Day 162: Blast from the Past

Today I received a phone call from a friend from my past that I haven’t spoken to in just over 5 years. The first thing I noticed when we started talking was an awkward silence and the realization that the connection we used to have between us, was simply not there.

However, our mind uses memory to compensate for those moments of awkwardness and it wasn’t long before the manipulation tactics began and I became aware of the familiarity in how our minds were seeking to rekindle those old feelings we once believed were so special between us. In a flash of a moment I was reminded of the direction that I had once chosen as I accepted and allowed my mind to guide me in the direction that would best benefit the self-interest of us both. I sat there looking within myself and realized that here was a peculiar moment I was fortunate to be witness to.

In one sense, the future as my past with the friend and me appeared the same as it had always been and yet, the fact of the matter was, something was entirely different, changed. It was then that I breathed in the relief that it was me who had moved from that particular space and time and was walking in a completely different direction.

I was surely grateful for the moment.  And, I am grateful for the Life Skills I’ve learned and applied through Desteni I Process, because that is how I’ve been able to assist myself to decide who I am within this moment, and for the clarity of my choice in the direction I am walking – to not settle for anything less than the decision I stand by and as, to walk my life according to what’s best for all.

LOL,, was interesting, how the phone call just sort of ended, with barely even a good bye.

Above Artwork by Lindsay Craver

Day 147: I Can Do This

For Context Read: 

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

Day 146: Family Unfair

I commit myself to when and as I see myself begin to go into shut down inside myself, where in that moment I realize within my mind that I have no control over who, what or how my step dad is with regards to what and how he believes/exists as, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to stop who I become in fear to/towards him as I slow myself down and remind myself of what I know in that, I see, realize and understand that our world requires direction as it cannot and will not be able to continue as it is with the multitude of abuse and suffering that is increasing daily. Thus, I realize that we can longer deny the ignorance of sitting in silence believing in a hero or a God to fix the mess that we’re All responsible for, nor can we deny that money is the weapon we use against each other which keeps us enslaved and imprisoned within our mind of/as hate, greed, competition, war and spite, because as that, we are manifesting our own demise, therefore, I commit myself to standing up as one voice and one vote for an Equal Money system, because with Equal Money, I know for sure that the systems of this world will be redesigned according to what’s best for all, and within that, the proper nourishment for our physical bodies and our physical reality will receive the direction that is greatly required to create Heaven on Earth. Thus, I commit myself to stop who I am as reactions and fear when speaking to my step dad and instead,  I commit myself to walking the self-correction of who I am in self-honesty until I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve become as the sins of the fathers, and mothers, to thus stop existing as a parent with fear which influence and stifles the child where the child will live a life of more fear, to instead apply what I see is common sense in who I am in self-honesty.

I commit myself to realizing that directing myself to speak without reactions and to speak in a stable manner will take practice because I see, realize and understand that I have never known any other way of living, therefore I commit myself to breathing and remaining patient with myself in continuing to write, apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to ensure that I leave no room for excuses to not commit myself to practice changing.

Day 146: Family Unfair

For Context Read: 

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

Investigating myself further after having heard: Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 3 from Eqafe – which I highly recommend hearing the entire ongoing series of – I’ve realized how, in regards to who I become around my step dad, is much more than just the ‘character of defeat’. When in fact it’s multiple different personalities and characters that I take on and become through and as fear.  Thus, as I take on the points I will be continuing here with self-forgiveness and statements of self-commitment.

Self-forgiveness
Fear Dimension cont.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as my mind utilize fear as control where within my mind physical reality I manipulated myself in believing that I was treated unfair, rejected within my family, how when I realized that I cannot control who my step dad is in relationship to how I want him to ‘feel’ and ‘act’ towards me, then within and as my mind I become fearful, thus, I utilize anger, negativity, comparison and or justifications as the ways and means that I accept and allow myself to further manipulate myself where I remain in fear of and thus submit myself to self-abuse according to how and what he lives as and believes in, thus, I exist the same in which I remain stuck within the point, which I see, realize and understand isn’t real, yet in fear of not being what I perceive he wants me to be, I never actually walk the point of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain preconditioned and preprogrammed through fear according to my mind perception of losing control.

