I’ve never really considered myself as the type of person who gets off on the suffering of others. I was wrong, because as it turns out, I do. It can be something so seemingly unimportant, something as simple as what happened around here recently.
My 2 1/2 year old granddaughter’s dad had went to the store earlier in the day and it wasn’t until just before bedtime that he realized he had forgotten to purchase diapers. We live at least 45 minutes from the nearest store open at that time of the night and he was already tired and had to get up in 6 hours to go to work. There was the temptation in considering that 6 diapers would get her through the next day, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance of her having to wear a dirty one until they got home from work. So I insisted that he go on to the store and quite frankly, I saw the situation as a lack of self-responsibility on their part for forgetting to get diapers in the first place. As he left for the store I saw how I was relishing in the back chat that was existing in my mind in thinking, ‘this’ll teach him’. I mean, he has to get up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work on time and he works really hard all day, so for me to find comfort in him having to go to the store, like some sort of suffering for his negligence, was quite an alarming site to myself existing in/as.
As he closed the door and left for the store, I heard a voice within me that said: ‘Shame on You’! I sat there and breathed and stopped the energy swirling within me. The energetic reaction, a sort of spite and animosity that reaches far beyond my own comprehension, yet I see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to participate, I am accepting and allowing all suffering within this world to exist.
It begins here within me, within what I accept and allow the inner me to be, and it is my responsibility to investigate who I am as it, forgive it and walk the self-corrective application to stop living as it.
How can suffering end as long as I am living as that which support it?
The shame that I was experiencing was the relationship that I have with fear and guilt and I was reminded of the Creation’s Journey to Life Blog which I had read earlier in the day, because I realized in that moment that I was fearing the shame I experienced myself as. I suggest reading the entire blog titled: Day 311: The Secret to Self-Realisation
Here is a quote from the blog:
“Do Not FEAR Shame. That is what Parents and the System use to Control you. Fear of SHAME. EMBRACE Shame, if you can Find it!
In the Shame you will See WHAT YOU ACCEPT and Allow and How that INFLUENCE and HARM others on a Level of Life – NOT the System. System Shame is to Not Pay your Debts – then you are blacklisted to Force you to Shame. That is Not Real Shame. That is Control, like a Parent Forcing a Child into Submission to Adhere to the System of Slavery. That is Why the Parent will Never teach the Child Real Shame, only the Shame of Slavery.
Real Shame is the Key to FREEDOM, the Key to Silence WITHIN, the KEY to LOVE, the Key to LIFE, the KEY to a New World, the KEY to Forgiveness, the KEY to Self-Honesty, the KEY to Intimacy, the Key to TRUST, the Key to Insight, the Key to the Universe, the KEY to Life.
Those without Real Shame, will attempt to Shame you to SHUT you UP – because they have no Shame. Pity them, because they have Lost Life Forever.” Bernard Poolman
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a guilt-fear reaction, fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it’s in the smallest details of that which we accept, allow and ignore, that we manifest and create the greatest of life’s atrocites.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the real shame within choosing comfort and rest within myself and my little world while throughout the entire world there is a vast number of those who silently suffer in war, poverty and starvation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my own enjoyment and to imagine having all the conveniences that modern living with lots of money can bring and within that haven’t considered how in order for me to have all that, there must be those that go without.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach guilt, anger and shame to money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the one design that connects us all is our enslavement to Money in that we willingly let many suffer while a few live in luxary.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and give value to life through my own illusionary imaginative mind of self-interest, money / power and greed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise that I abdicate my self-responsibility through animosity in blaming the perception I have of others as not taking self-responsibility as the reason for how I experience myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger and animosity upon others and relish in their mistakes because I fear facing my own experience of/as inferiority/inadequacy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the energy of anger as an excuse for not investigating my resistance to self change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the shame in the truth of me as the nature of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the inner me which is manifested as the outer me as how our world/reality currently exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self- responsibility for myself in standing up for all as one as equal as me, in living the solution for all as one as equal to stop what I / We have accepted and allowed within ourselves and within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being shamed by others for making the decision to change myself to be the sort of human being that will stand up and support a world/money system that will be supportive of All living beings according to what’s best for all, from birth till death, because I see, realize and understand that the Real Shame is in the accepting and allowing of even one to suffer while another has it all.
I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into a guilt-fear reaction, fear from the perspective of ‘I’m not suppose to feel this way’, and guilt from the perspective of ‘but I like how it makes me feel so why is it wrong if I am enjoying it’, and shame within the fact of what I’m accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as I stop, I breathe. I direct myself to investigate what’s really going on within me and to establish myself within self-honesty.
I commit myself to stop this pattern of polarity conflict where I go into shame and guilt to cover up how I’m experiencing myself instead of actually understanding what’s going on within and as me.
I commit myself to continue to investigate my relationship to money to further my understanding of how the decisions I make contribute either to the suffering of others or the well being of others, the choice and responsibility is always here as me.
I commit myself to Stop and Change who I am within accepting and allowing the needless suffering of life due to our corrupt world/money system, to support Equal Money Capitalism, to bring an end to all suffering.