Day 194: Ask and Ye Shall Receive Meant Give to Take

When I used to refer to myself as a ‘Christian’, my idea of ‘ask and ye shall receive’ was actually one of ‘give to take’. So basically, I’ve never given of myself in any way that I wasn’t first taking from, because I’ve always been looking to replace a negative energy experience of myself within my mind with a positive one, and this, I’ve played out within every aspect of my life. And in doing so, I’ve wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I also see that I’ve always reaped what I have sown. Meaning, there have always been a consequence for my actions because my actions have always been on the take – even when I convinced myself within my mind that I was existing within a giving nature, I wasn’t, I was only ever taking because I never gave anything without expecting something in return.

When I gave, whether it was from an emotional need or a feeling I called ‘Love’, it has always been similar to making a cash deposit and expecting to receive interest in return for it. Self has been my only interest and it’s an interest of conditions.

I’ve no real idea what it is to actually give unconditionally much less live unconditionally. My entire life has been preprogrammed energetic conditioning. I’ve loved with conditions. I’ve given with conditions. I’ve learned with conditions. I’ve cried with conditions and I’ve hated with conditions. Therefore, I’ve never known who I am as an expression of ‘giving as one would like to receive’ because I’ve never known what it is to be free from some sort of conditioning, thus, I’ve never known what it is to actually be free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief myself to be a ‘Christian’, where I beLIEved and lived the meaning of ‘Ask and ye shall receive’ as one of ‘give to take’ – where I always tried to replace a negative energy experience of myself with a positive one because within my mind I’ve constantly feared facing what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become, thus instead of facing myself,  I’ chose to preoccupy, distract and/or entertain myself as my mind and in doing so have wrecked havoc upon, within and as my physical body.

I re-commit myself to investigate and educate myself as to how, why and who I am as my Mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, to thus, forgive that which I’ve accepted and allowed and begin to walk and support who I am as my Physical Body to be able to support our Physical Reality according to what’s best for All.

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Day 178: Forego

For context read:
Day 176: Jumping to Conclusions
Day 177: Jumping to Conclusions – Part 2

Continuing here with Self-forgiveness for how I Jump to Conclusions and who and what I become as a result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions where I basically side step any point of self-responsibility because I’m to busy jumping from the frying pan into the fire so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions on behalf of myself as my mind as consciousness where an automated version of myself takes over and in doing so I forEGO the practicality of investigating for myself what is here what is best for all as opposed to what is only best for me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to forEGO investigating who I am breathing in self-honesty because I have instead opted for-ego in a rat race which is to actually give up and do without – instead of living the solution of Equal Money where every living being will come together as one and through self-forgiveness release the resistance existent of and as the self-interested human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as ego to resist asking for assistance because I’ve not wanted to be seen as a burden to people and within that, not realizing how me as my mind as consciousness have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated and directed by who I am as ego, where I have forEGOne and/or determined in advance/jumped to a conclusion and accepted myself as a burden to myself and thus have followed the crowd and became who I believed I was supposed to be just to ‘fit in’ and never standing up even when I’ve known that something is seriously wrong within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forEGO/give up/ abdicate myself from life itself because I feared hurting someone’s feelings and/or I feared that so and so might not like me, when the fact is, when I’m breathing and directing myself in self-honesty, everything I ‘thought’ I feared no longer exists and for a moment I don’t have to fight for my so-called-freedom because within me free is who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never understood the basic truth of/as life because in forEGOing the basic right of life as Equality for all living beings, I’ve put myself before everyone and everything where to live as ego is to die having never lived as life according to what is possible as Heaven on Earth as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the time of day yet I’ve given in to time is money and I forgive myself for how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live my life missing the most important part of myself as that which exists within and as everything and everyone that is here.