Thought and Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a thought as an image/picture to automatically come up within my conscious mind of/as me when I was a child, in how as I was sitting and looking out my bedroom window, I would accept and allow one thought/image/picture to come forth from within me automatically over and over within a desire to be ‘the special one’ of my step dad’s children, and how I defined my relationship to myself according to how I used that single thought/image/picture to make myself feel special and loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed one thought/image/picture to completely become me where I completely ignored who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind imagine that I am walking tall through my house feeling comfortable and stable when in reality I was physically curled up like a ball in my bed in feelings of loneliness.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I accepted and allowed myself to through fear utilize hope in seeing/believing that my step dad was a God in the sense that I idolized the idea of him while I blamed him for every fear I held within me when in fact he was not to blame for it was only me that I have always feared facing.

Backchat and Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I held myself in polarity within my mind physical body in spite as backchat towards my step dad of: “he’s so mean” yet within me I secretly desired to be the single point of his affection because I believed that receiving that would somehow validate me as a daughter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I manifested experiences of myself as feeling ashamed of myself through repeating negative and/or positive thought patterns over and over within and as my mind in how I told myself that I shouldn’t ‘feel’ rejected when I didn’t receive his attention and then ‘feeling’ over stimulated when I did, and within that not realizing that for every positive outcome there will be a negative, thus always existing in polarity.

PHYSICAL Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pressure in the upper to middle area of my back when I resist and suppress voicing me in self-honesty, where within the perception of and as who I am as my quantum mind, I fear loss of control, thus physically feel as if I’m sitting in a pressure cooker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my face and ears to become flushed with heat within the discharge of a massive amount of energy due to inner conflict/friction that has through time built up through and as a personality that I accept and allow myself to be and become in fear of standing in self-honesty in the face of my step dad.

CONSEQUENCE Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to not stand in self-honesty where I then feel guilt and condemnation towards myself because I realize how I allowed fear in abdicating myself from life as myself, thus continuing to support our abusive world/money systems.

to be continued

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

For context Please read: Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Fear Dimension/Self-Defeat – Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a variety of spectators/characters/personalities, as if I’ve been living on the outside of myself in fear of looking in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I comfort who I am as my mind through certain experiences like when I’m talking with my step dad and using memories as emotional and feeling ‘conversational pieces’ similar to how we feel when we eat certain things which we refer to as ‘comfort food’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in fear of who I am within a perception of love as a safety net within and as my mind where I am bound by and live as an imprinted version of/as the mind of my parents which I have accepted myself to be since the moment I was born as that which I believed I needed, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing who I really am within what I have allowed because I accepted the belief that I was to weak and emotionally too close for comfort to face and stop who I am as an imprinted illusion of myself of/as those who have gone before me, thus, for my entire life experience I have grown dependent upon energetic memories and/or experiences of myself which create a false sense of comfort as emotions and feelings – which I see, realize and understand in self-honesty, is how me as my mind doesn’t want to give up the illusion, thus how the famiLIE construct assures that I will never take self-responsibility for how, who and what I have accepted and allowed in how our world exists and how within the illusion of/as memories/characters and personalities of and as my mind I continue to support a world/money system which supports the abuse we together as a humanity manifest/create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing the role that money plays in relation to what I will accept and allow and behave as within the dynamics of the family relationship/construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to exploit who I am within and as money and how  I use money to distract myself from my relationship to myself and the rest of humanity and our physical world/reality/existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as the core point in how I manipulate myself and others in my attempt to behave and experience myself as happy and in control when always money is the underlying lie motivating an illusion of love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death so much so that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed a separate illusion named ‘God’ to comfort me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to exploit who I am within and as a religious belief which I’ve used it to distract myself from my relationship to myself and the rest of humanity and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look to a man to fulfill in me that which I believed I had to have as CONfidence in order to understand who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve become dependent upon the one idea that I believed would pull me through and give me ‘the strength to carry on when nothing else would’, which was to have and be received by/through the ‘love of a father’.

 

to be continued…

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Every couple of months or so I talk on the phone to my stepdad and every time the conversation is over, I realize how once again I’ve not walked through in self-corrective application a repeating pattern of my mind which I allow myself to be directed as and become. Interestingly enough, I became aware of myself as a character of/as my mind that I applied self-forgiveness for in my last blog: Day 143: I will not Lie Down in Defeat.

There are various dimensions of the role as the ‘character of defeat’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, thus,  I commit myself to walk the dimensions through in/as self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to Stop who I become as a ‘character of defeat’.

