which is exactly how and what is killing our physical bodies and physical reality, and I have realized this because I have proved this to/for myself, thus, I see, realize and understand the common sense in stopping and being the directive principle of me and through self-corrective application stopping that which is/has been the deadly game of life within and as humanity enslaved to a world/money system within cycles of abuse and death.

I commit myself to let go of/stop reminiscing within cycles of/as memories/character as how abuse is manifested/created against life.

I commit myself to breathe and move the energy through me and ground myself here within and as what is real as my physical flesh and earth.

I commit myself to show how together as a Group, we can manifest Heaven on Earth where All life is experienced in/as dignity according to what’s best for All.

Day 110: Regretfully Yours

A couple of times today I experienced nausea and as I looked within myself, I saw how I was revolving around a certain point. That point being regret. I was regretting my participating in/as thoughts and emotions/reaction – where a few days ago, (yes, a few days ago), I disagreed with, and questioned some comments made by my fellow destonians. Essentially, I had become the ‘how can I make it better’ memory/character of/as my mind, and as such, I had also become the ‘putting off facing the point’ character. As the point is and has always been, only me that I’m facing. Because, I see, realize and understand how the point was Not really about what ‘she said’ and/or ‘they said’, it is the point of facing me as my Ego. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts that generated reactions within a specific moment revolving around within me, all the while reasoning within myself of ways / means to, make it better – where I project / fantasize about how I’m going to ‘make it better in the future’ – instead of realizing that this is not solving, directing and/or stopping my initial reaction point – but actually only suppressing it to the point of allowing it (me as Ego), to take the stage in unexpected moments for me to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest nausea within and as me as my physical body as I accepted and allowed myself to revolve around this point in time as me avoiding facing me as who I am as Ego and thus regret – whereas I see, realize and understand that if I had slowed myself down and breathed – I would have seen within the moment how/what I was accepting and allowing myself to exist as in/as Ego.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk around in the experience of shame and sorrow because I was ashamed of myself for what I have said which has resulted in me experiencing myself within thoughts and emotions of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret because I found myself having a difficult time communicating my point with another because I was afraid of their response because I feared rejection and/or judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of myself as regret to be how I exist as and not allowing myself to move beyond regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how regret is the foundation of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not honour another as me within the actual moment where I experienced the thought/energy reaction – to stand equal and one in respect and consideration – where I regard the process of another and thus, stop the reaction within myself and confront it directly as myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how when I accept and allow internal conflict within me as my physical body through participating within it as though it is me, as who I really am, that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within and as my physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship towards another within the starting point of me as Ego – I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to react in a moment within thought and energy, instead of taking self-responsibility in the moment – I am implying that the thought and energy is more important / powerful than my physical reality – than my relationship with myself as my physical body/reality – in how I stand within who I am and my relationship with others and within my world – thus I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to make a decision within who I am to live as who I am in self-responsibility in and as every breath and create/manifest a world where together with others – equal to and one as life we express and exist according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe and to Stop myself from existing within and as Ego.

I commit myself to stop allowing conflict within and as me as my physical body and/or my world of and as me, because I see, realize and understand how within such self acceptance and allowance, is how our world becomes a life of conflict, internally and externally due to our accepting and allowing the existence, participation and so the definition of ourselves as conflict.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to reject and/or judge me except me.

I commit myself to walking with another here in physical agreement in/as honouring ourselves and each other to assist and support each other in humbleness and unconditionality to thus expand together as a group in establishing/creating better selves, thus a better world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to take responsibility for me in the moment of reaction as thought and energy as me, because I see, realize and understand how in accepting such a reaction of thought and energy allows manifested consequences created within and as this world/reality/existence, thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand how everything from the greater to the smaller defines who we are internally and externally.

I commit myself to be and become me in awareness of me as who I am as my physical body and as our physical reality, to thus as a group walk here as breath in support of a world/money system according to what’s best for All.