to be continued…

Day 177: Jumping to Conclusions – Part 2

This blog is a continuation to: Day 176: Jumping to Conclusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I jump to conclusions about others it’s because I secretly fear being seen as a failure through the eyes of another as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I jumped to conclusion, what was really going on within me was that I was scared as hell to face what I saw as my own failure – failure and guilt for having gone through a divorce and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was a failure in the eyes of God, and for believing that I failed in the union of something sacred, the union of marriage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have defined myself according to the word sacred and how I never realized hidden in the spelling and meaning is the word scared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to the conclusion that my step dad hated me and for the fear of being seen as a failure through the eyes of my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear being seen as a failure,  I have a tendency to jump to conclusions and within that I forgive myself for rushing and seeking and desiring and always looking outside of myself for some form of energetic experience because I believed it would make me feel alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I jump to conclusions I am actually accepting myself as having already failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I reach for a conclusion it’s because who I am as my mind has reached outside of myself to transform a negative experience into a positive  experience because I have accepted the belief that it is what I need to set me free - when in fact, it is only I that can set me free through and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear failure through the eyes of another it’s because within my mind I’m constantly competing all the while not realizing that I’m actually only ever in competition with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I come to a point of conclusion that I am in that moment settling for a reasoning that begins within the starting point of self-interest and greed – instead of directing myself according to what’s best for All.

to be continued

Day 176: Jumping to Conclusions

A few years ago a couple that I know separated and eventually filed for divorce. Most who knew them, were sure they had a chance of making it last.  Many, including myself described how they ‘felt’ about the split as being ‘heartbroken’.

The specifics of their divorce was kept very quiet, however, I do remember what my thoughts were even though at the time, I didn’t realize the full extent of how I was jumping to conclusions. In my secret mind I had come to the conclusion that it was mostly ‘her’ fault. As a matter of fact, I secretly blamed her for their marriage failing.

So, here we are years later and I’ve just had the opportunity to talk to ‘her’ and was finally able to communicate with her how I had reacted/made assumptions and/or jumped to a conclusion about ‘what had happened’ between them. That’s when she told me. She told me how she had walked in on her husband and her bestfriend, how she found them in the midst of a compromising sexual encounter. Though she tried, she couldn’t get that picture out of her head and thus they ended their marriage.

Wow, the new information did not match up to the stories that I had accepted, allowed, pre-occupied myself with and participated in within and as my mind!

The point of me sharing this story – is not to blame one against the other or to judge, because ultimately this was between the two of them and they have to realize their own point of self-responsibility within it.  I’m sharing this as proof to myself how the mind manipulates, assumes, justifies and jumps to the conclusions in/of and as self-interest.

The sum of all the thoughts that I participated in regarding the couple is a perfect example of how important it is to always bring everything back to self.  Because while we’re busy participating in thoughts and emotions, and gossip, and projecting ill feelings toward another, we’re not realizing that in that moment, we’re actually only experiencing ourself in relation to who we are as our mind as our past and our memories.

Years ago, when I went through a divorce – the negative experience I had of myself – where I existed in/as guilt and anger towards my mom for how she blamed me for my marriage ending and leaving her ‘heartbroken’.  I can realize now that I allowed the break-up of this couple to trigger a memory within me, thus I was reliving my past where every thought in my mind that I participated in with regards to the couple and their divorce was never about them.  It was about me, how I’ve been stuck in my own past preoccupations that I’ve never yet faced and forgiven myself for.   Seeing and realizing this for myself brought forth a silense within me, and I understand with a little more clarity how important it is to direct myself as my mind in self-honesty.  Self-forgiveness and Self-Commitment statements to follow in my next blog.

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.

It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

Day 152: Erasing the Lies

This is a continuation to:
Day 151: Control Freak

I commit myself to expose myself to who I am within my fears where I try and control others to avoid the fear of facing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed as I attempt to control the consequences of my past behaviors by controlling others.

I commit myself to erase the lies of who I’ve been as a control freak where in fear I try and control others as a defense mechanism to not look within to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become and to through writing and self-forgiveness see my way to/as self-honesty.