My stepdad is the man who raised me, and is the only living member left of what was my immediate family for most of my life, and, that is a tie that binds. So, today, when I realized I was stepping into the role of/as a ‘character of defeat’, I stopped and remained silently aware of myself breathing, and I realized some important points.

For instance, I saw how me as my mind finds it comforting to talk to him. That’s surprising, but yet, it’s not really, because when him and I talk on the phone, we still talk to each other as if my mom and my brother and sister were on the line with us.

Much if not all of our conversation is woven between mutual memories of our long time/lost family members.

One of the things that we talked about toward the end of the conversation was how hard it is to believe that it’s been a year since my sister died. He said how he had talked to my sisters 14 year old daughter, and how she was upset by the ‘one year anniversary’ of her mom’s passing. He then began to share with me how he was able to comfort her by reminding her that if she’ll just keep herself in church and close to God, then someday, she’ll get to see her mom again. He said how, her hearing him share that, was what made her ‘feel’ better.

That was a crucifying point for me because nothing about that makes sense to me anymore, and, I certainly don’t ‘feel’ better for having heard it.  I see, realize and understand how if something makes us ‘feel better’, we can be sure it is of our mind as consciousness and that it’s a lie that has always been one.  It was at that point that all comfort left me as my physical body, and thankfully, I immediately began to have pain in my upper back – which was a point of support for/as me as my physical body, to assure that I am here breathing and paying attention to what I’m accepting and allowing. Yet, I could say nothing. The only thing about myself that I trusted in that moment was breathing.

I saw how in and as the ‘character of defeat’ I am evil and I am fearful. I feared standing up for what I know and directing myself in self-honesty. I feared upsetting and ultimately pissing off and losing the father/man/relationship that I’ve become dependent upon in keeping together a family construct within patterns and characters/personalities of and as my mind. Thus, I will be continuing in my next blog with further self-forgiveness for the role I play as a ‘character of defeat’ within the family construct.

Day 143: I will not Lie Down in Defeat

The past couple of weeks I’ve not been able to spend much time with my two year old granddaughter Emmeline.  So I really enjoyed being with her today.  Children are quick to learn how to adapt and survive and her newest and seemingly favorite new words, which she’s learned at her new daycare with other children who are close to her age, are: “are you done with it”, “it’s my turn”.  When I heard her, immediately I saw how from within myself came forth a character of defeat.  Where in that moment,  I realized how socialization takes hold of us until finally, we’re walking the patterns of and as our mind, enslaved to a money system, punching a time clock and waiting and hoping it’ll soon be ‘our turn’ at life. Here I will begin walking self-forgiveness and self-correction for who I am within the patterns I saw coming forth today to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed. Beginning here with the role I became aware of first as a ‘character of defeat’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am acting as the character of/as my mind in/as defeat, that I create a point of resistance to/towards others within a point of self sabotage where I become short in how I speak and direct myself to/towards them and then justify my actions by blaming them instead of realizing how I am actually avoiding taking self-responsibility within a fear of failing, thus, I commit myself to stop who I’ve become in/as defeat and instead I breathe in realizing that when I blame I am avoiding taking responsibility for myself for who I am in self-honesty as life, to actually walk the point through in self-corrected application as a living example of the kind of change required whereas all living beings will exist here together equally in allways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that generate energy between me and another such as: ‘they’re not hearing me so what’s the use’, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I access my own point of view in my head by participating in such thoughts, that I am not remaining here within this moment and am in fact giving in to the direction of and as my mind as consciousness – instead of breathing and directing myself within the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I go into my head to hopelessness and then to that of seeking power – where I see myself as more than others within and as a humanity where we’ve not seen, realized or understood how we as parents/adults hold the key to how and what is experienced as life on earth and in how we continue to raise the children of this world to be just like us, full of traditions and enslaved to and as a world/money system where nothing ever actually changes, thus, I commit myself to stop going into my head to hopelessness in seeking power of myself as more than others, and instead,  I commit myself to investigate and educate myself in how and what it is that continues to support our world/money systems, to thus redesign them according to and as a system which will support all life according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through family traditions carry on supporting our current world/money systems without questioning what it is that I’m actually giving consent for such as the gross negligence to and toward the majority of life here on earth whereas when one doesn’t have money, their life is accepted and allowed to be neglected, abused and exposed to war and murder, and, in how we allow other living beings to starve to death daily within a world where only if one has money is everything and anything possible, thus, I commit myself to stop who I’ve been as family traditions and to question what I’ve accepted and allowed and given consent to/for within and as our world/money system, to thus commit myself to a world where neglect and abuse to life is stopped, and instead, All living beings are supported from birth to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change the world within a belief that it can’t be done, because I fear how life has turned into a way station for abuse and death to and as life, thus, I’d given up on understanding the actual process in that, we each one must change ourselves from within,  thus, I commit myself to change me first as a living example in order to assist in changing the world according to that which is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of/as my mind who fears failing, to become physical heavy within myself, wherein I see myself and others as myself as defeated within a belief, assumption, idea and/or perception that I cannot be or become anything else or more than what I believe of myself as what I have defined myself to be as an accepted and allowed act of self-defeat, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I’ve been as a character of defeat, wherein I have only imagined what might have been instead of seeing, realizing, understanding and thus standing on my own two feet and walking in the shoes of another in support of and as a world where every living being is realized as equal to and one with/as each other as life.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how through my words, the tone of my voice and the movements of me as my physical body, I am responsible for, and I am the teacher of the child who stands before me – for who they’ll become and what they’ll accept and allow to exist within our world, thus, I commit myself to breathe and direct myself within every moment to remain here and participate in giving to others as that which I wish to receive as a Life of Equality.