Day 92: Curse of Self-Compromise

Today I’ve been investigating a point of self-compromise because I saw when talking with another, how I was holding myself back so to speak, and my physical body confirmed it as I immediately began to have spasms and pain in my upper left muscle of my back. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how self-compromise is like a curse because in/as self-compromise are accepted and allowed character acts which are deliberate and deceptive in nature within/as and against self and others as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself according to who and how I become in/as relationships where I lean upon them as if I’m being sucked in by an invisible adDicktive force, becking me to submit all that I am as me as my physical body to be subjected to the direction of me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my physical body to be the victim of my own PUSSuits – where in my past I’ve allowed myself to experience sexual encounters which I soon regret and blame myself for – for not appreciating myself or another and/or for my perception as that of not ‘being enough’ to have stopped the encounter in the first place and stand free from me as my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience regret for not accessing more emotions that would have given me a feeling of self worth within my relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my relationships are reflections of/as me in which I show refusal of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within a fear of letting people down -instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’m actually afraid of losing someone and within that I’ve been willing to compromise myself where I end up existing within a perception of having lost myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I hate the memory/characters/personalities of the men I have designed within me based on past experiences and judgments that I have held onto within and as me as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through feeling betrayed by something and/or someone – which is blame, which means that I have placed my faith, trust and responsibility for myself and my life into the hands of another – where through relationships, I have given my physical life over to another separate from me and playing the blame game when my life didn’t turn out the way I had ‘hoped’ for -instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that nothing of or in this world has the ability to betray or deceive me except me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as self-compromise to fear the change of myself in being able to trust myself and walk as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within particular moral enslavements as that of/as faith and hope, whereas them I have failed me as my physical body because when I put my faith and/or hope in something/someone outside of myself, I am actually accepting and allowing my own continued enslavement and thus abdicate myself as life in saying that I’m not able to stand up and direct myself, therefore, I submit myself to and as my mind as consciousness to drag me through the gutter of me as my secret mind – instead of standing face to face with me as who I am as my mind – physical body in self-honesty and self-forgiveness and Direct Me according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how through memories/character and personalities I have formed relationships which I allow to compromise me as my mind-physical body which are addictive in nature – where the addiction is actually the point of me not wanting to let go of the relationship because to let the relationship go requires me to forgive and release who I am as it, thus why I have remained within a point of self-compromise instead of taking responsibility for who I am as my mind of/as memories/character and personalities where I have remained in self-compromise in/as betrayal, blame and anger.

When and as I see myself existing in/as a point of self-compromise of deliberate and deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I direct myself within the understanding that I am the directive principle of me according to and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop when I see myself existing within a point of self-compromise where I am withdrawing into myself in silence instead of directing myself in/as the moment where assistance and direction is required.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within a fear of letting people down as I see, realize and understand how it is Not possible for anyone to let me down nor me to let anyone down, it is only possible to Not stand in/as self-responsibility thus, I commit myself to Stand and take self-responsibility for how our world exists and to thus support a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing within self-compromise in and as polarities of love/hate and memory/characters/personalities of/as past experiences and judgments

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within my relationships wherein I lean upon them to the point of addiction thus creating pain within and as my physical body through my lack of awareness of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to show how compromising self in fear of self change is a complete lack of awareness of self as breath within the understanding that life is here to be shared and cared for in/as self-honesty through self-forgiveness and in supporting a world according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to a relationship of equality and oneness with me as my physical body and this physical reality in order to assist and support in bringing forth a world where suffering, pain and war are no longer accepted as who we are and instead All life is supported within the principle of equality and oneness.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Who’s the Boss but Memory?: DAY 83)

Day 81: Character: Trippin Down Memory Lane

Continuation to: Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character in my mind to ‘take trips down memory lane’, where I make excuses in/as thoughts in my head for why I’m ‘trippin down memory lane’ – where I lie to myself because I don’t want to clean up the mess I’ve made in my life in and as my physical body and my physical reality, so instead – I lie to myself and keep doing what I want to do – which is to continue to create more and more characters within my mind – instead of facing me and directing myself to Stop justifying my own self-deception and stand up and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how existing in/as a character of/as taking a trip through the memories/characters/thoughts/pictures of/as our mind, is to exist in self-interest within a complete illusion in total disregard for what is real here within and as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of and as my mind to enjoy taking trips down memory lane – not seeing/realizing and understanding that in doing so, I am actually only tripping out within the preprogramming of me as my parents mind as their thoughts/memories/ characters and personalities which I’ve now integrated within me as my physical body and thus in existing as the character who takes ‘a trip down memory lane’ within my mind, I am infact only reestablishing myself as an accumulated beingness of myself of/as memories of characters/personalities which I have physically within and throughout my life within my minds relationship, have merged into and as my physical body as the very manifestations of/as the Mind/Memories/Thoughts/Characters/Personalities of those who have walked here before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered how my participating in and as my mind as memories/thoughts and characters, creates a relationship to/as consciousness as energy which is having a deadly affect upon me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of my mind ‘taking trips down memory lane – Not see/realize and understand how the very essence of myself existing in and as my mind as consciousness is actually consuming that which allows me to exist here, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my physical body the same as I consume within our current world/money system within our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time and money trying to develop a relationship with myself as my physical body through our world/money system through the act of consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a character of/as my mind will have a physical intimacy and/or a physical experience with clothes and/or products, yet do Not have a physical intimate experience with me as my physical body.

Self-Corrective and Self-Commitment Statements placed here as well for my previous blog.

I commit myself to develop an equal and one relationship with me as my physical body.

I commit myself to comprehend within myself and thus show how memories are All we have ever been is/as thoughts/characters and personalities which must be walked through in self-forgiveness within self-honesty as a physical living self-corrective application, wherein self-realizes self-equal-and-one with everyone and everything in and as our physical existence.

When and as I see myself in/as a character memory/thought pattern of/as my mother in/as a manifested physical expression, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to investigate who I am within myself as such pattern in realizing that I am the Directive Principle of me as my physical body within this physical reality.

When and as I see myself in and as a relationship expression wherein I see myself behaving in and as a memory/thought physical manifestation – where I see I am looking through a glass window panel as a reflection of/as my mother, I stop. I breathe. I commit myself to who I am as my physical body within this physical existence to no longer participate in an illusionary memory/thought/character pattern within my mind of/as the CON of consciousness which I see/realize and understand is Not real.