When and as I am having a conversation and sharing myself with another and I see that I am beginning to want to say something to them within the desire to try and control them, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that directing myself and others as myself in self-honesty, does not involve energetic movement or the want, need and/or desire to convince someone of something therefore, I commit myself to breathe and remain the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop reacting towards others within a ‘shut the fuck up’ attitude where within myself I become spiteful and thus project that onto others, thus, I commit myself to stop and breathe.

I commit myself to remain aware of my voice tonality because I see, realize and understand that when I’m seeking to control another, the tone in which I speak becomes higher or lower depending on whether I’m using a positive or negative approach to control.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for how I am walking my process because I see, realize and understand that I have been a control freak toward myself and thus have suppressed myself in my writings and self-forgiveness, thus I commit myself to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as my mind to attempt to control and suppress who I am and I commit myself to push through the resistance of/as control and to allow myself to let go and accept myself to be and express myself through to/as self-honesty.

I commit myself to breathe and stand within an understanding of the nature of who I am as a control freak and to no longer accept and allow myself to express myself in such a manner to/towards others because I see, realize and understand that seeking to control others is an outflow of fear and that when I act like a control freak I am giving permission for fear to manifest itself as who I become as it, thus, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be and become fear.

I commit myself to stop being a control freak wherein I try and control how other people act and think because I see, realize and understand that I must first walk the necessary changes of self in self-honesty in changing me from the inside out before I am able to be of any real assistance to/for anyone else.

I commit myself to stop living my life attempting to control others through trying to please/manipulate them in one way or another, and to instead realize that life is not about pleasing/manipulating others, it’s about supporting all life according to what’s best for all through and with the support of an Equal Money System.

Day 151: Control Freak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I allow myself to become a certain character within my world such as a control freak, then I will experience the same, for example; control within my world, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind who is a control freak, where as that I exist within a belief that I have the ability to control others even though at the same time within my mind I feel a loss of control, thus, I will act on the need to fill my perception of loss of control through my attempt to control others instead of questioning and investigating what is it within myself that causes me to react on the outside in relation to what’s going-on on the inside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unknowingly use fear as the reason for my need to control others through relationships because within my mind I fear losing control and I fear the feeling that comes up as inadequacy when I perceive myself as having a negative experience, thus, I seek to control others as a way of keeping a positive energetic experience of myself going on where I see myself as being important and/or the most responsible one within the relationship and within that I forgive myself for playing make belief within my mind as being and having authority and control over others as a way of avoiding facing who I am as a fear reaction feeling of being ‘out of control’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control everything and everyone within my world even though within my secret mind I constantly fear that I am making one mistake after another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a control freak within my secret mind I quietly want others to fear me even though I am more afraid of others than they could ever be of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied with the details of others to the point that I will attempt to dominate them with my opinions at the expense of flexibility, openness and/or common sense mostly because at that point I’ve become obsessed and only interested in having things done my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate a place for myself within my mind where I become unwavering in my approach towards others because I see myself as being more superior than another being because I believe that I need attention and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the application of unforgiving towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear to the words: ‘out of control’ wherein my mind I see ‘out of control’ as a dark scary place which I run from yet when I slow myself down and breath I see that there is only me as my past in fear of letting go..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within fear there is always the starting point of self-interest where I want, need and/or desire something and/or someone from outside myself to validate me thus protect me from the secrets I hold within my mind which I use against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in and as fear turn life into an act of labored living wherein I take from others within the same context as when withdrawing money from my bank account and within that I forgive myself that I have exchanged the life force of my physical body for energy through how I create debt as a consequence of my expectations within my constant need to maintain a perception of routine and control within and as my mind.