Day 91: Do Gooders Hell

Today, I reacted with ‘good intentions‘ while I was defending my grandchildren. I saw how, in my attempt to make a difference in how parents react to their children – I failed, because my starting point was that of the limitation/religious system, consisting of ‘I’m not powerful enough to make a difference in this world’. Fortunately, the pain between my shoulder blades assisted me to see how stiff I was becoming as I testified within the programmed sentencing I was accepting and allowing myself as. Thus, I quickly stopped myself, breathed, forgave myself and corrected myself in the moment. Sharing here further self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as ‘good intentions’ – where I saw myself as I testified within starting point of ‘not being powerful enough to make a difference in this world’, and within that, I forgive myself for how I used my physical body as the point I was enforcing in how I pushed my chest out slightly in a false sense of CONfidence all the while my shoulders asked for my awareness as them as I sought to exist on the outside in polarity to how I was existing on the inside.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become, ‘Testified = see stif die = zombiefied, wherein I knew that me as my physical body felt uncomfortable, yet there was an automated resistance because I ‘wanted’ to make a difference even though I already realize that it’s not about making a difference in this word – it is to Stop EVERYTHING, so that nothing of this world and what humanity has accepted and allowed will remain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved to ‘wanting to do good‘ and/or ‘doing something with good intentions’, because within that as the ‘wanting to make a difference in this world’, is the point where nothing happens, because nothing changes and no difference is made, thus we fail – because our starting point is not as who we are as life as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking at my intentions – which I now see, realize and understand how from my starting point of being good they served only a point of self preservation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘perceive’ how others expect me to be, where within those expectations, I’m aware of how my responsibility towards various people constitutes my social relationships/interactions/behaviours whereas I become various characters/personalities in order to fulfill how I perceive within my mind that others are expecting me to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore my shoulders when I knew they were asking for me to be aware of and assist them through and as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as my physical body to such a degree that I manifest stiffness and pain in and as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how ‘Good intentions’ actually pave the road to hell – thus, I commit myself to live by example and focus on myself first, standing one and equal and assisting and supporting others the same as I assist and support myself through self-forgiveness and self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop reacting within the starting point of the limitation/religious system consisting of ‘I’m not powerful enough to make a difference in this world’, because I see, realize and understand that it is Not about making a difference in this world – it is about stopping what is here as our current world/money systems and to support a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that there’s nothing I can do ‘out there’ – that it’s in here in every moment, where through self-forgiveness and in self-honesty that I stop me as my mind and apply self-corrective application and align myself in/as oneness and equality.

I commit myself to stop existing according to how I ‘perceive’ others expect me exist, where I constitute my social relationships and my interactions accordingly – instead I breathe and remain stable, directing me in self-honesty according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for me as my physical body.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for our physical/reality/world/existence.