I commit myself to stop and expose who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within a limited expression of myself in/as my hands within and as my physical body, as I see realize and understand how I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be controlled by me as my mind as CONsciousness, thus, I see/realize and understand that in doing so I am giving up authority of who I am as a living physical being within and as my physical body and within this physical reality.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how the memory/thought/character that I’ve existed as according to representation of my mother’s hands/memories, is a living example of how energies control and have authority over my beingness and the lives and direction of the world and humanity as a whole.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand and ultimately show how we as our physical body and our physical reality is a representation of our physical equality and oneness within and as our relationship to/as each other and to our physical existence as a whole.

When as as I see myself judge me as my hands of/as my physical body, I stop. I see/realize and understand that all judgment to/towards my hands and/or any part of me as my physical body is a direct result of me participating in and as memories/thoughts where I then become a character of/as them, thus self-judgment exists. Therefore, I breathe, I commit myself to walking the point through in self-forgiveness and in self-honesty realizing how in doing so, I am giving myself the opportunity to establish who I am in agreement with/as me as my physical body and this physical existence as a whole.

I commit myself to investigate how the memories/characters of/as my parents mind as consciousness according to how and what they fantasized about as well as how they actually lived, have actually transferred into/as and within my unconscious mind as a platform database which I now automatically develop, construct and manifest as my own personalized memories/thoughts/characters and personalities, therefore having a direct effect upon the entirety of who I am as my physical body and my physical reality, thus within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully grasp the situation we as a humanity are facing, within that, I commit myself to seeing/realizing and understanding the design of who I am as consciousness to assist myself and others to show how we never actually develop a relationship with ourselves or others because we’re always only ever preoccupied and occupied in and as memories.

I commit myself to investigating who I am as my physical body/internal organs through writing and self-forgiveness in order to establish a physical intimacy within me as an outword expression of/as me as my physical bodies to exist as/within a real equality and oneness that will stand eternal here as me as who I am and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to discipline and prioritize my time to assist and support myself to work on my relationship with myself as myself in/as my human physical body in establishing a real equal and one relationship investigating and seeing each part of my physical body as flesh, organs, tissue, and skeleton, here breathing as me.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how I require myself to exist in and as a living, breathing relationship with and as myself as my physical body so as to stop who I am as the mind as consciousness within a consumer driven world existing in separation within its own self-interest, thus I see/realize and understand how writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application is the key is assisting self to therefore assist in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle

Walking a point here that I’ve been aware of within myself for awhile as a memory/thought/character that I’ve participated in/as with regards to my mother – specifically her physical qualities such as her hands. A point that I’ve not been willing to let go of and release through self-forgiveness, until today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a character/memory/thought pattern of and as my mother according to physical appearance/ expression and manifestation of her hands and their importance within and as who I am as the character of and as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a character of ‘I have pretty hands’, wherein I will look upon the totality of my left hand in ADMIRation – just like looking through a glass window panel and seeing my hands as a MIRRor reflection of my mother’s expression in/as a memory/thought of how she would hold her hand outward from her physical body and ADMIRe her left hand as being pretty just like people told her often how. ‘she had such pretty hands’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of myself as my hands in how I’ve diminished and taken for granted the expression of myself as them in separation in not seeing /realizing and understanding how and what my hands, as well as the rest of my physical body is revealing/expressing/manifesting daily as who I am in relationship to my entire physical body and physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the character of ‘I have pretty hands just like my mother’ to carry myself in/as ego prominent on the left side of my body in how I express myself in/as my left hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never actually realized me as my physical body as my hands as who I really am free from illusion and separation which I’ve imposed upon my physical body participating within and as my mind as my own personalized memory/character from and of my Parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as separation of my hands wherein my left hand represents me in/as femininity as an expression of me that I’m not fully trusting which can be seen in/as the flesh of my left hand in that it has more stress and more lines and wrinkles than that of my right hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior in how I judge how I perceive my hands as not looking as pretty as they use to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how it is that I depend upon the left side of my physical body for structural dominance and the right side of my physical body for structural support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how it is that I’ve taken advantage of how I depend upon my right hand as the writer of my words and in how I’ve only now noticed how my right hand provides cradling, massage and support for my left hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how often I will ‘automatically’ physically sit my left leg/hip area in/as/ a memory in my mind exactly of how my mother sat – where I’ll automatically place/sit on my left hand up under my left leg/hip area which I see reveals to me when I’m hiding in shame from the rest of me as my physical body infear of my path in/as self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to characterize my physical hands according to a memory/thought pattern in and as my mind instead of realizing that I am my physical hands here to support me in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through and as separation from me as my physical body to differentiate and/or judge who I am based upon male and female qualities of my right and left side according to my own self-judgment and inferiority according to how much money I earn within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as separation to not see/realize and understand how it’s possible to carry/protect and provide for our entire existence within each of our hands within The One Decision to Stand according to what’s best for All.

In the following blog post: Self-Correction and Self-Commitment statements