to be continued

Day 110: Regretfully Yours

A couple of times today I experienced nausea and as I looked within myself, I saw how I was revolving around a certain point. That point being regret. I was regretting my participating in/as thoughts and emotions/reaction – where a few days ago, (yes, a few days ago), I disagreed with, and questioned some comments made by my fellow destonians. Essentially, I had become the ‘how can I make it better’ memory/character of/as my mind, and as such, I had also become the ‘putting off facing the point’ character. As the point is and has always been, only me that I’m facing. Because, I see, realize and understand how the point was Not really about what ‘she said’ and/or ‘they said’, it is the point of facing me as my Ego. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts that generated reactions within a specific moment revolving around within me, all the while reasoning within myself of ways / means to, make it better – where I project / fantasize about how I’m going to ‘make it better in the future’ – instead of realizing that this is not solving, directing and/or stopping my initial reaction point – but actually only suppressing it to the point of allowing it (me as Ego), to take the stage in unexpected moments for me to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest nausea within and as me as my physical body as I accepted and allowed myself to revolve around this point in time as me avoiding facing me as who I am as Ego and thus regret – whereas I see, realize and understand that if I had slowed myself down and breathed – I would have seen within the moment how/what I was accepting and allowing myself to exist as in/as Ego.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk around in the experience of shame and sorrow because I was ashamed of myself for what I have said which has resulted in me experiencing myself within thoughts and emotions of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret because I found myself having a difficult time communicating my point with another because I was afraid of their response because I feared rejection and/or judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of myself as regret to be how I exist as and not allowing myself to move beyond regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how regret is the foundation of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not honour another as me within the actual moment where I experienced the thought/energy reaction – to stand equal and one in respect and consideration – where I regard the process of another and thus, stop the reaction within myself and confront it directly as myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how when I accept and allow internal conflict within me as my physical body through participating within it as though it is me, as who I really am, that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within and as my physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship towards another within the starting point of me as Ego – I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to react in a moment within thought and energy, instead of taking self-responsibility in the moment – I am implying that the thought and energy is more important / powerful than my physical reality – than my relationship with myself as my physical body/reality – in how I stand within who I am and my relationship with others and within my world – thus I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to make a decision within who I am to live as who I am in self-responsibility in and as every breath and create/manifest a world where together with others – equal to and one as life we express and exist according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe and to Stop myself from existing within and as Ego.

I commit myself to stop allowing conflict within and as me as my physical body and/or my world of and as me, because I see, realize and understand how within such self acceptance and allowance, is how our world becomes a life of conflict, internally and externally due to our accepting and allowing the existence, participation and so the definition of ourselves as conflict.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to reject and/or judge me except me.

I commit myself to walking with another here in physical agreement in/as honouring ourselves and each other to assist and support each other in humbleness and unconditionality to thus expand together as a group in establishing/creating better selves, thus a better world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to take responsibility for me in the moment of reaction as thought and energy as me, because I see, realize and understand how in accepting such a reaction of thought and energy allows manifested consequences created within and as this world/reality/existence, thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand how everything from the greater to the smaller defines who we are internally and externally.

I commit myself to be and become me in awareness of me as who I am as my physical body and as our physical reality, to thus as a group walk here as breath in support of a world/money system according to what’s best for All.