I commit myself to stop living intentions because I see, realize and understand how an intention is not yet here as me and thus is only me trying, which is actually me failing because in that I separate myself from my words, thus I see, realize and understand that I am life and as life I am that which I participate within and as, thus, I commit myself to redefine and live the words I choose according to what’s best for All.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to:How the World will Never Change – Day 32)

Day 49: Master of Disguise

I’ve kept my 23 month old granddaughter Emmeline almost 5 days a week since she was 2 months old. She has always enjoyed her feet massaged and the touch of my hands on her feet and her feet held in my hands formed unexpected moments of bonding between us, proving the calming power of touch. From the first moment I began massaging her feet, her facial expression and her physical expression immediately relaxed as if to say, ahh, thank you.

Things are changing though. Emmeline is almost 2 and her sounds are turning into words which are becoming sentences. Her physical body is becoming patterns of her mind forming as consciousness. It’s actually very easy to see when one has a look, how our children are carbon copies of us, and we are copies of our parents, and obviously, they were copies of their parents.

I realized very early with Emmeline how when babies begin to sound words they are like parrots mimicking it’s owner, and so far I’ve done alright in stopping reacting to/towards her. That’s not to say that I’ve never reacted to her, but mostly, she’s assisted me and has taught me more about myself than my children and not because of them, it’s because of the difference in who and what I accept and allow, as who I am now that I’m walking the Journey to Life, a 7 Year Process of facing myself in self-honesty through writing and self-forgiveness.

Sculptures by Patrick Dougherty

Which brings me to my point – today Emme and I were coloring and kind of lounging around when she propped her feet in my lap similar to any other day. I put the colors aside and began to lightly massage her feet and I saw how she was different. Her eyes immediately focused on my hands massaging her feet and it’s like I could see the wheel turning in her mind. And for the first time, she suddenly pulled her feet away and let out a squeaky giggle and said ‘that tickles’. Her giggle wasn’t her spontaneous whispering giggle that’s accompanied with a slight shrugging within her chest area – no, this was triggered within her unconscious memory from someone she’d seen and heard react to having their feet tickled, and she was mimicking their behaviour. I knew that she wasn’t really experiencing a tickle and that she doesn’t understand that her reactive consciousness behaviour wasn’t real. Her eyes had confusion within them – as if to say ‘I don’t get why I did that’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require to live in fear to protect me and be safe thus I unconsciously taught my children fear so that they may be safe and protected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear will protect me and keep me safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to laugh at babies/children within a personality of thoughts of ‘how cute they are acting’, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that they’re mimicking the reactions and behaviours we’ve taught them through constraints and limitations covering up the realness of who we are hiding in fear within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the physical expression of myself and my children through how I taught them to behave to have manners that I believed were a necessary part of society and in doing so I’ve limited myself and them to become that which society expects of a well behaved working class slave.

Sculptures by Patrick Dougherty

I forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed within what happens to fear according to what we make fear do to us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to withhold myself from physical expression through touch because I made a decision about myself a long time ago in fear, that when someone touches me they’re judging me, but it’s only me, judging me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when as a child I feared what I saw when I saw my mom naked for the first time and heard voices within my secret mind judging her – was the moment I chose to abdicate myself as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as a child I felt controlled from the outside as well as from within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when we argue, we are fighting for our lives – through the eyes of children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we’re attracted to the emotional qualities in another that we have accepted within ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that shame and guilt are masters of disguise.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that there’s actually nothing I am able to do that will forever disguise myself from me.

I commit myself to show parents that the passing on of the sins of the fathers is only real because we allow it to be and that the Real Solution for Life will value and honor All life per the words of Jesus: “Love Thy Neighbour as Yourself” = Equal Money

I commit myself to me in accepting and allowing the expression of me as my physical body within and as self honesty to emerge as who I am standing up for and as All Life.

“I commit myself to show that the generational damage parenting inflict on Life is KNOWN, yet accepted, allowed and justified.” ~ Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to make sure parenting becomes that which will protect and honour Life as the Only Real Value in the Universe.” ~ Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that history is the evidence that parenting has never been in the best interest of a child on Earth, and that the parent has always abused authority to produce the child as a copy of the parent that repeats the same abusive patterns with feeble justifications like it’s God’s Will or that it’s is just Human Nature. ” ~ Bernard Poolman
From: Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 44: In the Name of Love

For further Support Read:
Creation’s Journey to Life
Heaven’s Journey to Life
Earthy’s Journey to Life