Day 53: Stepping down off my high horse

My mom use to say to me, “You better get off your high horse”. Here – I forgive myself for blaming my parents for who I am, and I step down off of my high horse and face me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the definition given to me by my parents as me being on a high horse where apparently my attitude was one of disdain, when in fact I was shutting down inside myself within my mind in fear in thinking I was unworthy of ever being seen and/or noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect the fear I felt inside myself by acting out with a haughty attitude and snobbish behaviour towards my family – when what I really wanted was to face me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a personality who strived to associate with those of a higher social status, thus my behaviour was condescending to/towards others and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself within a feeling as if I was sinking back into myself in inferiority/infear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to live out my past experiences in my present moment because of a false sense of self as feeling comfortable in knowing what to expect of/from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents fear their children through acts they refer to as love until the child becomes the behaviours they witness being lived out daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame and spite my parents for how I experienced myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for abandoning myself to my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mom for my regret of living myself as a lie, because I see/realize and understand that it was only me who abdicated myself from self-responsibility from me as life equal and one to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through disrespecting me as my physical body through sexual experiences in order to give myself a false impression of experiencing life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I was as a little girl was the beginning of me not recognizing me because I was to busy sabotaging myself through attempting to be what I believed others expected me to be – instead of realizing I was existing in blame within my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me to such a point that I manifested abuse within and as my physical body.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness release the definition of me as being on a high horse free.
I commit myself to giving me me in self-honesty.
I commit myself to giving me all of me gracefully.
I commit myself to holding silence as me.
I commit myself to forgiving all of me.
I commit myself to me as breath.

I commit myself to be the living proof as/for me that the past is over. READ: Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 56: The Past is Over

Day 20: The Reality of Self-Honesty

Today – I stopped the time-loop I’d been riding. It was like one of those rides one might ride at a state fair – where the whole time you’re on the ride, you’re scared half to death, and yet, within the fear, is an odd sense of comfort – which is exactly where the starting point of self-dishonesty lies hidden deep within the secret mind.

It was difficult to admit that I’d lost control and submitted to the energetic direction of my mind. I see now exactly where I made the decision to do so – to not stop myself. The worst part was in the hours that followed my decision – in how I participated in my thoughts and how my participation as the thoughts changed who I was as I participated within my physical reality .

During the time-loop, I had the illusion of control that I remembered hearing Anu refer to in an interview: ‘Reptilians – The Obvious Secret – Reality or Illusion – Part 18′ – where in my mind, there were random thoughts of self-judgment and guilt and where I even tried to control my self-forgiveness.

It was re-hearing that particular interview today that assisted me to stop and breathe, and it was then that I was able to forgive myself. The time-loop of me looping within what was actually a point of self-punishment stopped, when I finally forgave myself.

I will say that I’m grateful for the opportunity to ‘turn back time’ so to speak, and, for the gift I gave myself – The Reality of Self-Honesty.

The exact details of my time-loop are between my partner and me, however for the sake of those who may be reading this – I’ll reference a hint with the following quote: “The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” ~Kin Hubbard

Sharing here a few of my Self-Forgiveness with regards to the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring my past back to me to live again as me – instead of letting go of the past, meaning letting go of my relationship to/towards the past within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to/towards my past within myself as memories/experiences and energy thus creating a time-loop/cycle within the past I’m existing as.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within a relationship to/towards my past within myself where I then re-instated the past and thus re-created a time-loop/cycle of myself within the past as we exist here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within a personal connection/relationship with my past in energy wherein I connected to my past within myself within the energetic emotion/feeling charge which I had to/towards memories and past experiences within a definition to/towards myself and my partner/relationship.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-judgment and guilt compounding further my participation in and as energy connected to my past within myself and thus re-creating a time-loop/cycle of myself within the past I’m existing as.

I commit myself to letting go of the past including letting go of my personal connections/relationships with my past in energy and to re-define who I am within myself without energy and instead with clarity and stability.

I commit myself to severing energetic connections of my past within myself as memories and past experiences and to let go of me in relationship with my past – to realize that I have only the moment within breath and self-honesty to direct myself living in the moment of breath where I am able to change and transcend the past in the moment of seeing what I’m accepting and allowing, thus, I’m able to stop and change myself within and as walking as breath in self-stability to face my past and walk through the past as me in self-honesty to change me in practical self-corrective application.

I commit myself to letting go of my past within myself and walking the moment as breath in self-stability and self-clarity as I face and walk through the manifested past which is me within and without – to birth myself from the system, the past – that exist as a beginning and an end and to live here as the moment in and as self-expression in standing eternal in support of and as life here, in acceptance of and as Equality.