Day 47: It’s Only Me – I am my missing peace

“You judge you or you create you
There is no middle road” ~ Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that love follows sorrow even when I knew within the depths of me that when I love I start to fear, but it’s only me – I am my missing peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the expression of me is not about setting self instone limiting who I am according to that which I’ve known as me through comparison as self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by piecing together the puzzle of who I’ve been in self-honesty in facing what I’ve accepted and allowed through words as the actions of self lived, will I see myself clear in stop the belief that peace must be bought at any cost through the suffering and death of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in fear I have loved life according to my reactions to my environment as my mind as consciousness and thus given right to the devolution of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the pieces of myself through participation to direct me as a mind consciousness system and have infact manifested and developed attacks within/upon and through my physical body and physical reality into a manifested state of degeneration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through learned behaviours as my physical body language have imprinted myself though time into and as our physical environment through spoken words lived in and as acts against another as and through greed/spite and ego to such an extent that I/We reaped money from the branches of living trees as who we are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through anticipating my own addictive behavioral patterns have subjected my physical body and physical reality to a process of tissue deterioration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose me as my mind as consciousness upon our environment where through visual pictures and subconscious and unconscious memories in forgetfulness have issued suffering to/towards my neighbor.

I commit myself to continue walking the 7 year process to nothingness, writing self-forgiveness in/as the Journey to Life within mastering pieces of me as the words as who I am within who I’ve been according to what I’ve accepted and allowed and created myself as, thus committing myself to holding myself responsible and accountable to not stop until All and Everyone is forever provided for, protected, comforted and nurtured in and as our Love in and as loving according to what’s best for all.

Must Read Blogs!

Heaven’s Journey to Life – What/Who Defines Me?: DAY 13
Heaven’s Journey to Life – Is the Sun God?: DAY 29
Heaven’s Journey to Life – The Chicken or the Egg??? – Part One: DAY 30

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 12: Redefining Words (Part 9) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 13: Redefining Words (Part 10) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words 2

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 16: Who am I

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 1: Self Forgiveness

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 28: I FOR GIVE ME

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 33: Peace of Mind – Mind in Pieces

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 38: Rebirthing as Life

Day 33: The Poor Bail Out The Rich

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a government that publicly declares its fidelity to one set of rules while covertly following another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to support a government whose rights are above the written laws and thus avoid taking self-responsibility for and/or cover up acts which are in violation to the written laws and yet are Not subject to the same prosecution for breaking the law as a citizen of the land is in being held accountable for their actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand the consequences when the only likely remedy is the judgment of history.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a rule of laws based on a moral consensus expressed daily in the habits of the human, where people obey the law not only because they fear punishment but because they form a belief in their ‘thinking’ that laws are fair which becomes ‘The Habit’ which forms a point of self-restraint, self-denial and self-suppression within acts of tradition/terrorism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed outrageous inequalities against life because of political and/or the social status of the rich, where immunity from criminal punishment is given where there is No consideration for what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed governance by conditionality according to the inequality based upon a principle of capitalism as ‘those who have all the money’ vs ‘those who have no money’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system whose principals are based upon ego, self-interest and greed – instead of the welfare and support of what’s best for All life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go about my day to day living pretending that this world/money system is not the living nightmare that it is for those who have little to no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and depended upon other’s to create our current world/money system while I worked all week, partied my ass off on week-ends, and called that living the life of freedom, Not realizing that life here on earth isn’t even child worthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the slave to my own accepted and allowed created hell on earth where only a few are king and many are the loyal servants who support their own slavery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize how ill-fated it is to support one human being over another by reacting and treating them like a movie star, rock star, and/or any celebrity and/or government official, which is based upon my own secret mind according to what I have secretly desired and wanted for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within my mind as consciousness that it’s ok to create a world/money system where children starve to death daily while government officials and the rich and famous live a life in luxury and ‘above the law’ in that the only law that exist is one of inequality.

The Future of Money

I commit myself to taking self-responsibility for the inequality that exists within this world and to support a system of equality where the future of life on earth is protected and secured according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to supporting a system of democracy according to a one man, one vote system where an equal money system is recognized and valued as the only system worthy to support life, where there is no one life profiting over the life of another.

I commit myself to walking in the shoes of another where every living being will be heard, valued and respected for their individuality and will be supported according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to changing our current world/money system beginning first with myself in self-honesty in realizing that earth provides us all with enough to provide all life equal rights to all that is here.

I commit myself to supporting a system where acts of tradition are based upon acts of kindness to/towards our neighbor within the principle act of equality

Suggest the following blogs for further perspectives and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life